


Pulse

by Rominbi



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band), TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Child, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Funny, Gore, Heart Attack, ICU, Kissing, Living room sex, Love, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Medical School, Medical Trauma, Minor Character Death, Nausea, Pregnancy, Public Sex, Sadness, Seperation, Sex, Sexism, Smut, cardiac arrest - Freeform, cardiac tamponade, male dominated profession, pneumothorax, pulmonary embolism, taehyung - Freeform, taehyung and reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-02 22:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 84,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rominbi/pseuds/Rominbi
Summary: Pulse | (n): typically felt in the wrists and neck, a pulse is a rhythmical throbbing of the arteries as blood is propelled through them. Can be affected by behavioural and emotional response to an event, love and nostalgia of the aforementioned.❝ You fell in love with Kim Taehyung during Medical School. Now living totally different lives in completely different hospitals, you’re pulled together again by fate when someone plants a bomb in your hospital. ❞





	1. Prologue

We are composed of 270 bones at birth that make up our human skeleton. Over time our bones fuse together, decreasing in quantity to 206. Most of these bones are in our hands and our feet: 26 in each foot and 27 in each hand. 

 

By the time you were 9 years old, you could name every bone in the adult skeleton and all of the muscles in the anterior compartment of the forearm. You were fascinated by the human body, from the trillions of synaptic connections to the way a person’s environment plays a significant role in their psychosocial development. Whilst other little girls looked towards the sky and marvelled at the sheer brilliance of the stars, you were nose deep into medical journals trying to understand their cogent philosophical dialogue. 

 

You were 15 years old when your neighbours came to you with money in trade for medical assistance for the first time. For a middle class family, the donation was kindly accepted and suddenly your bookshelves were filled with gauze, antiseptics and various types of sterile suturing kits. Word had begun to spread of your gifts through your neighbours’ connections within the ghettos of your city; people with both empty and heavy wallets would pay you for your assistance. 

 

And then, it happened. 

 

“Y/N,” a voice shouts, ripping open the front door. “Where the fuck are you? Get your ass over here and help me drag him in.” 

 

Taking off your glasses, you close your textbook and race towards the commotion at the front door. “What’s going on?” you ask, scratching the back of your head. You round the corner of your lounge at the same time your white socks step into a puddle of crimson, soaking up blood.

 

“...what the?” you whisper, lifting your feet. 

 

“Y/N,” your father yells. “It’s the senator's son, we need you over here right now.” You reluctantly follow the trail of blood towards the kitchen. Two men in suits push you into the kitchen as your mother starts pulling towels and your supplies from the living room shelves. 

 

“He was stabbed in the chest,” the man behind you whimpers, ploughing his trembling fingers through his disheveled silver hair. “I can’t go to the hospital. It will ruin my career and the elections are right around the corner, you must help me.” 

 

You watch his bloodshot eyes dart towards the disfigured body on your table. “Save my son Y/N, I’ll do anything.” 

 

“Calm down, I don’t have much of a choice now do I, but I can still try.” Taking a deep breath, you reach over the boy who is trying his hardest to breathe. Scanning your eyes down his body, you lift the tatters of his basketball shirt, revealing a gaping wound over his lungs. It’s enough to kick you into action. “Okay sir, I’m going to need your credit card or a big piece of plastic,” you turn to your mother as she passes you a pair of scissors. “I need tape, something strong. Dressing tape won't do it for the amount of blood coming from his other lacerations, maybe duct tape?” 

 

Cutting straight through the boy's clothes, you expose his chest as the senator hands you his American Express card. “What are you going to do with it?” Wiping the sweat from your forehead, you place it on his abdomen as you quickly put on a pair of gloves. 

 

“Don’t ask, just watch,” placing the card over his wound, you look up at the man. “I’m going to need you to hold this. Apply some pressure okay?” He immediately rushes over, holding the card to his boy's chest as you observe his neck for any enlarged neck veins or tracheal deviation. Your mother passes you slithers of tape as you tape three sides of the card securely, leaving the side facing towards his chin free. “Ma, I need you to watch his breathing and his trachea. If it shifts to one side, you tell me immediately.” 

 

“Will do. Does your father need to grab anything from the closet?” she asks, side eyeing the senator cautiously. “Any drugs?” 

 

“Do we have any strong pain relief left?” Raking your eyes down the bloodied boy, you turn back to your father. “Pa, if you can’t find any, grab some fentanyl and you know that little purple box I have in the closet that’s got the label ‘Chest Tube Tray’ on it? I need you to grab it too.” 

 

“Where is your please?” He snaps, cocking his brows at you. “Don’t forget your manners Y/N.” 

 

“Go and grab the life saving equipment I just listed please,” you grit your teeth, turning back to the sobbing father in front of you. “Sir, you should sit down. Exhausting yourself out isn’t going to help this situation. He’s going to need you when he wakes up-” 

 

“What does the card do? Is he going to be okay?” He interrupts, pacing around the room. “That fucker came out of nowhere and my boy, my boy pushed me out of the way and took the knife.” 

 

“He’s brave but also stupid. Very stupid. This card, it will act like a chest seal and burp the air out-” you turn and grab the suturing kits behind you, “-and if this doesn’t work I’m going to have do needle decompression to deflate the build of air around his lungs. I want to avoid tension pneumothorax as much as possible and to be completely honest with you sir, if that happens… I can’t… I’m not confident that I can help him,” you stare up into his glistening red eyes and with the most serious expression you could muster, you whisper. “Sir, I’m only 15.” 

 

“No, no no no,” he sobs, covering his face with his hands. “Fuck no, this can’t be happening. No, please child,” he cries, removing his hands from his face as he grabs for your shoulders, shaking you with every ounce of energy he seems to have. “I don’t care how old you are. We’ve heard about your talent and I know you can do it. If there is anyone out here who can save him, it’s you. Save my boy Y/N, you must save him.” 

 

You gulp nervously, trembling beneath his hands. “I’ll t-try my best Mr. Park.” 

 

It was a strange evening for you, caught in between the life and death of another, but a lucrative step towards your successful future. You had saved the senator's son that night, and unknowingly saved yourself from a lifetime of debt.   

 

By the time you were 18 you held every trick in the book for knife lacerations, overdoses, and gunshot wounds. You had a fair amount of money that secured your independence and you wanted wholeheartedly to be a doctor, where you could put your abilities to a better use. 

 

And with support from the senator, that is what you aimed to be.

 

Even if it meant suturing lacerations in a pair of Louis Vuitton Madeleine pumps and red lipstick on the night of your high school graduation ball.  Living a normal life, or at least one with aspects of normalcy, wasn’t a luxury you could have with dreams as big as yours. 

 

So, as you walked through the doors of the Jeffersonian Medical School wearing a grey knitted sweater, blue boyfriend jeans and a pair of gold high heels with your head held high, your heart raced at the thought of walking back out six years later with an MB ChB and a white coat. 

 

You just never expected to meet Kim Taehyung along the way.


	2. First year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freshmen med

**2006 ↠ First Year | Jeffersonian Medical School**

You first met Kim Taehyung in your cadaver lab in freshmen anatomy and physiology.

You were so young. 

And he was so ...annoying? 

**Example:** As the tutor designated lab partners, you hurried to find the correct page in your workbook instead of worrying who you'd be paired up with. With his voice quickly fading into the background you hurried to catch up with your setup, admittedly you were far behind. In doing so, you hadn’t noticed Taehyung from the other class now standing on the other side of your table watching you amusedly, hands crossed over his pristine white coat.

 **Disclaimer:** You did not hear him say hello and it’s not like you are hard of hearing or that Kim Taehyung was a quiet person, it’s just that you had genuinely gotten used to people avoiding you that you thought he might’ve been talking to someone else. You don’t hate him and how were you supposed to know he was talking to you?

It was coincidental becoming lab partners with Kim Taehyung when he had only approached you to compliment your strategic perfume spritzing at the same time the tutor began putting people into pairs. You try to detach yourself from the current situation. He was hot. You were not. This is going to be weird.   
  
You both watch the stressed out teaching assistant write Taehyung’s name beside yours on the spreadsheet over the overhead projector with a suddenly certain feeling of unease as he curls the ‘g’ obnoxiously in Taehyung.

It was fate. 

But, it was far from a fairy tale.

According to him, your shitty corner store perfume counteracted the smell of death, and according to you, the dangerous concoction of both hid the pungent aroma of your brewery breath (two dollar taco nights, it’s a long story but tequila and cheap tacos are your life right now). 

He didn’t mind though. 

Rumors had circulated about your upbringing as soon as you had set foot in the orientation lecture theatre a couple of months back. Your history as a black market surgeon bounced off the walls of the hall by gossiping girls behind you and a couple exaggerating and almost fictitious accounts of your skills with a scalpel and a suturing kit roughly swept throughout your cohort. 

They branded you as some kind of genius. 

Though, you really had no choice growing up in a very average household of with a very large debt. You were well supported by your connections but that meant nothing at the end of the day when you could fail a class and get kicked out. Your skills meant nothing. 

Taehyung still thought it was a genius move to get close to the “quickest” and “most experienced” hands in class, but as obvious as he could be with his desire to get close to you, you weren’t the sharpest tool in the shed with pretty much anything else; not exactly tuned with the best social skills. 

Not to mention, you were too invested in examining the decaying flesh beneath your blue gloved fingertips to notice the boy in question had been twiddling his thumbs in front of you, waiting for YOU to start the conversation as if you wanted to do anything but get on with it. 

Taehyung finds himself giving up on waiting and mustering up the courage for the first time to initiate a conversation, a refreshing change in his life. “I know we haven’t talked before but I’m Kim Taehyung and I was wondering ....can I maybe get your number?”

"Forgive me if I am wrong," You poke the cadaver's carotid glands with your forceps, “Are you seriously trying to flirt with me in a dissection lab Kim Taehyung?”

“I like to think of it as emotional support thank you. I, Taehyung, am here for you.”

“You really know how to cut to the chase,” You laugh at your pun as you cut a piece of connective tissue off the cadaver's head. “Thankyou Taehyung, but I don’t need your support.”

“Come on,” crossing his arms behind his back, he walks around the table watching you examine the head and neck of the cadeva so intensely he almost feels bad for interrupting. “First year is all about networking. I just want to get to know you.”

Your gaze flickers to the shiny black dress shoes beside your cheap white canvas trainers. “I’m not anyone worth networking with.”

He laughs lowly. “Exactly why I want to connect with you. Shouldn’t you be thinking about connecting with me? It would be good for your career, that’s if you pass school.” He stands closer, leaning on the cadeva table.  

You frown. “I don't need connections, I just need to pass okay and I’m dissecting an old man right now Taehyung, shouldn’t you be dissecting something too? Perhaps, page 57?”

“I am.” he says confidently.

You lift your gaze to his as you place the forceps and scalpel back onto the tray beside you.  “Well, clearly you aren’t since I’m doing this all on my own.”

The grin that etches across his face is implorable. You suddenly want to smack him. “I am. I’m dissecting you."

_ Oh for fucks sake. _

“Really?” you exhale, ripping your blue gloves off and throwing them at the boy beside you. “Well shit Taehyung, if the cerebral embolism didn't kill this man, your attempt at wit would've.”

“That bad?” he faux grimaces.

“You’re going to have to try better than that Kim Taehyung. In fact, why don’t you practice your dissection skills alone and think about it.” He laughs awkwardly as you walk away, leaving him, confused, to complete the dissection project on the cadeva alone.

The next time you saw him, he was wearing a $560 beige lapel coat from a European designer brand paired with a white turtleneck sweater worth just under $200. The girls beside you at the bar had excitingly totalled his outfit to just over $1100 and you didn’t even need to turn around to know he looked good. Money always looked good. 

You had compared your denim overalls and high heals to the wealth radiating off of his golden skin, you were grossly underdressed in your clearance scores. Just because you had a lot of money too, didn’t mean you liked to spend it on things you'd probably stain. 

Parting the crowd, Taehyung had spotted your familiar build swaying to the music with a mini umbrella behind your ear. You were clearly intoxicated, and Taehyung felt himself pulled as if by magnets to your side.

“It’s you,” he says, slapping his palms on the wooden bar beside you. “Didn’t think you’d come out. I’m pleasantly surprised.”

You gaze at him, eyes dropping down his outfit. “I thought students were supposed to be poor and struggling, why are you walking around dressed like a God wrapped in a taco shell?”

“Like a God?” Shaking the tips of his hair out from his eyes, he leans on the bar beside you. Emanating confidence, he rubs his thumb across his bottom lip whilst languidly staring at yours. “Honey, I am struggling.”

Looking back at his face, you cock an eyebrow. “How enlightening, and what exactly are you struggling with Kim Taehyung?”

He steps closer, leaning his face down to your ear. The hot breath against your neck gives you goosebumps but the feeling doesn't last long when Taehyung whispers roughly, “I’m poor in your affections and I'm struggling to get your attention. I just want to get to know you, maybe even spend some time with you.”

You smack your forehead as he pulls away. Pulling out your credit card and holding it between two fingers in the air above your head, you desperately seek out the bartender. “Hey Joe, 4 shots of tequila please, hold both the lemon and the salt. I have a bad taste in my mouth that I need to get rid of.”

“I got this round,” Taehyung says, passing the bartender a 50 dollar note, “You can buy next time.”

“He’ll buy this round,” You exhale, immediately shoving your card back into your purse. You really couldn’t argue with that, “Who says there will be a next time?”

“I’m hoping there will be a next time.”

“Touché.” 

You gotta give him credit, as the night went on, you actually had fun and the boy was kind enough to drive you home too after you downed all four shots of tequila and began raving about the new bedsheets you got on sale. 

Apparently, you are very enthused by Egyptian cotton and you were tipsy enough to invite him over to feel them.

He was curious enough to agree.

Passing you a water bottle, you sat in the passenger seat of his tesla feeling more sober than you liked as he slowly drove home. You were touched by the gesture that you thought might’ve been for your motion sickness when in fact, he was reducing the likelihood of you vomiting on his precious white leather seats.

Men.

Everything turned to shit when you made the realisation that Taehyung was both a good looking golden boy and a lovely human being -alcohol may have aided that judgment, but it was still true when you were sober.

The streetlights had glowed iridescently orange through the sudden rain pattering on the windshields and Taehyung tensed his jaw, frowning at the idea of getting his new car cleaned. 

You gulp nervously as you return your gaze ahead. You make the distinction that you are very much attracted to Taehyung when he looked serious and right now as you clench your thighs closed, you wish you’d never gotten into his car.

This is further reiterated in your skull twenty or so minutes later when you watch him place his right arm on the back of your seat, and the other on the wheel as he slickly reverses back onto your driveway.

“Is it okay if I park here?” he asks, re-aligning his car in the park anyway. “Y/N?”

You shake your head out from your stupor. “It’s fine, let’s just wait until the rain stops before we go in.”

“Sure, babe.” he smiles and lord have mercy on your four dollar thong, you were definitely taking him home and showing him your egyptian cotton sheets.   

You were well and truly wet before he had even turned the car off.

And then the rest was history.

You were an unlikely pair -the sassy quiet girl with the obnoxious golden boy- but one formed when you impulsively climbed out of your seat to straddle him while you made out in the driver's seat in front of your dimly lit apartment building on a glorious rainy Friday night. It was the beginning and you were crazed by sex; convinced that you’d never have the opportunity to do it when you graduate and become a doctor.

“Taehyung, we have about ten minutes until people start filling up the lab, hurry up and take your pants off,” you whisper, slamming the door behind you.

You weren't fucking around today. 

Untying your hair and taking off your lab coat, you begin unbuttoning your beige handmade woollen cardigan as you walk towards the back tables where at least you could hide if you were to get caught. “Did you finish the lab book last night, I think the TA’s checking them today?”

“Woah,” he snorts disbelievingly, unbuckling his belt behind you. “This is our first friendaversary and you’re treating me like a piece of meat already. You aren’t mucking around today are you?”

“That’s because you are a piece of meat and does that mean you haven’t?” 

Laying your white coat on the bench of the empty classroom, you kick off your small black heels as you untie and pull down your grey tie waisted cropped trousers you bought at a second hand shop trying to look professional. “I didn’t even bother doing the readings, I think I remember a proficient amount from last year.”

“I’m well liked as a chubby piece of meat thank you,” Dropping his suit pants, he walks towards you in the corner. “And of course I did. Are you sure you want to do this instead of quickly copying me? The TA’s a dickhead.”

“He’s a good guy okay?-” you turn back to him as you both slam the books on your designated table. “-it’s Namjoon’s first year in this gig. He’s just doing his job. It’s not his fault the dean saddled him with the first years, give him a break.”

“The dean was also just doing his job, give him a break too,” slipping out of his underwear, he steps closer. “But can Namjoon do his job without favouring you, it drives me nuts when he drools over you.”

“Hey,” you whisper, running your fingers down his chest. “A flower doesn’t compete with the one beside it, it just blooms.”

Raising his hand to your face, he vice pinches your chin as he cocks a brow at you. “Are you calling me a flower?”

“Is this the kind of dirty talk you like?”

“Can you be my bee?”

“Oh, because you want me to pollinate you, is that what you want?” You roll yours eyes, “Why did I know that was coming?”

“Want to know what else is coming?”

“Oh Jesus, just kiss me or I’m getting nachos with extra cheese before class starts because fuck you.”

Cradling your jaw, he leans towards your lips as you tangle your fingers through his silky brown hair. “If we finish early, we can still get nachos Y/N?” The hairs on his arms tingle in anticipation, as you scour your fingernails down his scalp and down his neck.

He shivers at the feeling as you smile against his lips. “You’re after my heart aren’t you Kim Taehyung?”

“Extra cheese, extra guacamole.”

“I’m wet already.”


	3. Second year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second year | Also, I'm honestly just pooping out this shit from my drafts. I'm sick of hating myself and my writing.

**2007 ↠ Second Year | Jeffersonian Medical School**

 

They call the first two years of medical school ‘Early Learning Medicine’. 

 

It sounds easy but paired with bullying and sabotage, it isn’t. It’s the year with the highest dropout rate and the highest fail rate statistic. In knowing this, you promised yourself to stop fighting like an awkward octopus and rear through the dark ocean of medical politics with jagged teeth. 

 

It was survival of the fittest here and as much as you hated the idea of hiding behind a man, Taehyung was instrumental to the mediation of your stress and to your survival in this male dominated program. 

 

“Stop calling me baby, fuck.” 

 

“Then stop swearing.” He growls. Taehyung latches his teeth onto your bottom lip, nibbling on your supple reddened flesh before pulling you against his mouth again. The lewd sounds of your kissing and his callous fingers as they suddenly slam inside you were like the finest symphony Taehyung had ever heard. He was addicted to this. He was addicted to you. 

 

“Get your dick out,” you whimper, pulling away from his mouth. He stares at you with dilated pupils and pouting pink lips, “Please.”

 

“You have a way with words that just melt my heart,” He kisses you as he pulls you to the ground. You watch him hazily swipe at his leaking slit before putting on the condom between your legs. It was all just a beautiful process to watch but you were still going to kill him when it was over anyway. “Now this is what I call studying anatomy.” 

 

You look up, staring at the patterns on the ceiling as he runs the head of his cock over your clit. Fuck. Shoving your fingers in your mouth, you muffle your moan when he rolls his hips against yours. You clench your eyes closed tight at the feeling of being filled up, a familiar and euphoric feeling. “You okay? Why are you frowning?” he whispers roughly.

 

“What?” You open your eyes as he starts rocking his hips slowly against you. “Calm down, I just can’t remember if I brought my pathophys textbook with me or not.” 

 

Cocking an eyebrow, he chides as though he were amused at something so typical of you. “You’re thinking about that right now?”

 

Opening your eyes, you stare up at him. “Well dang Taehyung, I can’t think about your big dick and your sense of entitlement all the time now can I? We might get caught if you don’t hurry up and I can’t get arrested this way.” 

 

“This way?” he laughs, his mouth splitting into a cheshire grin. “You prefer another way? Can’t I just take my time with you?” 

 

“How do you feel about me surgically removing your balls in your sleep?”

 

“Fuck.”


	4. Third year

**2008 ↠ Third Year**

 

After the fourth AM shift, you had completely adopted a doctor's mindset, or what you’d hoped to be a doctor's mindset. Pulled out of general medicine in a fuck up in student rotation, you were taken down to the Emergency Department and it was the first time you truly felt like you deserved to wear your white coat.

 

You made a difference. 

 

“This is Mr. Lee, a 56 year old gentleman. He was found lying in a pool of blood by his wife outside his place of residence. His management believe he fell of the ladder while cleaning windows -no witnesses unfortunately-” Namjoon, helps the nurse secure the blood pressure cuff around the patient's arm. “-His daughter had told the paramedic on the phone that she thought he was having a seizure,” Dr. Kim says, his glistening brown eyes dart back into yours. “He’s been in and out of consciousness in the ambulance on the way too.”

 

“Isn’t that a pathognomonic indication of a hemorrhage?” he nods in response. “What are his vitals like?” you ask, your heart suddenly rushing into your throat as he tilts his head towards the monitor for you to check yourself. 

 

Sweeping your eyes over the monitor, you furiously bite your lips as you read an increase in systolic blood pressure, a decrease in heart rate and respiration. “It’s cushing’s triad.” You whisper.  

 

“What was that Y/N?” he asks, cocking a brow. “What did you just say?” 

 

You return your gaze back to him. “Dr. Kim, I think it’s cushing’s triad.” 

 

Pulling your pupil torch out of your pocket, you pull open the patient's eyelids to shine the light at his dilated pupils as your attending physician orders the nurses to phone the neurosurgeon on call for emergency brain surgery. 

 

“So tell me, what are you thinking Y/N? I know this is a lot to take in right now but do the trauma assessment acronym and come up with a diagnosis please,” he says, returning to your side. You take a deep breath as you gaze at the unconscious man. What weren’t you thinking? 

 

The third year of medical school was the first real taste of what you were in for and what you worked so hard to achieve. Asphalt tasting coffees and cafeteria egg sandwiches were your staple meals, you were absolutely sure you were malnourished and deficient of the essentials, but what health student wasn’t. 

 

Returning his gaze, you gulp the bundle of nerves and clench your fists with determination. You were confident, and you were going to act like it. “Dr. Kim, we need to take him to theatre as soon as possible.” 

 

Dr. Kim stares at you, blinking curiously at his wide eyed student. “And why is that? What’s his diagnosis?” he asks, unsure of your current thought process and clinical forethought but holding hope that you were smart. 

 

You hold your wrist against your forehead in disbelief that the patient had even made it this far and Dr. Kim sinks in relief before you even open your mouth. “He has a subarachnoid hemorrhage and a ruptured aneurysm with elevated intracranial pressure.” 

 

“It’s definitely a possibility,” He crosses his arms over his chest as he nods, “I think you might be onto something Y/N, we won't know exactly until further tests have been done.”

 

“Let’s get to it then,” You smile triumphantly as you place a hand over the bounding pulse in your wrist. “I hope we can save him.”

 

“We can sure try,” He smiles at you, placing his hands on his hips. “You know, I haven’t met a student like you before, you’re so….” 

 

“Tired?” you laugh, taking off your gloves. "Brain muddled?" 

 

“No,” he grins, “Focused. You’re focused. All you must do is study, no friends? No boyfriend?” 

 

“I have a friend ...a boy ...friend that is a friend and a boy," You blink away the images of Taehyung from the back of your eyelids as you blush an inappropriate shade of crimson. “I want to be the best for my patients.”

 

"Of course." 

 

From that day onwards, it was a never ending cycle of 12 hour shifts working beside Dr. Kim in the Emergency Department, exhaustion and falling asleep on notes you should be revising. Waking up, exercising, taking a shot of coffee and doing it all over again. You missed your family. You missed real food. And strangely, you missed the man you had been avoiding lately, Taehyung. 

 

But this year wasn’t about him. 

 

It was about you. 

 

You had fallen in love with Emergency Medicine.

 

 

 

And along the way, Kim Taehyung had fallen in love with you. 


	5. Chapter 5

**2009 ↠ Fourth Year**

 

The feeling of insanity and happiness, especially when it concerned Taehyung, wasn’t something that you’d ever wish upon anyone, it just kind of happened. One day, your heart was set on chicken kebabs with sweet chilli sauce and mayonnaise and then the next, it was Taehyung and his tesla and his coarse morning voice. It was weird. 

Your heart craved his attention physically and mentally, and maybe had you bothered to reflect at the time, you would’ve noticed that Taehyung felt the same and was obvious about it too.

 

You fall back into your sheets, eyes closed and heart pounding out of your skin as he removes himself from you. The feeling makes you lonely and sticky, but you’re way to spent to vocalise your affection whoring needs for his cuddles. You watch his languid body movements as he sits on his knees at the end of the bed. You watch his tense back muscles ripple as he takes the condom off, tying its end and tossing it in the small rubbish bin by your desk. You watch as he twists around in all of his naked glory -one eyed monster and sweat laid out just for you. 

 

“Do you want my shirt?” he asks, as you lazily get out of bed and rush to the toilet in the nude. "You can wear it if you want." 

 

“Just leave it on the floor, I’ll put it on soon.” It was all routine now; you big on not getting urinary tract infections and making him carry you to the toilet when you both were too exhausted to wear condoms but not enough to forego peeing after; him, willing to carry you or drag you because he didn't want to hear you complain about it all week again. 

 

After all, it was his penis. 

 

He watches you run to the toilet this time, light feet on cold carpet, as a small laugh turns into an ache in his throat. Naked and impervious to the tempestuous storm of emotion in the bedroom, you take your time in the bathroom -brushing your teeth, fixing your hair and doing your business- as Taehyung melts back into the sheets, feeling himself wanting to say three stupid words out loud and to you. 

 

It was an itch, a nagging need to love you and openly. 

 

Returning to the bedroom, you lean over the bed. Opening the window to fumigate the smell of sex and because you know Taehyung liked the sound of crickets at night. The moonlight streaks down your bed when you pick up his white shirt and tug it on before climbing beneath the sheets. 

 

Taehyung turns over when you settle in the sheets, hovering over your face. “You okay?” he whispers, kissing your cheek. “I wasn’t too much was I?”

 

“I’m fine. Are you okay?” you laugh softly, pressing your forehead against his as he presses a gentle kiss on your lips. "We took it really slow tonight, felt like we were making love."

 

"Weren't we?" he asks, nervously avoiding your gaze. 

 

You giggle, kissing his nose and his cheeks and his forehead and his chin and his entire face because yes, yes you were and it felt good. "We were. We should do it like that again, I kind of like the way you hold me so tenderly when I'm riding you. I feel safe and secure in your arms. How do you feel?" 

 

“I feel ...I feel good. Really good. I feel really good when I'm with you. I’m happy.” He whispers, running his fingers down the skin of your arm until they meet your hands where he tentatively interlocks your fingers -something he’d never done before. His lips brush over yours as kisses you with more fervency than the kisses he gave during sex and the feeling is so weird. It’s as though electricity is zipping through your veins; you just want to hold him and sink into his warmth but even that thought is weird. 

 

Everything was just weird. 

 

"Don't mind me," He pulls away, again to hover above you. You watch a small smile take over his face as he gazes down at your languid expression, “I just wanted to kiss you.” he exhales.

 

"You can." 

 

He closes his eyes, resting his forehead against yours. "I like you alot, can you blame me?" 

 

“Ew, are you getting romantic on me because if that’s the case, I’m-”

 

He slams his lips against yours again, kissing the words right out of your mouth and thank God for that. You don’t know what you would’ve said had he not.  

 

You hold him close, enjoying the way he felt and the way he smelt.  _ Gosh, he smells so good. Why do men smell so good?  _ Pulling apart, he lays his head on the pillow beside you as you trace your fingers over his face. 

 

“Y/N, I need to say three important words right now.” His eyes are alert as they dart into yours. “I need to or I’ll diagnose myself as clinically insane and I can’t do that because the meat in my fridge will stink up my house if I get institutionalised without cleaning it out first.” 

 

“What?” You cup his cheek. “Is it ‘I’ll get Mcdonalds?’”

 

He shakes his head between your palms, a cheshire grin across his face. “No, It’s just that I might actually feel-”

 

“You don’t need to say it,” you interrupt, dropping your hands from his face to lift the covers up to your shoulder. “Don’t feel obligated to. We aren’t like that.” 

 

You close your eyes. Hurt flashes across his face. He was going to confess about the bubbles and crackles that wrecked havoc on his functional ability to think about anything else but you, but Taehyung finds himself suddenly glad he hadn’t. Taehyung internalises the rejection of his feelings akin to the surgical removal of his heart before taking a deep breath and pulling you back into his arms anyway.

 

He was bad with expressing his feelings.

And, you were bad at letting him. 

 

When Taehyung falls asleep and his little snores fill the quiet of the room behind you, you open your eyes. You swear by it that it wasn’t love between you.

 

It was platonic sex.  

 

Who would be in love with you?

 

But, something bubbled, fizzled, blossomed in your heart and whatever it was, it was pretty darn close to love. 

 

You hated it. 

 

But you were so in love with the feeling, it hurt. 

 

//

 

“Hey, want to do anything after class this afternoon?” he says, and your lip twitches at the thought. Slipping back into your underwear, he adds. “We can watch a couple of movies and eat a copious amount of caramel popcorn? I want to watch Happy Feet.”

 

“No thank-you-” standing up, you quickly put your skirt on. “-I need to study for midterms.”

 

“Caramel popcorn though?” 

 

Buttoning up your white collar shit, throwing on your blue sweater over it and fixing up your hair, you grin back at the boy as he puts his sweatpants back on. “I’m fine Tae, I really need to do some study.”

 

Taehyung watches you as he puts his beige sweater on. “We can study together?”

 

“Taehyung, you’re so needy,” you laugh softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “That’s not a bad thing either. My apartment at 4pm. Don’t come empty handed either.”

 

“Kebabs?” he asks, tilting his head at you as he pulls your in between his legs. “Chicken Kebabs?”

 

“Dumplings and we have a deal homeboy.”

 

“Sounds good babe,” He pulls you back against his chest with a gaping smile on his face when you try to move and open the door. “I believe I still have a couple minutes with you until your class starts missy. You can’t be running away just yet.”

 

“Are you suggesting a quickie?” 

 

He nods. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you play with the silky soft brown hair at the back of his head. “You shouldn’t be proud of that Taehyung.”

 

Tracing the pad of his thumb over your supple bottom lip, he sighs. “It’s not about the sex with you, you know that right?” 

 

“I do,” you smile, swatting away his hand from your face. “Obviously it’s my dashing looks and striking personality.” You deadpan. 

 

He rolls his eyes, letting you go. “Get lost, I’ll see you tonight.” 

 

Walking to the door, you say. “Lol, catch you loser. I’ll be in the library after class if you need to study.” 

 

“I’ll text you.” He says, melting back into the sheet. 

 

Raising your eyebrows, you turn back to him. “Please, no pictures of your one eyed monster. Your phone is shit and I get excited every time I think you’re sending me a picture of food. Do you know how disappointing it is when I put my glasses on and it’s not a burrito but in fact your penis sword?” 

 

“Jesus.” 

 

“So, don’t disappoint me.” 

 

Taehyung later sends you a picture of a burrito and his penis side by side with an agreement that they do look kind of similar. 

 

//

 

His chest heaved deeply, rasping crackly as he drew in the cacophony of loneliness in his hospital room. His family were on their way having just got on a plane. The nurses were on break. 

 

As the medical student who had worked with him during all of his treatments, he admitted to being afraid of dying alone, so you stayed.

 

The nurses had taken away his blood transfusion. His haemoglobin was so low and he looked so unwell, he needed it but his body wasn’t accepting it. His leg had swelled being in bed all day, prompting the immediate administration of a stat dose of an anti-coagulant. He probably had a pulmonary embolism but that was just another medical diagnosis on the already too long list. 

 

In this case, his body had given up quicker than his mind. 

 

But he was a fighter. 

 

You sat in silence, holding his hand as he breathed, eyes closed, mind exploring what infinity would look like. He looked at peace, despite everything and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” 

 

Silence. 

 

“I’m thinking about eternity.” 

 

He breathes in. 

 

“What does it look like?” you had asked, just trying to make conversation. 

 

He breathes out. 

 

Opening his tired blue eyes to stare at yours, he grins. “Comfortable my dear, it looks comfortable.” 

 

You nod.

 

He closes his eyes but you know he's just thinking. "It's true what they say about dying, your life flashes before your eyes." 

 

You snort. "Yours must be a movie having lived so long." 

 

He smiles at your joke. "You bet it kid." 

 

Then you smile. Letting him talk, even if none of it made sense, you listened to everything he had to say, everything he wanted to recall.

 

It was at 2:30AM when he stopped talking about the time he served in the British Army and when he asked about you. He did it every now and then before today, curious about the profession and why you wanted to be in it when you could be anything else in this entire world. It was never about your personal life, he wasn't interested in it, until now. 

 

"You got a love in your life?" rubbing his thumb across your knuckles, he smiles, "You're young, you must do." 

 

Thinking of no one but Taehyung, you nod. "I do." 

 

"Tell me, what's he like?" 

 

Taking a deep breath, you smile at the man. "He's probably my favourite human in this world. He puts up with everything that I throw at him and he never fails to be there. He's like my home and although I'd never actually say this to him, I love him a lot, he makes my life brighter." 

 

"Does he know that?" he asks. 

 

You blush. "Admitting those feelings makes me feel uncomfortable, I'd rather just express it." 

 

He cough-laughs, whatever came first. "Reminds me of my late wife. She didn't tell me she loved me for 10 years, but with that kind of stuff you don't need to anyway. You just feel it. From the way your face lit up when you thought of him, I'm sure he's aware you love him." 

 

"You must've loved her a lot." 

 

"I did, I do," Tears fall down his face as he sobs painfully. Something cracks in your heart as you comfort him, "I'm okay, I'm going to join her soon. That makes me happy. We can be happy together again." 

 

Closing his eyes again, he nestles himself comfortably in the bed. You could feel the emotion trapped at the bottom of your oesophagus, tugging, piercing, wanting to tear it’s way through your throat. You hope Taehyung's home because that is where you are going to after this. 

 

Ignoring the burning need to cry, you watch his chest move asymmetrically. It was almost like his body had lost it’s ability to breathe in rhythm and he was forcing his lungs to breathe on sheer will power. He only needed to wait until 7AM when his family arrived; it was currently 2:34AM. 

 

He breathed in softly and let out hastily. According to his notes, he had been a chain smoker before the second world war and with an onset of chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder in his sixties, his quality of life seemed to deplete at an alarming rate. 

 

The sound of his breathing makes you feel uncomfortable, cheyne stokes respiration, you’d read about it in textbooks but never actually seen it until now. 

 

You hold his hand a little tighter for your own selfish need to fight the intense desire to wail for this man. 

 

He was going to die.  

 

It was complications post-operatively that got him. Infection after infection, sepsis with a hypoxic cardiac arrest in ICU. They said they had broken most of his ribs doing chest compressions on him when he coded. It was sickening, he was a frail 99 year old man and he was ready to go. 

 

They prolonged a man’s suffering against his will. 

 

He had so many close calls that his family didn’t bother flying back, thinking he’d bounce back this time like he did every other. A phone call at 2am prompted the immediate booking of a plane; they would never make it in time. 

 

It was a pity. 

 

But that was life. 

 

You wonder if you'd have family like his when you're his age. Will you be alone? 

 

Taehyung says things happen in our lives because they’re destined to mould us into the people we are determined to be. You chose to be here though, you could’ve walked away. Does that still count? 

 

You gaze at your warm hand resting upon what you’d imagine as his once strong hand -now a thin layer of cracking skin, held together by the last drops of medication coursing through his blood, helping him hold on. 

  
You wonder if you’ll have more of these experiences as a doctor. 

 

Probably. 

 

You watch the sunrise leak through the window from beside you. The hospital is quiet. The air is warming up. The first orange hues of the new day kiss his pale face. You hope it brings him warmth wherever he has gone to in his mind. 

 

And you know when the sun climbs above the endless hills in the horizon that his family wont make it in time to say goodbye. That he would've taken his last breath and thought his last thought because no one can fight the sun when it's already been set. 

 

His hand tightens in yours and you hold him as he passes away. 

 

 

Nurses and your attending enter the room, prompted by the flatlining cardiac rhythm of his telemetry monitor from their office. Dropping his hand and putting it under the blanket, you pull off your stethoscope from around your neck. 

 

They stand beside you as they watch you with teary eyes listen for a heartbeat and respiration through your stethoscope; as you hold the pupil torch to his eyes; as you look for withdrawal signs to noxious stimuli; as you nod to your superviser that he had gone.

He holds the mans wrist, feeling for a pulse, before whispering to you. "He's gone. Do you want to call it Y/N?" 

 

Wrapping your stethoscope around your neck again. You ignore the need to cry out, choosing to be professional instead of processing this loss. It wasn't healthy but it wasn't the time either. 

 

"Time of death-" you raise your wrist close to your face, reading your watch. The realisation of just how close he had gotten to his family dawns on you as you read out the numbers, "6:47AM." 

 

You drop your hand and then you close your eyes and pray for his safe passage to his comfortable eternity. The nurses take you to the office to hug you and make you a hot chocolate, you drink it like it's wine before packing your bag and heading off. 

 

They tell you that they've never seen a medical student do what you did. 

 

They tell you that your heart is in the right place.

 

They tell you that you'll be an amazing doctor. 

 

You leave the hospital that morning, and you pay it no mind when a family run past you at 7:06AM because if you do, you know you will cry. Biting your lip until you taste blood, you walk all the way to Taehyung's home. You don't want to cry, you can't be this weak and doctors aren't weak. 

 

You stand out his apartment door until 7:30AM. You don't know why, it was just so quiet outside and the silence felt for the first time in your life, comforting. 

 

The alarm clock from Taehyung's room blasts through the apartment and that's when you decide to knock on his door. Despite having a key of your own, you just, you have no idea anymore.   

 

You hear him scuffle towards it. 

 

A dishevelled looking shirtless Taehyung opens the door. "What can I help with..," his course morning voice chirps before his eyes land on you. 

 

You don't want to say it.

 

You can't say it. 

 

"Baby," Taehyung looks you over before opening his arms. "Come here, let's get you inside." 

 

He knows.

 

And then you fall into his arms, letting yourself cry in the only place you feel safe enough to. Kicking the door closed, he puts his hand behind your knees, picking you up and carrying you through his home. Falling to the couch, he wraps a blanket around you both before texting his professor that he'll be missing a day of class to recover from norovirus. His phone pings with a response moments later with an attached pdf of topics covered.

 

Dropping his phone onto the coffee table, he tucks your head under his chin. 

  
  
Holding you as humanly possible as he can, he tangles his fingers into your hair, comforting you through your grief. You don't say anything and Taehyung doesn't ask you anything. 

 

He just knows. 

 

You don’t know at which point things had changed that year, he was there for everything and more, but it wasn’t just sex anymore. He was the longest relationship you’ve ever had to date without actually being in a relationship with him. 4 years of Kim Taehyung and Y/N Y/L/N, it was bound to be love. 

 

It was bound to be. 

 

And looking back now, it definitely was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Fifth year

**2010 ↠ End of the Fifth Year**

 

“What’s in that thing?” Taehyung asks, watching you from within your sheets as you stand at the foot of your bed clad in blue scrubs. It was 7am on the dot and you were getting ready for another fun filled day at the hospital. “Seriously, you pack everything.” 

 

Pushing your wet hair behind your ear, you grin at him. “Unlike you Kim Taehyung, I think forward and pack the necessities.” Clipping your trauma pager to the strap of your black bag, you bend over to double tie your shoelaces. 

 

“I see you’ve packed the bible,” he picks up your copy of Dr. Pestana’s surgery notes, fumbling tiredly with its pages before putting it back in. “Wait, why did you pack a mac blade?” He asks, now sitting with his feet crossed in front of your bag. You ignore his bare chest as you scold him for going into your bag. 

 

“Stop touching my stuff. Nurses carry extra dressing tape and saline flushes, so why not carry mac blades, gloves and my stethoscope. Got a problem with that Kim?” 

 

He shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair. “Beside it being a tad weird, I don’t. You’re just so organised and methodical and prepared, got any room for spontaneity?” 

 

“You’re my spontaneity,” The boy could barely open his eyes at you as he nods in agreement, yawning into his hands.  “Awh Taehyung, you look tired. Maybe you should sleep some more instead of talking to me.” 

 

He smiles at you, swollen lips and tired eyes. “I just want to watch you leave and wish you a good day.”

 

“That’s cute,” Draping your white coat over your shoulder, you gape at the time on your watch. “Crap, I’ve got 10 minutes before traffic starts piling up.”  

 

Picking up your purse, you lean down and kiss him like you did every morning he stayed over. It had become muscle memory and Taehyung had become a constant fixture, someone who’d wait for you to come home. “Will you be staying at mine tonight?” You ask him and he nods, kissing you again. 

 

“You taste good,” he admits, licking the jam from your toast off the corner of your mouth. “Yeah, tonight's only a 9 hour shift. I’ll be back around midnight. We’ve run out of condoms so on your way home can you please pick up a box?” 

 

“Will do. I'm making dinner tonight, kind of feel like celebrating us tonight. Sound good?” grabbing your car keys, you rush through your bedroom door shouting. “Remember to brush your teeth today and lock up when you leave.”

 

"Sounds perfect baby, go save lives!" And Taehyung finds himself imagining he lived here too. “Have a good shift!”

 

“Will do!”

 

But life doesn't turn out that way because when you return from your shift, you never pick up condoms and in your haste to make love to a boy who looks at you like you're his world, you have the best night of sex you've ever had -unprotected. You both don't even realise what you've done, both naively forgotten in the moment that you can conceive from pre-cum.

 

And it's not until a month later when your period doesn't come that you steal a pregnancy test from the surgical ward after a nurse jokes that you might be pregnant from all the nausea you've been exhibiting every morning. You run as fast as you possibly can to the bathroom before locking yourself in the ladies toilets. It feels like everything is crashing down on you when you wait those five fucking minutes for the result. 

 

You're in complete fight or flight right now, feeling the adrenaline shoot up your veins. You shake sitting on the toilet, how you had even peed was a miracle nonetheless how you managed to pee on all four sticks you had grabbed. 

 

You place them all on the floor as you set a timer for five minutes on your phone. You stare at the ceiling every goddamn minute too, ignoring your pager to do so. You can't have a baby, not now, now right fucking now.

When the timer goes off, you close your eyes and take a deep breath before looking down. 

 

You don't cry when all of the sticks confirm your worst nightmare, you immediately call your GP instead and book an appointment to accurately confirm pregnancy. And then you prayed all day and all night that it was a false positive. 

But it wasn't. 

 

There on the transvaginal ultrasound monitor was a little blip. Your little blip. 

 

"Congratulations, you're pregnant Y/N." 

 

The world tilts making you feel dizzy and then black spots consume your vision before you pass out on the table. 

You're pregnant. 

You're pregnant with Kim Taehyung's child. 

 

 


	7. Sixth year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've never written angst before and I really want to finish my unfinished stories and im like fuck it, i was really wanting to write something without over thinking and boom, this fucking thing pooped out. So I'm sorry if it's shit lmao. So.... like 3 more parts?

**2012 ↠ Sixth Year**  
  
In your trainee intern year when your daughter is an infant, you make sure you're sent to Forest Lakes Hospital instead of Seoul Hearts for your paid rotations. Anything and anywhere to avoid the orthopaedic junior house officer, Dr. Kim Taehyung, Sunny's father and his wife, Dr. Mina of the Childrens Ward.  

 

In doing so, it was difficult to leave your daughter with parents you don't trust but it was something you had to do when she stopped breastfeeding and you decided to go back to school. It was the only available option you had so you could finish your education and come home without a worry that a random nanny had kidnapped her. 

 

And there was no way, you'd go to Taehyung and his family. No fucking way in this world. 

 

It's been almost two years and you haven't seen or talked to Kim Taehyung. It's funny, for a love that burned so brightly, it sure as hell burned everything thing down so quickly. When things truly got rough, you finally saw who he was, a coward. 

//

 

You had waited until his exams had finished in order to tell him that you were pregnant. Giving him this time meant that you were able to process it and really really convince yourself that this was the life you wanted. You had picked out a wedding ring for him too while you were shopping for maternity pants while you still had time. 

 

_You had told him when he came to lay on top of you on the couch. "Ah, you're going to hurt the baby." you laugh, pulling him on the couch beside you._

_He stares at you, going completely pale. "What?"_

 

He was understandably shocked, choosing to leave your apartment to get some "air" while you waited. You stayed up until the sun rose waiting, feeling that same bout of dread you had when your patient died last year. Something wasn't right. 

 

You sobbed yourself into dehydration after discovering he had left his apartment completely empty and had packed up, and gone back to Daegu. You waited weeks to hear back from him thinking it to be a short trip to clear his mind, because pregnancy is a big thing but you got nothing and after waiting, you had enough.  

 

It hurt more than anything you've ever experienced when you watched someone new move into his home. 

 

He had left you completely.  

 

You called and texted, needing something from him that didn't feel like abandonment because Taehyung wasn't the type to, he would never. He loved you. He had loved you for years.  

 

Without thinking, you buy a train ticket to Daegu to confront him. This wasn't him. This wasn't who he was. He's always wanted children, he had wanted to name his children cheerful names and teach them how to read and write and grow plants. It was all he could talk about when he was on the Childrens Ward. 

He wanted a daughter with a laugh like yours; and a smile like his. He had told you many times before that he thought you'd make beautiful babies together. And he was right. 

You never expected to turn up at his family home in the middle of a celebration only to discover that your Taehyung was in an arranged marriage with another woman, a paediatric doctor, Dr. Mina at Seoul Hearts and they were having an engagement party. 

  
His parents had welcomed you in, thinking you to be a friend of Taehyung's. So you thoughtlessly walked through their doors, entering their home. You felt like a stranger, a sudden secret when you walked through their family home. 

 

People smile at you as you walk into the garden, looking for him. 

 

Mina smiled at you genuinely as you walked into the private area. 

 

Taehyung's smile dropped from his face when he heard your voice, you saw it happen from where you stood at the sliding garden door.

 

He never looked up from the plants as you approached him. 

 

You were wearing the yellow sunflower sun-dress he bought you for your birthday, paired with a pair of white tennis shoes. You looked beautiful he had thought, beautiful and sad.

 

You stayed silent, only wanting to talk to him as you approached him carefully.  

 

"Taehyung?" you whisper and he clenches his eyes closed, as though he never wanted to see you again. "The engagement ...is this what you want?" 

 

There's a silence between you before he looks up at you. An overwhelming sadness wraps around his once beautiful brown eyes. "It is. It's all I've ever wanted." 

 

He's lying. 

 

"Baby!" Mina pushes past you, squeezing herself underneath his arm to look back at you. The sight makes your heart ache. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name? I'm Mina, Taehyung's soon-to-be wife." 

 

"I'm Y/N," you say, never looking away from his face. "Just a friend of Tae's." 

 

He flinches. "Just a friend?" 

 

She laughs loudly, "Oh thank the lord, thought you might've been the ex he's been moping about." 

 

"Ex?" you look between the two. "What ex?" 

 

"Yeah, poor guy got dumped by the wit-

 

"-why did you come here?" he interrupts her lie, looking at you. "Why?" 

 

"I could ask you the same thing Kim Taehyung." 

 

A waiter offers you all a drink, interrupting the flow of your conversation. Mina takes a glass for Taehyung with a smile and you watch him drink it like a shot of tequila. "Want a glass?" she asks and you shake your head, watching how he looks at anything but you. 

 

"I can't drink."

 

"It's not that strong, just drink one drink to celebrate Taehyung and I," she pushes a glass of wine against your chest. Taehyung watches you wrap your fingers around the chute, "You _are_ Taehyung's friend right?" 

 

"I can't drink because I'm pregnant." 

 

Taehyung grows rigid. 

 

Mina notices. 

 

"Oh my god, exciting! I love babies and children," she looks between you and him, "So, how far along are you?" 

 

"I'm not counting." 

 

She looks at you with a confused expression but you're only looking at him. "Why not? It's so important to keep track so you know what appointments you need to have." 

 

"I'm a doctor, well almost one. And I'm not counting for lots of reasons," you shove the glass against her chest. "The father of my child left me for someone else as soon as I told him I was pregnant and because I can't do this on my own while finishing medical school, I'm considering get an abortion." 

 

"Oh, you're her." she whispers, stepping back. 

 

"What?!" Taehyung shouts, finally looking up at you square in the face, "You're going to get an abortion?" 

 

"Yes." he looks like shit. 

 

"Why would you do that?" he looks alarmed, eyes darting into yours, "You've always wanted a child." 

 

"I know just not right fucking now," You rub your stomach, "Not on my own anyway." 

 

You could cry right now but the hormones are telling you to fucking kill him and kiss him and you hate yourself because of it. He looks like he's lost weight and the bags under his eyes look like he hasn't slept since he left. It hurts seeing him like this, more than you thought it would.

 

Fucking asshole.  

 

"Abortion is murder you know?" Mina interrupts, frowning heavily at you. "So many people can't have babies and you've got one and considering murdering it. That's so ugly." 

 

"What the hell do you know Mina? Have you ever been pregnant?" you step close to her, pointing her chest. "You feel helpless, hopeless, confused and now that I think I'm going to be alone if he doesn't come back, I'm so fucking afraid of both what will happen to me and what will happen to it."

 

"You'd kill it over that?"   
  
  
"You have no right to judge me. So, shut up," You whimper, ignoring her as you feel hot tears fall down your face. "Taehyung, do you have anything to say to any of this? Do you even care?"   
  
  
He sobs, face red as he tries hard to contain his sadness. He can feel his heart breaking with every breath you take in front of him full of a future he wish he could have but he shakes his head anyway and then you take one big deep breath before wiping your tears away. 

 

"Will you be happy?" you ask him. You really want to touch him, the need to seek out his comfort was at an all time high. "It's all I want to know." 

 

He bites his bottom lip hard enough to pierce the flesh. "Yes." 

 

He's lying again. 

 

"Good, knowing you'll be happy will make me happy. I'm sorry that I couldn't be that person." 

 

He looks broken. Absolutely heart broken. 

 

You step forward, giving in to your temptation to hug him. Pushing Mina out the way, he immediately encases you in his arms, holding onto you for dear life as he sobs into your shoulder. "What happened Tae? Why did you leave?" you whisper, rubbing his back. "I need you, why are you leaving?" 

 

"My mother ...she's unwell ...they have an agreement ...wedding ..." he sniffles sobbing into the crook of your neck. "I have no choice." 

 

You kiss the side of his head. This was the end. "Taehyung, I know I should've told you earlier and this is probably the worst time but if I don't say it now, I'll never forgive myself." 

 

He hums. "What is it?" 

 

You both ignore Mina as she explains to concerned party attendees by the sliding door that he's very happy you're expecting a child. 

 

Nuzzling his noses against the skin of your neck, you whimper. What was once comforting only fucking hurts right now. "I think I loved you from the moment I met you," he pulls back from you, wide eyed and gaping. "I love you so much that sometimes it blows my mind how lucky I am, well ...was." 

 

"Why do you look surprised?" 

 

He shakes his head. "I'm not surprised that you weren't in love with me, you never really had to say it out loud for me to know I just didn't think you would ever tell me like this." 

 

Wiping his tears away, you press a chaste kiss to his cheek. It's the last time you'll ever be able to kiss his tear stained cheeks. "It feels appropriate now that we're not together and as much as hurts to let you leave, this is what you want and I want what you want." 

 

"What if I still want you? What if the only person I have ever wanted was you?" he whispers. 

 

"Then leave with me right now, we can raise the child together. I'll defer for a year so you can work and then when we have enough money, we can hire a nanny for our baby and then I'll finish med-

 

"Baby," he whispers, interrupting you. "Y/N, I can't. I don't have a choice." 

 

You pull apart from him, pushing his reluctant-to-leave body away from yours. He doesn't want you. No-ones holding him at gun point to marry her. He doesn't want you at all. 

 

"Taehyung, you always have a choice and you've clearly made yours," leaning forward, you kiss his lips for the last time, wanting to remember what they felt like against yours because you know you'll never get to kiss him again.

 

The kiss is full of raw emotions. Possibly the most intense kiss you've ever had with someone. It was full of unsaid words as he re-positioned his face, sliding his lips over yours. Full of goodbyes as he cupped your jaw. Full of hurt as you pull back, resting your forehead against his for a second. 

 

"And Taehyung ...I've made mine. " 

 

"What?" he hesitates, reluctant to let you go. 

 

"I'm going to leave this house and never come back," You put his hand on your stomach, he rubs over the flat surface on his own accord before dropping his hand completely, you watch it swing back to his side. "What I decide to do with the baby, don't worry. I'll just say it was a one night stand and I don't know the fathers name. Goodbye Taehyung. I only wish that you live the life you want and not your mothers." 

 

And that was that. 

 

// 

 

The sixth year of medical school symbolised your growth academically, as you moved progressively towards becoming a house surgeon and more obviously, towards the end of medical school. You had reluctantly deferred for a year to raise your child after prompts from the school and had moved back in with your parents for the extra help.  

 

Sure, it was difficult but your mother adored Sunny and supported you through the last year of your education. 

 

The money you were making and saving on rotation this year was enough to afford a live in nanny, someone who could look after both of you in the following years. 

 

Your house of cards with Taehyung, everything that you had built up whilst trying to get your MB ChB, had collapsed without making a single sound. And as you crossed the stage with your cap and your gown, in front of a crowd of strangers, your parents and your baby, you had every intention of going into Emergency Medicine. 

  

A baby didn't mean the end of the world, it simply meant the beginning of living for something more important than yourself. Even if she had his eyes and his smile and her quiet nature reminded you too much of Taehyung, it was a piece of him that you allowed yourself to love unconditionally.   
  
  
  
  
You fell in love with Kim Taehyung during medical school.   
  
  
  
And that love gave you Sunny. 

 

 **2016 ↠ Emergency Ward | Forest Lakes Hospital** **  
  
**

“Buddy, I need you to open your eyes for me okay? I'm Dr. Y/N and you're in the Emergency Department at Forest Lakes Hospital. If you can hear me, I need you to wiggle your hands or your feet? Can you do that for me?”

The scarlet blood that had flowed so thick from his injuries, dripped down the sides of the bed and pooled onto the grey silikal floor around your feet. There was so much blood in the room that it smelt and looked like an abattoir; he was only 32.

He had a whole life ahead of him.

“What are his vitals looking like Jimin?” you exhaled, assessing the cervical collar wrapped around the young man’s neck. “What's he saturating at?”

“Saturating at 79% on 4L of oxygen,” he announced, securely wrapping the blood pressure cuff around his arm and inflating it. “He’s doing pretty okay given the circumstances. I can’t imagine how much pain he might be in.”  

"Move him into trauma bay one baby! we'll clean up this room and use it for the critical roadside accident victim," you announce, helping him push the stroller down the hallway. "We're going to save this mans life today!"

"What a good day to save lives," you smile, rushing the patient in and beginning the exhausting adrenaline fuelled treatment plan. "It sure is Dr. Y/N."

"Alright, BP's 92/40, Heart Rate is tachy but loose and thready, looks like we're going to need some fluid resus, bloods, cross-match for transfusion immediately, he's losing too much blood."

"Sounds good," Jimin smiles, "This is your last patient of the evening right?"

You nod, cutting his shirt up. "Yeah, I want to make this quick so I can shoot off."

"Sunny's birthday?"

“Her fifth, she’s growing too quickly it’s scaring me,” Grabbing the stethoscope, you smile widely. "Let's talk about this later." Unwrapping it, you place the diagram on his chest as you listen carefully to the apparent abnormal breathing. “I hear nothing on the left side of his chest,” you exhale, letting the stethoscope dangle from your neck. 

“Poor guy,” Jimin winced at the sloshing sound his shoes made in the blood as he readjusted the hanging bag of fluids beside him. “What do you want to do from here Doctor?”

“Hmm,” The patient was a mess and probably in shock too, there was about a million things you needed to do, that should’ve been done before you took him in but this was no time to complain. You stare up at the boy who held your gaze with a gentle expression; a calm within your storm. “Jimin, to be honest with you. I think I need to talk to his family. This hospital isn’t equipped to take him, we don’t have an orthopaedic surgical reg on site. He needs to be transferred.”

“Because of the open deformity to his right femur?” Jimin blinked at you, confusion etched across his brows. “Let’s get him stabilised first and his BP’s dropping, now 86 over 50. Heart rates 165. He's not looking too crash hot, you think he's losing too much blood?”

You frown, darting your eyes at the puddles of blood on the floor as if he really had to ask that question when the answer was obvious. “I’m thinking endotracheal intubation to avoid worsening hypoxia and-” You narrow your eyes at his vital signs monitor. “-blood, definitely blood as soon as possible. Can you please call the blood service for massive transfusion protocol and a portable chest x-ray? Then call Dr. Namjoon and fill him in about transferring our patient to Seoul Hearts Hospital.”

“Will do.” Jimin nodded, ripping off his gloves and carelessly tossing them on the ground. Tilting your ponytail out from your face, you grab the tubing table as Jimin rushed towards the phone. He had a blood ombre on his light green pants but the sticky feeling didn’t deter him from doing his work.

“Irene,” you announce, grabbing the young new nurse from across the rooms attention. “While he’s away, monitor vitals please. You tell me if his blood pressure drops again?” 

“Will do doctor,” she smiles, “Currently sitting at 86/0. Hooking up a bag of fluids now.” 

“Good work. We haven’t worked together before so let’s work well together. Team work- 

“-makes the dream work,” she completes your sentence, connecting the bag to his IV cannula. “Any other orders doctor?” 

You grin. “Not yet.” 

“Taking bloods now!” she announces, grabbing the trolley and rushing over to the other side of the bed. 

“Right,” Tearing your eyes away from hers, you lean above the patient's head. “Alright Mr. Lee, let’s get you geared up for a safe transfer and a groovy recovery back to functional independence so you can see your kids too.”    
  
If only you had known that you wouldn't be leaving the hospital that night in time to kiss your baby goodnight and prepare for her bithday. If only you knew how quickly your past would catch up on you. 

If only you saw him coming, maybe you'd prevent it.

But if you did see him coming, would you prevent it from happening?

Who knows. 

Because when the door slams open, hitting the back of the door just as you finish intubating the patient. A wildly startled looking Namjoon with sweat glistening on his forehead yells across the room as he hits the security alarm by the sink. 

You know you’ll be seeing him again and you can’t prevent that. 

It was fate.

Irene looks up at you confused as you stand at attention immediately, there’s only one reason why Namjoon would press that button.

 _Evacuation_. 

And your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach when he rushes. “Dr. Y/N, we have a code black in progress in VIP, all patients and staff are being transferred to Seoul Hearts Hospital immediately. Ambulance 4 please with EMT Seokjin.” 

“Is this a drill?” you ask, hands eager to swing into action. “Because this isn’t funny, I’m supposed to be leaving in the next five minutes. Sunny’s being babysat right now.” 

“I’m sorry to hear about that, you’ll have to call her and tell her you wont be coming home,” He looks between you and Irene. “Unfortunately girls, this is definitely not a drill. I want you gone in less than a minute. Jimin’s waiting for you already.” 

He leaves as soon as you swing into action, connecting a pole to his bed for the fluids and an oxygen tank to the end of his bed. You pass the ambu bag to Irene. 

The corridor sounds more active than Irene remembers. Why is everyone running? What’s going on? Code Black? 

She holds the ambu bag in between her hands, failing to sense the urgency in the air, as you rush across the bloodied floor, unplugging everything and kicking the break off at the bottom of the bed. “What’s going on Dr... I don’t understand.” she whimpers, watching you. 

“We need to go, and right now,” You turn to her, blowing a strand of hair away from your face as you begin pushing the patients bed through the door. “Contact your family when you’re in the ambulance, tell them that you’re fine. There’s a bomb in the hospital.” 

“There’s a what?!” 

 

And you can’t fight fate. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I won't be as free as I usually am to write now that I'm working full time, so I will write as much as I can.

↣ **THE BEGINNING OF THE END**

  


When you woke up that morning, kissed your daughter and made her breakfast, you honestly thought it would be a normal day. 

 

Because who wouldn’t?   
  


You were living in the city, in a nice Bungalow and Craftsman style family home in the suburbs. The sun was still rising, mellow hues of golden light bloomed in every crevice of the distant hills. A chorus of birds still sang from the trees outside your home, it wouldn't be long until they joined the cacophony of congestion; the sound of horns and drivers aggression.   


You lived a long drive away from your hospital but a short drive away from everything else. Forest Lakes Hospital was a rural hospital adjacent to a military camp. The acuity was nothing in comparison to Seoul Hearts Emergency Department but it still maintained a large patient load everyday. This was due to the atrocities practiced in the camp, to injured farmers in the farmlands and VIP patients who are flown in via helicopter for the privacy. 

You loved working there but sometimes things happen, unexplainable things that make you feel like you’re a pawn on someone elses chessboard. The thunderous clouds of hospital politics loomed so close that you feared, it would strike you down one day. 

 

And maybe, today was that day. 

 

“When’s Jimin coming out?” your daughter had asked, food smeared all over her face. “I want to see him already.” 

You had laughed at the girl, tying your wet hair into a bun. 

Sunny had been humming under her breath that morning, fumbling in her seat to the song playing on Jungkook’s speaker in the bathroom. In her 4 year old childish mirth, she had been waiting for the sound of Jimin's rambunctious alarm clock. So she could see her favourite uncle. 

 

“Don’t wake him up Sun-

Jimin's alarm clock had sounded like a rubbish truck reversing as it jarred through the morning peace of your home. 

-chimmy!” she had squealed as soon as the sound hit her little ears. You had watched as she raced out of her seat, feet slapping against the wooden floor towards his door. 

“Great, my child has been conditioned.”   


In great timing, Jungkook had turned off the shower and his music at the same time. He was supposed to be on the same shift as you but the boy habitually left home and arrived when he wanted to.  


It would’ve been better if he hadn’t turned up at all.

 

Sunny stood on her tippy toes trying to open Jimin's door so she could jump up onto his bed and cuddle. You had watched the entire ordeal from behind the kitchen bench, her incessant desire for affection …it really and honestly reminded you of him.

Sometimes she does things and you wonder how she is so much like him when she doesn’t know him.   


The sound of her laughter as he tickled her, fluttered peacefully throughout your home as you walked back into the kitchen. You never thought in that moment, that it could’ve been the last time you'd ever hear her sweet dulcet laughter, you just cherished it like every other parent. 

 

“I need a doctor,” Jimin had stammered, limping to the living room, “I have a growth on my foot and it’s smiling up at me like a gremlin. Diagnosis?” 

Sunny had wrapped herself around his foot, looking quite pleased with herself.

 

“Sunnyitis.” 

 

“Prognosis?” 

 

“14 years.”

 

“Well, I can deal with that.” Jimin had smiled in greeting at you before falling onto the couch, letting her crawl onto his lap. “I have an afternoon shift, mind if I catch a lift with you back?” he had asked and you had nodded enthusiastically, “Sounds good! Will give me something to look forward too. We have much to chat regarding your little boyfriend my love.”

 

Jimin had blushed, gasping loudly at you. "Yoongi is not little, he's big, like really-

 

-well that explains the noise," you snort, lifting your cup of coffee to your mouth. Jimin gasps even louder. "If you're assuming I'm a bottom, I am not. I am versatile, thank you." 

 

"What?" You raise your brows. "No one was asking?” 

 

You had grown close to Jimin, even going as far as to calling him your bestfriend. Somehow, after everything that you've been through, it was just right that he took up that space in your life. He earned it. 

 

He stayed. 

 

And staying meant that you shared something special enough to tolerate. 

 

Jungkook walks out of the bathroom, shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Did Jimin just say he was versatile?"  


 

"Weird, right?" You nod, looking anywhere but at the boys honey coloured abs. "I think he's trying to tell us something."

 

“Well, there is no way in hell,” Jungkook laughs, sizing Jimin up. “No way in fresh hell that you aren't a bottom.”

 

"Is this a conversation we should be seriously having while sunny is in the room?" he shouts, covering her ears. "Who knows what she'll hear from anything we say?"  


Jungkook rolls his eyes. "I ask that everytime Yoongi comes over and all I can hear is "oh Yoongi, put it it in, yeah, daddy, ooh ahh, oof im done." You're one to talk."

 

"Then don't put your ear up to the door at night Jungkook, you creep," he snaps, throwing a pillow at Jungkook's chest. Sunny laughs. Jimin covers her ears tighter, "I know you want me, you little-  


"-here we go," you roll your eyes, tipping the rest of your coffee down the sink and leaving the mug there, "I hate to break whatever you two are arguing about but it's crossing the boundary of what she can and can not understand, and therefore I suggest you stop.”

 

"What if I do?" Jungkook muses, wiggling his brows at Jimin.  


"God, get me out of here," Grabbing your stethoscope, you lean over the couch and grab Sunnys head, kissing it as per usual, "Baby, I'll see you when I get home. Try to keep your clothes on today and no playing with the neighbours dog, he's dirty."

 

"But ma," She pouts, hiding her face in the crook of Jimin's neck. "I want a puppy and Alfie likes me."

 

"Awh, Sun," Patting her back, Jimin pouts at you too. "I want a puppy too."

 

"That's what your boyfriends for Jimin," You said, scowling at the orange haired boy, "Honestly, both of you are just as bad as each other. I'm off, see you all tonight and tomorrow."

 

"Bye mamma, see you when you get back." Sunny had shouted after you.

 

Leaving the girls and Jimin to their days, you had tied your laces in triple knots before draping your white coat over your shoulder and dragging your feet to your car. Sunny had waved goodbye from the lounge room window and you had tooted as you drove away.   


The sun had rolled out from the hills, shining brightly in a cerulean sky as you drove past Seoul Hearts Hospital and out past the evergreen, toward Forest Lakes. You had picked up Seokjin and Dr. Xiumin from their shared home on the way, listening to rock music to mentally prepare yourself for the rest of the day.

 

Jin sat in the front, an occupational hazard.

 

Xiumin stared at you from the back, something you occupationally ignored.  


Forced to park the car a street away from the hospital, Seokjin had groaned loudly at the lack of staff parking as you all walked the distance to the Emergency Department.   


There was an abnormally large amount of parked black and white SUV's taking up spaces as you walked through the carpark. Hence, the reason why you all had to walk to work, but somehow, that should’ve alarmed you.

 

It didn’t.  


 

On arrival, Namjoon had greeted his partner Seokjin with a kiss on his cheek and you watched them walk towards his office with smiles drawn across their faces. 

Xiumin smiled delicately with a watermelon blush, wishing you a good day. Minus the blush, you had done the same to him. It was the simple little things that made today feel like it could be like every other day in the department, except that everything about it wasn’t.  


Medical school may have prepared you and equipped you to be good at saving people, but it definitely and most certainly did not prepare you enough to save yourself.  


 

 

 

 

Especially on what was supposed to be a completely normal day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back in

↣ FOREST LAKES HOSPITAL | Dr. Y/N and Jeon Jungkook

  


Panic had surged through the hallways of Forest Lakes when the alarm was triggered and people dispersed from the hospital, running like razor sharp autumn leaves against each other. 

 

Tension had clung to the air; the smell of fear so pungent, it asphyxiated any room for sound judgement as chaos painted the white halls with a reddish-brown reminder of the in-progress code black . 

 

People ran and pushed, people fell and people got hurt. 

 

You had watched it all as you stood beside Irene and the patient bed outside of the trauma bay, waiting for safe passage through the white hallway ahead. It was so loud, machines beeped, people screamed, wailed and yelled, babies cried, nurses tried to reassure and calm people down, phones rang incessantly. It was a chorus of everything you never wanted to hear at the same time. 

 

Nurses pushed past you; doctors helped their patients escape; junior doctors cleared rooms; and you waited until it was clear, until it was safe. 

 

“Yah, how much time do we have?” you asked, grabbing Namjoon’s arm as he ran past you, “Who told you these orders?” 

 

He stops, yanked back to you. “Y/N, why are you still here?” He says, looking at both you and Irene in concern. 

 

“We're waiting until it's a little less mental down there,” You nod your head to the chaos ahead. “Who?” 

 

Perspiration dripped down the sides of his face as he pants. “Someone triggered a silent emergency alarm in the VIP wing. Did you see all those cars in the carpark today?” he stepped close, whispering in your ear, “Politicians and athletes are in that wing being treated and we think it might be something to do with the-

 

“Wait,” Your heart thumped loudly in your chest. “Isn’t Dr. Hoff in that wing?” 

 

He nodded, stepping back. “Yes. While you were in surgery, he offered to go in your place.” 

 

“What the fuck?” you stammered with tears glistening your eyes, “Namjoon.” 

 

“Look, we don’t have time for this. We have to get the fuck out of here. Call me when you’re at Seoul Hearts so I can clear you as safe,” Namjoon had said, brushing your arm away from his. Running down the hallway, sneakers squeaking as he ran, he shouts back. “I mean it Y/N, you better call me. Keep Seokjin safe.” 

 

You watch him rush through the crowd and then through the automatic sliding doors, throwing himself into the cold night, running towards the red and blue embers of a parked ambulance nearby. 

 

 

That could’ve been you?

 

*** * ***

 

“Y/N, we need to go now. Load the patient into the back Irene,” Seokjin yelled, shoving his key into the ambulance ignition. “Jimin and Irene, let’s get a move on! Go, go, go!” 

 

The wind swept through the loose strands of hair dangling around your face as you stood underneath the brightly lit red Emergency Department sign watching them from across the carpark. It was dark and suddenly desolate as all the cars and ambulances sped quickly away, how everyone managed to get out, amazed you. 

 

It was suddenly silent. 

 

You weren't sure if that was relieving or not. 

 

"Jin, I honestly think someone is still in there," You shout, yelling across the car park. He had frowned back at you, as though you had said something so daring to him. "I'm serious, we can't leave knowing someone might still be in there." 

"Namjoon cleared all the rooms before he left, no one is in there Y/N." Seokjin shouted back, throwing his bags in the front seat, “Get here and get in, we don't have time. Everyone else is gone, we should be enroute to Seoul Hearts right now, who knows what will happen if we don't go.” 

 

"I think I heard someone yelling for help though!" 

Throwing his cap into the ambulance, he shouts. "You're hallucinating!" 

 

But you weren't. You had an itch. Asinking fucking feeling pulling you like a magnet back inside.

 

“Come on guys!” Seokjin rushed, jumping back into the front seat and closing the door, “Get in and let’s go!” 

 

You watched them all argue with each other over resources the ambulance didn’t have while you had tossed up the decision to run back in. It was stupid to even think you could be a hero and save someone, when the person in this situation who would need saving, was you.  


 

“Y/N,” Seokjin had been the first to notice you running back in. "Y/N WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!" He had shouted, adrenaline surging through his blood, throwing himself out of his truck, he watched you, unable to move any closer. “COME BACK Y/N!" 

 

“What is she doing?” Irene shouted at Jin, prompting Jimin’s immediate attention as he popped his head out of the ambulance doors. "Y/N?" 

 

Jimin thought he could feel his heart bursting out of his ear drums as he screamed, eyes wide with horror. “Y/N, what are you doing?!” held back by Irene from running after you, he screams louder. “Y/N COME BACK! COME BACK RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB?” 

 

“I’ll just check okay! It will only be like a minute, if you’re truly worried, just park the car at the end of the carpark. I’ll be fine,” You shouted back, “I will be fine.” 

 

Jimin yells with his whole body for you to come back but you don’t even look back as you run through the automatic doors, running back down the hallway, disappearing deep within the building. Jimin watches, tears glistening in his eyes. 

 

Save for the insect life buzzing around them, there was silence in your wake.

 

All three of them stared at the doors in disbelief.

 

Tears glistened in Jimin’s eyes as he watched the doors close and then they fell in rivulets down his face when the ground rumbled with the first blast of three. When you didn't run straight back out, he wailed loudly, feeling the impending loss strangle his heart as he fell completely into Irene’s arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry team, will be updating Monday with a larger update. I wrote this straight after a 10 hour shift and I'm absolutely shattered xx


	10. Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter to house of cards tbh

**↣ SEOUL HEARTS HOSPITAL | DR. KIM TAEHYUNG**

Changing into a new pair of blue scrubs in the bathroom, Taehyung asks himself at which point did everything in his life go wrong. He was so tired. So fucking tired and so fucking unhappy and so fucking miserable.  
He’s been hiding it behind a smile, burying it deep within him.

A pain like no other. 

He scrubs his face with a cleanser he thinks belongs to Dr. Yoongi, hoping that it might make him feel grounded in something other than misery. But no matter how hard he scrubs, the feeling’s still there. 

Like scum.

Patting his face dry with a white face cloth, he takes a deep breath. It might as well tattoo itself across his face, nothing could take it away. Sadness made its home in his bones a long time ago and now he was living with the consequences of it.

The memories of a happy life he once had, grew into shards of glass over time, cutting him up in the inside. Why can’t he go back to that time? Why can’t he be that person he was? Why does he feel so damn guilty all the time when he was just trying to be a good son for a mother who’s on her way out? 

The wounds he sustained, ripped open at every reminder of you, are his worst enemy to date. He wonders if his mother’s aware that everytime he smiles, the ingenuity of pretending to be happy tastes like rotten fruit on his tongue.

He could never be happy again, as neurotic as that sounds, he doesn’t think he deserves to be. 

He hates himself.

Staring at his face in the mirror, he takes another deep breath as he stands up straight. He adjusts the lapels of his pristine white coat while brushing his teeth with his other hand. At least he enjoyed his job, the patients were usually older adults who reminded him of his grandmother, it was nice being around people who liked him.   
  
Lots of broken bones.

It was ironic, a doctor who could mend broken body parts for other people, lived uncomfortably with a broken heart.

One he broke himself.

One he could never mend on his own.  
  
Taehyung wondered if he would get any category one acute surgeries tonight. He loved the cases from ED. Traumatic neck of femur fractures -the greater trochanter fracture in particular were fun, he enjoyed being the specialist whenever he ran down. He loved the spinal injuries and the tibial fractures, knees and shoulders.

Bones.  
  
He loved them.  
  
It was the best distraction from life that he knew.   
  
Taehyung had always been really interested in Emergency Medicine but he could never do it, knowing it was your speciality and knowing you’d never want to see him again. 

  
He tried to respect that, he tried to respect the distance you wanted but sometimes, he just wants to know if you’re okay.  
  
If you’re happy.  
  
If you’re loved.  
  
If you ever kept his child.  
  
If someone took up the space in your life that he used to.  
  
He’s too afraid to act on those curiosities, to cowardly to come forth, too ashamed in himself for letting people control him, too ashamed for never standing up for himself, too afraid of the consequences his family offered if he did not follow their orders.  
  
He was a coward.   
  
Rinsing his mouth out, he frowns at himself in the mirror. This was the real him, the real Taehyung, the real person who never put up a pretence, someone who was unhappy and in pain every single day.  
  
But who else wasn’t in pain.  
  
He adjusts the red, blue and green pens in his front coat pocket and wraps the bright red stethoscope from his pocket, around his neck. He turns the light off before closing the door behind him.   
  
Checking his pager, he clips it on to the waistband of his pants before pushing through the doors with his shoulder.  
  
Dr. Yoongi, Taehyung’s bestfriend, waits in the hallway for him with a coffee and an apricot danish for Taehyung.  
  
“Morning loser,” Yoongi says, handing him a bag and a coffee, “Got you a coffee that resembles your taste in woman.”  
  
“Morning? It’s like 8pm,” Taehyung smiles, sipping the bitter tasting beverage. “Yuck, Yoongi, my taste in women is not bitter.”  
  
Yoongi smiles. “You know, she called me last night, told me you hadn’t come home in a month, that true?”  
  
Sighing, he rolls his eyes. “I sent over the divorce papers, I’m only going back there if it’s to pick up those signed documents.”  
  
“Sounds about right,” Snorting, Yoongi wraps his arm around his shoulders. “You’ll finally be free from her? How do your parents feel about letting you loose?”  
  
“I haven’t told them yet,” Taehyung looks away from Yoongi, gesturing to start walking to work. “I’m pretty sure they’ll disown me. Anyway, enough of that, ready for a good night?”  
  
“Sure, we’ll talk about it later,“ Yoongi sips his own coffee. "I’m more than ready for a good shift actually. I’ve slept for 12 hours. Had to lecture the new guppies about social hierarchy yesterday, I swear they get loopy when they have rotations at Forest Lake. What are they putting in the water that makes them dumb?”  
  
“I don’t know, whatever you’re drinking,” Biting into his pastry, Taehyung smiles wickedly at the blonde boy as he marches down the clean white hallway towards the Orthopaedic medical doctors office.  
  


##  *** * ***

They stand in the office, preparing to do rounds on the ward. Taehyung’s looking at the list of patients he needs to visit experiencing post-operative delirium and constipation. He has students working with him tonight and Taehyung was fully prepared to dump his workload on them for “experience”.  
  
Yoongi is signing discharge letters for patients leaving in the morning, writing prescriptions for pain relief and documenting orders for the morning nurses. The ward was quiet this evening, leaving a settled and peaceful evening for the nurses on shift but Taehyung wasn’t about to use the ‘q’ word in front of them.  
  
“Shall we see our patients now?” Taehyung smiles, grouping up his 6 tired orienting medical students. “Why are you looking at me like that guys? Doctors rounds are fun and educational.”  
  
“At this time?” One of his students snort laughs. “Not on this ward, it’s just old people-  
  
-shut up Taemin,” a short girl says, she crosses her hands over here chest, rolling her eyes at the boy as she does. “You’re being disrespectful. Dr. Taehyung, please lets visit our patients. Quicker we can do this, quicker we can go home,” Younggi smiles up at him, “And I’d personally really love to see their progress.”  
  
“Jesus Christ,” Yoongi curses under his breath. "Fucking brown noser.”  
The student ignores Yoongi as she stares back down at her black leather loathers.  
  
“Every patient is your grandmother, try to think like that,” Hitting the top of Taemin’s head with his clipboard, Taehyung instructs a third student to push the trolley of patient files with them as all 6 students follow him down the ward hallway. Taehyung discards his coffee in the rubbish bin on the way. “Okay, because I know you all want to go home and sleep, let’s work in a team. Sound good?”  
  
They all smile. Walking over to the trolley, he gives each of them a patient file. “What do you want us to do with these?”  
  
“There’s six of you, pair up,” he says, watching them look at each other in confusion. “One of you will be assessing and the other will be scribing. You have two patients each, remember to switch.”  
  
Taehyung folds his arms over his chest, they all look at him scared. “Oh come on, when my best friend in med school was in third year, below all of you, she was diagnosing aneurysms and scrubbing in on operations and you guys can barely talk to a patient without crawling in on yourselves. Get a grip, all of you.”  
  
“But …without you?” Taemin asks. “Can we do that?”  
  
“I’ve worked with all six of you this month. Closely and together as a group. You’ve all grown so much and I believe that you all will make exceptional doctors. Believe in yourselves?” he says, watching them all smile, “So, look at the patient files for five minutes before going in, be polite and think before you speak. If you can’t answer their questions, use your confidence and come and get me. I hope that doesn’t actually happen though because you all should know the answers. Go on now.”  
  
They all smile at him, clearly happy with the assignment.  
  
“God, Taehyung,” Yoongi groans from behind him. “You still do that? You treat them like babies. That’s why they get dumb.”  
  
Taehyung rolls his eyes as he watches the students head off to their retrospective patients. He’d given them all stable patients who had questions regarding the postoperative process. Nothing they can’t answer but it was always a confidence booster for his students and he loved seeing them go home happy.  
  
“Yoongi, this is why I am the educator on this ward and you’re an asshole,” Taehyung picks out the last couple of folders before walking into the 4 patient room, handing one to Yoongi.  
  
Yoongi sanitises his hands, pulling out his favourite black pen before following him in into the cubical.

  
Yoongi watches Taehyung sweeten up to the old lady covered in a mountain of blankets as he reads over her notes. “It’s lovely to see you again Dr. Taehyung, how are you?” she smiles, gazing up at Taehyung like he was the sun and she was the moon. Yoongi watches his little hands rub up and down on her purple, green and pink crochet blanket on top of her.   
  
“I’m better now that I have seen you,” he winks and she laughs softly. “I’m here to talk to you about your bowels. The nurses tell me you haven’t moved your bowels since the operation three days ago.”  
  
“Ooh my dear, a lady never does number 2 and tells,” She widens her eyes at him. “But yes, I have not. Those wicked nurses have been trying to get me out of bed, I’m just too old for this, doctor. It hurts too much.”  
  
Taehyung sits on her bed, cupping her hands. “They’re doing that for you. Exercise is good for recovery, especially since you’ve had a hip replacement. Quicker you’re up, quicker you can go home and be with your kittens.”  
  
“Oh is it?” she opens her mouth in a little ‘o’ that makes Taehyung giggle. “My kittens, oh I miss them terribly so.”  
  
“Do you usually take medication for your bowels?” he asks and she shakes her head. “How about we try some?”  
  
She frowns. “I’m not taking any more of your pills doctor. I’m quite content with my remedies but the nurses won’t let me take my herbal remedies and rubbing crystals. What can I do?”  
  
“Some of your remedies can have a dangerous effect on the medication we give you here, that’s why you can’t take them,” Unwrapping his stethoscope from around his neck, he smiles softly. “What about kiwifruit?“  
  
"What _about_  kiwifruit?”  
  
“Kiwicrush. It’s a little shot of kiwifruit that helps you move your bowels, it’s like a natural remedy, I assure you that it tastes very good,” he informs her, she nods hesitantly. “I’m going to listen to your stomach now, my stethoscope is a bit cold so don’t be surprised okay?“  
  
"Okay,” She nods again. “I’ll try the fruit doctor.”  
  
“Good, Yoongi please make a note of that,” Placing the diaphragm of his stethoscope on her abdomen, he listens for any present bowel sounds. Yoongi draws a little picture of abdomen in her files as he examines her, watching Taehyung’s face for an answer.  
  
Taehyung frowns, shaking his head for Yoongi.  
  
Yoongi then draws a cross through it. Yoongi writes the prescription in her drug chart for kiwicrush and signs her notes before closing them and slipping out of the cubical to tend to the last patient in the room for him.  
  
“Everything okay?” she asks, a worried expression drawn across her face. “You frowned, am I dying?”  
  
“Oh don’t be silly,” Clasping her hands again, he smiles tenderly. “It’s just that I am a bit worried about your bowels at the moment, and getting you up seems to be the best option right now. I’m going to ask the nurses to give you some pain relief before getting you up tomorrow morning, just so it’s a little easier for you and then, I’m going to ask you to give it your best shot. Mobilising will be very good for your stomach Maurine.”  
  
“You sound like the nurse,” She laughs, smacking the top of his warm hand. “I’ll try for you. So, please, call me mama. I’m too damn old to be called anything else.”  
  
Standing up, he lifts the blankets up to her shoulders, making sure her toes are covered the way he knows she likes. He turns off the overhead light, leaving a small night light on for her. “Alright mama, you have a pleasant sleep, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”  
  
She hums her response as she turns her attention to the window beside her. She stares at the moon with a gaze he can only describe as suddenly haunting as the soft hues of light accentuate an unspoken fear drawn across her face, something Taehyung feels uncomfortable about.  
  
“What are you staring at mama?” he whispers, following her gaze out the window. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I am okay for now,” Standing by the window, he presses his hand to the cold surface as he feels the wind brush against the surface underneath his palm. She laughs softly under her breath from behind him. “It’s a full moon. The wolves are out howling for blood. I’d be careful on such an auspicious night Dr. Taehyung, who knows what might happen.”  
  
He turns back to her. “It’s always an auspicious night when one is in a hospital mama, anything could happen here too.” Leaving her cubicle, he pushes the hand sanitiser on the wall into his palm, rubbing the dollop into his hands as he walks down the hallway.  
  
“You know, the other patients call her a witch,” Yoongi says, walking beside him with the trolley, patient file on top as he hurries with writing the last note. “Her notes say that she chants under her breath at people, gave me the shivers reading it but you seem close with her, so good for you. If you get hexed, let me know.”  
  
“You shouldn’t talk about people like that Yoongi,” Taehyung laughs, walking towards the nurses station. “You’ll be the one hexed. So, what was that patient’s primary concern?”

  
Looking back at the notes, Yoongi says. “Another patient needing laxatives. Typical for this ward. I don’t know why you don’t just prescribe laxatives post operatively anyway. Saves so much time.”  
  
Taehyung shrugs, leaning against the station. “I would if it were me doing it. It’s Dr. Minho. He thinks the best laxative is water and exercise.”  
  
Yoongi snorts. “He sounds out of touch with real patients.”  
  
“He’s a good doctor Yoongi.”  
  
“We’re all good doctors until we’re proven that we are not.” Settling in the nurses station, Yoongi starts nibbling at the cake the nurses left out, as Taehyung leans against the station. It was dark, the nurses had turned off the hallway lights so patients could settle to bed. The nurses station was empty as nurses eat their dinner in the fishbowl behind it. Their laughter flutters nicely out from their office into the long empty hallways. Taehyung’s ward was the only department in the hospital who did night doctors rounds. It was the only department in a rush to discharge people, shift them back home for recovery and it was good for student practice.   
  
“Dr Minho’s on tonight, floating between orthopaedics and urology by the way. You in ED tonight?” Taehyung asks, “I hear it’s been really busy down there.”  
“I’m the floater tonight,” Yoongi shakes his head. “We’ve got too many staff on down there. Too many damn know-it-all students too.”  
  
“Isn’t that good though for the acuity?” he asks and Yoongi rolls his eyes. Looking over Taehyung’s shoulder, Yoongi sighs. “Speaking of the devils.”  
The first lot of students walk towards Taehyung, file outstretched waiting for his signature to co-sign.   
  
“Younggi,” Taehyung says, reading over her exceptional penmanship. “Next time, just draw the lungs if you assess them. What is your plan? What do you want the nurses to do?”  
  
She smiles, looking at her partner. “Regular repositioning in bed, PRN asthma medications when symptomatic and lots of pillows for comfort.”  
  
“As if they aren’t doing that already,” Yoongi snorts behind Taehyung. “Your kids need to spend a week with the nurses, that’ll make ‘em work.”  
  
All the students arrive back and Taehyung reads through their notes, signing his name at the bottom. Congratulating them on their first lot of assessments. “Now, that is how we’ll do our night rounds from now on. In the morning however, it will be different. I will be assessing your assessment skills on morning ward rounds. One at a time, in front of all of us.“  
  
They all groan.  
  
“Oh shut up, if you don’t like it, drop out,” Yoongi cackles, “You with the orange hair, put the folders back in the office and if you groan again, I’ll steal the muffin I saw in your backpack you had on earlier.”

Taemin, the boy with the orange hair, disappears to do so.  
  
"God,” Taehyung says, yawning into the crook of his arm, “Why is it so settled tonight?”  
  
Yoongi laughs. “Trying to avoid the q word?”

“What’s the q word?” a student asks.  
  
Know it all Younggi fills her in. “It means quiet, he’s asking why it’s so quiet tonight.”  
  
Taehyung sinks against the station, dropping his head onto his hands, a loud groan falling from his lips as Yoongi leans up and smacks his head. “You didn’t tell your stupid fucking kids not to say that word did you? Great.”  
  
“Did I say something wrong Dr. Taehyung?” she asks, insecurity suddenly plaguing her usually confident demeanor.  
  
Taehyung stands up, turning to face her. “That word is a cursed word. We don’t use it here.”

“Oh. I’m sorry?”  
  
Re-emerging with his phone in his hand, Taehyung gasps loudly as Taemin walks towards him, face focused on his phone. He was 100% against students using phones on the ward at all times, often challenging them to stay engaged. “Taemin, you know the rules, I don’t like phones on the ward-  
  
-you’re gonna wanna hear this though. A code black has been triggered at Forest Lakes Hospital,” he looks up at the two senior doctors, suddenly pale faced. “My girlfriend’s a nurse there and she’s just texted me “FLH called a code black, it’s not a drill, I am fine.” oh god.”  
  
“What’s a code black?” one of the students asks much to the chagrin of the other students. “That some sort of medical emergency alarm bell?”  
Taehyung and Yoongi trade vacant looks. “What?”  
  
“It’s probably just a drill,” Yoongi says, picking his nails. “They always do them over there. They’re close to a military camp, lots of North Korean defectors get treated there. A code black is a bomb threat kids.“  

Taemin looks up at Yoongi. “With all due respect, there is no way in hell that this is a drill. Look,” Turning his phone screen to Taehyung, a picture of ambulances rushing patients out, all wearing equally terrified facial expressions as they pile in the back of the trucks. “They’re evacuating people.”

“Are you sure you aren’t being pranked?” Younggi asks, hovering over his phone to check. Taehyung watches her double tap the picture, her face suddenly growing pale. 

“Doesn’t look like a prank does it?” Taemin whispers and they all watch her retreat back as she shakes her head. 

And then, all of their phones vibrate, pinging with texts, tweets and calls.

All 8 of them, pull out their phones.

Yoongi and Taehyung’s pagers go off.  
  
Ward phones start ringing.  
  
Grabbing his phone out of his coat pocket, Taehyung opens the first notification on the screen and the picture makes his heart stop; a wing of the hospital was on fire. A wing of your hospital was on fire.  
  
“Dr. Yoongi,” a nurse runs out, all the nurses following behind her. “Did you check your pager? Am I calling it in?”  
  
“Call it in please. Get your manager to remove all the patients in this ward. Orthopaedics is the mass casualty ward for this hospital kids. Whoever is the ward co-ordinator tonight in the nursing team, call all the other nurses, get them to come in immediately and cancel every single elective operation scheduled for tomorrow,” Yoongi says, reading his pager. "I want this ward cleared of patients within half an hour. I assume from the distance, patients will be arriving soon. So, let’s do this quickly and properly according to your emergency protocol.”  
  
“Why do we need to remove all the patients?” a student asks and Yoongi frowns at him. “Victims do better psychologically and physiologically where other victims are. Hence, why we need to get everyone out now and get the ward prepared for incoming patients.”   
  
“How many do you think we will get?” he asks again, his eyes widening in fear.   
Looking up to all the students and nurses pooling out from their office.   
  
Taehyung’s hands suddenly begin to tremble by his side. “In this case, probably a lot.”   
  
“But you never know.” His heart begins to pound harshly against his ribs. Adrenaline surged down his body at the prospect of all those incoming patients; at the thought of you being in that building.  
  
“Text your families that you’re okay.” Yoongi announces, pulling him out of his thoughts. Putting his pager in his pocket. Looking up to each and every nervous face in front of him, he grabs the department phone, immediately pressing the emergency number and holding it up to his ear.   
  
His hands are shaking but the only one who notices is Taehyung as a voice loudly screams into the receiver. Everyone in the room watches Yoongi’s eyes widen and his head nod before hanging up again. “Fuck, it’s real. All of you go, get ready. Remove these patients and clear this fucking ward right fucking now.”  
  
“What about us?” Younggi asks, as the ward lights turn back on and nurses begin to frantically run around them. “What do we do?”  
  
  
  
  
“Text your families right now, none of you are going home tonight.“


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝There are wounds that never show on the human body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM TRYING SO HARD TO WRITE ALL OF THIS OUT WELL AND QUICK, LET ME KNOW HOW YOU HTINK OF IT AND AREAS OF IMPROVEMENT XX

**↣ FOREST LAKES HOSPITAL | DR. Y/N  
**  
The first blast hit the far west side of the hospital, where the VIP recovery ward was located, as you had run back into the dark and desolate, abandoned looking Emergency Department. You could smell the fire, you could even see it’s smoke boil up from the building in the northern windows of the ER.   
  
You ran harder.   
  
You were panting, completely solely running on adrenaline.

Your heart raced out of your skin as you looked in every room. In every bay. In every office. You were running completely on instinct and your instincts were telling you, someone was left behind.  
  
And you don’t leave people behind.   
  
No, not you.   
  
The force of the blast rumbled the entire floor, it was weak, a warning of what was yet to come and had you not been standing by an empty bed, it would have knocked you clean off your feet.  
  
Falling onto the white bed, plaster from the ceiling fell and the room seeped into darkness as the electricity completely cut out. No generator back up or anything provided you with a light to see in the dark either.

You coughed into your hand as you inhaled the plaster. 

“Hello, is anybody here?” you had screamed, coughing as you run through the hallway you’ve memorised by heart. “We don’t have much time, is anyone here?”

A voice muffled behind a door screams loud and clear out for you as they bang their fists on the hard wood. “PLEASE SOMEONE, I’M STILL IN HERE!”  
  
You were right.   
  
"HELP ME, I’M STILL HERE, OH GOD I’M STILL IN HERE, HELP ME PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME!”   
  
Running down another hall, you hear a terrified scream from behind the controlled drug room. Someone remained like you had thought, banging on the door for their dear life. The door shook from the sheer force of their desperation to get out but the lock made it impossible to break free.   
  
“I’m still here,” they sobbed, banging on the other side of the door, “Please save me.”  
  
You don’t think as you run towards it, punching in the code for the room and forcing the door open with all of your might. The doctor on the other side had tears down his face, falling straight into you.  
  
It was Jungkook.   
  
Idiot doctor and housemate, your Jungkook.   
  
"Y/N,” he sobbed, looking completely broken. “I thought I was going to die.”   
“Well, I’m glad you’re alive and all but we need to go, right now.“  
  
He looked distraught and terrified, but of all, he looked relieved. Grabbing his hand, you run with every inch of strength you can muster out, of that goddamn building. He holds your hand tightly, practically dragging you as he runs faster, jumping over shattered glass and plaster. 

You hold images of Sunny in your mind as you pick your feet up. You hold the sound of her laughter and her cries, her singing, her screaming. You think of Taehyung, his smile, his embrace, his warmth. You think of a life you still think you can have. You think of punching Taehyung in the jaw when you see him next, you couldn’t die today knowing you haven’t.  
  
No, not today satan.

You run towards the clearing.  
  
And the automatic doors…  
  
…they don’t open.   
  
“What the fuck, why won’t they open?” you ask, waving your hand up to the monitor. “Fuck, I thought these would open in an emergency?”  
  
Jungkook bangs against the glass. Jimin and Seokjin look up, prompted by the loud banging. Ramming his shoulder into the glass, it doesn’t budge. He throws everything close to him at the doors, again, it doesn’t budge.   
  
They’re stuck.   
  
Irene holds back the boys from running over to help you. They had parked on the far end of the carpark to be safe as they waited.   
  
You both stare at the red lights of the ambulance in the night. “We need something heavy to smash it.” you say, “We’ll get out, don’t worry.”   
  
“How can I not fucking worry?” Jungkook shouts, throwing himself at the glass doors. “It’s just fucking glass, why won’t it break?”   
  
“It’s shatterproof material Jungkook.” Looking for an emergency button on the doors and falling short, “I’m going to find the emergency axe thing Jungkook, keep trying to pry it open okay?” 

You were certain that there was an emergency axe somewhere, you had seen it before and wondered if you’d ever need to use it and for what. Slipping on blood, you fall to the floor as the ground continues to shake beneath you.   
"Where is it, come on Y/N, think.”   
  
Getting up again, you run to the hallway leading off to the operating theatres and that’s where you find the axe, contained in a glass box, nailed to the wall by a fire extinguisher. Punching the glass, it’s splinters piercing your knuckles, you grab the axe. You were certain that when this adrenaline stops fuelling your attempts to survive, everything is going to hurt.  
  
But you don’t have time to think about that as you run back. Jungkook’s running into the doors, kicking and screaming at it, continuously bruising his shoulder. “I’m not dying in this fucking building.”   
  
“Jungkook,” you shout, he turns, eyes glinting in happiness at the sight of the axe. “I have no strength, you smash it.”  
  
He takes it happily, immediately hacking at the door. “I need to get out.” he chants, each time the axe hits the doors. “I’m not dying today.”  
  
The axe cracks the glass but it doesn’t shatter like you thought it would. He hits it again and again, only cracking it. “What the hell is this fucking thing made of?”   
  
“Jungkook,” Turning to survey your area, you grab anything hard enough to throw through the glass. “Jungkook, move out of the way.”   
  
“What?” He turns, watching you throw a vital signs machine straight into the cracked glass with a strength you didn’t think you had, shattering it completely.   
He watches in slow motion as the glass shatters and falls to the linoleum floor. He screams happily as he throws the axe into the reception to their left. He grabs your hand as you run over the ocean of glass pooling onto the sidewalk as you both run into the carpark. The ambulance was so close, yet so far away.   
The fresh air hits your lungs as you breath it in and then out.   
  
You were free.   
  
You would be okay too. 

Jungkook turns to you, smiling widely at you. “I’m free!”   
  
“Kim Seokjin! Park Jimin!” you scream, running towards them, “Open the back doors!”   
  
But they never hear you, and that you are grateful for because what happens next would’ve definitely hurt him too. 

The second blast hit as you were running out of the building with Jeon Jungkook. The force of this blast, much bigger than the first, had thrown you in the air and onto the soft grass by the car park, metres away from the now swaying ambulance, winding you.   
  
Jungkook had fallen onto the hard concrete pavement of the carpark beside you, hands falling on shards of broken glass, blood dripping from his forehead. He screams in agony, feeling the bone of his arm break and tear through his skin on impact.    
  
Black coloured smoke rushes out of the burning building, covering you and Jungkook in a cloak of silent darkness. It chokes you, filling your lungs with it’s painful toxin as you try to breathe.   
  
Jungkook looks at you, expression pleading, lips moving to form words you can’t understand.  
  
Everything is blurry and dark and deep and your falling into yourself as black spots fill your visual field. You can’t hear anything but a loud ringing in your ears, you can hear the faint scream of Jungkook at the back of your brain but you can’t process what he’s saying.   
  
He looks at you desperately, is he hurt?   
  
That’s a stupid question.   
  
You know you should get up but you feel compressed, stuck to the ground, and you can’t breathe, feeling winded as though your lungs had lost their ability to take in oxygen.   
  
You try to get up, falling back to the ground.   
  
Were you hurt too?   
  
You look over to Jungkook again, watching him battle his demons, forcing himself to get up and to you.  
  
You watch as if it were in slow motion as Jungkook pulls himself up, rushing over to you as he cradles his left arm in his now dirty white coat. There’s a god awful whirlpool of horror in his brown eyes as he runs over to you, you may have saved him but he definitely earned it because he saves you right back.  
You pull yourself up as much as you can before his arm wraps around your waist, holding you up as you both run to the ambulance.   
  
You look back at the building, still standing with flames and smoke boiling out the windows. You knew it wouldn’t last long until it collapsed or forced to the ground by another and much larger explosion.  
  
You didn’t want to be here for that.  
  
Blood dripped from your ears and down the sides of your soot covered face, building materials you couldn’t identify laced through your hair, shards of glass embedded into the skin of your arms. You felt like you had been punched in every soft part of your body.  
  
Jungkook looked equally as dishevelled.  
  
Waving you both over, Jimin and Irene rush you both into the back as Seokjin revved the engine. Minutes pass of complete silence as you rush. Isn’t that weird, after something so huge, there was just silence? No piercing screams, no sirens, no pleas for help, just fire, fear and silence.   
  
Pulling themselves in first, Irene and Jimin sit opposite each other, strapping themselves in.    
  
The third blast hit when you were trying to close the doors behind you. The blast wave hit the truck, pushing you into the back of the truck, shattering the windows, prompting Seokjin’s immediate acceleration as Jungkook toppled straight on top of you.  

The glass from the window narrowly missed the intubated patient on a stroller in the middle of the ambulance, but it cuts across Irene’s cheek, something she’ll probably need stitches for. She wails in agony, holding a hand against her cheek, immediately applying pressure to the wound as dark red blood dripped down her neck and onto her scrubs. 

Jungkook was afraid of letting you go, and for that, he saved you again. The doors slapped against the sides of the ambulance as Jin speed through the carpark and as far away from the hospital as he could.   
  
You wrap your arms around Jungkook’s waist tightly as he held onto anything that would keep you both in the ambulance as it sped away. His dead arm curled up painfully against your chest underneath him as Jin’s abrupt driving makes you swing underneath him towards the other side of the truck causing shards of glass to tear through your coat as you do.   
  
You scream in agony, feeling the shards slice and embed into the flesh of your ass. It’s sweltering, a burning pain filling you by waves as it rolls over you, over and over again. You were hurt everywhere. 

“Are you okay Y/N?” Jimin shouts at you. You clasp onto Jungkook tighter, eyebrows flexed as pain tears through your body. “Hold onto him, we’ll get you out of here!”   
  
Jungkook sobs, wailing in pure agony. The sound breaks Jimin as he watches, the once strong Jungkook, completely break and fall apart.    
  
“It’s collapsing!” Irene shouts and you all look back to watch in horror as the sound of destruction echoes across the night sky. “The hospital. Our homes. You guys could’ve …that was so close.” she sobs loudly, feeling the horror of what could’ve been you two so deeply into her bones.  
  
“Drive faster,” Jimin screams, hitting the back of the front seat. Jungkook and Irene watch the orange flames burst from black clouds of smoke, as the hospital collapses from the emergency exit they just left, “Drive fucking faster Seokjin!”  
  
He presses his foot on the accelerator with sirens blasting and red lights flashing through the graphite night as he zips away. “I’m driving as fast as I fucking can!”  
  
Irene screams when he skids around a corner, her head hitting the wall hard as he drives straight through the car park entrance sign. The sound was like nothing she had ever heard before when she looks to her right, the once dark night now full of orange light as the fire boils and consumes her home away from home.   
  
It was haunting, something Irene would never forget. 

They had only just gotten away from the building in time when fire began to rain down onto the trees, there would no doubt be a forest fire too. Everyone would be working overtime tonight.   
  
“Irene, are you okay?” Jimin asked, watching her rub the back of her head. She pulls her hand back, fingers covered in blood. Grabbing one of the only packets of gauze from beside him, he clears his throat. “Hold these to your head and hold on tight to your chair okay? We’re going to be fine.”  
  
She pants, biting her bottom lip. “Are you sure?”  
  
Jimin looks at everyone in the ambulance, he doesn’t think he should dignify that question with a response, you were all safe now.   
  
“Go, Seokjin! Get us out of here!” Jungkook yelled, as he sunk his head into the crevice of your neck. “Get us to the hospital!”  
  
How you both hadn’t died was a mystery.  
  
Irene and Jimin pull you both further in by the collars of your coats, dragging your glass covered bodies further into the ambulance when Jin drives over a bridge, forced to slow down.   
  
“Irene, grab Jungkook,” Jimin says, watching her pull Jungkook up beside her, strapping him into the seat. Pulling you up, he forces you into the seat beside him as he sobs. “Y/N, I’ve got you. You’re okay now, you’re okay now.” He holds you close, telling you something you can’t hear but he’s crying and he’s crying hard.   
  
He looks like a wreck. 

Holding your hands up to his checks, you wipe away his tears only to smear blood and soot across his face, he leans into your warmth. At least the sentiment was there.   
  
“Jimin, I have no idea what you are saying,” you think you shout, dropping your hands and leaning against him. The blood dripping down your right ear stains his green scrubs. “The barotrauma …I think I have a ruptured eardrum in my right ear. Left feels like it’s resolving. I can only just hear you kind of.”  
  
He nods, red eyes sweep over yours. “I’m very glad you’re safe” he mouths and you smile softly up at him, glad you are too. Jimin hands you a bottle of water as he pulls out the first aid kit to attend to the cuts on your face. “Call Yoongi, tell him you’re okay. I know he’s probably worried.”  
  
Jimin smiles, lips quivering. “I did, he was scared, still is I bet. The phone cut out during the second explosion, I’m just going to have to wait to see him at the hospital.”  
  
“What? I can’t hear you? Did you call him? yes or no?”  
  
Jimin nods, gesturing for you to drink the water. You looked worse for wear with your bloodied and blackened white coat; ripped, crimson stained scrubs; messy hair tied in a loose ponytail; and soot covered face but you were okay.  
    
You were feeling okayish.   
  
Drinking the water, you sag against him. Jimin dabs your fingers, brushing his fingers over your pulse, completely thankful you still had one.   
  
You look out the ambulance window to see your hospital, the once tall white and green structure, up in flames. All those years of hardwork, patients you’ve saved, lives you’ve lost, friends you’ve made, memories you’ve cherished.  
  
All gone.  
  
Seemingly in the blink of an eye.

You suddenly want to cry. 

Today wasn’t a normal day at all.  
  
As you drink the last of your water, you feel your left ear pop and then you hear the unmistakable sound of the ambulances sirens and Irene shouting at Jungkook and Jimin shouting at Seokjin to update the hospital.   
  
You could hear and you wish you couldn’t.   
  
Everything happened at a lightening speed, as though it all occurred within the single blink of your eyes.   
  
Seokjin pulls out the radio, bringing it to his lips as he speeds through the intersection, sirens blazing. “Seoul Hearts hospital, this is Ambulance 22 Kim Seokjin speaking. We are currently enroute to your facility with a 32 y/o male motor vehicle accident victim from Forest Lakes. Patient is unconscious, intubated and-

-yes, we came from Forest Lakes,” he stops, listening attentively to the voice on the other end that you can’t quite hear. “Mass casualties …how many have you already got?”   
  
“32?!” he shouts, “We’ll you’re about to get three more-   
  
He then scoffs into the radio. “Don’t interrupt me. I have nurses Park Jimin and Bae Irene, Drs. Jeon Jungkook and Y/N who are injured-  
  
“Yes, I know the hospital has just blown up, I’m looking at it in my rearview mirror right now, we have two injured doctors in the back of the ambulance as well! Possible internal trauma, possible broken extremities,” he snaps, frustration ebbed into his voice, “We are unable to take current accurate vital signs of the patient and the doctors but our patient is unstable as hell. I’ll update you if things change. See you in 5 minutes.”

He slams the radio back down. “Buckle up kids, we’re driving through the city now. Y/N,” Seokjin shouts from the front, “You good?”  
  
You nod, feeling your hearing fully come back in your left ear. “I think so?”  
"Good, you crazy fucking bitch, don’t you ever fucking do that again or I’ll cut your legs off.”   
  
You’re all staring out the back of the ambulance, watching the reactions of the public move out the way for Jin and gape at the very mangled up looking ambulance. It’s almost a spiritual experience being in this position, having people responsibly move out of the way for you as you zip impossibly fast through red lights and traffic.   
  
“How’s the patient doing?” you turn and ask Jimin, who had been watching you the entire time. His face pale. “What’s his vitals looking like?”   
  
“What?” Jimin shakes his head, forcing himself back into reality. “Um, I haven’t checked. Hold on.”   
  
You watch his heart monitor, the vital sign of life beat after beat after beat. You frown at a particular beat as it moves. “His hearts not looking too good,” you point out. “It’s not often but his hearts skipping a couple beats.”   
  
“After everything, I would expect that too. We’re just lucky he hasn’t got a serious cardiac illness otherwise, he’s fucked.” Jimin says, shifting beside you.   
You watch him try to breathe. It was an insidious reminder of your responsibility to save this man. He was dangling by threads, he was so close to death.  
  
You look away from the numbers on his screen.  
  
You stare at your soot covered hands.  
  
That could’ve been you.  
  
“Seokjin,” you shout, “How far away are we from Seoul Hearts?”  
  
“A couple of minutes,” he shouts back at you, “You don’t need to shout at me you know!”

“I can’t hear anything well,” you say, pointing to your ear and the dried blood around it. “I think the blast burst my right eardrum.”  
  
Irene laughs suddenly, smacking her thigh. “I hate to laugh but consider yourself lucky it was just that. When you ran back in, I didn’t think we’d see you again. Jimin …he-”  
  
“I thought I lost you,” Jimin interrupts, not wanting to relive those moments of his life. “You’re stupid but you’re incredibly brave saving Jungkook like that. How did you even know he was in there?”  
  
“I had a feeling someone was still in there, that’s just it,” you nod, looking over to Jungkook. The boy looked frightened as hell. “He would’ve saved me too, that’s for sure.”  
  
Jungkook stays silent, eyes wide as he tenses his jaw. You watch him cradle his arm, was he hurt? Jimin looks at him, shaking his head. “She saved your life Jungkook, you could’ve died back there. Why do you consistently and constantly go against your superiors instructions? What is wrong with you-  
  
-I got locked in the drug room!” he shouts back at Jimin, “It locked behind me when Namjoon asked me to clear it, she only found me because I was screaming for my fucking life. You think I don’t already know that I could’ve died back there, I know okay! I know it very well. I called my parents while I was holding a vial of fucking ketamine, I apologised for being a shit, I told them that I was locked in a room and that I was going to die. You think I wanted to hear my mother cry?”  
  
“Jungkook,” Jimin musters, unsure what to say, “I’m sorry, I-  
  
“-I was going to swallow it, you know. With the first sign of fire, I was going to kill myself. My girlfriend …all I could tell her was that I was sorry that I loved her… I could’ve died back there, I could’ve seriously died back there.”  
Jimin crosses his arms over his chest. “But you didn’t because she ran back-  
-and saved my life.” Jungkook finishes.  
  
“Oh shut up both of you,” Irene shouts, “Pick up your damn phone and tell your family, you didn’t die already. Who knows what they’re doing thinking you’re dead. Hell, if I loved you, I would be driving out here right now to try and get you out.”  
  
“Seokjin,” You ignore their discussion as you gaze back at your patient. “Are we close?”  
  
“I’m driving as fast as I can with my sirens on, Y/N,” he shouts back clearly agitated, “Just focus on monitoring your patient. And Jimin, shut up and please Irene, fucking deal with Jungkook’s arm instead of pissing him off. It looks bent as fuck from the rear-view mirror. The kid is obviously hurt psychologically and physically, stop being assholes and be compassionate.”  
  
“You’re hurt?” Irene gasps, her voice now dripping in sympathy. Her bloodied fingers reach out for him. He lets her tender touch explore the mangled arm from underneath his coat. “It’s broken. How did this happen?”  
  
You snort. “Besides the hospital blowing up and the waves that were emitted from the explosion travelling at a supersonic velocity straight through us, throwing us in the air with all that glass and onto hard concrete and debris?”  
“I fell on it,” he says, watching Irene open up the bag on the floor. She nods her head. “You hurt anywhere else?”  
  
He shakes his head, letting her dab the wounds on his face with saline and gauze. It’s quiet again as she works his wounds, there’s not much she can do with his arm trapped in his coat like that, he’s just going to have to wait. Irene hands Jungkook her phone to call his family before finishing up on his wounds.   
  
Jungkook dabs her cheek with some gauze. Everyone was hurt in different ways but they were alive. 

The ambulance grows silent when Jungkook sends the group text to his parents and to his girlfriend. 

Jimin fusses over your knuckles, his mind on fire with residual grief and anger over your stupidity and bravery.   
  
But you were okay.   
  
For now.   


## * * *  

Jungkook stares at the face of your patient.   
  
He filters through the faces he knows, the patient’s he’s treated before leaning forward to look at his wrist band. “Oh it’s this guy, oh man, didn’t think he’d come back,” he says, looking up at his cardiac monitor carefully, scrutinising every wave of his heart beats, “Y/N, are you aware that your patient has a past cardiac history?”  
  
“Yes, angina pectoris,” You nod your head, pointing to his monitor as Jimin cleans your arms, “Are you worried about those PVC’s (heart skipping a beat) too? He’s post motor vehicle accident, fucked himself up pretty bad. He needs surgery pretty much as soon as we get to Seoul Hearts.”  
  
“Angina?” He frowns, prompting Irene to swap places with him beside the head of the patient. “He doesn’t have Angina, I have a photographic memory, I would’ve remembered that. He had an acute myocardial infarction a couple weeks ago and he hasn’t been compliant with his medication-  
  
-what!” you shout, interrupting him, commanding the attention of the truck as you dart your eyes into his. “This patient’s had a heart attack before? That wasn’t in his medical files at all when he came in. That’s pretty fucking important information. Jimin,” you turn to the boy. “Did you get a history from the family?”  
  
Jimin shakes his head. “Didn’t have time with the code. They still don’t even know he’s a patient.”  
  
“I can see Seoul Hearts Hospital now, we’re about 2 minutes away.” Jin says, but you’re heart is racing hard against your ribs now. It’s like a dose of adrenaline and you suddenly feel so awake.  
  
“If what I am thinking has happened, this patient probably crashed his car because he had chest pain. Irene,” your voice is shaky, everyone in the ambulance detects the urgency in your voice. You forget about the bomb. “Did you get any cardiac biomarkers from the bloods you took?”  
  
“The ones that detect heart muscle death?” Her eyes widen as she tries to remember, clearly put on the spot as everyone looks at her. “Oh my god. I think so, like almost …almost immediately but Dr. Namjoon came in before I got to …I didn’t have time to check exactly.”  
  
“What were they, do you remember? It’s okay, take your time. It’s important to remember which ones there were.”

She closes her eyes and Jungkook resets the vital monitor to get an accurate reading. “He’s hypotensive with ventricular dysrhythmia,” he says, printing the ECG out. He grabs the pen from his pocket as he reads the rhythm carefully. “Was it troponins T and I Irene? Do you remember a T?”  
  
She opens her eyes, pursing her lips at him. “I think it might’ve been but I don’t remember-  
  
-Y/N, his heart rate is 165, blood pressure is 80/40. I think he’s in cardiogenic shock,” Jimin cuts in. “Vitals are crashing.”  
  
“Good timing.” you slap yourself. 

  
“Fuck the bloods. Holy fuck,” Jungkook circles a portion of the rhythm, spotting an ST-elevation in the electrocardiogram (heart attack), holding it up to you as Seokjin drives. “He’s having a fucking heart attack right now Y/N.”  
  
“What do we do?” Irene asks. You look back at his cardiac monitor seeing it clear as day now that the patient’s heart rhythm goes from erratic to nothing.   
“HE’S IN ASYSTOLE,” Jimin shouts, pulling you out of your gaze. “No, he’s flatlining. He’s going into cardiac arrest Seokjin!!“   
  
“This can’t be fucking happening right now. Jimin, we need the defibrillator he needs defibrillation immediately.” You shout, unsure if you could jump straight onto the patient with the door open like that.   
  
It looked dangerous.  
  
“The ambulance isn’t stocked, there isn’t one in here,” Seokjin shouts from the front, “You’re going to have to do chest compressions until we get there but fuck, it could be dangerous for you with the door open so be careful.”  
  
“I’ve got this,” You close your eyes. "I can save him.”   
  
“Jimin, ambu bag, right now. Get on the resps.“ Without hesitation, you get out of your seat as Jin turns, to straddle the patient. Holding your arms straight, you press the heel of your palm on his lower sternum, compressing it in a steady rhythm with your interlocked hands, one on the other. You hear a couple cracks almost immediately. "Irene, do we have any adrenaline in that bag?”  
  
She tips the back out onto the seat looking for a little vial, it all flies out the ambulance anyway. “There’s no medication in here, so no we don’t.”  
  
Jimin gently squeezes the ambu bag twice. "We’re nearly at the hospital, I can see it out the window now.”   
  
“Beginning …30 compressions to 2 breaths. Jimin watch me closely,“ you say, feeling your own heart rip through your ribcage. "Seokjin radio report change in status.”   
  
“Will do,” he shouts, pulling down the radio to call it in. “Hi, this is Seokjin, incoming ambulance from Forest Lakes we have a cardiac arrest in progress in the back of our truck, prepare for defibrillation on arrival in less than a minute.”   
  
“25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. Resps!” Perspiration drips down your dirty face as you pause your chest compressions, turning to the two to the left of you. “Irene and Jungkook prepare to wheel me out of this ambulance and in to that fucking Emergency Department. No  _one_  is dying on my watch, not if I can help it.”

Jungkook and Irene look at each other as the ambulance comes to a halt outside the Emergency Department at Seoul Hearts Hospital. Turning off the engine, Jin runs around the truck, pulling down the ramp and grabbing the end of the stroller.

You can ear the screams of agony inside the Emergency Department from here as doctors rush in bright yellow aprons, blue gloves and white face masks towards your truck. 

 

 

“Let’s go, get out Irene and Jungkook,” Seokjin yells, pulling the stroller towards him and down the ramp with Jimin shuttling beside it. “Let’s move team! Keep doing compressions Y/N and hold on tight.” 


	12. Hour 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love at first emergency trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry team, edited and longer for your reading pleasure.

**↣ Hour 1-2 | Post-Explosion**

_ “This is your Emergency Department speaking. There has been a mass casualty event with a total number of expected casualties exceeding current support levels. We are requesting urgent assistance from the following departments: neurosurgery, thoracics, burns and plastics, renal and urology, paediatrics, vascular and orthopaedics, to accommodate the demand for critical care. The first 48 hours are critical, please present to ED immediately and assist, thank you.” _

“Taehyung, we need to go!” Yoongi shouts, pulling Taehyung by the lapel of his coat and pushing him through the stairwell doors like a doll. “Get off your fucking phone!”

“They’re saying it’s a terrorist attack?” Taehyung stammers, letting Yoongi pull him into the stairwell. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

His voice echoes off the walls, as Yoongi shouts. “Shut the fuck up Taehyung, we don’t have time for this. Put your phone away and get your fucking stupid fucking head in the game.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Now’s not the time to think about anything else but our hospital, okay?” 

“Fine.” 

Taehyung takes a deep breath. Yoongi was right. It wasn’t the time to talk about this, they needed to move. He shoves his phone back into his pocket but the pictures of fire and smoke tattoo themselves on the back of his eyelids, regardless. And, he moves just that little bit quicker knowing that you might be downstairs right now. 

“Have you had something to eat?” Yoongi asks, pulling him down the stairs. “You’re going to need your energy.”

He shakes his head. “I have thankfully, you?”

Yoongi hums his response as he rushes down the stairs. “I’m fine for now, I don’t think we’ll get much time to replenish ourselves so make sure you’re okay and look after yourself. I suspect patients are beginning to roll in downstairs.”

Taehyung nods, following behind Yoongi. “Let’s go.” 

They both rush without speaking to each other. Which was easier for Yoongi, his mind was in a dizzying state of panic, he could barely think straight.  He was worried for you, knowing how heroic you try to be sometimes. He was worried for the patients, the ones you’ll no doubt be flooding his department and he was worried the most for Jimin, who had called him briefly in the back of an ambulance. 

His phone had cut off mid sentence. 

Yoongi’s heart had dropped and he was left screaming into the phone for a response and Sana, Taehyung’s Emergency Nurse nearby, had heard the broken sounds he made while she had packed her dressing table with bandages and saline. It was a moment of weakness for Yoongi, one he wasn't prepared to show anybody.

One that Sana had a front row seat in. 

Everybody loses someone and something during these types of ordeals but you’re all in this together, no one will be left alone. 

Taehyung begins to run, faster than he’s ever run before. He pants wildly next to Yoongi as they fly down staircases together, pushing through the ground floor white stairwell doors. It’s a sinking feeling of panic and responsibility, one that feels like tar at the bottom of his stomach.  

Yoongi shoves his ID against the wall, they wait until the light turns green before barging through the staff only doors and down the glass walled corridor towards the Emergency Room.

They don’t speak.

They don’t even look at each other.

The pair run again, panic running through their blood as it intoxicates and fuels their wildest imaginations. Scenarios flash through his mind, all full of death. He sees it, no matter how hard he tries not to, beneath the starlight, your body charred from fire, broken on impact-

-he clenches his eyes closed tightly, not wanting to think of it, not believing that could ever be  the case. It was impossible, things like that don’t happen in real life.

Not to him.

There were so many things he hadn’t said.

So many things he wanted to explain.  

But the unmistakable sound of an explosion tears through the night sky, and his blood runs cold sparked by the realisation that he might not get the opportunity to tell you them because things that shouldn’t happen in Seoul, are happening.

And fuck, was that a big explosion.

They come to a halt outside the windows as the unmistakable orange light in the distance boils up from the forest.

Another loud sound of the blast follows.

A shiver runs down Taehyung's body.

They stop where they are to look at each other. Eyes full of terror, unspoken panic and worry, both unsure of what to do next. Yoongi is trembling as he looks down at his phone, was Jimin safe?  _ Please be safe.  _

“Yoongi?” Taehyung says watching his bottom lip quiver as Yoongi looks up at him, sad eyes glistening underneath the bright light. Have they both just lost someone they loved? because at this point in time as the city is pulled apart by fire and smoke, anything was possible.

“Are you okay Yoongi?”

“I’m fine. We’ll be fine. It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay,” Yoongi gulps, trying to convince himself. Taehyung watches him take off his thin black tie before dumping it into his coat pocket. “I don’t ...I can’t talk about whatever the hell is going on right now. Let’s just follow protocol and try to survive the next 24 hours without hurting someone or worse, ourselves.”

Taehyung says nothing in return. Somehow he’s not so convinced that this will roll over smoothly and resolve within 24 hours, let alone the next 2 hours when patients start crashing into ED.

And he was right.

Everything had happened far too quickly for any ritualized plan to conceptualize before the first wave of casualties poured into the emergency department lobby. Oxygen dependent patients were transported first, sent straight to the high dependency unit, rushed down hallways and straight into the General Med ward.

Intubated patients with severe wounds compatible with life were thrown straight into ICU. Orthopaedic patients with broken hips were sent straight up to Taehyung’s ward. It was organised chaos, an artform in itself until the very second it wasn’t.

Because the second wave came in with wounds related to the explosion.

And everything turned to shit.  

All they had to go by now as the ER flooded with injured people, were coloured ribbons triaging people on who were likely to live the most from the injuries they sustained and who clearly, would not.

Across the hall, a nurse screams desperately out for help. “Dr. Taehyung, we need you over here. Vitals are crashing, we need orders!”

And so, he begins to run. 

Taehyung has worked long enough in this industry to realise that life is a series of choices. Left or right? Up or down? Should you do this or should you do that? Should I give up happiness for the health of another? Should I stay or should I go?

Life is a series of choices strung together or pulled apart by either good or bad intentions, but for a doctor it’s much more abstruse. Their lives are about making the choices that affect the life and death of others. And, no matter how hard he tries to be omniscient and resilient in emergencies like this, he is  _ still _ human. And no amount of normalizing the trauma he’s looking at right now, will ever make it not traumatic.

Because for the first time in a long time, Kim Taehyung is so fucking scared and nervous that he doesn’t know what to do.

_ “Dr. Taehyung!”  _

“H-he’s unresponsive,” he wipes the beads of sweat dripping down his forehead with the back of his hand. “What's his BP?” he exhales, watching Mena connect another bag of fluids to the patient.  

The nurses rush around him.

“BPs 90/50. Heart rates 110, resps are 26,” she says, pointing down the patient’s body, “Chest has abnormal movement, he looks like a thoracic case.”

Taehyung can’t think straight for multiple reasons but he perseveres, even when he hears the scream from the same nurse earlier rattling his brain. “ _ Dr. Taehyung we need you over here! Please! For God sake, we need your help!” _

“Shit,” He nods at her, biting his bottom lip before letting it go. “Grab Dr. Han, he’s the doctor in your team right? because this is definitely a thoracic case and I need to attend to that orthopaedic emergency. Monitor him every 5 minutes, oxygen, pain relief and antibiotics please.”

Mena nods, running over to the nearest thoracic surgeon, Dr. Han. They both rush back over, Dr. Han pats Taehyung’s back. “Where's your team?” he asks and Taehyung shakes his head.

“Sana is suturing. Em’s in redzone. The others are with a hip fracture.” 

Dr. Han smirks, “Well, stick to your team Taehyung. I can’t have you in my space all the damn time, I already get too much of it at Mina’s.” 

“Convince her to divorce me then. And, I would stick to my own team, if you even tried to stick to yours,” There's a bitter taste swelling in his mouth as he looks at the surgeon in front of him. He was such a fucking jerk. “Look after your team so I don’t have to.”

Rolling his eyes, Taehyung walks away and down the hallway towards the red zone, where he should’ve been earlier and where he’s being called to now. 

“Over here Tae!” 

“I’m coming!” he shouts back, now running towards the agressively loud cardiac monitors as they alert to deterioration in status. “What's the issue-

“He’s arresting!” Nurse Em  shouts, immediately jumping on his bed and initiating chest compressions. “Starting CPR.”

Rolling up his sleeves, Taehyung kicks the CPR break at the bottom of the bed, pulling the bed out from the wall while delegating advanced cardiac support roles to each member of staff. “Adrenaline, 10 ml IV go. I’ll intubate, defib now please!”

Taehyung runs to the head of the bed, looking at the empty basket hanging off the wall by the oxygen as everyone rushes around him. 

“Fuck,” he shouts, prompting the interest of one of his students, who had been following him. “Younggi, I need an endotracheal tube and a laryngoscope.” 

She nods, running as fast as she can to the storage room. Arriving less than a minute later with the intubation equipment box. He smiles at her, as she puts the box on the bedside dresser. “Watch closely because you’ll be doing this for the next one, I am tilting the head back to extend the atlanto-occipital joint. This will align the axes of the mouth, pharynx and trachea.”

The bed dips as a nurse continues chest compressions.

“Alright,” She passes laryngoscope to his gloved hands but he shakes his head, lifting his hand as in to stop. “Suction, please.” 

Reaching over to the wall, she turns the unit on, handing him the long suction catheter. “Patients can vomit during resuscitation,” Taehyung sweeps it into his mouth, sucking up vomit before giving it back to Younggi. “Be mindful of that.”

He grabs the laryngoscope, inserting the tip of it into the right side of his mouth before fixing it straight into the vallecula. “And it goes right between the base of his tongue and the epiglottis.”

Taehyung looks down into his mouth, elevating the mandible and visualising the cords. Was it in the right place? Opening his other hand to her, he says without looking at her. “Endotracheal tube, please.”

She passes it to him, slapping it in his open palm.

Taehyung inserts the tube down his throat, and to the right side of the oropharynx before pushing the cuff past his vocal cords. The staff around him, prepare the patient for defibrillation.

Removing the laryngoscope, he hands it back to Younggi. Taemin, another student, hands Taehyung the paddles of the defibrillator while nodding to everyone in the team. The nurse gets off the patient's bed, panting from the CPR she just did.

“Administering shock, everyone get back!” Taehyung shouts, prompting everyone to stand back from the bed. Putting the paddles onto his chest, he shouts out louder. “Shoot!”

They all look back to the cardiac monitor for a change in rhythm before Taehyung leans forward to shock the patient again, and again until his rhythm comes back. Taehyung doesn't know how he does it, he blacks out every time he needs to do CPR but here he is, mind as clear as day. The time calls for it, he assumes. 

“He’s back in rhythm doctor, blood pressure is increasing ...he’s responding!” Taemin shouts out happily.

Taehyung sags in relief when he does. “Stabilize him please, monitor vitals, insert an indwelling catheter and take him upstairs to the cath lab stat.”  

The students nod as do the other staff. “On it.”

Medical emergencies can happen at anytime and with little to no warning in the hospital, but it’s the perfect place to have one. Taehyung hasn’t had many hands on experiences with cardiac arrests being in orthopaedics but he’s always loved the thrill of matters pertaining to the heart.

“Taehyung! I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE YOU BIG IDIOT! I’m really confused and I need you!” Sana shouts, pulling him to her bedside. “This patient came in without assistance, I literally know nothing about him. I think he might be one of the first patients from the second wave and I don't know what to do.”

“He’s unresponsive too?” he wipes the sweat dripping down his forehead with the back of his hand as he reaches over to look into his pupils. How many more pupils will he look at tonight? “What are his vitals looking like?” he exhales, watching Sana connect another bag of fluids to the patient.

“Not too good at all doc. His haemoglobin is low, I questioned whether we should give him blood but then again ...I don't really know,” she says. Nodding, he grabs his stethoscope, looking over the patient. “You weren’t told anything about his history or anything but where’s he bleeding from then?” he says, looking at the blood seeping into the sheets.

“Here,” ripping open his shirt, bandages cover a hole in his chest. “His chest. I don’t think it’s an arterial bleed but I have a feeling it went straight through an organ.”

“Shit, why didn’t you tell me that first?” He laments, biting his bottom lip before letting it go.

Sana announces beside him as he turns up the volume on the cardiac monitor. “He’s dying, I’m putting a red ribbon on his bed.”  

“Good idea,” Taehyung says, holding his stethoscope over the patient's heart. “Jugular vein distention due to impaired venous return to the heart and I hear muffled heart sounds probably due to fluid buildup inside the pericardium.”

Shit.

Fuck. 

Looking at the monitor, he shouts out for a surgical trauma team. “Dr. Yoongi, we have a surgical emergency over here.”

“What?” Yoongi runs over immediately, perspiration dripping down his face. “What is it Tae?”

“It’s pericardial tamponade,” he nods, wrapping his stethoscope around his neck again. “Build up of blood in the pericardium, he’s got all the signs. No other notes on him. We came in knowing nothing.”

“Fucking hell,” he snaps, waving his hand, a trauma team run over, immediately taking the patient out of the yellow zone and straight into theatre. “We’ve got it from here.”

Taehyung and Sana stand side-by-side watching them rush the patient away. It was as if the entire thing happened in less than 5 seconds. “Thanks for that Taehyung. I nearly cried when Dr. Minho left me alone, never leave me like that, you asshole.” 

“Stop running away then, you’re my nursing person, how can I possibly save people without you?”  Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows at her. “Plus, he probably got pulled into theatre so don’t be rude.” 

“Communication is key,” she rolls her eyes. “Don’t excuse abandoning your team.” 

“You’re right, communication is key. I’ll have a word with him when I see him.” 

He closes the cubicle curtains as he leaves. It’s hot, Taehyung feels like a roast potato and he’s sweating, really badly through his scrubs and he feels disgusting. He’s about to head into Yoongi’s office to steal his other coat but the shrivelled sound of his name being shouted across the floor, stops him.  

“ _ Dr. Taehyung, we need you!”  _

He groans, pouting as he reluctantly rushes over to the cubical. “What’s the problem now?” Looking at the patient, he swings straight into action. 

Tears were beginning to sting his eyes as he moved from patient to patient. As he sutured, as he assessed as he touched abdomens and legs, assessed fractures and looked at x-rays. He was a machine, running on adrenaline and pure concern for your safety. 

Where were you?

Why weren’t you here? 

Were you hurt?

Are you alive?

And it all happens too quickly to process how one can simply walk back into ones life as if nothing had even happened at all.  It all happens so quickly that Taehyung is caught completely off guard, shocked at your sudden arrival back into his life. He’s struck by the memories as they flood into his pounding heart and every corner of his brain, and for a long moment of time, he forgets where he even is.

 

But for you? the experience is vastly different. The wounds you sustained in your heart have scabbed over into a hard wall protecting you from peoples bullshit. You aren’t the same soft bitch you were back then. 

 

Taehyung lied to you and your brain had processed his dishonesty as a painful reminder that you were not worth the truth to him. It was an ugly thought that festered into your soul, gnawed it’s teeth into your memories and killed the sunflowers blooming in your heart. 

 

But who really needs sunflowers anyway when you’ve already got the sun. 

 

Lifting your bottom off the patients lap, you put all your weight onto your knees as you continue chest compressions while they pull you out of the back of the ambulance. Jungkook moves out of the way, holding his broken arm as Seokjin and a pair of medical students push the stretcher out of the bay and through the automatic emergency department doors. 

 

It’s tense. 

 

Every inch they move you, the buzzing in your ear gets painfully louder. As a result, your counting out loudly, practically shouting to your team as Jimin runs beside the stretcher. “14, 15, 16….” 

 

“To the right!” a student says, enabling Jin to push you down the right white hallways. “How many people will we need for this?” he asks. 

 

“As many as you want,” you shout, sweat dripping down your face. “Anyone who will help, I feel faint so let’s do this quickly please.” 

 

“We’re almost there,” he reassures you, pushing you a little quicker on the stretcher. Patients with green ribbons wrapped around their arms, sitting on each side of the hallway, look up, moving out of the way for you, whispering among themselves. 

 

People hold up phones, filming your ascent into the hospital. 

 

Others simply gasp, following your every movement. 

 

You are not surprised. 

 

Nurses look startled as you pass and you can’t blame them. Your face is covered in soot and blood, and you’re doing CPR on a man with an entourage of 9 in your wake. The lights get brighter as you reach the hub of the Emergency Department but you have no time to look at the scenery because he’s still coding and as the minutes go by and no other doctor approaches, so does his chances of survival. 

 

You look around the room for anyone running to your aid, no one does, so you scream. “I NEED HELP OVER HERE!” 

 

Taehyung looks up to the sound of your voice, panicked and strained as he trips over a dressing table while staring at you. It’s contents spill across the floor but he can’t keep his eyes off of you enough to care. 

 

You’re alive and it’s so like you to make an incredibly dramatic entrance.      

 

“Taehyung,” Sana waves her hand in front of his face as she helps him up. “Are you on crack or something, why are you so out of it?” 

 

“Where do we go?” you shout.  Doctors look up from their clipboards, nurses begin their hustle to run towards you.  The entire department watches you, patients suddenly transfixed by your entrance. “We need a bed!” you shout impossibly louder, a small brunette runs over, pointing to an empty cubicle. 

 

Yoongi runs out from his office. “Over there, go, we have doctors waiting to assist. Are you hurt?” 

 

You don’t answer. 

 

Sweat drips through the dirt on your face.  

 

“She is,” Jungkook offers from behind you. “We were too close for comfort back there, all of us have some kind of injury.”

 

Yoongi immediately looks over Jimin. “Thanks for letting me know, you should go and get treated Jungkook. Anyone with fucking eyes knows your dumbass did something noble again and got your arm broken.” 

 

“What?” Jungkook says, you can feel an argument about to perspire between the two again. “What did you just say?” 

 

“Knowing you, I know you did  _ something  _ so piss off and get your arm treated.”

 

“No, I’m going to help Y/N, she needs help-

 

“GUYS, THERE'S MORE PRESSING ISSUES RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN MAKE OUT LATER. GET ME IN THE CUBICAL.” 

 

Seokjin pushes you towards the empty cubicle and sweaty strands of hair fall in front of your face as you focus on compressions. The bed halts against the wall, people buzz around you, quick to provide advanced cardiac support. 

 

“What happened?” a young doctor asks, and Jimin speaks up, relaying off everything he knew as the bedside rails are taken down. Sana connects Jimin’s ambu bag with oxygen, before pulling the resus trolley to the end of the bed. 

 

Taehyung stands beside you, in shock as he looks over your appearance. There's a fresh patch of blood on the back of your coat, your hair is in a tangled floppy mess as loose strands covered your face and your scrubs couldn’t possibly get any dirtier. He’s wide eyed as an unspoken terror rips through him.  _ Were you stuck in the hospital?  _

 

“Where’s the defib, we need to shock him now!” you shout, looking in every direction but at Taehyung, having _ not _ noticed he was even there.  

 

His hands shake at his side as he watches everything play out as though he wasn’t even in the room. Your white coat is covered in blood and all of you look like a mess. What happened? 

 

“Are you going to help?” Sana asks him, drawing up amiodarone and adrenaline beside him. He falters as she hangs up a bag of glucose and saline on the hook of the trolley, leaving the medication on the trolley. “Taehyung?” 

 

He stands there, unable to move as the shock of seeing you rolls over him like wave full of razor blades. “Y/N…” 

 

“What are you even saying? God, get your head in the game,” she stammers, rushing beside you to set up the defib pads on the patient. “Setting up the pads now, keep compressing doctor. The machine is going to analyse his heart rhythm.” 

 

“Get down from there Y/N,” Yoongi instructs, voice quivering as he shoves Taehyung into the curtain. “Aja, get on compressions after shock delivery. Administrate the adrenaline Sana,” looking at Jimin at the foot of the bed, Yoongi smiles thankfully. “Baby, I’m glad your safe and all but stay at the head of the bed on those resps and you watch me.” 

 

They all follow his orders quickly. 

 

Jimin nods at him. His eyes are glistening with tears as he stares at the two people who matter the most to him, both okay. “Sorry to worry you Yoongi, it was a close one back there.”  

 

Standing in front of Jimin, despite everything, Yoongi leans forward to kiss his forehead. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

 

Jimin smiles at him. “Me too.” 

 

“I’m getting down now. That’s my daily exercise done,” you shout, lifting your hands off the patient and clambering off the bed. Whoever put the bedrails down, didn’t click it correctly into place so as you go to get off, your foot gets stuck in between the bars, causing you’re unstable descent to the floor. “Woah- 

 

Taehyung moves forward quick enough to catch you, wrapping his arms around your waist as you sag against his chest. It was the only thing he had been able to do since you arrived, let alone act like a normal person and think like a doctor. The feeling is so familiar to him that he wants to bathe in it, it’s so familiar it hurts.

 

You feel his pounding heart against your back and then, you ignore him, thinking it to be Irene as you stand up straight. “God, I nearly broke myself. Thank you for that.” 

 

Taehyung doesn’t say anything as he lets you go and stands back. 

 

_ You don’t recognise him? _

 

“Right, Yoongi, he has no allergies that we know of,” Leaning forward, you rip open the rest of the patient’s shirt. Jungkook stays at the foot of the bed. “His medical history is a bit complex….” 

 

Yoongi stands beside you listening to Jungkook and Taehyung falls to the side of the curtain to watch. Grabbing the defib, you hold the paddles to the patients chest. “Everyone stand clear. Shoot!” you shock. 

 

You all look back at the rhythm on the monitor.  

 

No result.  

 

The machine continues to analyse his heart rhythm as Aja jumps onto the bed on his knees to do chest compressions. The machine advises a secondary shock. You turn to the defib and turn up the voltage, holding the paddles, you shout. “Everyone move. Administering shock.” 

 

They all move again.  

 

You shock him

 

Chest compressions start again. 

 

Your vision goes hazy. 

 

And then your knees buck. 

 

Yoongi catches you as you fall to his side. 

 

You try to stand up again but your guts suddenly churn with lungs full of acid and a mouth full of saliva. Everything around you is moving too quickly with no narrative and the floor feels like it’s tilting. “I think I’m going to throw up, Yoongi can you please continue, I need to have a moment.” 

 

Yoongi nods, grabbing the paddles. “I’m giving you more than a moment, I’ll have my team take over. Go and get treated, you too Irene and Jimin. Get out of my sight.” 

 

“I’ll stay,” Irene says, looking between you all. “I’m not hurt and I want to ...no, I need to see this through. He has to be okay after everything we’ve gone through tonight.” 

 

Yoongi nods. “Fine, but go get some rest after this. Go draw up some more adrenaline.” She smiles widely, nodding her head as she runs back to the foot of the bed. 

 

As you walk away with Jimin, Dr. Xiumin wraps his arm around your waist, suddenly steering you towards the ambulance bay. There’s an urgency in his voice that feels like you two are being defibrillated because you throw thoughts of rest away in favour of the trembling favour on the tip of his tongue. 

 

“I need your help,” he says, handing you a cool bottle of water. “Both of your help.”  

 

“With what?” You and Jimin look over at each other in confusion. “Sure…” 

 

There were many secrets kept at Forest Lakes, that you knew well but what you didn’t know about was the nature of the explosions and that the secret Dr. Xiumin harboured could get you all killed. 

 

“Patients a 64 year old male, hemodynamically unstable with orthopaedic deformity,” Dr. Xiumin announces, pushing the stretcher towards a discrete room in the short stay unit, adjacent to ED. He turns to you, once the bed has been pushed up against the wall. His eyes are serious, hands shaking by his side. “He’s also the congressman and we need utmost discretion with his care.” 

 

You still your body, eyes rushing over to the face you recognise faintly from your past, back then, he was the senator. “The congressman? What was he doing at Forests?” 

 

He nods. 

 

Stepping close to you, he whispers into your ear. “He was being treated in the VIP ward with other members of congress, Dr. Hoff suspected something wasn’t right ...could barely get a pint of blood in before his vitals crashed and we had to resuscitate him.” 

 

“After we stabilised him, Dr. Hoff had this crazy suspicion that something wasn’t right, people were behaving weirdly, people we had never seen before so he asked that I sedate him and discreetly take him down to ED short stay for further treatment. By the time I got there, I had wheeled him into a chaotic department on Code Black, I haven’t seen Dr. Hoff since.” 

 

The atmosphere is rendered silent by this. 

 

Shooting a concerned sidelong glance to Jimin who had followed you in, you watch him bow his head while clenching his eyes closed. He bites down on his bottom lip to stop the tears from forming in his eyes. Jimin and Dr. Hoff had been close; a relationship akin to father and son. 

 

“You haven’t seen him since you left the ward?” Jimin asks. His voice is muffled and you hear a squall of tears tangled in his throat and when adds, “Do you think he made it out alive?” 

 

Silence. 

 

You look back at the patient. 

 

Dr. Xiumin looks at you. “I don’t need to answer that, you already know Jimin.” 

 

And maybe he does but maybe now’s not the time to believe it. 

 

Holding up the patient's file, Dr. Xiumin paces the room explaining his condition. It becomes clear that he needs more input from specialised doctors. “John Doe is a 64 year old male. Admitted to Forest Lakes today at 19:39 following an apparent car crash on the way to the Blue House. The mechanism of injury is unknown, injuries sustained range from an open fracture of the left radius and closed fracture of the left ulnar, bilateral lung contusion and I think it’s worth exploring whether he has an intracranial bleed.” 

 

Writing on your clipboard, you nod. “Medical history?” 

 

“Has a known history of drug and alcohol abuse, diabetes mellitus type 2 controlled well by oral hypoglycemics, smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. He’s got hypertension too.” 

 

Writing your notes, Jimin takes his vital signs, checking them religiously for a change in status. “Y/N, he’s breathing rapidly, his resps are in the thirties and his oxygen saturations are shot, 78%. I’m putting him on high flow oxygen 15L/min.” 

 

“Please,” you say, doing a head to toe examination of the patient. “Dr. Xiumin, he has unequal chest rise bilaterally with paradoxical movement of the chest wall.”

 

Walking around the side of his bed, you hold up the white sheet maintaining his dignity as you look at his body. “Upper chest abrasions but from the look of them, no open wounds.” 

 

Rolling the patient on the side with you, Dr. Xiumin smiles. “No posterior injury, thank goodness.” 

 

“Yes but he has reduced air entry and he looks like shit.” you snort, putting the blanket back on the patient. “He has no active bleeding elsewhere from what I see.” 

 

Taking out your pupil torch, you open his eye lids with your finger tips, shining your torch to check for equal reflection of light in his pupils. “His glascow coma scale is pretty bad but his pupils are good, I’ll still order a CT scan of his brain though, just to be sure.” 

 

He nods. “Good idea.” 

 

“Jimin, can you please hook him up to a litre of IV fluids let’s see if we can lift his blood pressure. I feel uncomfortable with how low it is.” you say, clicking your pen and putting it back into your pocket. 

 

“I’m so glad I found you guys when I did,” Dr. Xiumin says, shifting on his feet beside you. “So, what can I do?” 

 

“Get a pelvic, radius and ulna x-ray, a CT brain and lateral C-spine please. If you’re concerned with the results find the orthopaedic on reg and get him on board, we’ll definitely need his help.” 

 

“I’ll get a portable one,” He smiles at you. “I’ll do that now.” 

 

“Jimin, where's Irene? I need her on this too.” you ask and he turns to you while connecting the bag of fluids to the patient's cannula, making sure not to trip over the line as he walks over to you. 

 

“She’s with our MVA cardiac arrest patient,” he stammers, ripping off his gloves and throwing them in the bin. “He’s been defibbed 10 times now, I think she’s waiting for him to go up to the hospitals lab for catheterisation.” 

 

“Well,” you sigh, opening the door. “She needs to be here, I’ll go grab her. For now, give him some IV morphine and the antibiotics written on his drug chart. Monitor his condition every 5 minutes and I’ll grab Irene to draw some bloods. We need coags, blood chemistry and haemoglobin levels.”  

 

“I can just do that for us?” Jimin nods, rushing straight into action. “I’ll be quick.” 

 

“Yes, please. Let me know when you get the results.”

 

“Will do.”  He says, pouting up at you as he pulls out the medication. “Go get Irene though, Forest Lakes staff need to stick together, we’re in enemy's territory right now and all this white is making me uncomfortable.” 

 

Closing the door behind you, you sag against it to take a deep breath. The weight of responsibility never felt so heavy and your entire body felt like jelly. Your knees were trembling and at this rate, if someone were to hand you a scalpel, you’d be the one being cut open, you trembled, everywhere. 

 

Walking across the floor, your patient’s stretcher is quickly rushed past you. “LETS GO TEAM!” Doctors run beside him. Their white coats look like clouds in comparison to the raggedy one you’re about to throw out. Faces are covered with white surgical masks as their feet push the patient towards surgery. 

 

You felt like a storm drain with everything continuously pouring in since the explosion, seemingly never stopping. You close your eyes for a second but the bright light still hits the back of your eyelids, making patterns of spangled chaotic colours of red, blue and white dance inside your skull. 

 

It was disorienting, completely and insanely dizzying. 

 

Being a doctor, you were aware of these symptoms. You need to stop and take a break, you’ve just experienced a massive trauma. The anxiety you are feeling is normal, you’d expect it following such an event. You rub over your heart, feeling palpitations ripple through your chest and the telltale signs of an anxiety attack as it forces your eyes back open. You don’t get a good look at the doctors pushing him away because everything looks like you're mixing pink paint with water. 

 

“RUSH HIM BEFORE HE CRASHES, WE NEED AN EKG STAT!” A doctor you don’t know screams. “RUSH HIM TO CARDIO, WE’RE PUTTING HIM UNDER-

 

The doors close behind them. 

 

His screams turn into muffled hopes of recovery as they get further and further away.  

 

Irene runs towards you, ponytail swishing behind her. Concern is drawn across her face as she stops in front of you, rubbing your shoulders. Somehow the simple action grounds you. She stares at you with big bright eyes. 

 

You feel relieved. 

 

Smiling at you, she says. “Hey, we brought him back, Dr. Taehyung went against his superiors orders and continued CPR, he didn’t die, we bought him back.” 

 

“Wait, excuse me what did you just say? Who?” Your heart spikes as you look up in alarm. “Dr. Taehyung’s here?” 

 

“He was, he went with the patient to the cath lab,” She smiles innocently, patting the dirt off her white nursing scrubs. “He was the good looking doctor who caught you when you fell getting off the patient. You lucky duck! Living my dream!” She smacks your arm playfully but the feeling of friendly banter doesn’t register as ice grows in your blood. 

 

“Kim Taehyung?”

 

Blinking at you, she asks. “Why? Do you know him?” 

 

You laugh nervously before shaking your head. “No, not anymore. He was someone I went to school with.” 

 

“Ah.” She frowns, knowing not to press on the piece of personal information you’ve just offered. Irene hasn’t worked with you closely before this but everyone in the department knows about your personality and how closed off you are to your past. 

 

It’s what made you a mystery but Irene knows better than that, you were a strong woman, dominating your field of medicine in a male dominated profession. Diluting your art with matters of the heart, would be down right stupid and it would prove all the bearded smirking consultants right. You had more to prove; an unfortunate truth. 

 

You were a professional who moved like the wind when the need rose with enough force to become a hurricane. Irene respected that. 

 

You still think about your past sometimes. 

 

What happened? 

 

You were young back then, you sincerely believed everything you did was disposable, temporary; never meant to stay. Taehyung was different but you drove your own speeding car away from that one, leaving him and memories of him far behind. It hurt and you didn’t want hurt anymore, not when you had the ability to take the pain away and forget. 

 

Somehow you had thought meeting him again would be more dramatic and your heart would be able to point him out in a crowd in an instant. You snort before laughing loudly at the now growing fact that you hadn’t even recognised him, being too caught up with your patient.  

 

Go figure.

 

“I feel good.” you smile, and she shakes her shoulders cutely at you.

 

“Do you?”  

 

You nod. “I’m a good doctor.”

 

Laughing, she slaps her your shoulder playfully. “Of course you are, you’ve done well. You should seriously look after yourself though. Now that we’re kind of free, do you want to see if there are any doctors available to patch us up?” 

 

“Yeah, I was going to ask you that to,” you say, pointing at her cheek. “Your wound doesn’t look deep enough for stitches, maybe just some steri strips for now?” 

 

“I was thinking the same,” looking down at her scrubs, she frowns. “Honestly Y/N, I’m going to kill you if this blood doesn’t come out of my uniform.” 

 

You snort. “Is that what you care about right now?” 

 

“Of course, looks matter too! How else am I supposed to find myself a husband in this hospital?”

 

Rolling your eyes, you flick her forehead hard. “With your personality and compassion and you don’t need a man!” 

 

“You’re right,” she giggles. “Men need us.” 

 

“I’m so fucking happy to see you,” Yoongi shouts, walking up to you two with a stern look on his face, immediately throwing his arms around you. He pulls you into his chest tight, tenderly holding you against his smelly sweaty shirt. He looks over your shoulder to Irene. “I’m Yoongi, Jimin’s boyfriend by the way. Thanks for the help back there.” 

 

She blushes. “My pleasure.”  

 

“Let’s get you both treated for your injuries.” Pulling out of his embrace, he pulls you and Irene over towards the bed next to Jungkook’s. He looks up at you, arm already dressed and hanging up in pillowcase hanging from an IV pole. 

 

“Hey.” he whispers as you gently sit on the bed, embarrassment floods your body when Yoongi closes the curtain and you realise that he’ll have to dig shards of glass out of your ass.

 

“How you feeling?” you ask him, peeling your coat off and dropping it to the floor. “You good?” 

 

Jungkook sighs, putting his other arm up behind his head. “They gave me morphine and I definitely won’t be able to practice with my arm like this but that’s fine.” 

 

He watches you gently move onto your side, grimacing at the pain shooting down your leg. “Where are you hurt?” Yoongi asks, sitting on a stool beside you. Irene sits on the stool in Jungkook’s cubicle as a junior doctor attends to her cheek. “There’s a lot of blood here…” 

 

You sigh, gesturing for Jungkook to close the curtain between you. “I have shards of glass in my butt.” 

 

“That doesn’t surprise me.” 

 

“Well,” Jungkook laughs behind his curtain. “We all knew you had something up there.” 

 

“Yah.” you shout at Jungkook, holding up your fist at him and Yoongi laughs loudly behind you. “I know the morphine is responsible for your loose tongue right now, but shut up or I’ll cut it off.” 

 

“Hey, can you not encourage him?” You turn and slap Yoongi’s chest. “He’ll love it and we don’t want that.” 

 

“I love you, Yoongi,” Jungkook puffs a laugh. “Never take away my morphine.” 

 

You side eye him. “Right…” 

 

After her cheek is bandaged, Irene pops through the curtain, standing next to Yoongi as she helps to gently pull down your pants. It stings and you really wish you had done your laundry because the underwear you’re wearing is a $3 black thong you bought 3 years ago and it’s ugly. 

 

“Jesus fucking christ,” he whispers, looking at the shards embedded into your skin. “Irene, can you cannulate her and draw up some IV pain relief for her, this is going to be fucking painful.” 

 

“No, don’t do that. Just pull them out,” You say, sinking into the blankets. “If you give me pain relief, I won’t be able to work.” 

 

Yoongi sighs. “Fine, patient is refusing pain relief, I’m noting that.” 

 

“Jungkook,” you say, ignoring Yoongi. He pulls open the curtain as Yoongi begins his extraction. “Talk to me, distract me. Tell me what's going through your mind.” 

 

He glances at you, pink dusting his cheeks. “Thank you,” he whispers, the sincerity in his voice silences your automatic retort. “Thank you for saving my life.” 

 

“Did she save your life Jungkookie?” Yoongi asks from behind you. You bite into the pillow as he pours antiseptic all over your butt. 

 

Irene pops out to grab you a pair of new scrub pants. 

 

“She saved my life Yoongi,” Jungkook says, eyes glistening intensely at you. You look away, unable to handle the intense sincerity on his face. “I got locked in the drug room ...and everyone had left me in there and when the first blast went off, I thought I was a dead man. I honestly and earnestly thought, I was going to die.” 

 

Yoongi stays silent. 

 

“I had grabbed a vial of medication, ready to end it all. I didn’t want to die in pain, you know? I had drawn it up and everything and was going to stab myself with it.”

 

You nod. 

 

“I just kept thinking that if I died, no one would remember me as a good doctor and my family would be so upset about it. I rammed that door so many times but it wouldn’t budge. I had been bolted in.”

 

Pulling out the first shard of glass, you grimace into the blankets. “I’m so sorry Jungkook,” you whimper. “No one should’ve ever gone through what you did.” 

 

“I screamed so much that it felt like my throat had been ripped raw Y/N, I thought I was going to truly die in there but when you opened the door, it was like taking a breath of air after being in water for too long. In those seconds of seeing you and that door opening, the most indescribable relief I have ever felt washed over me.”

 

You giggle. “I have that effect on people.” you wink, but it goes straight over him. 

 

“I can’t thank you enough Y/N, I owe you my life,” you watch tears fall down his face. “I promise you that I’ll be different after this, I’ll be a good doctor and you’ll be proud of me.”

 

Yoongi pulls out the rest of the shards and you wince loudly, gripping onto the sheets. Jungkook wants to lean over and hold your hand through it but you’ve never been the type of girl to need someone else to support you and he has a broken arm, so he doesn’t. 

 

Despite your aching need to be consoled. 

 

Gritting your teeth as he dresses the wounds, Irene walks back through the curtains with a a pair of new pants, a new coat and a tetanus injection for you. “Look, Jungkook. Don’t tell me what you’re going to do, show me. I know you have it in you, just show me.” 

 

“I will,” He nods. “I definitely will.” 

Irene stands in front of you, injecting the vaccine into your arm. “Do you feel like this was supposed to happen?” she asks. “I’ve been thinking about it since we got here, but doesn’t it feel like we were supposed to come here?” 

Yoongi’s pager goes off as he slaps your butt, you wince, shooting him an aggressive facial expression. Looking down, he clicks through the little black box before checking his phone. 

He sighs immediately. “More incoming casualties, they’re closing down the Children's Hospital and all pediatric patients are being sent here. Great, just fucking great.” 

Sitting up, you tie your hair back up, pulling all the strands out from your face. “Do we have any paediatric doctors on standby?” 

He nods. “We do and we have you too.” 

“Lets go, the others probably need help.” you sigh, jumping off the bed to put the fresh new pair of pants on and grabbing a fresh white Seoul Hearts coat from Irene's hands. You pick up your mangled stethoscope from your own coat on the floor before chucking it into the bin. 

“Hey,” Yoongi stops you from following him. “Wash your fucking face girl, you look like you’ve been rolling around in dirt.” 

“You swear too much Yoongi,” Rolling your eyes, you push his smirking face away. “I do not miss your potty mouth.” 

He smiles sincerely at you. “I’m sure that’s not true. I’ll see you in the hub when you’re done, best to get some food in you.” 

You salute him before walking towards the staff bathroom. Pushing through its white gender neutral labelled doors, the cold air conditioning hits your face as you walk towards the sink. 

You don’t look into the mirror yet, in fear of what you might see. So, you sag against the counter, turn the tap on and shove your hands underneath the stream. 

You aren’t sure if it’s the relief from the water that you feel rush through you or the systemic relief from being alive. Who knows? Who honestly cares? 

Leaning forward, you scrub your face with the warm water and a dollop of hand wash from the dispenser in front of you. You watch colours of black, brown and red go down the drain as you scrub behind your ears and all over your face. 

It hurts, your body hurts, you feel anxious, your joints feel stiff and your ass is burning and you’re kind of terrified for the next 48 hours but at least you were alive, and unlike any other situation, feeling the aforementioned was a truly good sign. 

It’s true what they say about trauma being undeniably agonizing but as you as finally look up and stare at your now clean face, save for the scratches and superficial wounds on your arms, as residual water drips down your face, you realise the beauty of it all. 

You are safe. 

Turning the tap off, you pull down the sleeves of your coat. You stare at your reflection one last time before pushing off the counter and heading out the bathroom. The next hours are uncertain, anything could happen, especially with Taehyung but there is one thing you are certain about. You are profoundly aware of the extraordinary value of life, happiness and love now that you have faced the possibility of loss. 

You wonder how that might come into play when this is all over. Will you still be the same? Or will you realise your own life, happiness and love are important? And that no matter how many times you scrunch up the past like a piece of paper and throw it into the nearest bin, people who are meant to be in your life will always stay or come back and be in your life. 

The bathroom door closes behind you as you walk towards the hub of the Emergency Department. Taehyung stands a couple feet away, throwing his surgical mask and apron into the bin. 

You stop, faltering at the sight of him as chaos erupts around you both. He looks up, hands twitching at his side. It’s like time has paused when you both stare at each other for the first time in a long time. 

You don’t think about anything else but him. 

And Taehyung smiles softly at your now clean appearance. “Y/N,” he says, beginning to walk across the room to you. You watch him as he makes four long strides towards you, closing the gap between you two. “It’s been a long time.” 

You may be safe. 

But are you from him? 

Your heart begins to pound in what you hoped to be muscle memory as stare at the man. 

  
  


“Taehyung.” 


	13. Kim Taehyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet him again.

_ You stop, faltering at the sight of him as chaos erupts around you both. He looks up, hands twitching at his side. It’s like time has paused when you both stare at each other for the first time in a long time. _

_ And Taehyung smiles softly at your now clean appearance. “Y/N,” he says, beginning to walk across the room to you. You watch him as he makes four long strides towards you, closing the gap between you two. “It’s been a long time.” _

_ Your heart begins to pound in what you hoped to be muscle memory as you stare blankly at the man. Your lips move and your brain blunders,  _

_ “T-taehyung.” _

 

His eyes glisten as you stare at him. 

You hated how they seemed to pour out every single emotion that you had spent years numbing yourself to. It was a painful process trying to forget those eyes and you wondered countlessly over the years, if even at one single moment after you left, if he felt desperate, resigned, angry, hopeless, useless and/or hurt over it. 

Because you did almost everyday for years. 

But now, as you both stand in a busy Emergency Department staring at each other as if someone had paused time, you don’t know what exactly to feel because it looks like he’s feeling all of those feelings at once. 

And you feel no sympathy for him as you watch it happen but you do feel angry that he’s standing in front of you right now and he looks completely okay. 

Whereas, the wounds time never completely healed, dehiscenced waiting for some closure from him.

You never got time to heal. 

But he had all the time in the world. 

“Y/N,” he says, surging forward. “I can’t believe it’s you.” 

You don’t respond. 

Taehyung looked different. His hair sat comfortably on top of his eyebrows, styled in a fashion that made him look mature; his jaw was sharp, his cheeks had chiselled out, no baby fat in sight. He looked polished. His lips and his eyes and his nose and his ears and his freckles, were all the time but he looked almost unrecognisable to you, standing here right now. 

He looked like a stranger. 

And it was a comforting thought up until the memory of your last words to each other begin to fog your brain. He was no stranger, he lived in the special part of your heart every time you looked at Sunny. You take a deep breath, overcome by the moment that threatens to tear you apart again, as you cut your eye contact with him and look away. 

Ignoring the feeling of panic in your chest, you turn and walk in the opposite direction and straight towards the sink on the wall. If you look like you’re busy, he won’t talk to you and you’ll be free of awkward conversations, right?

Wrong. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks following closely behind you, and you have a sinking feeling that you’re going to hear that a million times tonight. “I thought of you immediately when I got the call about your hospital. I’ve been looking for you all damn night, are you hurt?” 

You look back up at him briefly, biting your bottom lip as the water turns cold over your hands. He stares at you, a sudden expression of longing flickers briefly across his face as he leans against the wall beside you. You don’t miss it as you turn away from him again, concentrating on the feeling of cold soapy water on your dirty hands as you will yourself to calm down by focusing on scrubbing the dirt off. 

“I’m fine, I just ...I didn’t think we’d ever see each other again. So, excuse me for being a little bit shocked by your appearance.” you say steadily. You contain your emotions, a clusterfuck of nerves and fear that threaten to explode all over him. 

The thing is, the last time you had seen him, he had watched you walk out of his life. Mother on his right side, future wife on the left.  Good riddance, one of them had said. It will be all okay in the end, the other had said. Taehyung had continued to cry. You continued to walk away. 

“Well,” he sighs. Your heart begins to pound out of your skin, sudden anger poisoning your blood, asphyxiating your breath as the memories scream through the fog in your brain. “If it’s any consolation, I knew I’d see you again. It’s been the strangest night and I have a feeling it’s only to get stranger.”  

“What?” You look into the sink, watching the dirt and the blood go down the drain. This was all so wrong. “You knew you’d see me again?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” He whispers, unable to take his eyes from your face. “It’s not like I didn’t want to see you ...it’s just …I knew. I can’t explain it, I woke up today and felt like today would be different and then it hit me, you. I’d be seeing you again.” 

“What are you saying Taehyung?” You ask again, his name leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. He bites his bottom lip before whispering in response. “I’m saying, I think this is fate, us meeting again.”  

There’s a weird silence between you as he looks you up and down. 

“Did I hear you correctly? Fate?” You turn the tap off on when the water runs clear and your hands look and feel clean. “Things happen randomly all the time for no reason at all.”

“I just mean that fate brought us together, who knows what the universe is trying to tell us Y/N.” 

Sighing at his comment, you turn the tap off. Grabbing some paper towels to dry your hands, you sigh again. “Look, I’m going to say this as bluntly as I can manage in this situation,” You tear your eyes away from him and in favour of anything else in the room as you throw the wet paper towels in the bin. “I don’t want to think about our past when I should be helping people right now.” 

He says nothing. 

“And, my life is not your children's book. Please, stop romanticising our past. We’re adults now, start acting like one.” 

He frowns. 

“You used to believe in that kind of stuff too,” He stares at you, his eyes willing to dig themselves deeper into your skin as he tries to figure you out. “What happened to you?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Taehyung puts his hands on his hips as he hangs his head, waiting for your answer. “You. You happened to me.”

He closes his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s too late for this conversation.” 

“It’s never too late for these kind of conversations,” He opens his eyes, surging forward. You don’t move. You look up at him. He towers over you. “Y/N, I’ll always be sorry. Always.” 

You don’t say anything. 

You hate him. 

You hate him so much it’s crazy how hard your heart is pounding trying to rip through your skin and strangle him. 

“I can’t do this with you. I need to go. I need to be far away from you and Yoongi needs me.” You push past him, shoving his shoulder as you do it.  That wasn’t how he had imagined his reunion with you at all. 

“Yoongi needs me too you know!” he shouts as he follows at a safe distance behind you. He knows it’s immature, but he can’t help it. 

You both walk towards the hub, in the middle of the department, where Yoongi is usually stationed. “Literally, just do a walk of the department so we don’t have to be in the same room togeth-

-woah.” Taehyung interrupts as you both come to halt at the empty ED hub where Yoongi is shamelessly making out with Jimin against the filing cabinet in the nurse's office. 

It’s passionate, and you’re bashfully watching beside Taehyung as Yoongi tangles his fingers into Jimin’s hair, pulling his head back, pushing him up against the door of his office. You raise your hand up to Taehyung’s face, shielding his eyes from seeing it as Jimin tries to rip off Yoongi’s coat with one hand and open the door with the other. You’ve seen this plenty of times at your home, the boys were inseparable when together. “Guys-

Taehyung begins, but you slap the hand covering his eyes onto his mouth, he stares at you deliriously.  _ What?  _ “Can you imagine what they’ve just gone through? Yoongi might’ve thought Jimin was dead. Have some empathy?” 

Taehyung slowly blinks at you, unable to scream out that he knows exactly what that feels like because he just spent the last hour wondering where you were. 

You put a single finger over your lips as Jimin opens the door, you look over at the two as they fall onto his office floor in a mess of tangled limbs. The doors left wide open as they roll onto the carpet and you drop your hand from Taehyung’s mouth. 

Walking over to the office, you kick Yoongi’s feet from the doorway to close the door for them. Yoongi looks up, lips swollen and hair dishevelled. “Ah, thanks Y/N. Triage ribbons are on the desk, start-

Jimin moans underneath him and you cringe. “Ribbons are on the desk for triage got it, ew can you guys be quick, I can’t believe you’re doing this in the middle of an emergency. Both of you are negligent and gross.” 

“What the...” Taehyung says mindlessly, Jimin looks over Yoongi’s shoulder to wink at Taehyung. Taehyung blushes, looking away again, coughing into his fist as he does it. 

“Oh fuck off Y/N,” Yoongi snorts, positioning himself between Jimin’s thighs. “Just because you’re chronically single and haven’t been laid in decades, doesn’t mean everyone else is joining your nunnery.” 

Taehyung stands up straighter.  _ What? Single? Nunnery? No one snatched you up?   _

“I’ll see you out there with Dr. Xiumin Y/N.” Jimin giggles, rubbing his fingers over Yoongi’s back, pulling Yoongi’s attention back onto him again. You slam the door closed when Yoongi loudly growls at Jimin. 

You shiver in disgust. 

“I can’t unsee that,” you comment to yourself but Taehyung laughs, and the sound jostles you again. You snap your head in his direction. “Do you mind not following me? You stay on the East side of the department and I’ll stay on the West-

“I can’t do that, you’re on my trauma team according to Yoongi anyway,” he shifts on his feet, an awkward expression on his face. “Plus, you don’t have any clearance to work here.” 

“Taehyung,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “You’re so annoying. I am legislated by the medical council to attend to all disaster emergencies in the nearest hospital, regardless of clearance. I have as much right to work here as you do.”

“That may be right,” He nods hesitantly. “But I bet you don’t know where anything is, so I can show you-

“I know the geography of this Emergency Department like the back of my goddamn hands,” you shout, slapping your hands down on a box of ribbons and picking them up more vigorously than intended. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to put ribbons on people so I can stay far away from you.” 

“You haven’t met Dr. Alice yet though, she’s our team’s psychiatrist-

“-don’t talk to me for goodness sake! Recognise that this is difficult for me and be fucking empathetic,” you snap. “I can find her and introduce myself to her on my own! I don’t need you, leave me alone.”  

But he doesn’t give up. “Our teams in the trauma bay tonight, if you were wond-

-go take a long walk off a short pier Taehyung. You can triangulate my triage with the rest of your team when I’m done.” 

He watches you push past him, ponytail flicking obnoxiously side to side when a strange emotion begins to bubble in his chest. He rubs his hand over his heart, feeling it ache underneath his hand. He swallows the lump in his throat as he tears his eyes away from your back. 

He feels the ice in his soul melt, dripping life back into his mind and his body. An awakening feeling only you were able to give him. So, he smiles sincerely for the first time in a long time despite everything that just transpired because hating him means you still care.  

And there is no way in hell, he ever stopped caring about you too. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some pretty interesting feedback from tumblr anons about my medical jargon and I just want to say right now that this is a medical AU. I am going to include medical jargon and some chapters are going to include alot of them whilst others will just be little poots of it. 
> 
> I've had overwhelming feedback from medical readers too and I love it! I also just want to shout out to everyone who has encouraged me to continue writing this story because it honestly means the world! 
> 
> The fact that you're even reading this means alot! 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for everything team, we have less than 8 big chapters until the end of the story :)

After putting coloured ribbons on people and triaging them by their injuries, you walk back into the hub. EMT run past you, carrying tent equipment, boxes of bandages, and boxes of their own triage ribbons.

The available Emergency staff began setting up tents outside. Yoongi had ordered a primary triage system that identified patients who were at serious risk and those who were non-urgent, turning them away in fear of the hospital reaching full capacity.

“Y/N,” Seokjin runs up to you, perspiration dripped down his face. “We need some help. When you’re done with your patients in here and you have time, please come outside.”

You nod, patting him on his back.“Sure Jin, I’ll see you out there after I’m done.”

He smiles, squeezing your shoulder. “Hang in there sista, we’ve got this. We’ll be okay.”

You watch him run back outside.

“I hope we’ll be okay.”

Dropping the box of ribbons onto the desk next to a squabbling nurse, you laugh at Jimin as he winks at you. “Min, I think you scared Taehyung.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, sagging against the desk in front of you. “Who fucking cares, that little rat has been a mess all night. Bet he loved the little show.”

“Oh yeah, was gonna ask. Who was that guy?” Jimin brushes his hair back, biting his lip. “He’s cute, do you know him Y/N?”

“How have you not met Tae?” Yoongi asks Jimin. He shrugs. “I only have eyes for you?”

Yoongi winks.

Jimin blushes.

“I used to know him,” you nod, yawning into your palm. “I don't know, people change after medical school.”

Yoongi and Jimin share a moment of confusion, frowning as they look back at you. “You had friends in school? What the fuck?”

“Yes, of course I did?” you stare at them, eyebrow cocked. “You thought I didn’t have friends?”

“Obviously,” Jimin laughs into his as he leans against Yoongi. “She had Sunny in medical school babe, of course she had friends.”

“Oh, true. Maybe Taehyung knows who Sunny’s father is then so we can sue him for parental rights,” Yoongi means it as a joke but it doesn’t register as one in your body. Sunny and Taehyung in the same sentence? It was too close for comfort. “I don’t know why I haven’t asked, he did talk about you before ...I just never really cared about anything that pussy bitch talked about. He smiles too much.”

“Is that a problem?” Jimin asks and Yoongi laughs.

“Never trust anything someone says with a smile,” he says and you frown. “I love Tae but he has secrets and a shit load of issues.”

You pale.

“Yah,” Jimin slaps Yoongi’s chest, craftily distracting him from picking up your body language like he just did. “Shut up. You have issues too.”

You smile at Jimin as he flicks Yoongi’s forehead.

“Did you just flick me? After I just did that _thing_ to you?” Yoongi shouts, wrapping his around his waist and flicking his forehead back. Jimin blushes and he’s about to retort when a nurse interrupts, letting you know that Dr. Xiumin was looking for you and Jimin.

Yoongi lets Jimin go reluctantly and you quickly pull Jimin away. “Ignore him Y/N, men are trash.”

“What about you?” you grin.

“Don’t include me,” Jimin links his arm with yours tightly. “I’m your best friend, I’m different.”  

“Stop it, you’re an asshole too,” He laughs loudly, a cute little chuckle and squeak that makes you grin, as he throws his head back. “But a cute asshole, so, stop it.”

“I’m only an asshole by osmosis, I promise,” He pouts, squeezing you. “I feel strangely manic right now, is this a normal reaction during these types of things?”  

You roll your eyes as you let him pull on your arm. “It can be. Everyone’s different but I definitely would be particularly manic too if my boyfriend boned me during an emergency at work.”

He winks at you as he lets your arm go. “You could always date Dr. Xiumin? He’s been crushing on you for years Y/N, you should give him a go.”

You cringe as you shake your head. “He reminds me too much of a little brother.”

Jimin cringes too. “Well, I’d let you borrow Yoongi but-

“-ew, no thank you,” you cut in and Jimin laughs again. “I love you and I’m close with you but definitely, not that close to you.”

He shakes his shoulders cutely as you both walk to Dr. Xiumin with grins across your faces. Jimin had the unique ability to make people smile and feel good about themselves, it was a reason why he made such a good nurse.

He just knew you so well but as you open the door, the smile on your face is swiped clean off your face.

“What is he doing in here?” you ask, faltering at the door to the congressman's room. Taehyung is staring at you over the clipboard as he stops observing the patient, clearly confused at your presence too.

 

His checks grow in an ugly shade of pink.

 

“What?” Dr. Xiumin laughs awkwardly before shuffling over to you. “Taehyung’s the orthopaedic reg. We need his help.”

 

“How many orthopaedic registrars are on right now?” you ask and Taehyung looks between you and Xiumin. Jimin stays silence as walks over to the patient to reassess vitals.  

 

“Um ...three?” he says.  

 

You sigh, rubbing your face in thought. “Right fine. Of course, out of every doctor it just had to be you in here.” You close the door behind you as you walk towards the far wall where all of his x-rays are hung up under a bright light. You fold your arms over your chest as you observe each and every one.

 

“Is that a problem?” Taehyung asks, irritation in his voice. “Should I leave?”

 

“You can do whatever you want,” you comment, rubbing the back of your neck as you stretch the kinks out of it. “I don’t care.”

 

“There’s blood behind your ear, are you sure you didn’t get hurt?” he asks, and you smack the back of your hand behind it. Jimin brings over a piece of gauze and some saline, dabbing it behind your ear.

 

“I did but that’s not why I’m in this room. How’s he doing Dr. Xiumin?” you deflect.

 

“He’s good for now. Let me know what you see in those x-rays Y/N, could use with a pair of fresh eyes,” Closing his clipboard, Xiumin coughs into his fist. “Do you two perhaps know each other?”

 

Jimin saunters back over to the patient, curiously watching your interaction. “They went to school together Xiumin!”

 

“I’m glad he’s stable,” You ignore his question as you raise your pen to one x-ray. “How are you going to treat the fracture at proximal 1/3rd distal end of his left radius and the fracture on the midshaft of his left ulna Taehyung? Backslab?”

 

Taehyung walks up behind you, hands folded behind him as he observes the x-rays too. “Yeah probably, elevation and backslabbing the upper limb looks like the best option for him right now.”

 

You nod, looking at the other x-rays. “These look promising! There’s no intracranial blood visualised on any of these x-rays, definitely no focal brain parenchymal lesions either.”

 

Taehyung watches your side profile. “He’s honestly good, just open exposing deformities on his lower limbs and the fractures in his left arm. His vitals dropped a moment ago, blood pressure was too damn low so I transfused some blood. It’s going well,” he says, turning back to the patient, you follow him to the bedside. “Just a litre of blood now and his blood pressure is improving. I washed down the chin and chest abrasions with some saline. I put a chest drain in too, just because I could hear a collection around his lungs, he’s doing really good.”

 

“You’re really efficient Taehyung,” Dr. Xiumin muses, putting his thumbs up. “Isn’t he Y/N?”

 

“Something like that,” You smile awkwardly, desperately wanting to leave this room. “Hey, where’s Irene?”

 

“She’s getting treated for her injuries, I actually thought you’d be doing the same…” Dr. Xiumin admits, “I’d help but I have to monitor this guy, have you been checked?”

 

“I have,” you admit, “Yoongi dressed my wounds well.”

 

“Have you had something to drink or eat?” Xiumin asks.

 

“About to do that.” you sigh, turning to Taehyung, you pass him the rest of the patients information. “Here, he’s yours now. I don’t see why he should be down here any longer. Transfer him up to the orthopaedic ward if you still have beds. I’m going to go out and help.”

 

“You shouldn’t be out like this,” Taehyung frowns at you again. “Y/N, you should be resting-

 

-can you stop? Don’t tell me what I should and should not be doing,” you interrupt, clenching your fists so hard, your knuckles turn white. You don’t care if Jimin sees you explode, if Dr. Xiumin starts connecting the dots and then asking question. You don’t care. “You of all people do not have the right.”

 

“I’m just trying to help you-

 

-I need my space, please,” you whimper, walking towards the door. “I can look after myself. Anything else you need Xiumin?”

 

He shakes his head.

 

“Good. I’ll be outside in triage. If you need me in trauma, come and get me Taehyung.”

 

You slam the door as you leave.

 

“Right, well, it’s going to be a long night,” Jimin frowns, staring daggers at the boy who makes his best friend an emotive mess. He’s never seen you like that before.

 

Taehyung grows rigid as both boys stare at him from behind, it was unsettling having you treat him like this but he deserved it.  

 

Oh boy, did he deserve it.

 

**↣ Hour 4 - 5 | Post-Explosion**

In the 4th hour post-explosion, three more wards are cleared to accept patients from ED. The Children's Hospital and Saint Marys General Hospital have both been closed off for unknown reasons. As a result, everyone has been de-routed to Seoul Hearts. 

And all Forest Lakes doctors are sent to Seoul Hearts to help. 

Pushing the stretcher out from the dark of night, you listen to Seokjin as he gives you a quick handover of the patient. “21 year old male, brought in to the Children's Hospital, wrong place at the wrong time kind of case. Responsive and complaining of pain in his left leg but unable to provide a history given the circumstances.” 

“He was in the library at his university studying before his finals when a shelf fell on him, he was on route to Forest when everything turned to shit. Was triaged as low risk in Children's and now he’s here,” Dr. Hoseok announces, pushing his stretcher with you straight into the trauma bay. “He’s combative, has a psychiatric history, hence why I am here and why he’s restrained to the handrails of the stretcher.”

You honestly hadn’t even noticed his arms had been tied to the bed. “You restrained him? Hold on, we don’t restrain people here it's against their human rights. Take them off.” 

“Let me get something straight with you,” Hoseok holds up his hand like a stop sign, halting the movement of the stretcher. “I too like to treat patients in the least restrictive way possible in hopes that this person can live with or without symptoms of mental illness while making a positive contribution to society BUT he attacked four nurses at the last hospital causing serious injuries so I restrained him for your safety.” 

“Well in that case, restrain away,” you snort, punching his shoulder. “Thanks for that. Glad you’re safe Hobi.” 

“Now you appreciate me?” He rolls his eyes at you, “Good to see you’re okay physically. I’ll come see you after all of this to have a look at you mentally.” 

Blood dripped down the sides of his stretcher.  “Team, I hate to ruin this beautiful reunion but there’s blood everywhere and you guys are moving it too slowly.” 

Hoseok swoops back into action, pushing the stretcher faster into the department. 

“What are his vitals?” you ask and Taehyung runs up behind you, steering the stretcher into a trauma bay room. 

“He has a low grade temperature 37.4, HR of 163 bpm, bp 144/67 mmhg, RR 14 breaths/min and sats are 99% on room air,” Seokjin says, as Taehyung grabs a bed, pushing it up against one side of the stretcher. “He’s vitally stable.”

You untie the bands, restraining him to the bed. “Hoseok, what do we do about the restraints? He still combative?” 

“I gave him a sedative, he should be fine for now but I highly recommend that you put him in a room on his own and with a psychiatric watch, he’s one strong gentlemen.” 

Jimin runs into the room with a bag of fluids in his hand, hanging it on the IV pole. “Where's all the blood coming from?” 

Hoseok winces as he gestures to the patients chest and thighs. “You’ll see soon enough Jimin, nice to see you’re okay as well.” 

Jimin smiles at him. “You too Hobi.” 

“Ready for transfer?” Taehyung asks. You and Hoseok stand on the side of his stretcher, quickly rolling him to their side as Sana and Taehyung slip a transfer sheet and board under him. The patient screams out in pain as you gently place him back onto his back. Taehyung and Sana roll him to their side, as you pull out the sheet. 

“I thought you said you had sedated him?” you frown, looking back at Hoseok. 

Hoseok nods, crossing his arms over his chest, propping a fist under his chin. “Y/N, I did. He’s strong.” 

“He’ll be okay,” Sana smiles, putting him on his back. “Hey, you’re going to be okay, hang in there buddy, we’ll get you through this, you just need to hang on.” 

Taehyung nods at you. 

You nod back. 

“Okay bud, we need you to hug yourself please. Put your chin to your chest. We’re going to transfer you to the bed, it will be quick, I promise.” Taehyung says, looking at everyone in the room. 

“He’s sedated Taehyung, how do you expect him to hug himself?” you raise your eyebrow. “Right, everyone, on 3. 1, 2-

“-3.” The patient cries out as you all transfer him onto the bed. 

Hoseok shoves the stretcher out of the way and Seokjin rushes in and pulls it out of the room. Taehyung grabs a pair of scissors as he cuts through his clothes. Jimin puts all the equipment in the room he deems appropriate for an orthopaedic surgeon onto a wound dressing trolley and rolls it next to you. 

“What do you see?” you ask, looking at the frown on his face. “From here, he has ecchymosis around his left eye with abrasions down his neck and chest, flank and pelvic areas with burn like wounds, on his chest.” 

Pointing to his knee, Taehyung stammers as Sana checks his feet for pulses. “Macerated disruption to the skin around his knee, he’s definitely got a crush injury. Irene, can you please take some bloods. I need white blood cell count, hemoglobin, creatinine and lactate.” 

She nods, rushing over to the wall to grab the equipment and doing it as quickly as she can before sending it off to the emergency labs. Taehyung looks over at his feet, assessing them. “Shit, his left leg’s cold with mottling ...the compartments of the lower leg are tight to palpation. There’s no pulse ...no capillary refill either.” 

You look him dead in the eye. “Compartment syndrome?” 

He nods. “We need to move him to theatre for an emergency fasciotomy,” Taehyung turns to Sana as she finishes cannulating the patient, “Can you check the OT board, see if there are any surgeons available.”  

She runs out of the room to do so. 

Hoseok, removes the tourniquets, making sure the limb is at level with his heart. “If there aren’t any rooms left, we might just have to do it here.” 

You hand Taehyung the transducer with a side-port needle, Jimin had set up on the trolley, used to measure the amount of pressure in a muscle, with him being on that side of the patient, it was just easier for him to do it. 

“Thanks,” he says softly, uncapping it and holding it perpendicular to the skin and then inserting it into the skin just under 3cm. It pings with a result as Taehyung withdraws the needle. 

“Pressures greater than 35 mmhg, we need to do a bedside fasciotomy,” he announces. You swoop over to a trolley. “I need some fentanyl, I’m withholding the midaz because he’s already had some sedative, let's at least give him some pain relief before I cut his leg open to relieve some of the pressure.” 

“Just the usual for compartment Irene, I’ll grab the local anaesthetic.” you say and Taehyung grabs a permanent marker, marking an incision line on his leg. Sana runs back in, confirming the unavailable theatre rooms. “That’s fine, I need sterile gloves and some antiseptic. I’m cutting him open.” 

She rushes over to the cupboard, ripping open a box with his size on it. Grabbing another dressing trolley, she puts a dressing pack on it with a packeted scalpel on top and opens his gloves whilst only touching the corners of the packet. 

“I’ll check the lab results, they should be up soon.” you say, walking towards the computer. 

Putting on a gown and his gloves, he bathes his leg in antiseptic before taking the local anaesthetic and inserting it around the area of planned incision. He waits for the pain relief administration before taking the scalpel and making a lateral incision halfway between the tibia and the fibula. “Releasing the lateral and anterior compartments.” 

He makes another incision beside the tibia. “Being careful of the saphenous vein, I’m releasing the superficial and deep posterior compartments. I’m making two incisions that will cover all four compartments. He should be okay for now but I’m still going to need a theatre to put on spanning external fixators for his unstable fracture and a wound vac for assisted closure.” 

You turn to him. “Results are in. His white blood cell count is abnormally high, hemoglobin is low, obviously his creatinine and lactate are quite high. Irene can you please insert a large bore line into his right arm and give him a saline bolus.” 

Taehyung turns to Sana. “Go book an operating room,” she runs again, and you watch the annoyance on her face in amusement. “That was impressive, you guys work really well as a team.” 

“We do.” he admits.

“Where would we be without our nursing team?” you ask, printing off the lab notes and sticking them against the patients file. Jimin smiles bashfully at you as Hoseok agrees. “Looking at it, you would be nothing without Sana.” 

“Nothing?” he asks, and the silence between you is suddenly deafening. He snorts as he looks down at the patient, checking for any other external injuries. “What makes you think I’m  _ not _ already nothing?”

You laugh, a weird feeling of sadness overwhelms you all of a sudden as Jimin and Irene untie the restraints, letting the patient lay freely. This is ridiculous, have the past 5-6 years meant nothing to him? 

“Why? You ask,” you look in him dead in the eye. “Because people with nothing don’t leave. They don’t even dream of it.” You tug your gloves off, throwing them in the bin as you storm towards the door, heart heavy with a weight of realisation that just being around him, causes a frenzy of emotion you haven’t felt in a long time stir in your chest. 

Taehyung sighs, as the door slams behind you. "No, but people with everything do." His thoughts fester in the awkward silence and he wonders right then and there if you’ll keep leaving. 

If that has become your thing now. 

Hoseok glares at Taehyung before running out after you. 

Jimin coughs into his fist and shakes his head at Taehyung. “I don't know what your relationship with Y/N is, but I am telling you right fucking now Dr. Taehyung, no matter how cute you are, if you hurt her, I’m going to put cytotoxic drugs in your fucking porridge.” 

“You sound like Yoongi,” Taehyung smiles softly. “I’m glad she has you, you’re a good friend.” 

Taking off his gloves, he takes out his phone and calls the orthopaedic consultant. “Hi, it’s Dr. Taehyung, was hoping you had time to do an orif, closure of fasciotomies? Right now? You can do it? Sure, we’ll wheel him up now.” 

“I’ll grab Sana on the way,” Hanging up, he shoves his phone into his pocket. “Come on Jimin and Irene, he’s going to theatre right now.” 

 

“Now?” Irene asks. 

 

“Yes, right now. Lets go!” Taehyung shouts, prompting them both into a state of urgency as they unplug the bed and pull down the fluids and medications. Despite what just happened, Irene and Jimin look at each other and smile, things moved quickly around here, they liked that. 

 

They liked it alot. 

 

“Y/N,” Hoseok shouts, clamping his hand on your bicep and pulling you into the hub, “Hey, are you okay? What was that?” 

 

His grip stops you from running away from him. You falter, feeling the comfort radiate from his warm hand. The scent of oak moss & sandalwood calms you down as the lump in your throat swells. 

 

You need to cry. 

 

And you hate yourself for feeling that way. 

 

“Nothing, I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” you lie. 

 

Hoseok's face softens as he loosens his grip, pulling you into a hug. You’ve always liked his hugs. They could solve the world's toughest conflicts. “Are you sure?” he whispers, voice smooth, rich in silk, calm in nature. 

 

“Hobi, you don’t need to worry about me,” You nod, tucking your head under his chin. “I’m sure.” 

 

“Do you know him?” he asks, patting his hand down your back. He was good like this, keeping you calm. “Seems like your both quite close.” 

 

“No,” You shake your head against his chest. “We aren’t. I don’t even know him.” 

 

“You know,” Hoseok says, patting his hand down your back in a reassuring motion.“Lying looks bad on you.” 

 

“I’m not lying,” you sigh, wishing the ground would just swallow you whole. “I don’t know who he is anymore.” 

 

“Y/N,” he whispers, kissing your temple. “Taehyung’s the father isn’t he?” he asks but Hoseok already knew he would be, you only get emotional like this over matters pertaining to your child. Hoseok whimpers, watching his strongest friend fall into an emotive struggle before him.

 

And then you answer with your silence. 

 

Tears fall down your face. 

 

Hoseok holds you tighter, sighing against you as he leans his head on top of yours. “Of course he is.” Your lower lip quivers as you fist into his shirt, crying fat tears into his coat. 

 

You hate this. 

 

You hate it completely. 

 

Everything's coming together and fucking you up. 

 

Hoseok kisses your forehead, and you sink into his comforting arms. “Go and sleep,” he pulls you off his chest, wiping his thumbs across your cheeks, dragging away the tears. “I’m telling you as both a friend and a doctor, you need to rest. You’ve just experienced a traumatic event, please, look after you.” 

 

You press your lips into a line, nodding your head. “I will,” slipping out of his embrace, you smile up at him. “I’ll go and sleep next to Jungkook. You’ve experienced it too, go look after you too.” 

 

Patting your head, he watches you walk across the department. Hoseok sighs as he turns to watch Jimin rush his patient away, assuming he’d be going to theatre, he sags against the counter. It was hard being a psychiatrist in mass trauma because he knew so well that doctors have an increased risk of developing PTSD, and the doctors here, were all his friends. 

 

It was hard, knowing what they might be going through. 

 

And he understands what they’re thinking as he looks around the room, watching doctors and nurses treat patients, blood splayed across their clothing, hair a mess, eyes red from old tears, exhaustion black and puffy beneath their eyes. Everyone ignores it out of duty, how things like this affect them. How the hell is someone supposed to digest it anyway when trauma truly takes a life of its own.  

 

“Dr. Y/N!” a voice shouts from a distant corner of the yellow zone. “We need you over here, please!” 

 

Hoseok watches you slump your shoulders slightly, as you walk straight back out of the cubical you had only just walked into. “I’m on my way!” 

 

When do you provide emotional first aid on yourself when everyone else needs you.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is there such a thing as being a professional during a death?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in so long. I've been on night shifts and have had writers block and I just hate my writing right now. Will be updating small chapters min 1500 words, max 3k words from now on

Pushing through the green hanging cubicle curtains enclosing a small white room, you shout at the boy on the bed.“W-what the hell are you still doing up there Taehyung?” 

Everyone in the room looks up. 

Jimin shakes his head. 

Sana sighs as she pumps the ambu bag at the head of the bed. 

“Ask him,” she groans, looking at Jimin in displeasure as she gestures for you to look at Taehyung. “Seriously, I have no idea anymore.” 

Frowning, you follow her finger to him. 

“Taehyung, you idiot, why are you still up there,” Your heart quivers, as you lurch forward, clinging onto the sleeve of his white coat as he does CPR atop of a young coding patient. “What are you doing? Talk to me.” 

“Don’t bother. He’s been up there for an hour Y/N,” you watch Jimin pad the sweat on his forehead with the bag of his glove, “She’s been in asystole the whole time too.”

Sana cooly leans against the defib trolley, indifference written across her face as she watches him. “I refuse to defib again, so he’s up there doing it all by hand that fool.”

“Are you serious? What are you doing?” Shaking his coat, you try to pull him down. “You need to get down and call it.” 

Shaking your arm off, he trembles, overexertion apparent across his red face. “No,” he stammers, thrusting his remaining energy into the balls of his hands as he continues chest compressions. “I’m going to save her, I’m a doctor.”

“I’m a doctor too and I’m telling you that it’s too late,” you stand up straighter. “Get off the bed right now and call it.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not giving up.”

“Oh my god, you don’t have a choice, she’s gone.”

“I said no Y/N. I’m a doctor, I can save her.”

“I heard you the first time, stop being an idiot,” You wrap your hands around his arm before yanking him hard and clean off the bed with all of your energy. And he’s too weak to protest as you do it. “Y-you can’t save her because s-she is already dead.”

“Y/N,” He hangs his head as he leans against you. His chest heaves. He pants. Sweat drips down the sides of his face. He looks at you with fresh look of grief in his eyes. “I can save her Y/N. I can. I don’t give up one people.” he whispers.

“Tae,” You awkwardly pat his back, keeping your face away from his. “You and I both know that it’s not like that, you have to sto-

“But-

“-no, shut up. You’ve worn out our entire time with this one case because you can’t seem to be a medical professional-

He snorts in dejection, pushing your hand away from his back. “-it’s called trauma Y/N, have some empathy,” he frowns, snapping back at you. “She was just a kid-

“-they’re all just kids and they’re all just adults, newsflash Taehyung people do actually die in this profession, it doesn’t mean you can put your team at risk of exhaustion with an unnecessary long resuscitation-

“-it wasn’t unnecessary, she’s just a kid? How can you say that?”

You take a deep breath, feeling the anger radiate off his skin. “We don’t go past 40 minutes Taehyung, you’re being really selfish right now but that doesn’t surprise me at all since you are a selfish prick,” turning to Jimin and Sana, you smile at the rest of the nursing crew. “Guys, go have a break. Jimin and Sana, you both stay.”

_ “Finally” _

_ “If she hadn’t stopped him, how long would he have gone for this time?” _

_ “No idea. Probably forever, Dr. Kim Taehyung hasn’t had a death on his record before.” _

“What?” You stare at the Seoul Hearts nurses leaving the cubical before turning back to Taehyung. “Wait, is that true?”

“What?” he asks. “Is what true Y/N?”

“Oh my god, I think I get it,” you snort, putting your hands on your hips, “Is this some surgical doctor thing? You don’t want a death on your record, so you exhaust resources during an emergency to avoid it.”

His hair falls over his eyes but you can still see his dark eyes. You recognise the blank expression, you’ve seen it before back when you agreed to let Namjoon mentor you when he had explicitly told you he didn’t want you to.

He’s angry.

“Y/N,” He looks to the right of you before crossing his arms and stepping close to your. “I’m not that kind of person and you know that, how could you even say that? Are you kid-

“-except, you are exactly that kind of person Taehyung,” you rebuttal, crossing your arms across your chest in a similar fashion, chin in the air facing him. “If you aren’t, why haven’t you called it yet?”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Because you’ve been talking to me, how do you expect me to call it when you’re being an irate?”

You push your finger hard into his chest as you step into his personal space. “Excuse you? We haven’t seen each other in 5 something years and you’re calling me an irate you swine-

He slaps your finger away, poking his own finger into your chest. “-calling me a swine? Really mature. Who’s unprofessional now? Had you not pulled me off the kid, she’d be alive right now. Are you aware of that?”

You wrap your hand around his finger, bending it as you harshly push it away. “No she wouldn’t. Stop being stupid. God, I don’t remember you being this stupid. Hell, I’ve been awake for nearly 24 hours now and I’m not this stupid. What’s wrong with you?”

“Ow, ow,” he moans, cradling his finger. “You’re what's wrong with me, ...what’s wrong with you, that hurt!”

“I’m what’s wrong with you? You think you have the right to say that to me after what you did?”

He scoffs, tongue poking out to wet his bottom lip. “Get over it, shit happens all the time and you didn’t die did you?”

You narrow your eyes at him, how could he be so infuriating? “If I had, my doctor would’ve called the time of death already, what are you waiting for? Call it, you assho-

“-oh my god,” Jimin shouts, pushing you and Taehyung far apart. “Both of you are being unprofessional right now. God, I don’t know what happened between you two but you need to sort yourselves out. She died Taehyung, don’t put that on Y/N. Y/N, he’s a human being too, stop being cruel. What’s wrong with the both of you, now’s the time to be a team not ex-lovers with some unfinished history or whatever the hell you two were. Grow up.”  

Taehyung continues staring down at you, frustration evident by the way he rolls his eyes.

“He’s so fucking irritating Jimin, I can’t do this anymore,” You shake your head at Taehyung, poking his his chest one more time because you know how much he hates that. “Call. It. Now. Or. I. Will.”

Taehyung steps forward, your noses almost touching. “Here’s a funky fresh idea, stop telling me what to do Y/N.”

Sana groans.

Jimin slaps his cheeks.

Suddenly bothered by the intensity of his expression and the little space that separates you, you step back. Pink dusts your cheeks as you look at anything in the room but at him.

“Whatever, while you’re be annoying and unethical Taehyung. I’m bringing in the next patient from the tent triage outside while you give this patient a dignified passing because newsflash, her soul is still in the room.” You drop your arms back to your side before pushing through the curtain and leaving the cubical.

“You’re the annoying one!”

Sana slaps her forehead. “Great, we have death and a palpable sexual tension between our doctors in the same room.”

Jimin snorts, “Now’s not the time Sana but ...like, I totally agree with you on that one. Obviously, they need to sort their crap out. Imagine if this happened on any other day, both of them would’ve been struck off.”

“Kind of like it though, makes it interesting.” Sana giggles.

“We shouldn’t be laughing right now,” Jimin looks at the child, “This sweet child could’ve had a bright future. Instead, her soul had to listen to those two argue about whatever they were arguing about.”

“She would’ve liked it.” Sana smiles.

Jimin frowns. “I doubt it.”

“Jimin, I am still here,” Taehyung says, watching the two nurses. “And I can hear you.”

“Yes, I am aware. We’re literally waiting for you to call her time of death,” Jimin claps back. “So call it.”

“Fine.” Sana nods her head frantically as Taehyung finally leans forward, putting his stethoscope on.

“Oh, so you’ll listen to me but not Y/N?” Jimin frowns, watching Taehyung roll up his sleeves. “You’re an asshole Kim Taehyung.”

Taehyung shakes his head. “Do you mind shutting the hell up? I’m trying to listen here."

“Fine.” he huffs.

“Fine.” Taehyung mimics.

Taehyung closes his eyes, reluctantly listening for breath sounds and a heartbeat as he moves the stethoscope over her chest.

They both watch him do it.

They both watch him sigh.

Truth is, everyone goes a little bit crazy in these kinds of situations. Jimin just did not expect it from you. He thinks Taehyung might be your kryptonite.

“And?” Sana whispers, standing by Taehyung’s side as he closes his eyes and silently prays for her.

Jimin watches.

Walking to the end of the bed, Taehyung runs his fingers over the coloured ribbon.

“Call her parents,” he whispers, unwrapping the yellow ribbon, replacing it with a black one. The nurses falter, Sana immediately scribing as he stutters. “T-time of death, 01:23. Cause of death, respiratory arrest.”

“Taehyung, do I minus the 5 minutes you spent flirting with Y/N or do I keep it as the current time?” Sana says as she writes on her clipboard.

Taehyung rolls his eyes before ripping the clipboard out from her hands. “I’ll just do it myself then.”

Sana smiles up at Jimin as Taehyung leaves the cubical. “Watch that space.”

“Oh god.”  

Sana leans forward, draping her body with the white blanket. “Alright Jimin, we better move her for the family.”

“Sounds good,” Jimin turns off the breaks on the bed, pushing it out from the wall. “Post-mortem cares, let's do it together.”

“Okay Jimin, team work makes the dream work.” Sana smiles, not quite realising the death, not completely feeling it yet, but she will.

How can she not?

Sana and Jimin cry as they clean her up in a quiet room for her family but it doesn’t deter a feeling in Jimin’s stomach that for this patient, this would just be the tip of the iceberg. 

He should’ve listened to his gut instinct, maybe it would’ve prevented the future from happening.


	16. Chapter 16

As doctors, how do we explain to others that we are grieving the loss of people we don’t even know? Of people we briefly met eyes with, or sutured, or triaged? Of people we would’ve not known had it not been for this evil.  

We don’t. 

We persevere, driving with the remaining energy we have until we can go home and sleep it off, so we can go back to work and do it all over again. It’s a cycle, of ignoring one's own needs, having nurses remind us of self-care, to grieving a traumatic loss of someone we could’ve saved but nature or God whatever entity up there didn’t want us to. 

And as the clock ticks closer and closer towards sunrise, where we can see exactly what has happened in burning daylight, it becomes apparent that we are no longer the people we woke up as. That we all lost and are losing something in ourselves today. That we will never be the same people before this event. 

Will we be able to go home and sleep this all off? 

Is that even possible at this point? 

Because as the stars fade into the morning night and behind the plumes of smoke, we call time of death and we resuscitate, we bandage and we wear old blood on our clothing like timestamps of our endurance to save lives, it becomes increasingly obvious that none of us will be okay.

And there’s potential for us of never being okay again. 

“What's the problem?” you ask as Yoongi hangs up his phone, hands immediately in his hair to pull at the strands in frustration. The green LED sign above him glows 3 minutes past 2, time was going quickly. “You look frustrated Yoongi, whats up? Talk to me.”

Yoongi turns to you, scared dark brown eyes stare into yours. The words don’t leave his mouth as he looks at your face, classic indications of fatigue under your eyes. He doesn’t want to scare anyone yet. He looks around the room as he swallows the implications of accepting all these patients. 

Everyone already has enough on their plates, what circulates in his brain right now, he prays never gets out. The last thing they needed was an outbreak in the midst of an emergency. 

And the fear of a MERS outbreak happening again, especially in his Emergency Department after 23 of  64 cases were confirmed in his hospital in 2015, plagues Yoongi’s mind every single day. The disaster his department had looked like following the induced panic on both workers and patients, had come with unimaginable repercussions. 

 

Professionals had abandoned their posts. 

 

And patients had died. 

 

It was ugly. 

 

Yoongi looks around the room. Hi eyes fall on coughing patients, he could practically see the germs fly through the air and land on other patients. 

 

But it is likely. 

 

So, Yoongi pulls out all of the resources, he pulls out a box of walkie talkies and he pulls out fluids, bandages and scissors.  He splits the resources into three lots, meticulously planning. Meticulously thinking ahead. 

 

Boxes upon boxes are sent outside where tables and tents are being set up for tented triage. It’s 0130 and his medical world is tethering across the line of surviving and dying but only Yoongi knows this.

 

Only he can at this point. 

 

“Nothing is wrong Y/N,” he says, wiping the sweat dripping down his face with the back of his hand. “Everything is okay for now. We’re coping well.” 

 

He watches you step forward, apprehension drawn across your face. “Are you sure? Why do I feel like you’re lying?” 

 

He shakes his head, “Fuck, just go and help the others, let me do my job. I’ll let everyone know if there are any other plans okay.” 

 

You frown, stepping back. “Fine, but if you need help, don’t hesitate to find me.” 

 

He nods. “Don’t worry, I will.” 

 

“We are a team you know.”

 

And he knows but he wants to be sure first. 

 

“Follow your own advice Y/N.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anyones wondering why these 5 chapters are so choppy, it's because I'm literally writing them after a 12 hour shift and as soon as I'm like, meh looks good enough, I've posted it

The ground shakes as you stand outside. 

 

Your surrounded by tents and running EMTs; the sound and feeling of gravel beneath your sneakers has never felt as refreshing in your entire life. In fact, you don’t even think you’ve thought about the ground beneath your feet in such a long time before tonight. 

 

You were just so glad to still be standing here.

 

The rush of responsibility rumbles in your blood as the wind brushes your hair back. The smell of smoke, a suffocating smell of burning wood is carried by the wind; Seoul is on fire. 

 

They know that now. 

 

It’s impossible not to know when you can see the flames boil up from the forest in the distance. 

 

The loud sound of helicopter blades slice through the air. You look up to the flickering red lights amidst the night sky of an emergency helicopter landing on the hospitals helipad above. 

 

“I think that’s Namjoon,” Jin says, cutting you out of your thoughts. The torch he carries flickers on, the fluorescent light, lighting up the vicinity. “He just transported your VIP to our Chuncheon medical centre, he should be okay there overnight.” 

 

“Good, I was feeling itchy with him here,” Folding your arms over your chest, you sigh in relief. “Do you think he’ll feel guilty when he’s well?” 

 

“What for?” 

 

You turn to Jin. “Because all of this,” you gesture to the mess and to the injured people around you. “Happened in a plan to assassinate him?” 

 

Jin shrugs his shoulders. “I doubt it. Why bomb the hospital to assassinate one man when you can suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep?” 

 

“Jesus,” Frowning, you stare at him. “That was very dark Jin.” 

 

He shrugs again. “But I’m right. Dark times call for dark humour I guess. Anyway enough of that, I’ve got a whiteboard in the resource tent so if you use anything, please make sure you record it so we know how much we have. If you get another patient, write their name and their triage status. All reds are getting sent back inside for surgery obviously, which is why you’re here. All superficial lacerations and treatable injuries stay out here. Got it?” 

 

You nod. “I do, yeah. How long will I be out here for?” 

 

“I guess until more doctors arrive.”

 

“Good, I need to stay as far away from a certain doctor inside.” 

 

Jin doesn’t ask, you’ll tell him in your own time. “Remember teamwork is important, no lone wolves allowed.” 

 

You nod. “I don’t think working alone is even possible in this situation.” 

 

Grabbing his medic bag, he shoves it over his shoulder. “That you are right. I’ll see you soon, I’m gonna go grab Jungkook, he should be out here.” 

 

“Fine.” 


	18. Chapter 18

“I think I’m going to throw up,” Taehyung admits to no one but himself. “What is going on?” 

 

A doctor he doesn’t know throws a bottle of water at him as Younggi runs over to help an elderly man with his bandages. “Drink, get your energy up.” 

 

The doctor he didn’t know in a Forest Lakes uniform throws his own empty water bottle into the bin. “Gods, what are you doing to us?” he says to no one in particular. 

 

Taehyung agrees. 

 

Since the explosion, the ER has never looked more like a mess. He hadn’t seen nor experienced anything quite like it and because two of Seouls major hospitals are shut down and the other having blown up, his hospital had become the place to be. 

 

It was unfair. 

 

And people just kept coming and coming.

 

And you’re here and you’re vacillating in emotion around him but you mostly hate him and he knows that and he hates it. He’s frustrated at everything and at everyone. 

 

“I have no idea what is going on anymore, I didn’t think a collapsed hospital would bring forth this amount of people,” Taehyung swallows his fear, surveying all the patients. “I don’t know why I thought that.” 

 

The doctor slaps Taehyung’s back. “It’s not like our hospital just blew up or anything, shit happens, we gotta rise above it so we can keep going. You can do this-” he squints at Taehyung’s name badge before grinning. “-Taehyung, we just gotta roll with the punches.” 

 

“ _ Incoming ambulance, requesting Forest Lakes Dr. Baekhyun and his trauma team at the ambulance bay to receive multitrauma patient, thank you.”   _

 

“Right, thats me. Guess it’s not going to end anytime soon is it? Hang in there man, you’ve got this. Your the rock patients need. Keep that in mind. I hope this ends soon too.” Baekhyun sighs, before rushing off towards the ambulance bay as his critical patient is rushed in. 

 

Taehyung doesn’t say anything as he watches the ambulance bay door open from where he stood. A woman is rushed in on a stretcher, impaled by a metal rod, extensive burns covering her body as her screams fill the department. Baekhyun guides the patient straight down the hallway, out of ED. 

 

A red ribbon is wrapped around her bed as she’s rushed to an operating room. 

 

Red for dying. 

 

He looks around at all the patients in beds, burns, respiratory conditions exacerbated by the journey here, cardiac monitors beeping in alarm all with yellow ribbons tied to the end of their beds. 

 

Those in the waiting room being bandaged, green wrapped around their biceps; superficially wounded. He feels like the only still thing in the room as people buzz around him, how did he suddenly find himself in the midst of a mass casualty response, Seoul was supposed to be safe? 

 

“Taehyung,” He’s handed the ward phone as Sana pats his back, “I’m sorry ...her parents want to hear about the death from you.” 

 

Taehyung takes the deepest breath he can manage holding the phone to his chest before putting the phone up against his face as he walks towards a private hallway. “Dr. Kim Taehyung of Seoul Hearts speaking.” 

 

He sinks against the wall as he listens to the sound of a parent’s heartbreak and then the sound of someone's anger over the phone. He didn’t usually deliver this kind of news over the phone but given circumstances, he thought it deemed appropriate. 

 

“ _ She’s gone, are you completely sure? I can bring my crystals, we’ll try something. We have to drive everything- _

 

_ “-give me the fucking phone Cheryl, I’ll talk to the quack.”  _

 

_ “I just can’t believe it doctor. Hospitals aren’t supposed to bring death…”  _

 

The mother stutters her disbelief over the phone again, breathing heavily before sobbing loudly into the receiver.  It breaks him.  _ “We’re on our way, please, please just try something. Save our baby.”  _

 

“I’m sorry. I tried my best ...I’m very sorry for your loss.” He holds a hand over his mouth as he tries his hardest not to cry. This was the hard part about trauma -talking to the family because then it makes everything real. 

 

A man takes over the phone, rage voice by his threats.  _ “You get your ass over to my daughter and you bring her back. If she dies, if my baby dies, I swear to god, so will you. I’ll kill you and that Forest Doctor Witch” _

 

Taehyung wants to say that he's already dead inside but holds back on the idea as Cheryl takes over the phone again. 

 

He listens as she cries. 

 

He apologises profusely. 

 

Then they hang up.


	19. Chapter 19

 

Yoongi stands by the helipad, hair thrown in a disarray as the blades of the helicopter slow to a stop. Namjoon pulls at the door, sliding it open as he jumps out and runs towards Yoongi. 

 

Yoongi smiles as he wraps his arm around Namjoons shoulder, guiding him through the doors and inside the hospital. “Hey man, shit, I wasn’t expecting you until later. How was it?” 

 

Namjoon turns back to the helicopter as the sliding doors close behind them. “Was alright, the blue house have taken over his care. So, it’s out of our hands now. Did you hear the news?” 

 

Yoongi shakes his head, unsure in what particular Namjoon was talking about this time. A lot has happened. “About what?” 

 

“Another hospital was targeted in Seoul,” he says, as Yoongi presses the button on the elevator. “Obviously, it didn’t end the way Forest Lakes did but the government is keeping super hush about it.” 

 

“Oh,” Yoongi says as the elevator doors open. “I didn’t know that, god that’s fucking huge news. Why isn’t that out?” 

 

They both walk into the elevator, Yoongi presses ground floor. “They don’t want to incite panic.” 

 

Yoongi nods. “I got a call about half an hour ago from up top. Was told that this was maliciously done and now they’re worried about superspreader patients being sent to the hospital.” 

 

Namjoon gasps. “You aren’t talking about what I think you’re talking about?” 

 

“I am.” 

 

Namjoon gulps. “What are you going to do? What are we going to do?” 

 

“Nothing. We have to wait for a call from my higher ups. I get the word and we immediately shut our doors. 

 

“Fuck.” 

 

Yoongi nods as the elevator doors close. “You can say that again.” 


	20. Chapter 20

 

“Dr. Taehyung, could you please come and look at this patient, he looks really unwell.” a student asks, poking Taehyung's shoulder. 

 

Taehyung grabs his hair in agitation, frustration overflowing his body. “Please find Dr. Y/N, and ask, she seems perfectly fine. I need to re-fuel or I’m going to crash. Sorry.” 

 

“Oh ...okay…will do...” the student cocks an eyebrow at him before running outside to you. 

 

Taehyung sighs, pushing himself back into the quiet hallway. He steals himself for a moment, overwhelmed. He isn't it usually like this. He promises. 

 

It feels like everything’s hitting him all at once. All of his greatest fears coming together, forming a tidal wave of razor blades that are slicing through his skin as it crashes down on him. 

 

He feels weak.

 

Vulnerable. 

 

In the dark. 

 

Sometimes Taehyung hated his profession. He hated the power he had. Hated how people thought of him as omniscient; someone who knew everything when clearly, he fucking didn’t. When everyone looked at him like he was God, as though he had the ability to save everyone. 

 

When people begged him to save their child, even though it was far too late. 

 

When he had the capabilities to be able to. 

 

When he didn’t. 

 

He felt like a fucking failure. 

 

Why was he even still there? 

 

Doctors learn how to save people, so why couldn’t he save these people?

 

Why?


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry that these chapters are so choppy, I want this story done asap!!

 

Jimin washes his hands after dressing and suturing a couple lacerations. He smiles as he does it, making sure to really lather the soap on his hands. He takes a deep breath as the moment of peace in this chaos takes over. He knows that when he turns around and takes in the department and the people who still needed his help, he’d have a panic attack. 

 

So he doesn’t turn around. 

 

Turning the sink off, he flicks his hands into the basin before grabbing some paper towels. 

 

He reminds himself of the reasons why he became a nurse. Of the reasons why he’s not walking out those sliding doors and walking home to where he knows no harm will come to him. Where patients don’t need him. Where he can have some peace of quiet for a fucking second. 

 

Coping methods. 

 

Protective factors. 

 

He’s got a couple of those. Drying his hands, he pulls out his phone. He calls his parents and despite it being almost 2 in the morning, Jimin doesn’t give a single damn if he wakes them up. He should’ve done this earlier. 

 

He holds the phone to his ear, leaning against the sink. 

 

He listens to it ring before a woman takes over the phone, her voice roughly whispers into the receiver. “Jimin, that you?” she asks, as though confused but elated at the surprise phone call. “My baby, are you okay?” 

 

He nods but remembers she cant see him do it. “It’s me. Just calling you to let you know that I’m safe.” 

 

She laughs over the phone, a happy sound that makes him smile. “We know, Yoongi called us. He’s a good guy that one. Thank you for calling me though was wondering when you’d personally let us know, I’m glad you’re safe. What about Y/N and Jungkook?” 

 

“Jungkook broken his arm so he’s resting up that little bitch, always manages to get out of doing work and Y/N,” Jimin turns, watching you run past him and disappearing down the hallway he had just seen Taehyung disappear into. “She looks okay but in this type of thing, you can’t really tell. People wear masks.” 

 

“That’s okay, we all gotta protect ourselves somehow.” 

 

He runs his fingers through his hair as he bites his bottom lip. “Yeah, you’re right but it doesn’t mean it’s right.” 

 

“Don’t worry about her, she’s a strong woman. Worry about you, come home safe okay?” 

 

He nods. “Will do.” 


	22. Chapter 22

 

“Damn, where do the nurses keep them here?” you throw yourself into the middle of the equipment room trying to find a goddamn IV pole to hang more fluids onto. “I swear, if I have to make one, I’m done. I’m so done.” 

 

Turning the light off, you close the door behind you. 

 

You see Taehyung as you walk further down the dark hallway. With his knees drawn close to his chest, head in his hands, shoulders shrugging as he cries. He looks so small from where you stand. 

 

It reminds you of that time he find you crying after that one particularly awful exam. He had curled himself around you, held you as you cried, it had been nice. 

 

Healthy.

 

Metres of distance separate you now and somehow, it doesn’t feel like planets anymore; the distance you had maintained for years before. 

 

You look at your sneakers and your reluctant feet. Admittedly, you feel stupid for what happened back there. You shouldn’t have acted that way but with him, you just can’t control yourself. He makes you feel so crazy in a way you haven’t felt in a long time. 

 

Since you were back in school really. 

 

In knowing that, you could either walk towards him or walk away from them. You weren’t the same Y/N from the past, you were a force to be reckoned with. A girl with so much to protect, especially from him. 

 

Stuttering in what to do, you take a deep breath, regardless of everything that happened between you, he needed someone so he could go back out there and help save more people. It didn’t mean anything more. 

 

It would be between two doctors, that’s all. 

 

Willing your reluctant self, you walk down the hallway towards him, slowly closing the distance between you. 

 

He doesn’t see you, still overwhelmed by everything. So you grab a plastic cup off the wall and stick it under the sink. The boy needs sustenance, some water will do him some good. The soothing sound of water somewhat placates him, he can feel your presence but he doesn’t will himself to check if it is in fact you. 

 

“Taehyung?” you whisper, now standing in front of him. 

 

He doesn’t say anything but the sudden silence between you feels like a response in itself. Crouching down in front of him, you hold the cup and a dark chocolate bar Irene had given you from your pocket out for him. 

 

“Hey,” you whisper, poking his knee. He looks up at you, red eyes and wet cheeks. “Why are you out here crying? Shouldn’t you be out there with Sana?” 

 

“Y/N,” He shakes his head, more tears falling from his eyes. “You won’t understand. Just go away.” 

 

“Fine,” you stammer, putting the cup beside him. “I’ll go then. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

 

“Why do you care?” 

 

“For many reasons,” You shrug your shoulders. “I mean, you would’ve done the same for me? I guess.” 

 

“No, why do you care now? You obviously didn’t back in there.” 

 

Running your fingers through your hair, you take a deep breath. “Look, back there, you were doing CPR on a child who had already passed away. You were hurting yourself and you were hurting your team. You weren't doing any good. Someone needed to stop you, so I did.” 

 

“And you had to do it so confrontationally?” He bites his bottom lip, harsh eyes stare past you. “Whatever, I guess you were right.” 

 

“I mean ...I’m sorry for how it happened but it had to Taehyung,” you whisper, holding your own hands together. “You can’t control things like this. When people leave, you have to let them go.” 

 

Silence sits between you as Taehyung finds comfort in those words, his shoulders drop when he finally speaks up. “I’ve never had someone die on me before. To have my first a paediatric patient ...she was practically a baby Y/N, someones pride and joy ...she was so young ...and I ...I couldn’t…” 

 

“Couldn’t what?” 

 

“I feel so fucking stupid, I couldn’t save her and I cou-

 

-you can’t save everyone. You know that more than anyone,” you interrupt, shifting to sit next to him, slumping yourself against the cold wall. “I can’t believe I am doing this ...did you know anything about her? The young girl?” 

 

He shakes his head. 

 

“Well,” you fiddle with your hands as you bring your knees to your chest, “You have every right to cry but I’m going to tell you why you shouldn’t. Is that okay?” 

 

“Nothing you can say right now will make me feel better Y/N, she was just a baby. Someone’s baby.” 

 

Rolling your eyes, you turn to him. “That girl was not a baby. Her name was Elias,” you whisper, “She was 13 years old. Had presented to my department 17 times for exacerbations of her pulmonary health, her parents didn’t and still don’t believe in western or even eastern medicine that I know of, no matter how hard I tried to convince them that her condition could be life threatening, they refused to believe it.” 

 

He listens, as he picks up the cup of water. He doesn’t understand why you’re being so nice to him. You watch him sip the water, colour slowly coming back to his cheeks.  

 

“When she first came to me, it was on her 11th birthday,” you say, digging into your pocket for some gauze and an extra bottle of 20ml saline. “She looked so much like my sunny but obviously older, I had almost passed out. I took her in, treated her bronchopulmonary infection and then discharged her with a strict medication regime, I lectured her parents and they understood. Things looked like they would go well on discharge.” 

 

Pouring the saline on a piece of gauze, you lean into Taehyung’s line of vision to wipe the dried blood he didn’t even know he had on his cheek. He’s startled by the familiarity of your closeness and his heart flutters at the gesture. 

 

“Um yeah, you have blood on your face,” You don’t look into his eyes, focused on cleaning him up. “Anyway, she came back in a couple days later, her parents had thrown her medication out and had begun treating her with cabbage leaves and smoke in a small hutt. Family dynamics and beliefs, are interesting and trying to respect them while maintaining patient safety can be tough but Taehyung, you did all that you could and that is commendable. Hell you got further than me, I could barely put a line in her without her parents throwing a fit!” 

 

He’s not sobbing anymore, which you take to be a good sign. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares, he looks lost in thought, impossibly stupid with his mouth agape. 

 

“I didn’t get on well with parents ...in fact her father, he was a very cruel man to me. Did some very invasive and disgusting things and I just ...I refused to care for her if it meant putting myself in a position where I would need to talk to them ...I left you in that room because I knew you’d be able to handle anything thrown at you but again, you’re consistently proving me wrong.”

 

“Oh god,” Taehyung whispers. “He tried to hurt you?” 

 

Nodding your head, you sigh. “He tried to hurt everyone, including his daughter but you know what, there’s a limit Taehyung before we end up hurting ourselves. We have to take better care of ourselves. We have to take our own pulse before we take another's. You have to stop being an idiot and look after yourself and your team. We can’t afford to be altruistic all the time, it’s impossible.” 

 

You smile at the man who now looks like the one you remember but soft pangs of hurt grate into your heart again as you stand up, his eyes following your every moment as you do. You extend your hand to him, “You can’t save everyone but you can save yourself, so take a break, have something to eat, drink some water, remember why you became a doctor and treat yourself kindly, just don’t put yourself and others at risk of-

 

“-why are you being nice to me?” he interrupts, grabbing onto your hand, staying on the floor. His voice echoes through the hallway, he’d been waiting for this conversation since you got here. “I don't deserve it. So why? Why me?”

 

Caught off guard by the tender hold of his hand, you look down at him. “Survival I guess.”  

 

“Survival?” He blinks, taken aback by your answer. He looks you over, your face holding no emotion, he wonders how long you’ve gotten used to wearing a mask. “You’ve changed a lot. Is that what you mean?” 

 

“Yes. Survival of the fittest. I can't hate you forever,” you whisper staring at the way his hand held yours. “Sometimes people have to change in order to survive, I don’t know what your life has been like for the past 5 or so years but mine have been difficult. ”

 

He smiles, a grin that doesn’t spread to his eyes like they usually do. “Mine too.”

 

Grabbing his hand tight, you pull him up to his feet. “With what? How could your life be impossibly hard, you have everything you’ve ever wanted.” 

 

He lets you pull him up. “How would you know?” He shakes his head as he stares down the hallway. “You’re wrong but I can’t expect you to know about my life since we seperated. I know you. You’re strong and you protect and care for yourself by forgetting.” 

 

“Right,” Snorting, you roll your eyes, dropping his hand. “Yes, I had to protect me because no one else was going to. I don’t remember even being as soft as you just made me out to be.”

 

He watches your hand swing back to your side. 

 

How did it get like this? 

 

“We should sit down and talk about this,” he says, feeling more desperate to get the words out than ever before. “Sooner rather than later.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because we should.” 

 

“Do we need to?” 

 

He nods. “We definitely do. You definitely deserve to hear it.” 

 

“Do I actually? It’s been years.” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

You fold your arms across your chest. “Fine, let’s talk then.” 


	23. Chapter 23

“Hoseok,” Jungkook rushes over to him, holding his cast close to his chest. Hoseok pauses in the reception, looking him over. “Hoseok, have you seen Y/N?” 

 

“Woah,” Hoseok tilts his head, pointing his finger at the plaster on his arm. “What happened to you?” 

 

“It’s a long story, have you seen her?” Jungkook asks, looking around the room. People look up, watching the two doctors curiously. 

 

“I haven’t in a while, she was supposed to go and rest with you but got pulled back on the floor. Why?” 

 

Stepping close to him, Jungkook whispers. “There’s a man here to see her and Taehyung, he looks really ...he just gives me weird vibes.” 

 

Hoseok pushes Jungkook gently away from his personal space. “What do you mean weird vibes? Please, talk in a language I can understand.” 

 

“Hobi,” He takes a deep breath before looking at the psychiatrist seriously. “I don’t know how to say this without being offensive but he honestly looks like he needs your type of assistance.” 

 

Hoseok cocks an eyebrow at this. 

 

Suddenly frustrated at him, Jungkook snaps. “Hobi, he looks like like a code grey potential code silver. He looks insane.”

 

“And he’s looking for Y/N and Taehyung?”  

 

Jungkook nods. 

 

“Where is he?”

 

Jungkook stands beside Hoseok, observing the reception where internal triage takes place, subtly pointing out a gentleman in a suit with dark circles under his eyes. He’s sitting down as a nurse drags a vital signs machine over to the woman sitting next to him. He looks exhausted, absolutely wrecked as he drinks out of his water bottle. 

 

“Are you sure?” Hoseok says, turning to Jungkook. “Have you spoken to him?” 

 

“He looks so familiar too, I can’t put my finger on it,” Jungkook nods. “I’m telling you though, this guy scares me.” 

 

Rolling his eyes, Hoseok folds his arms across his chest. “He looks fine to me, stop profiling people, it’s not your job and you just look ridiculous.” 

 

Jungkook watches Hoseok walk away. “I’m serious!” 

 

“Yeah whatever, go get some rest. All that pain relief has gone to your head. Maybe you’re the one who needs my attention.” Hobi laughs as he wanders back into the heart of the department.

 

What, even he won't listen?  

 

“Seokjin!” Jungkook shouts, spotting him in the external triage outside. “Jin, does that guy back there in the messy old suit look familiar to you?” 

 

He shakes his head. 

 

“What vibe does he give off?” 

 

Jin sighs. “Look, I don’t have time to play these stupid fuckboy games with you Jungkook, leave it and leave me alone.

 

“I ask because he looks dangerous-

 

“-no buts, go away!” Jin snaps, stalking away again. 

 

Jungkook begins to burn in anger. He turns, watching the man, sink into the seat as he eyes up the staff only entrance into the paediatric emergency department. He has a bad fucking feeling, why won’t anyone listen to him? 


	24. Chapter 24

“Mina, it’s lovely to see you after so long but could you please give me some space to finish this job so I can leave,” you ask, your hands pausing at the child's arm. “I know what I am doing-

 

“-just cannulate that kid and then leave us alone, I don’t need pesky Forest Lake doctors in my department who don’t know our protocols. You might think you’re helping but you’re not. So hurry up.” she interrupts and you wish you never offered to give her a hand when Taehyung begged for you to go instead of him. 

 

It’s 0200 hours and you’ve just triaged a patient straight into the paediatric emergency department in one of the worst decisions you’ve made recently, you take the offer from Taehyung to help the busy medical team there. 

 

“I’m serious Dr. Y/N, you best hurry up and get out.” 

With long black hair, a plump girth underneath the pink floral of her scrubs and a name badge with “Dr. Mina” written in pink child like font, she leans over your shoulder. You hadn’t seen her since the day you stormed into their engagement party, and boy did she look different.

“Mina, please kindly stop. I’m a doctor too.” 

The women in question, the apparent chief of the paediatric ward, frowns at you. “Jesus christ have mercy on us all. What the hell are you doing?” she yells over your shoulder and straight into the shell of your ear. “You’re putting it in wrong. You have to be more careful with children. They aren’t like adults.”

Without a second to rearrange the position of your hands as you try to insert a cannula into the child, she shoves your shoulder, pushing you through the curtain of the small bedding cubical. 

You fall onto the empty bed.

“If you can’t do it, don’t do it.”

Startled, the patient's parents stare at Mina in shock. 

_ What the hell?  _

Your phone vibrates in your pocket as you stand back up. “I don’t know why you thought that was appropriate to do in front of a patient and their family Mina but I must apologise. I see you are far more experienced with the clinical skills of a child since you are one,” Grabbing your phone, you sigh in relief at Yoongi’s page. Smoothing the ruffles of your scrubs, you bow politely to the patient’s family before leaving them to their own devices. 

“If you’d excuse me, I believe I have been paged to help Yoongi,” turning to the patient's family, you smile. “Sorry about that, I promise you regardless of this monster, you are in good hands. I’m going Mina, good luck.” 

“Good,” she says, rubbing her belly for a second. “If you see Taehyung, send him in. I could use with experienced pediatric doctors.”

“He is not experienced in paediatrics like I am, hence why he sent me in his stead,” Your insides twist in anger. “I am experienced with children, I have my own too. I just do not have experience with cranky asshole doctors like you.”

The parents snort at your insult. 

Mina gasps. 

And you leave without feeling an inch of her fury. 

“Yikes.” you shiver in disgust, suddenly feeling sympathetic for Taehyung. 

 

 

How bad has his life been since you disappeared? 


	25. Chapter 25

 

Taehyung paces in front of you. “Look, I know this is going to sound ridiculous but I was immature and confused back then Y/N. I’m not going to excuse the way that I left you, that was cruel and I’m sorry about that.”

 

You snort. “Go on.”

 

“Do you know what a political marriage is?” he asks and you nod your head, “I’ve been in one for the past five years with Dr. Mina, she’s a horrible woman with ambitious parents and she makes me want to die.”

 

“And?”

 

He stops pacing, standing in front of you. “Yeah so my only happiness is work, so I overwork and it’s killing me quickly. You saw me back there?”

 

You nod. “Yes, you were overworking yourself.”  

 

“It’s out of habit now.”

 

You’re so confused and tired, what is he saying. “What are you saying?”

 

“I’m in a marriage for her benefit and I’ve been trying to divorce her and she’s pregnant with another surgeons child and my parents think it’s mine, which is impossible because the last person I slept with was you and now she’s off blackmailing me when I should be blackmailing her and it’s a mess and I’m not happy and I have only Yoongi as my friend and I have no one else in my life that can make me stop whatever that is in my head and I hate myself.” he pants at the end of his rant and you blink up at him.

 

“Jesus Taehyung, breathe,” you pat his shoulder tenderly. “And do your parents know?”

 

“Not about me, no, I don’t think they’ve ever cared about what I think,” He shakes his head. “Ever wondered why when we were last together, we were able to kiss so openly without interruption?” he whispers, turning to look at you. “It’s because everyone in that room already knew about you, some even knew you’d turn up, my mother was unconvinced, she was certain you’d never show.”

 

“She didn’t even know me?”

 

He laughs uncomfortably. “I think that’s the worst part-” he looks up at you again, a painful kind of expression takes over face. “She never even wanted to. She knew another woman made me happy, but nothing could compare to the riches marrying me off to Mina’s family would bring. Even if it meant locking her only son into a relationship prison and throwing the key down a dark tunnel full of lies.”

 

“You didn’t have to marry her.”

 

“I had to,” he says, grabbing onto your hands. “She gave me an ultimatum. It was the family or you, and she told me she was sick ...terminally ...I couldn’t ...I love my family ...I just…”

 

“Taehyung, people who truly love you do not give you ultimatums,” You shake his hands off you, not wanting to hear anymore of this conversation. “We could’ve had a family together you know, did you ever think about that when you made your decision?”

 

The question was rhetorical, he knew that.

 

“I would never make you choose between your family and a family you could have, that’s not my responsibility, you’re a capable person, capable of thinking for yourself.” You turn your back to him, not wanting him to see you like this when you don’t think you can keep your tears to yourself.  

 

“How do we move past this? What happened happened,” he asks, his voice low. “I want to move forward with you, but how?”

 

“I guess, we just ...I don’t know ...I have a family now and you’re a mess, maybe we just need to keep to ourselves. Sort ourselves out. Especially you, you should probably sort yourself out. We don’t work well together and despite all these crazy feelings you’re making me feel just by being in front of me again, we should stop. Make professional boundaries and I don’t know ...maybe we shouldn’t… even, I guess bother being friends either.”  

 

“My heart hasn’t stopped pounding since I saw you Y/N, I can’t promise you professional boundaries,” he says, reaching out for your arm. You let the warmth of his hand wrap around your arm. You watch the way his fingers caress your skin before intertwining with your own. “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you but I can hope you will forgive me right?

 

You lace your fingers with his. “Taehyung, like I said before, I can’t hate you forever and I’ve already forgiven you but I can’t forgive myself for the way I feel in my heart and I know it’s really stupid and ugly and gross to say but I know what you mean, I don’t even know why I asked, obviously we can’t be professional around each other. There’s too many feelings.”

 

“I know.” he whispers.

 

“But you know what? I’m stronger than this, I don’t need you, I don’t need this. I’m okay on my own.”

 

“But I’m not,” he deadpans, holding you tighter. “I need you.”

 

You cringe. “No, you don’t need me.”

 

“But I want you.”

 

“Ew, now is obviously not the time for this,” you frown, trying to seperate your hand from his but he holds on impossibly tight, as though afraid of letting you go again. “I’m serious Taehyung, I lot has happened between us, we can’t just ...go back to whatever we were…”

“I’ll protect you.” 

“You can’t.” 

He sighs. “I will. I just.. Y/N, how do you feel holding my hand right now?”

You shrug.

“What does it make you feel?”

You shrug again.

“Do you feel anything?”

You roll your eyes.

Shifting to stand in front of you, he smiles gingerly tilting his head side to side. You look away from him, embarrassed at how close he is to you. “Go away Taehyung or I’ll punch you in the throat.”

“Y/N, are you as happy as I am?”

You shrug. “Are you nuts? Have you forgotten what exactly happened today-

“-no, I could never but I know that you’re still affected by me. I just want to know if this is mutual. I feel intoxicated by every emotion and it’s all because of you and I guess you could say, I feel alive again, do you?” he watches your eyes nervously flicker to the floor, anywhere where he isn’t.

 

"What are you even saying..." You blush, feeling butterflies flutter in your stomach. “Are you nuts? Have you forgotten what exactly happened today-

 

“-I mean it but if you don't feel the same, I’ll keep my distance from you. If you’re happy, I don’t want to ruin something good for you just because I still want you,” he watches your eyes nervously flicker to the floor, anywhere where he isn’t. "But if you want me too, I'll make you happy everyday, I can promise that."

 

“Taehyung, I have a family. I'm not that girl anymore.”

 

He laughs, but you notice how his smile doesn't reach his eyes. “I know.”

 

“No, I have a child Taehyung. I literally am not that girl anymore.”

 

His hand ever so lightly loosens in yours. "A child?"

 

“I’m not lying either,” Your heart pounds, _do I tell him she’s his?_ “I have a family. There’s 4 of us and I have a daughter, her name is Sunny and her father is-

“Y/N, what are you doing in here?” Yoongi calls out, interrupting you as the hallway door closes loudly behind him. Namjoon stands beside him. Both adorning equally as confused expressions at you two. “Aren’t you supposed to be outside with Seokjin?”

 

“What were you saying?” Taehyung asks quickly, as you ignore him to look over his shoulder. “Y/N, your daughter Sunny?”

 

But you aren’t as strong as you think you are and the seconds you spend staring into space wondering if telling him would be a regret, you decide that it might be, so you don’t say anything more. There's too much to risk and you aren't ready to be completely honest with a man who made you feel like you weren't worth enough to do the same. 

 

“Wait, is that ...it’s Namjoon!” you squeal, breaking away from Taehyung to run to him. Taehyung turns around, watching you leap across the tile towards him.

 

Throwing your hands around his neck, you hug the dear life out of him. Taehyung watches as Namjoon wraps his arms around your waist, picking you up off the ground and swinging you around. “Babe, oh my god,” he giggles. “You weigh a ton.”

 

“Babe?” Taehyung whispers, feeling realisation spread through his heart. “He must be the father, I knew I never liked him.”

 

Taehyung walks over to Yoongi. “Hey,” Yoongi whispers, punching Taehyung’s shoulder. “What the fuck? Why are your eyes red, you been crying?”

 

“No, I haven’t.” Taehyung frowns, hitting Yoongi back.

 

“Yes, you have,” Yoongi steps closer to Taehyung to inspect his eyes. “You can’t fool me, I’m the king at diagnosing this kind of stuff.”

 

“Diagnosing?”

 

Yoongi nods. “Yeah, little bitch syndrome. Why are you two out here on your own? Did Taehyung fuck up again?”

 

“This is a nice greeting,” Namjoon smiles, putting you back on the ground. “I didn’t expect of all people to see you with, I’d see you with Taehyung. Care to explain?”

 

“Hold up Joon, Yoongs, you mean him crying is a regular thing?” Taehyung blushes as you watch him.

 

“Taehyung is our little petal doctor, he’s depressed and married slash, trying to divorce a dragon Y/N, but I don’t expect you to know that since you don’t know him ...or do you?

 

“I do actually, Min Yoongi. You shouldn’t call him a little bitch for crying, at least he’s man enough to do it,” You step back, smiling at Taehyung before turning to Namjoon again. “Oh, and there’s nothing to explain, we were just reminiscing the good ol days and burying old hatches.”

 

“I’m sure that’s true. Good to see you again Taehyung, I trust you’ve been well?” Namjoon leans forward, lightly patting Taehyung’s shoulder.

 

Taehyung hates how it makes him feel so uncomfortable. “I have been fine,” he says, watching you fawn at Namjoon’s jacket. The gesture makes him feel jealous. “Thanks for asking. How have you been?”

 

“I’m happy thanks for asking Taehyung,” he smiles, patting your head. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with my family. Showering my partner in love is actually what I plan on doing after this, tonight was a close call for us both. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they hadn’t escaped in time, I would’ve ...I don’t know what I would’ve done actually. Nothing good, I can promise that much.”

 

Your cheeks go red as you feel a systemic guilt wash over you.  

 

You know what that tone of voice implies.

 

Had you not gone inside and saved Jungkook, Jin would’ve been with Namjoon sooner and he wouldn’t have had to worry if he was still alive the way he did.

 

Taehyung watches what he thinks is a blush cover your face. “I know what you mean,” he says faintly, feeling the cracks in his heart crack further down the muscular organ, “I don’t know what I would’ve done either.”

 

And Yoongi stands watching it all wondering what the fuck was even happening.


	26. Chapter 26

Jungkook sits in the reception, watching the man drink the last remaining sips from his water bottle before throwing it into the silver trash can. “Sir, can I help you?” a nurse asks, speaking carefully to the man.

Jungkook can tell that she also feels uncomfortable. Something flickers across her face, Jungkook watches carefully. “Are you drunk?” she asks, putting her fingers under her nose. 

He shakes his head, an eerie and haunting laugh slips past his lips. “No, my darling, I am just living through my grief, you see my daughter just passed away in your ER. I don’t know how to cope with the loss.” 

He cries. 

The nurse’s resolve drops as she pats down his back. 

Jungkook narrows his eyes. 

He stands up, ready to walk and confront him when he’s stopped where he stands by the banshee sound of a woman's scream walking through the entrance. Everyone in the room looks up, as she supports her back with one hand and the protruding belly with the other. 

“My wife, she’s in labour, please we need help,” the young man says, supporting her shoulders. “Please.” 

She screams again. 

Nurses grab a wheelchair for her before pressing the green button on the paediatric maternal emergency department door. They rush over and Jungkook looks up to where the man had been sitting earlier, it was empty. 

He had gone. 

Jungkook has a feeling something bad is about to happen. “Irene,” he shouts, spotting her giving an old man some water. “Have you seen Yoongi? I have a seriously bad feeling right now.” 

Irene nods, her face increasingly pale. “A Jungkook feeling, it can’t be good. I saw him in the resus bay with Namjoon. Y/N’s in the paediatric bay, did you hear?” 

“Hear what?” 

“Elias, the kid that kept coming into Forest because her parents are super hippy and culty just died. Taehyung was in code for an hour trying to bring her back, Y/N stopped them. She died, weird, we won’t see her again...” 

“Elias?”

Irene continues talking but as soon as she had said her name, Jungkook had grown ice fucking cold. 

He knew he recognised him. 

Elia’s father. 

The man with the vendetta against you. 

“You do know that he tried to stalk Y/N last year right? She has a restraining order against him Irene! This is not good Irene, not good!” 


	27. Chapter 27

Jungkook runs faster than he’s ever run before, solely dependent on the rush of adrenaline. “NAMJOON. Y/N, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” He screams across the Emergency Department. 

Everyone looks up at him bewilderedly. 

Patients watch curiously. 

Yoongi, Taehyung and Namjoon pop out from a cubical, all wearing gloves. “Jungkook, whats up?” Namjoon blinks. 

“It’s Y/N.” he pants, running up to the group. 

Taehyung pushes Namjoon into the curtain. “What about her?” 

Jungkook looks at all three of them. “I think she’s in trouble.” 

“What kind of trouble?” Namjoon asks. 

Taehyung’s hands begin to shake. “Where is she?”

“I have no idea, I came to ask you guys?”

Yoongi feels a vibration in his pocket. 

Stepping back from Jungkook, he pulls out his pager, reading the code gray located in the paediatric emergency department LED warning flash across the small black box.

“Fuck my life,” Yoongi says, shoving it back in his pocket before ripped off his gloves. “Code Gray has been triggered in the paediatric emergency department, she’s probably there.” 

Taehyung pushes past Jungkook with only one thing on his mind, he’ll protect you, he can do that now. 


	28. Chapter 28

“Mina!” you yell, shifting on your feet you turn and run to the nursing station. “Yah, someone, I need help.” But the words die on your tongue as you stare at her through a locked room, her face filling up the window.

She had locked herself in to hide.

And you can’t blame her for it.

“Y/N, I’m scared,” a child you had treated earlier says, suddenly running behind your leg. Your anxiety catapults through the roof, this wasn’t safe, someone is going to get hurt. “Fuck.”

He looks up to you,“Why is he so ang-wy?”

“Tommy, you need to go back to your bed,” you say calmly, petting his head. “Your mother won't be impressed with you. Go to bed, right now.”

You feel him shake his head against your leg, as he wraps his arms tightly around your thigh. “I don’t wanna. You’re my new mummy.”

“Tommy, go back to your room right now.” The man stares bewilderedly at the child before flickering is burning gaze to the scalpel on the ground.

“But I don’t wanna.”

Everything happens too quickly.

You, detaching Tommy from your leg. “Go to your fucking room Tommy, I won't tell you again.”

Tommy, throwing a tantrum in front of you. “No! I don’t want to leave you, I’m scared. Don’t yell at me what did I do to you. I thought you were nice.”

“TOMMY I SAID GO TO YOUR FUCKING BED NOW.”

Him, picking up the scalpel.

Taehyung and Yoongi and Namjoon and Jungkook rounding the corner, white sneakers a blur as Tommy screams when Jungkook runs toward him, pulling him away to cradle his body.

As Taehyung runs in front of you.

As the scalpel is thrown through the air.

And you’re a heart beat too late to push you both out of the way.

“No, Taehyung!” you scream but it all happens too quickly to prevent it. Then all you see is red, dripping down his hands as Taehyung falls on top of you.  

Yoongi and Namjoon tackle the man before he can do further damage.

Taehyung’s blood seeps through your scrubs, drenching your skin. “Y/N, are you okay?” he whispers, raising his bloodied hand to your cheek as he presses himself on top of you trying to compress his wounds with your body. “You’re okay right?”

You cry as you nod. “I’m okay, are you okay?”

He’s pale.

You have no idea what kind of injury he has sustained. “I don’t know Y/N but I’m okay if you’re okay.”

He’s too pale.

“You’re so fucking stupid Taehyung,” You press your forehead against his, “I can’t believe you.” you whisper, tears falling down your face.

His eyes close as his lips turn into a grin. “I told you that I’d protect you.” 

The blood seeps into the floor around you, and everything happens so quickly and loudly as Taehyung blacks out on top of you.

And no amount of shouting his name could bring him back as he’s lifted from you by Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok and forced onto a stretcher where they could rip his shirt open and look at the extensive damage being sliced open caused.

You watch as they rush him away as security cart Elias’ father in makeshift handcuffs away in shock. 

You watch from the floor as Tommy cries in Jungkook’s arms.

You lift your hands up, inspecting the amount of blood on your hands.

Him. His. 

Taehyung’s blood. 

Everything feels unreal.

Everything hurts.

There’s a deafening silence, a buzzing in your ear but you can still make out the voices loud and clear shouting across the room and you suddenly wish you hadn't. 

_“He’s losing too much blood, we need to take him to theatre immediately.”  
_

_“Arterial bleed?”_

_“Taehyung, open your eyes you fucking idiot. I’m sorry for calling you a little bitch, you’ve proven yourself not to be one. Just wake up? Wake up!”  
_

_“We need blood! Jimin, blood! He’s lost so much.”_

Jungkook lets the kid go, watching him run back to his room before sliding across the floor to you. “Are you okay?” he whispers, looking at the blood that had splattered across your face. 

You shake your head because you most certainly were not okay. “Jungkook,” you gulp, turning to face him. “Go, make sure Taehyung’s okay ...he jumped in front of me Jungkook, go, make sure he’s okay.” 

“Y/N-

“-no fucking buts, go! Go save him Jungkook, go! You have to go!” you shout, tears suddenly streaming down your face. 

Jungkook does the only thing he knows how, he leans forward, scooping you into his arms and holds you has you cry. 

 

 

“Everything will be okay Y/N, everything will be okay.” 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another little one

Being in love is like having open heart surgery.

 

Taehyung knows this well. 

 

A surgeon will cut through his chest to have a look at his beating heart somewhat like the girl who gets him, when he’s vulnerable, to open up. Obviously, she’ll try in a less invasive way but in similarity, they both have an opportunity to get inside his body and mess him up. 

 

And it goes a little like this.  

 

He’s vulnerable to infection on that operating table and the walls he had built in defence so that bacteria can’t hurt him on that table, will only protect him for so long before their defences crumble down. And when that happens, everything else that comes with having his chest torn open forces its way into his heart. 

 

He could very well die from it, people have, people do all the time. 

 

And the warning pangs before his heart breaks ...people can die from that too. People have died from heart break all throughout history. 

 

It’s a thing. 

 

A real thing. 

 

And after his operation, there’s no sure guarantee he’ll recover. Things like this take time, maybe weeks or months, sometimes even years.  

 

In his case, years, but Taehyung doesn’t think he’ll ever recover. 

 

He’s not the same person he was and there’s no way for him to return to his former being. He’s stuck in a weird state of being. 

 

Love is synonymous with pain and death, you both know that now just as much as he knows that love is a bold murderess. She leaves no one unscathed of her power and one never leaves love the same person as the one who walked right into it. 

  
She hurts.

 

Always has. 

 

_ And, she always will. _

 

“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Yoongi shouts, his voice somewhat muffled through his surgical mask. “Jimin, we need a unit of red blood cells. Sana, watch his heart closely.”

 

Jimin hangs up the cold bag of red blood cells. Connecting the line to the bag, he watches as the blood slowly fills down to the very end before clamping it. “Hanging red, connecting now.” 

 

He inserts the line in to the infusion machine before connecting it to Taehyung’s cannula. “Stitch, please.” Yoongi sticks his hand out as the scrub nurse leans close, handing him the correct needle holder and then the following equipment consecutively. No words are exchanged, they just know. 

 

“A pretty stock standard operation for assisted closure. He won’t need a vac dressing, just regular cares for this.” He states, hoping the floating doctor is documenting. 

 

They all interweave in the operating room as Taehyung lays helplessly on the table, hudson mask on his nose and mouth, green cloth carefully thrown across his body save for the midline wound on his chest. 

 

“We’re almost done here.” Yoongi says as Namjoon connects him up to a blood transfusion. Handing the needle holder back to the nurse, she swaps it with a honeycomb dressing. 

 

Everyone watches Yoongi put the dressing on his chest. “Right. No internal injuries. No problems. All remarkable findings with his arteries. Vitals are stable. Blood pressure is resolving with the blood transfusion. Once the motherfucker is awake, we can all take turns punching him in the face.” 

 

Namjoon snorts. “I take it that you don’t like him?” 

 

Yoongi walks away from the table, shy of ripping his apron, cap and mask off. “Excuse me?” With the most serious face he could master, he shakes his head. “No, he’s my bestfriend and what he did was fucking selfish and selfless. I love the kid, would do anything for him.” 

 

There’s an awkward kind of tension in the room that Jimin can’t decipher. “Yoongi, that was amazing, watching you in your prime. You’ve never looked so serious.” 

 

Yoongi shakes his head, physically snapping himself out of that weird headspace fatigue keeps pushing him into. Smiling at the boy, he winks. “You mean, sexy?” 

 

Everyone in the room groans. 

 

Namjoon rolls his eyes. 

 

Sana starts helping the scrub nurse pack up. 

 

One small mercy. 

 

“Send him to recovery, get him out of here,” Yoongi whispers and Jimin nods as he watches Yoongi throw himself out of the operating theatre. “I’m out of here.” 


	30. Chapter 30

You pace outside theatre, it’s quiet, save for the sounds of frantic feet running to and from the equipment room. The hallways are longer than you imagined here, they seem to go on forever in this hospital. Will he be okay?

 

“He’ll be okay,” you whisper, biting your bottom lip. “It’s just a midline laceration on his chest and it’s not too deep. He’ll be okay. Stop freaking out.” 

 

Folding your arms across the new grey scrubs the theatre nurses let you wear, you pace outside the theatre room. Everything was a mess. Everything lately had turned into something so much bigger than what you could’ve ever imagined. You had no idea what was going on anymore. 

 

Absolutely nothing. 

 

Leaning your back against the wall, you close your eyes. Your eyes were so damn sore. You needed to sleep. You needed to eat. You needed to just stop thinking. 

 

But of course, you cannot. “Come on, it’s been half an hour. Where are you-” 

 

“Yoongi, where are you going?” Namjoon shouts out, emerging from the theatre door after Yoongi, who stalks off. You push off the wall and rush towards him. “Is he okay?” you ask.

 

"Yoongi or Namjoon?"

 

You frown at the brunette. "What? No, is Taehyung okay?" 

 

"Oh," You watch him as he takes off his bloodied surgical cap, throwing it into the bin beside you. “We’re transfusing a unit of red blood cells at the moment just because he’s lost quite a bit. We irrigated the wound, stapled him back up, stitched a couple things up, stuck a honeycomb dressing on and he’ll be out soon. We’re gonna send him to a quiet room in recovery so if you want to be with him ...he’ll be there. Just give us a couple more minutes to transfer him.” 

 

You nod, reassurance flooding your veins. “He’s okay that’s all that matters.” 

 

Namjoon rolls his eyes. “You two ...give the boy an opportunity,” he pushes himself past you reluctantly. “I better get back. If you need me, I’ll be with Jin outside. Look after yourself, I’ll see you later.” 

 

“Thanks Joon.” 

 

He turns to smile before walking backwards towards the emergency department entrance. 

 

“Wasn’t me, it was all Yoongi.” 

 


	31. Chapter 31

“Theatre’s now officially in gridlock,” Yoongi announces, pacing his room as his desk phone rings off the hook. “We can’t move anyone into theatre for the next hour so if any needs an operation, we’re totally fucked.” 

Namjoon slumps into the chair in front of his desk. He doesn’t understand why Yoongi is ignoring a solution so clearly written in front of him. “What can we do? I think our only option is to just close our doors at this point. The wards are all full. We can’t take anyone on.” 

Running his hands through his hair, Yoongi grabs his cheeks, pulling them down in frustration. He knows the solution is obvious, but it doesn’t mean he wants to take it. “That’s the thing Namjoon, we’re the only hospital still open in the region. It would be so fucking wrong to close our doors. No, I can’t do it.” 

Namjoon shrugs in response. “Yoongi, we can’t help it. We can’t even provide basic care to a person when our floor space in the Emergency Department is completely covered and our resources are depleting at a rapid pace. Not to mention our medical centres across town are full too. What more do you want?” 

Yoongi doesn’t say anything as he walks around his desk. 

He bites his bottom lip as he taps his fingers against the wood. 

Namjoon watches as he reluctantly reaches out for the phone. 

“Make the call Yoongi. You know you need to.” 

He looks up to Namjoon, blonde hair falling over his eyes. There’s a tense feeling the air between them as they glare at each other. 

Namjoon smiles softly. “You have to Yoongi, we can’t keep this up.” 

Yoongi closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. “I’ll do it but honestly, fuck you Namjoon. You just had to go ahead and get your fucking hospital blown up,” picking up the phone, he holds it up to his face before dialing the number. “Worst day of my life.” 

“Could’ve been your last Yoongi.” 

“Namjoon,” Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Just shut the fuck up.” 

Namjoon sinks back into his chair as he Yoongi falls into his leather desk chair. They both wait until someone picks up the phone on the other end. 

“Hi, sorry to call you so early in the morning. I’m Min Yoongi of Seoul Hearts Hospital, can you please put me through to the director?” 

_ You’re speaking to him? How can I help you Dr. Min Yoongi.  _

“It’s regarding the hospital. We’re in gridlock. We have no beds. All electives and discharges have been processed. We have no more room. I don’t know what more you want us to do ...we can’t continue like this ...we have to close the hospital down to handle what we have already,” Yoongi and Namjoon stare at each other over the phone. “I’m calling you to tell you that we can’t accept more patients. We’re closing our doors to the public.” 

_ You can’t close the hospital yet, wait for my orders- _

“-we’re under-resourced without beds, where do you suppose the patients go?” Yoongi snaps into the shell of the phone. “Look, if anyone needs surgery, we can’t. We have to take care of the people already here first. Triage is acting as another ward right now.” 

_ Yes, I understand but it will affect the reputation of our hospital. We are still awaiting orders from the top regarding the potential risk of MERS, so hold the phone.   _

“Taking care of the hospitals reputation is not my job, it’s yours. Caring for my people is my job, so stop being a fucking asshole and think about everyone in the damn hospital for once. We can’t cope with the strain. We’re closing.” Yoongi slams the phone back on his desk before throwing his head into his hands.

 

"We're fucking closing." 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even sorry for another short one

“Honestly Dr. Y/N,” a familiar feminine voice whispers beside him. The sound nags him, a voice he knows but a voice he doesn’t want to hear. “He’s fine. He just needs to stay in bed for a day. He took quite a stab with that scalpel.”

You release his hand to grab a wet cloth for his face. “You don’t have to tell me, I was there, you were hiding. Not that I can blame you ...you’re pregnant ...I just…”

_It’s her._

“I thought his jacket would at least protect him from most of the knife,” your voice sounds so broken, he doesn’t know how to process that, he doesn’t even want to. “I didn’t even think it would be this bad.”

_Where am I?_

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” She watches you dab his forehead with the cooling cloth. “It happened so quickly, I don’t expect you to remember everything.”

_What?_

“The force he threw into it ...it’s chilling actually because I can’t stop thinking about it ...the man wanted to kill you,” Taehyung frowns as he tries to pull himself through the foggy mist in front of his eyes. Someone tried to kill you? “I mean, I’m not fond of you either but Y/N, I’ve never seen such devilish eyes before. He looked evil.”

_Devilish eyes? Evil?_

“And this big stupid idiot, threw himself in front of me,” you sob, and Taehyung feels a warm hand brush his hair back. It must be yours. “He’s taller than me, if he hadn’t jumped in front of me ...he would’ve… he could’ve...”

“Great, you’ve realised. He would’ve sliced open your throat Y/N,” she finishes for you. “Better him than you, he can bounce back from this. You definitely ...would not have...”

“I h-hope so ...no one has ever done something like that for me… I just ...I can’t believe he did that,” You lean close to him, tenderly placing a kiss on his temple, something you hope translates to how thankful you are that you’re both okay as tears fall down your face. “I just ...don’t understand, why? Why did he do it.”

“For a doctor, you’re stupid,” Pulling back, you look up to her as she stares softly at you both. “Why else would he do it?”

Silence ensues as you think.

And she rolls her eyes at your ignorance.  

“Y/N, it’s only ever been you. So, of course he’d save you,” you watch Mina’s ringless fingers rub over her protruding stomach. “He’d never do that for me, that’s for certain but we don’t really know each other. Never have. Don’t really want to.”

Sighing, you whisper. “But I don’t understand?”

“You protect the people you love Y/N, what part of that do you not understand,” She snaps, frowning at you. “He loves you, always has, always will. My boyfriend would protect me, would protect his family. Taehyung did what was right, get over it.”

“But he left-

“-oh shut up, that happened a million years ago,” she shouts. “Men are disappointing, why have you only just learnt this. People we love hurt us the most because they have the power to but Taehyung just saved your life. Be kinder on him, he hasn’t been the happiest person since ...well you know…since.”

You sigh as you lean back into your seat. “I know.”

Taking a deep breath, you hold his hand as you feel all of your inner battles come to the forefront of your mind. Why is this so hard? Why is letting go of the past so goddamn difficult? Why? WHY DO YOU FEEL SO FUCKING ANGRY. “Is it possible to stop being so filled with anger?”

She laughs. “Honey, others call that sexual frustration. Maybe you just need to fuck it out.”

You gasp at her as she chuckles to herself. “Jesus christ, I just remembered who I’m speaking to.”

“Only now? Yikes, okay. I’ll leave you guys to it, if he wakes up, just alert one of the nurses ...yeah ...you know the drill. I’ll stop being a bitch to you if you stop being stupid,” You watch her as she stands, she pushes back the tethers of hair falling in front of her face, behind her ear. “Sound like a deal?”

You nod, and it’s not like you had a choice when she walks away from you before you get to say your piece, her mind already made up. Of all people to have a conversation about him with, you did not expect it to be her.

But of all people, you knew it would’ve made you feel the most the quickest. “Taehyung, weirdly, I think I’m starting to like your wife ...ex wife? Whatever, I have no idea.”  

 

If Taehyung could laugh, he would.

* * *

 

 

Taehyung wakes up not that much later to the sound of soft snores beside him. He blinks, vision clearing as he stares at the white ceiling above him. 

The clicking sounds of an IV machine pushing fluids are on the other side of him, a line connects the machine to his left hand. He can hear the traffic of feet outside the cubicle, voices he doesn’t recognise but a tone he feels all too familiar with. 

Panic. 

He was still in Seoul Hearts Hospital.

“Am I in the recovery room?” he asks, voice course from lack of water. 

A cardiac monitor beeps beside him as the blood pressure cuff inflates around his upper arm, taking and recording his blood pressure. A stool and a desk beside him is empty, a recovery nurse not in site. He groans, having never liked the feeling of a cuff on his arm as it completely deflates. 

He raises his hand to his face, incapable of raising his other hand. “No oxygen? Is my arm broken? Why does it feel so heavy?”

“No broken feet?” Wiggling his toes, he blinks. “I’m okay?” 

Wiping your mouth in your sleep, you turn your head, snoring in his direction. 

The sound catches him off guard and he freezes. “Y/N?”

Sleeping on your arm and holding his hand with the other, he watches you in shock as you hold onto him for dear life. Looking down at himself, he notices the new hospital gown and the faint tendrils of pain across his chest. 

Using his free hand, he pulls the gown off his chest to look down at the dressing on his  expanse of his chest. “What the…”

He frowns as he rests back against the bed. 

“Oh,” he whispers, remembering faintly what had happened, still suppressed by the medication. The man, the scalpel, you. It had been a thoughtless decision to jump in front of you, he just knew that he had to. 

He wanted to. 

The IV machine beeps as he bends his arm. He immediately straightens it, fearful of waking you up. 

Lord knows how long you've gone without sleeping.

He feels sluggish. His eyes want to close but he wants to be awake. He wants to wake you up but he wants to sleep. It’s weird. He can’t explain himself. He can’t even think straight.

As much as he can handle, he rolls slightly on his side to look at you. It hurts but it’s worth it. “Wow, just few hours ago you could barely handle being around me.”

He rubs his thumb over your knuckles, smiling softly to himself. Carting his other hand through your hair, he stops to try and take the blanket off him for you but the movement hurts so he only gets as far as putting it on your one shoulder. 

He wishes he could do more.

Taehyung lays back down, feeling exhaustion pull his eyelids closed. 

He needs to sleep. 

He doesn’t want to but he knows he has no choice, so he gives in. 

And you both sleep for a couple more hours. 

 


	33. Chapter 33

 

Hoseok finds Jungkook sitting on the bench in the drug room getting a dose of sevredol from one of the nurses. “Jungkook!” he shouts, pushing open the door and walking towards the doctor with the broken arm.

 

Jungkook ignores him as he explains how much it hurts. “Nurse, the pain is an 8/10 right now, I haven’t taken anything since they put the cast on-

 

“-Dr. Jungkook, I’m only giving you a small dose. I don’t want to impair your judgement. You should be resting,” The nurse places a small blue pill in his hand before locking the rest of the pills in the safe. “Let me get you some water.”

 

Jungkook nods.

 

“Jungkook,” Hoseok tries again, feeling particularly guilty. “I’m sorry about… I’m sorry for ignoring you back there. I should’ve taken you seriously.”

 

Hoseok watches Jungkook throw the pill down his throat before dry swallowing it. “And yeah, I’ve been looking for you to tell you that I’m sorry. I really am.”

 

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Go away Hoseok, you have no respect for me. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?”

 

Hoseok sighs. “Really? After I apologise to you? I’m trying here, why are you so immature-

 

Jungkook raises his good arm. “I’m going to stop you right there. Even children learn that if you have nothing nice to say, you don’t say anything at all.”

 

The nurse comes back holding a little cup of water for Jungkook. He accepts it graciously, smiling widely at the nurse. “Thank you sister.”

 

She rolls her eyes. “Just get out of here Jungkook.”

 

He salutes her before she leaves the room again.

 

Jungkook chugs the rest of the water as Hoseok seethes in anger. “Jungkook are you going to listen to me?”

 

Throwing the cup into the bin beside him, Jungkook shakes his head. “Had you listened to me in the first place, it’s likely that no one would’ve been hurt. You should actively listen to people more, doesn’t matter if they’re a psychiatric patient and you’re being paid for it or a doctor who needs help, I’ve just noticed that you genuinely suck at it.”

 

Jungkook jumps off the counter.

 

Hoseok frowns.

 

“But it’s cool,” Jungkook shrugs, walking away. “Just stay away from me Hoseok, I’m too immature for you and your face pisses me off. It’s called countertransference, you should re-learn it and then utilise that skill.”

 

Hoseok doesn’t get an opportunity to respond before Jungkook slams the door closed behind him.

 

“Fuck.”   


* * *

 

 

Taehyung rips out his IV cannula and line.

 

“What are you doing?” you shout, running towards him as the fluid and blood drip onto the sheets. You press the stop button the machine. “Taehyung, your blood pressure is low. You need those fluids.”

 

He shakes his head as he pulls back the sheets. “What is it?”

 

“Your blood pressure? it’s 101 over 70.”

 

Taehyung laughs as he drags his feet to the side of the bed. “That is not low, can you get me that wheelchair?” he asks, pointing to the black leather wheelchair beside you.

 

“No,” Leaning towards him, you softly push him back into the mattress. “You can’t leave the bed, you’ll rip out a stitch!”

 

“What if I want to rip out my stitches?” he asks, watching the concern animate on your face in amusement. “What would you do then?”

 

“Stitch you backup of course.”

 

Squatting in front of him, you pick up his feet before shoving him back under the blankets. “Y/N, stop. I don’t need you to nurse me. I’m fine.”

 

“No you aren’t. Stay in bed! You need to heal.”

 

“Do you want to help me?” he asks.

 

You nod. "Of course I do, you're hurt because of me." 

 

He scoots over to the farthest side of the bed before patting the free space on the bed. “Then get in the bed with me.”

 

“What?! No.”

 

Taehyung winks at you. “I don’t remember you being this shy before. Did you not kiss me when I first got out?” he asks, pointing at the temple where you had kissed him earlier. “Just keep kissing me and then I’ll be fine in no time.”

 

Frowning, you leer at him. “I’m not afraid to get out a suturing kit and stitch your lips closed Kim Taehyung.”

 

He leans close to you, his nose almost touching yours as he smirks. “Can you do with your mouth instead?”

 

And you slap him hard as he falls back into the sheets half-laughing and half-groaning in pain. “Get some rest and stay here! I’m going back out into the department. I need to find Jimin.”

  


He pouts as he watches you go. "No, don't go... I didn't mean it!" 

 

You hold up the middle finger in the ear as you walk away. 

* * *

 

“Irene!” a voice shouts across the hall. Irene looks up, in the middle of completing a wound dressing on an elderly patient, sitting on the floor. “Irene, have you seen Y/N?”

 

Looking back down at the patient, Irene smiles apologetically. “Just keep your arm on that pillow okay. We need to keep it elevated, the pain relief will kick in soon, just let us know if you don’t feel any different.”

 

He smiles up at her, gummy smile and all. “Yes, nurse.”

 

Irene stands up to dispose of the empty dressing packets in the bin a couple metres from him before walking towards the woman. She doesn’t know how she feels about the new pink Seoul Hearts scrubs she was forced to wear but they’re comfortable, too comfortable.

 

“Irene!” She stammers, walking towards Irene, exasperation drawn across her face. “I need to find Y/N.”

 

“Oh hello Amber, what brings you here?” Irene doesn’t notice the little body standing behind her leg until Sunny pops her head out to say hello.

 

“Rene! Where’s mama?” she asks and Irene falters. The sun had barely risen, why is this child up?

 

Irene frowns before looking back up at Amber. “What’s going on, why is she here?

 

Sunny hides behind Ambers leg again, suddenly nervous. That particular tone of voice means trouble. Adults who frown always means bad news. Amber takes a big deep breath before patting Sunnys head behind her. “I got a call from the hospital about my mother, she’s been admitted and needs consent forms to be signed for surgery. I need to find Y/N because I don’t think I can take Sunny with me…”

 

Irene looks at her like she’s stupid. “And you think she can too?”

 

“She’s her mother, it will be fine, I just need to find her.” Irene sighs in sympathy, you certainly haven’t had it easy this past 24 hours.

 

Gesturing for them to follow her through the triage reception, she grabs the swipe card hanging out of her pocket before slamming it on the monitor to open the doors. “Stick close to me, let's find someone who might know.”

 

“Thanks Irene.”

 

“No problem.”

 

They walk closely together through the department. Irene holds her head high as Amber follows.

 

Sunny holds her bunny tight with one hand and Ambers hand with the other. She grew up in the hospital, following rainbow lines to every department in it but this hospital didn’t have any.

 

Sunny felt scared.

 

And this hospital didn’t feel like a hospital.

 

“Jungkook!” Irene shouts, suddenly jogging to catch up to the boy who had just left the drug room. “Have you seen Y/N?”

 

“Kookie?” Sunny asks, breaking away from Amber to run towards him. Jungkook frowns at Irene before looking at the little human running towards him. He smiles as he drops to the ground, spreading his one arm out as she ran into him. “Ahh, careful Sun. Uncle Kookie has a broken arm and it hurts.”

 

She looks up at him, pout on her lips, concern in her eyes. She softly caresses the plaster. “You’re hurt?”

 

Jungkook nods.

 

Sunny pouts again. “Should I kiss it better?”

 

Jungkook smiles, ruffling her messy bed hair. “You’re cute.”

 

She giggles as he picks her up with his good hand. Her little hands wrap around his neck as her head falls onto his shoulder. “Why’s she here Amber?” he asks, holding her tenderly.

 

Looking up from her phone, she stammers anxiously. “My mothers been admitted, I need to find her and I need to find Y/N.”

 

“Where’s chimmy?” Sun whispers, poking Jungkook’s cheek. Jungkook looks at her before smiling ear to ear.

 

“Jimin’s with your mother, we just need to find them.” he answers and she nods, eyebrows perplexed by the situation. She really did look like her mother.

 

Irene looks between the two before piping up. “How about you guys stay by the hub and I’ll go and find them?”

 

They both nod.

 

Hoseok pushes through the drug room, dragging his feet through the crowd before registering the participants in discussion. “Woah, isn’t that Y/N’s daughter?”

 

Jungkook scowls, unable to forgive the psychiatrist.

 

Amber and Irene nod.

 

Sunny waves.

 

Hoseok raises his brows. “Okay, what’s going on here? Can I help?”

 

They all look at each other before smiling. "We need to find Y/N." 

 

* * *

 

 

“What do you mean Sunny’s here?” You and Jimin trade a look of confusion before you drop everything and rip off your sterile gloves. Panic fills your chest as you follow Hoseok, and Jimin follows you, both of you thinking the worst. “Is she hurt? What’s happened. Is she okay? What’s going on?”

 

“Mama!” Sunny is suddenly crying loudly before spotting you with Hoseok. She jumps out of Jungkook’s arms before sprinting towards you. Still holding her bunny, she runs with a fierce determination to be comforted only by you, as daughters do. You drop to your knees, scooping her into your arms. “Baby, are you okay?” You kiss her face while wiping away her tears as she collapses into your arms again, head falling onto your shoulder.

 

“Are you hurt?” you panic, looking over each inch of her skin.

 

“She’s not hurt.” Irene says, walking towards you. You frown, perplexed. Picking her up off the ground, you stand up to talk to Amber, patting sunny on her bottom.

 

“She’s okay,” Amber says, approaching you both. “Sorry Y/N, had to bring her with me. My mother lives next to Forest Lakes Hospital, I got a call about half an hour ago about her being admitted to the Emergency Department. I had to come. I’m her next of kin.”

 

“Oh,” you will your panicking heart to calm down. “That’s fine Amber, you gotta do what you gotta do.”

 

“Mama!” Sunny whines in your arms, lack of sleep evident by her agitation. You pat her hair down as Sunny wraps her arms tightly around your neck. “Mama, where were you? I waited up for you all night to read me a bedtime story.”

 

You inhale the scent of her freshly shampooed hair. “Aunty Amber probably did it much bet-

 

-Amber can’t read like you can!” she pouts, tears glistening in her eyes before Jimin stands behind you, bobbing a finger on her nose.

 

“Chimchim!” she screams, loosening her hold on you. Reaching her hands out to him, you put her on the ground so she can run to Jimin. You watch Jimin flail as she jumps into his arms. He laughs at her affection.  “I missed you more than the sun missed the moon!”

 

You roll your eyes.

 

Turning back to Amber, you smile reassuringly. “I haven’t seen your mother here perhaps she’s already been admitted to ward upstairs, hold on for a second, I’ll double check for you.”

 

“Please.”

 

She follows behind you as you take her into the hub. Walking towards the massive screen full of admitted patients, you grab the keyboard, typing in Ambers mothers name. Scrolling through the list, you find her admission notice to the Burns and Plastics ward. “She’s been admitted to the ward, can’t really tell you what her condition might be like but she’s on floor 8, the north wing in bed 36. You know how to get up there?”

 

She nods. “Thank you Y/N, I hope it’s okay that I brought Sunny with me.”

 

You wave your hand. “It’s fine for the time.”

 

“Is it okay if I leave her down here with you for now?” she asks, and you grin, nodding your head.

 

“Honestly, it will give me a real reason to take a break.”

 

Grabbing your shoulders, Amber pulls you into a hug. You pat her back as she swings you side to side. “Thank you Y/N, god you’re amazing. You should get some rest with Sunny, lord knows you both need it. The girl hasn’t slept. She wouldn’t close her eyes until you came home.”

 

Rolling your eyes, you pull yourself out from the hug, walking her out of the hub. “Sounds like my daughter, go see your mother. You know where I am if you need me.”

 

Nodding, she wanders off, looking for the elevators.  

 

Jimin walks towards you with a tired child swinging in his arms. “Well, Sunny is here, what do we do?”

 

You shrug your shoulders. “Sunny is here. You’re hear. Namjoon’s here. Yoongi’s here. Irene is here ...Tae ...hyung’s in ...recovery… oh shit.” your blood stops running in your body at the realisation.

 

“And? How’s he going?” Jimin asks, holding her tightly. “He all good? Won your heart yet?”

You don’t answer him right away.

Jimin waves a hand in front of your face.

“Um, yeah, Taehyung is good,” You nervously pat the back of Suns hair. “He’s flirting with me, so I take it that he’s okay. He’s still in recovery, I think Yoongi wants him out as soon as the medication wears off.”

“Sounds like my Yoongi.”

You watch him bounce Sunny on his hip before you bite your bottom lip. “Sounds like my worst nightmare actually.”

_What am I going to do? I haven’t explained to Taehyung about Sunny, he probably doesn’t even know she exists. He’s going to be devastated and hurt and he’ll probably hate me once he finds out. That’s how it usually goes. What do I do?_

“You okay Y/N?” Jimin asks, watching you in concern. 

Taking a deep breath, you reach forward to hold the little girl who looks like a beautiful mix of Taehyung and you, with shining brown eyes and flopping brown hair. You hold her close, tucking her head into the junction between your head and your neck.

She’s your precious little human, what will Taehyung do when he finds out? “Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?” 

Jimin nods. “I’m okay. I just don’t think the nights ready to be over yet.” 

You agree, feeling something brewing in the hospital air. “I hope you’re wrong.”

 

“Me too.” 


	34. UPDATE

Hi team,   
  
  
Sorry about the delay in an update.   
I took a break from writing and am back on the wagon.   
  
  
Just know that it's in progress while I try to get over this little spout of writers block xx   
  
  
Ro. 


	35. Deep Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your newest sidekick happens to have 5 years of experience ...life experience that is.

_Breathe in through your nose, hold for two in your chest and then exhale through your mouth. You can do this._

 

Standing at the end of the hall, you push a wound dressing table in front of you as Sunny holds onto one of its legs. She should be in bed, fast asleep and dreaming of flowers and puppies. 

 

She shouldn’t be here surrounded by the uncensored reality of human nature. She’s far too young to realize that the older you get, the harder life becomes.

 

Yet, here she is, little seeds of empathy and compassion growing into little sprouts in her mind. You wonder what long-lasting effect this might have. If it would have one at all. 

 

Surely, it can’t be good. 

 

But she trudges alongside you anyway, wearing a small pink scrub shirt with a hair tie holding the rest of the fabric back, with a smile. 

 

Having Sunny in the ER with you was an un-ideal situation to have but the only option you were given in the circumstance. Drastic situations call for drastically inappropriate parenting but everyone seemed to understand.

 

“Over here, Dr. Y/N,” a nurse calls out, waving you over to a quiet section of the department. You smile, swiftly pushing the cart in her direction. 

 

Said nurse pushes the navy curtain open when you arrive and hands you the patient's clipboard as Sunny clings behind your thigh, hidden behind your white coat. You read through her vital signs, assessing her clinical data with a finger moving across her trending low blood pressure.

 

The patient, a 68-year-old female wearing a crocheted blue and purple vest over heavy winter knitted clothes, sits on the side of the bed. She looks up, prompt by the arrival of a white coated figure in her peripherals. 

 

“I’m not wearing my glasses so if you’re the nurse, I’m okay for pain relief,” she says, clasping her hands together. “I just want a cup of tea with no sugar.” 

 

“I’m not the nurse,” you say, looking her over. “I’m Dr. Y/N and I’m here to have a look at your condition.” 

 

“Oh good,” she responds. “Carry on.” 

 

“So, her vitals aren’t looking too concerning to me and she doesn’t appear symptomatic. How do you think she is?” you ask, pushing away the cart with your foot. You wouldn’t be needing it with this particular patient. 

 

“She sounds crackly on expiration, blood pressure is a little low but she’s largely asymptomatic,” she clears her throat, leaning on the door frame. “She’s drinking fine so I haven’t given her fluids yet.” 

 

“Good,” You nod, looking at the patient. You smile warmly at her, “And her wound?” 

 

She smiles back. 

 

“Dr. Minho looked at it once and said that it was a left ulnar fracture, but I’ve had sleep and can tell you that it’s not a fracture. She has a couple lacerations and scattered abrasions on her arm but other than that,” the nurse says, walking towards the patient. “She’s doing okay for now. Isn’t that right?”

 

The patient nods, smiling gratefully up at the nurse. 

 

“You’re probably right then,” you admit, looking at how freely she’s moving it without pain. “You know her the most. We’ll just get a routine x-ray anyway, who knows what Dr. Minho was thinking.” 

 

The patient smiles with relief at the two consulting professionals as Sunny peaks behind your leg to look curiously at the elderly woman on the bed. 

 

Without regard for Sunny, you move, standing in front of the patient. “So, how are you feeling? Heard you had quite the fall.” 

 

“I’m feeling okay Doctor, it was just a couple steps I didn’t see in the dark,” dropping her gaze to Sunny, she smiles. “Who have we got here?” 

 

Raising her uninjured hand to stroke Sunny’s cheek from behind your leg. She stills as the patient tenderly touches her face. “It’s alright little one, I won’t hurt you. Are you a nurse?”

 

“This is my daughter Sunny,” You look down at Sunny.  She looks up at you. “You can talk to her Sun.” 

 

She holds you tighter. 

 

“Baby, don’t stick to my leg like that, I could fall over,” You push Sunny out to sit next to the patient. The patient helps her climb onto the bed. “It’s okay, this is Virginia. She’s hurt her arm and I’m just going to listen to her lungs.” 

 

At those words, Sunny’s expression shifts on her face. She looks so concerned as she sits comfortably on the bed beside her. “Oh, you’re hurt?” 

 

Virginia laughs and the crinkles around her eyes swell, patting Sunny's arm with her good hand. “I am but it’s okay.” 

 

“Where are you hurt?” She blinks, looking up at the old woman. “Mama told me that my kisses are the strongest medicine in the universe, can I kiss your arm?”

 

“No, it’s okay Sunny, grandma is okay. Your mama is going to help me feel better. Isn’t that right doctor?” Virgina looks up at you, her eyes wrinkling up as she smiles. 

 

Putting it on top of the trolley, you push it beside you as you unwrap your stethoscope from around your neck. “I can sure try. You need to drink more water please, your blood pressure is low and it’s a good way to increase it.”

 

Standing on the other side of Virgina, Sunny watches as you listen across her chest. “Breathe in,” you whisper, instructing her to breathe in everytime you move the end piece of your stethoscope across her chest. “Good, now to check the back.” 

 

Sunny sits up on the bed, “Can I do it mama?” she asks and you hand her the diaphragm. “Follow my fingers okay.” 

 

Pointing across her back, Sunny follows your fingers obediently as you instruct Virginia to breathe in. 

 

“How does it sound?” she asks, sitting with her legs crossed as you pocket your stethoscope once you’re done. 

 

“She’s an eager one,” Virgina laughs patting Sunnys face. She smiles under the affection. “Bet she’ll grow up to be a doctor too!” 

 

“Lungs are good. I heard a bit of wheezing but it’s okay,” pulling out your pen from your front pocket, you write on her folder at the end of the bed. “We’ll send you up to the medical ward but I’m going to order an x-ray for your arm and for your chest, the chest x-ray is just to rule out any underlying issues with your lungs ...just to be completely sure.” 

 

Virginia smiles. “Thank you, doctor.” 

 

“Oh and I hope not, Sunny is a talented play dough eater and milkshake maker.” 

 

You both look at Sunny’s pigtails as she nods her head in response. “I’m sure she is, what a wonderful age.” 

 

“It’s her birthday today, she’s 5 but her reading level is …let’s just say, she’ll excel in school.”

 

Virginia purses her lips, eyes glistening with glee. “It’s your birthday Sunny? Happy Birthday little one! I think I might have some chocolates in my purse.”

 

You watch her lean over towards the bedside table to grab the small leather hardback she managed to take with her from home. Opening the front zip, she takes out a small chocolate bar, handing it to Sunny. 

 

“Thank you Ginia!” Sunny giggles happily, immediately tearing into the dressing and shoving the chocolate into her mouth.

 

You rub the bridge of your nose. “Sugar and Sunny, please God, are you even up there?” 

 

“Consider that my gift to you Sunny.” 

 

With a mouth full of chocolate, she smiles up at Virginia. “Thanksh. I a-m hap-py!” 

 

“Alright, I’ll make sure the nurse orders you that chest x-ray,” you say, as you sign your name at the bottom of your note. Sunny jumps off the bed to stand beside you as you finish writing your medical plan for the nursing team. “What’s a chest ray mama?” 

 

“A chest x-ray is a picture of the inside of her chest. I just want to see how things are going on in there.” 

 

Giving the nurse your folder, she reads your brief note before rushing off. Sunny frowns up at you. “Then what does the stethoscope do?” 

 

“It lets me listen to the inside of her chest.”

 

Sunny nods her head as she crosses her arms across her chest. “That doesn’t make sense to me.”

 

Virginia laughs as you sigh. “What a precious wee thing. She get her attitude from you or her father?” 

 

You nod your head before rubbing Sunny’s shoulders and then wiping the chocolate off the corners of her mouth. “Ahh, the million dollar question. I actually don’t know. He’s a doctor too.” 

 

“One here?” 

 

"Her father?" Frowning at the weird urge to nod, you sigh. “He’s um ...he’s not on today ...yeah.” 

 

“Sorry, I’m a bit nosey, old age does that to a person,” She laughs brightly, choosing to ignore the hesitance in your voice. “Well, I better let you two off to go and see your other patients,” looking at Sunny, she waves her hand, “Good luck little miss. Be a good nurse with your mama.” 

 

Holding out your hand to her, Sunny takes it. You watch her little hand clench yours tightly as you push the wound dressing table out of her room and into the hallway. Sunny follows behind as she waves goodbye to the grandmother. 

 

“Did you like her?” You smile as you walk across this section to another elderly woman. “You can visit her up on the ward later if you want.” 

 

“I did like her mama. Her skin was crinkly like a scrunched up piece of paper, isn’t that cool? And she gave me a chocolate! Can I pretty please visit her later?” 

 

“Ask uncle Jimin and he’ll take you up there but this does not mean you can eat more chocolate from her.”

 

“It’s my birthday though?”

 

You sigh. “Fine, just for today.”

 

She squeals in delight, a sound that usually makes your heart flutter with happiness but a sound that now fills your chest with dread instead. Because when bones break and flesh rip, you have the skills to put them back together again but when it’s your own daughter being pulled apart? 

 

You weren't sure if you even had the ability to put her back together but you know for damn sure that you'll protect her.

 

"Let's check up on these patients Sun and then we're going to go for a walk to another bay. That one is quite busy so I'll see if we can find you some friends. Okay?" 

 

She nods her head. "Yup." 

 

_You can do this Y/N. Deep breath in._

 

 


	36. Septic Shock

Taehyung is impatient.

He is also a patient -a terrible one too.

Ask every nurse and healthcare assistant who has walked by his bed space in the past hour because they will all agree. Dr. Kim Taehyung is annoying, intimidating and whiny. A God in the orthopedic realm but a breathing bag of shit in a hospital gown.

That rhymes but  _that_ is not the point here.

The ward he had been moved to earlier was dark, save for the bright corridor overhead lights, the constant orange call bell alarms, and the flashing blue emergency bells beyond the safety of his four bedded cubical.

It was dark here in his quad but it wasn't dark enough.

"Code blue, he's crashing! We need a crash cart in here!" a person shouts and Taehyung sighs as he listens to the sound of people running down the hallway because that's what he should be doing right now, running to that code.

He feels his pulse quicken at the thought. "I shouldn't be here."

A nurse runs into their quad carrying a torch. She shines it on everyone in her hourly headcount, checking that everyone's okay but she falters at the sight of Taehyung staring at her blankly underneath his reading light before hesitating and then, scurrying off.

He then watches her leave, a shit-eating smirk drawn across his lips.

There's something oddly refreshing about being a patient. It's a new perspective. He can hear everything the nurses are talking about at their station and every conversation down the hallway. It makes him feel queasy about the number of times his colleagues have talked crap about a patient, he wonders if they could hear them too at the time.

The thought makes him feel like shit.

Because from the faraway bed he's sitting in, he can hear the startup sound of a defib at the end of the ward, how could his previous patients not hear their conversations.

In the opposite corner of his room, despite everything, he can hear a patient snore.

He can hear the distant beeping of an IV machine and the sobs of whom he presumes are family members but they could be nurses too ...who really knows.

What he really knows, however, is that the nurses are frustrated. And if they aren't frustrated at the patients, it's definitely at the interning medical doctors who have given them nothing but grief.

"You're in the hospital, you've had a heart attack and we need to monitor you," a nurse whispers to the quiet patient beside Taehyungs bed. He listens to her talk to the doctor. "His conditions getting worse. His cardiac biomarkers are through the roof. I think we need to do an angiogram and get him a stent or something. I can't keep providing 1 on 1 care, I've got 8 other patients to look after ...and this isn't ICU. We just aren't staffed well right now. What are we going to do?"

The doctor sighs. "There aren't any beds down in the cardio ward, I don't know what to do. What would you do Nurse Joy if you were me?"

"I would hope that my years of study and practice would've provided me with enough knowledge to know what to do, come on." 

"Please don't say that. I don't know what to do. What do I do? Help me." 

"You're kidding?" She sobs. "Sehun, you need to do something. You're a doctor, just pull some strings and send him downstairs."

"You're assuming I have strings to pull, I'm an intern."

"I don't care what you are, you have the ability to pick up the phone and call that department and tell them to take the patient. If I did that, they'd laugh at me. Don't make me do everything when I know you'll take the credit for it later if I'm successful. Call them. Do something. Don't be that intern who does nothing."

Taehyung feels her frustration vicariously before reaching towards the curtain. He grasps onto the fabric before pulling it out the way. "Dr. Sehun, send the patient to the cath lab say it's urgent. They work by triage too. Once he's down there, they have to accept him. So, get him out of here and stop pissing off my nurses when they should be discharging me instead."

He pulls the curtain back in place without saying another word. They whisper between each other before Dr. Sehun leaves, presumably to call the aforementioned department.

And then he smiles when he hears it. "This is Dr. Sehun, the general medical house surgeon. I'm sending a patient to you for urgent stenting, everything you need to know ...well, the nurse in transit can tell you."

Nurse Joy walks past his bed, she smiles Taehyung. "Helping me won't get you discharged faster Dr. Taehyung but thank you." 

"I tried. I'm just happy to help." 

She bows. He then watches her leave too. "Sehun, give me the notes, I'll take him down right now."

"Good ...um thank you Joy... I won't be that intern who ...well, you know takes the credit. Let's work well together because we have a lot of work to do here. Don't let them keep you, come straight up okay? I need you."

She laughs, so does Taehyung. "Sure, Dr. Sehun. I'll be back."

"Good because I have a feeling our febrile man is septic and I'm going to need help." 

She sighs as she comes back in to take the patient away. 

Taehyung gets excited at the premise of a patient with septic symptoms. "Put him on IV fluids. Antibiotics. Oxygen and chart paracetamol and ibuprofen. Get blood cultures and bloods. Do a septic screen Sehun!"

Sehun looks at Taehyung before walking away and ignoring him. Yeah, Taehyung hates being the patient.

-

They say that it takes years to learn about the body and decades to learn how to coordinate medical judgment. Taehyung disagrees with this, however. Doctors follow their gut instincts and they depend on nurses for their primary assessments, their attentive monitoring and people skills.

Doctors are also good at asking for help, which Taehyung is  _very_ good at doing.

"Can someone please help me?" he says. 

"Taehyung, give me a moment please!" a nurse shouts back, just as frustrated as he.

A student nurse pops her head around his curtain, she smiles nervously. "We'll be with you in a second ...we're just finishing up... on something..."

"I'm just saying..." He frowns at the poor girl. "...no need to be so nervous with me."

She smiles hesitantly before disappearing again.

Taehyung frowns harder.

The nurses in charge of caring for him are all weirdly on edge in his presence. He could feel it whenever they took his blood pressure, whenever they asked him how he was feeling and whether they checked his temperature but the desperate desire to be discharged overpowered any curiosity to ask just exactly what they were thinking.

If it wasn't because he was a medical doctor it was probably just gossip they'd heard from within the nursing grapevine. And lord knows how small the nursing world really is.

"Look, I'm okay, honestly!" he shouts out, forcing himself to sit up. He thrashes his legs about in the sheets in a show of agitation, the other patients look on in curiosity. He swings his feet out from the sheets to dangle them over the edge as he contemplates just running out, they'd never catch him in time. "Someone, just discharge me already!"

"They're all busy, just stay in bed." a patient huffs.

Another one adds. "If he wants to go, let him! He looks fine to me too! He's taking up a bed, send him home! "

The ward did actually look busy from where he sat. Nurses were running off their feet as bells were going off all over the place but it was still a far cry from the disaster downstairs. The disaster; a place where he knew he needed to be.

He strains, searching for the call bell in his blankets to yet again, nag the nurses. "Where's that stupid thing?"

A nurse pops into his cubicle, checking on the IV fluids now running on the new cannula in his left hand. "Taehyung, what are you doing?"

He stares at her like a deer caught in headlights as he drops the call bell back into his sheets.

"Ah ...nothing."

"Yeah sure, you were doing nothing!" the huffing patient shouts out. "That boy is a pain in the ass, you better let him go for a more deserving and appreciative patient!"

She rolls her eyes. "Guys, please, get some rest. The moon's still up!"

"He's not wrong you know. When can I go?" he asks, looking up at the nurse. "I'm in no pain and I've passed flatus ...and I've peed. I'm not in pain ... there are no antibiotics ...as far as I know, I'm hemodynamically stable ...why am I still here?"

"We will be able to rest if this goof shuts up!"

Inflating his cuff, she ignores everyone as she waits to record his blood pressure. He watches her face, one eyebrow cocked as she sighs. "Are we waiting for my blood pressure to come up? Is it up? I've been drinking!"

The machine clicks with a result. The nurse's expression drips away, suddenly replaced by a smile as she removes it from his arm. "It's up, let's finish the rest of the bag and I'll talk to the doctors."

Lifting his hands together, he rubs them as he pleads. "Please, I shouldn't even be here and I'm tolerating oral fluids. They need me down there."

The nurse snorts. "Trust me, in your condition they don't want you down there."

He raises his voice as she tries to leave. "But Dr. Y/N is down there and she needs me-

"-I don't want to know about you and Dr. Y/N," she shouts back, brows pressed and arms crossed over her chest. "It's all anyone can talk about around here other than this stupid mass trauma event. I am a nurse and you are my patient, just act like one, please." 

"With all due respect, I am a doctor too-

"No, don't talk to me like that. You trying to intimidate my staff to get discharged will not help your case or your career in the long run. We will remember you as the asshole moaning patient trigger happy on the call bell, now shut up and sit tight, it's for your own sake that you remain here. Let us do our jobs."

"But-

"No buts Kim Taehyung." 

His cheeks turn a watermelon kind of pink as she leaves a wake of laughing patients.

"That will teach ya!"

Another grumpy patient adds. "Never mess with an overtired senior nurse, she might give you a fleet enema!"

"He looks like the type to enjoy it."

"You're very right Riley, he does look a little anal."

"George, you need to whisper, you could hurt his feelings."

"I doubt me calling him anal would've rectum haha, get it, rectum because it sounds like wrecked him."

The nurse stomps back into the quad, "All of you, shut up and go to sleep or I'll give you all fleet enemas."

The room falls into an awkward silence before Riley whispers to George. "Maybe she's the one who enjoys them." Taehyung rolls his eyes before falling back into his sheets.

It really was going to be a long night. 

 

* * *

 

Looking up, you catch the beginning of the oath in its big black font on the hallway wall. Designed to remind us why we are doctors and who we service, you wonder if it even applies to this situation because  _"as a member of the medical profession, I solemnly pledge to dedicate my life to the service of humanity"_ is unrealistic and disregards a doctors service to themselves. 

But we all took it.

The oath where we swear that we will solemnly pledge to provide good care and protect our patients from harm but is that even really possible when you're in the fray of politics and poor management?

What good care and who are we really protecting? The hospital? Ourselves? Who comes first? Because it certainly isn't our patients, especially when you've found one-half dead in triage waiting for treatment.

"Go! Go!" you shout, running behind Jin and Irene as you push a patient in a wheelchair through the triage waiting room.

"Is she going to be okay?" her partner yells after you.

"We'll try our best," Irene shouts out. "Stay in here, we'll keep you updated Drew!"

He stands there watching his beloved dragged away.

But you don't have time to worry about him.

Your sneakers squeak against the floor as you all run down triage hallways to the only empty cubicle in the emergency department. Since Taehyung had been taken off duty, your team had been pulled apart, each member pulled into where ever they could help.

Had Irene not found this patient, you fear just how worse off she would've been when someone else down the line, did.

"I can't fucking believe it. She's clearly unwell," Jin drips in perspiration as he pushes the wheelchair down the hallway with most of his remaining energy. "Excuse my language, but she looks ...like she's on deaths row."

"Don't use the d-word around me," you stammer, running over to the empty bed. "What's her name?"

"Her name is Hana and she's a 28-year-old woman with an infected left prepatellar bursitis. She was admitted to Forest Lakes following a high fever, I don't know what happened Dr. Y/N, she was transferred here from the Children's Hospital by her partner but was left waiting in triage."

"And her partner fell asleep beside her, so he was bloody useless getting help. So, why was she at the children's hospital anyway?" Irene holds the IV fluids as you all run to the nearest empty cubicle. "Why did they not treat her?"

"More importantly, why and how long was she in triage waiting for treatment," you ask, looking at the green ribbon wrapped around her bicep. "Whoever triaged her, needs a slap."

"She might not have been when they first triaged her," Irene responds. "I have a feeling that they ignored her at Children's because her temps 39.8 degrees and they wouldn't have known what to do, they're good like that. That's no excuse for us though, her respiratory rate is 26/min. She's hypotensive and tachycardic. Have we got any blood culture results?"

"She was sent to the wrong hospital. They were told we were closed earlier this morning, so they kept her but weren't all that helpful in treating her," Jin pulls the breaks on the chair before wrapping an arm around her waist and under her knees and picking her up. You all move, allowing him to lay her on the bed. "I have no idea if they took anything, feel free to check the system yourself though. Surely, they're on her file."

Brushing the hair falling in front of your face behind your ear, you scoff. "Well, obviously Jin but who told them we were closed?"

"I'm assuming Yoongi did?" he responds, "Last I heard, they were going to close our hospital but no say of when."

Irene runs to the nearest computer, in search for any chemistry or cultures lodged onto the patient's file.

"Who told you that?" you pause, looking up at him.

Everyone stops to look up, all wondering the same. "Namjoon..."

"And where did Namjoon hear that?"

"No idea. Assuming ...Yoongi?"

"Guys, giving the patient some pain relief," another nurse interrupts, thankfully reminding us of the reason why we were all together. "Can we please just, treat her?"

"Fine."

"Hana," Jin says, fixing a blood pressure cuff to her arm. "You're at Seoul Hearts Hospital in the Emergency Department, we're going to take good care of you from now on okay?"

"Oh good," she whispers, beginning to shiver aggressively. "I don't feel so good."

You place the diaphragm of your stethoscope over her chest as the medical intern starts placing ECG electrode pads on her chest. "She's diaphoretic, breath sounds are clear and equal but tachy, she's septic."

"She's septic?" Irene announces, pausing before inserting another cannula in her arm. "I'm going to insert a central line instead Y/N, so we can monitor central venous pressure."

"Let's not do that here, we need to move her to ICU. Remove the other cannula and I'll insert a new line for fluid resuscitation on her left arm if you put one on her right. We don't want to give her a septic shower if the line is another source of infection, so remove all lines and start again," you shout, quickly tying a tourniquet around her bicep. "I don't trust people anymore. Especially if she's come from another hospital who ignored her."

Putting gloves on, you palpate for a good vein before cleaning her skin and inserting the needle catheter. Irene does the same.

Another nurse stands beside you, taping the line down as you withdraw the needle and activate its safety mechanism. "I need blood, urine and sputum cultures team," you announce, watching the nurse flush the line and then bolus fluids through it. "Good work team."

Jimin stands at the end of the bed. "Hey, how's her blood pressure?"

"It's 91/49 and temps now 40.1 degrees," Jin announces, "She's still hypotensive, a fluid bolus is running through now. We need to improve the perfusion and maintain mean arterial pressure, what do you think of a vasopressor Y/N?"

You push to the other side of the patient, shining your pupil torch in her eyes. "Good idea. I want a shot of norepinephrine and an IV antibiotic. Her pupils are equal and reactive to light until we know what grows from her blood cultures, we all need to treat this patient as though she has sepsis."

"Sepsis?"

"Yes, sepsis. She has an infection and all the symptoms. Gotta get it early before it's too late," Grabbing the mask off the wall, you place it on her nose and mouth before tying it around her head. "I'm putting her on oxygen, Hudson mask 2L for now. Monitor oxygen saturation levels. I want IV paracetamol hanging and I want ice packs in pillowcases behind her knees, on her abdomen and on her neck for 15-minute rotations on and off."

Irene nods. "Which antibiotic?"

"Y/N, we have results," The student announces, having waited for Irene to load the computer. "Blood cultures are still growing. Her cRP is elevated, liver function seems to be impaired. Lactate levels are incredibly high... white blood cell count is super high too-

"-tissue hypoxia?" Irene interrupts. "Holy cow, so it is sepsis?"

"Give her meropenem," Smiling at Irene, you nod, impressed. "Damn, you're good. I'm keeping you."

She smiles back at you. "Happy to be kept."

"Ah sepsis so early in the morning, ladies and gentleman. Welcome to the throwdown," Yoongi stands at the foot of the patient's bed with Sunny on his back. "Let's move her to ICU and prep her for theatre. Irene and Y/N return to your own trauma team, this is mine."

"Oh, how nice of you to finally join us Yoongi," Jin says, adding with a sigh. "It's not like we've been wondering where you have been all morning or anything and had to grab Dr. Y/N to help but whatever, you heard the man, let's move it."

They all move around you as you stare at the man.

"What?" he shrugs. "I had to make phone calls and Sunny wanted to know what I do."

"I don't care what you were doing. You and I need to have a talk," You frown, stepping forward and pulling a tired Sunny from his back. "You better not be closing this hospital."

He lets you peel her off him. "That has nothing to do with Hana."

"But it has everything to do with all the patients here and all the incoming patients who need our help," you grit your teeth as Sunny wraps her feet around your waist. "If you need help, you can ask me Yoongi. I can help you."

"I'm not about to let you dictate my workplace Y/N when you've just exposed your child to millions of potentially dangerous microbes by touching her after your septic patient,' Yoongi shouts as the air around you suddenly gets tense. "Stay out of it, just get some rest and then take Sunny home. You don't get to add your opinion when you don't even work here."

Jin pauses. "Don't talk to her like that Yoongi."

"Oh shut up Jin," he rolls his eyes, "You have no idea what you're talking about either. Focus on the patient."

"Closing this hospital, when you know it's the last one open is unethical and wrong Yoongi. We swore an oath to protect humanity and humility. If you close this hospital Yoongi, you will lose all my respect."

You drag Sunny away as he begins pushing the patient's bed towards ICU.

"I don't need your fucking respect," he simply responds. "It's not just my call Y/N, you'll never understand unless you've been put in the same situation as me. It's something that needs to happen to protect both us and our patients."

"And don't tell me how to parent Yoongi," you snap, pushing past him. "You do not have a say in that."

He rolls his eyes. "Then don't tell me how to do my job and I won't tell you how to do yours. We're closing the hospital, you have no sway in that decision. Go home."

You don't bother responding. You would never make that decision and no matter how idiotic Yoongi was being, you don't feel like anything you want to say right now is productive and professional.

Because you wouldn't close it. You would demand military aid for resources and keep those damn doors open.

You would help people.

You wouldn't lock them out.

"Come on Sunny, let's go find Uncle Jimin." She stirs in her sleep, snuggling her little face into your neck.


	37. Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He meets her

It was the crawl. The home stretch. Time had hit 10 to 6am, you could see the dark blue fade at the slow approaching light of the sun. A new day was coming. A new day full of new horrors.

"Y/N," Hoseok runs over to you from outside as you're drinking a cup of coffee in the nurse's office. Your eyes are stinging from the lack of sleep. "Where's Sunny?"

You point to the little girl playing with an old black stethoscope on the floor of the nurse's station. "Literally, if you just used your eyes Hobi."

"Hey, don't sass me," he muses, poking your waist and watching you spill your coffee down the front of your scrubs. "I'm just curious and it's 5:51 AM."

"Fuck," you whimper, grabbing the nearest pack of gauze to pat down your shirt. "Can you be less curious while I'm drinking coffee, you sea cow."

"Someone is cranky," Patting your head, Hoseok makes a beeline for Sunny as he sits on the floor beside her. "Get some sleep!"

The two talk but you're more focused on refilling your coffee to care about what. Dragging your feet into the small staff kitchen opposite the nurse's station, you tirelessly start re-making your coffee when Sana sighs behind you, doing the same.

"Hey, outside is a total traumatic mess and Dr. Minho is useless," she says, grabbing the coffee jug and pouring it into her paper cup. "I think Jin will need an extra hand out there. He helped you with that septic patient, want to help him out this time? You up for it?"

"You could've just asked for my help instead of trying to emotionally blackmail me, you know," You fill the top of your cup with cold water. "I mean, for half an hour or so yeah I can definitely help but I have my child here and I have worked too long past recommendations for safe practice. You up for looking after my daughter Sunny with Jimin while I'm gone?"

"I think you'll find that we all have," She says as she shoves a couple digestive biscuits in her coffee before slurping it into her mouth. She then nods eagerly in response as it drips down the sides of her mouth.

"Ew," you frown, watching her inhale the biscuits. "I don't know you yet but you seem trustworthy and kind of ...grossly relatable. So, I'm going to take your nodding as a yes that you'll look after Sunny."

Laughing, she sips her coffee, mouth still full of biscuits. "Sure can. Where is she?"

You finish the rest of your cup before throwing it into the recycling bin beside you. "With Hoseok on the floor of the nursing station. Thanks"

"Happy to help Dr. Y/N."

"You can just call me Y/N, Sana. It's more comfortable."

"Thanks, Y/N," She smiles, before grabbing onto the sleeve of your coat. "Hey, wait. Have you visited Taehyung yet?"

You pause, feeling a flutter in your chest. "No, why? Is he asking for me?"

She snort laughs before drinking the rest of her coffee. "He's been harassing all the staff to discharge him. I thought, if you had time later, you should pop up and slap him or kiss him, either all. He's receptive to you. He doesn't listen to me."

Blushing, you shake your head. "I only have very little self-control left. It took most of me not to kick the shit out of Yoongi just a couple minutes ago."

"Fair enough, I would too. Think about it though."

"I will." Pulling open the door, you smile at her before walking towards the emergency department entrance. Taehyung needed to be slapped ...or kissed? As if you could do anything that would make the stubborn man change.

Walking through the bright red emergency light outside, you wonder what tomorrow, or today, will look like and what that will mean for you and Taehyung. He doesn't know about Sunny and the minutes you are separated from her makes you anxious that they could meet.

And Taehyung has always been good with children, she'll like him and he'll like her and a large part of you doesn't want that to occur because who knows what will come of it.

But a small insignificant part of you does, because something definitely will. It comes from the same part that will always love him, no matter what he does.

"Hey Y/N!" Jin shouts out. He smiles at you, his hands full of compression bandaging and his new scrubs covered already in old blood.

You jog up to him, feeling the pain of your injuries begin to catch up with you. "Jin, whats up?"

"Did you come to help? Because I have a man in tent one who needs a chest tube," He slaps a packet of sterile clothes from the top of his bandage pile. "Dr. Minho's in there but he doesn't know what he's doing. Please help him. Please help me."

"I can only be out here for a little while, my daughter needs to sleep and I need to sleep."

Jin steps close, whispering to you. "Just put the tube in and leave, I don't think Dr. Minho knows how."

"Christ," you sigh. You grab onto the gloves before rushing over to Dr. Minho's tent. Pushing through the plastic door, you sanitize your hands before approaching the patient. Minho was standing with his back to you, reading through his paperwork as the patient bleeds all over the table.

"So what have we got here?" you ask and Dr. Minho whirls around, a flirtatious smile takes over as he eyes you up and down.

"Oh, hey! I wasn't expecting a beautiful woman to come and help me..." he says.

"Please refrain from saying those kinds of comments," you announce, setting the tone for this particular treatment with this particular doctor. "Didn't think an old man like you would need help."

"Christ, and she's witty too," he winks. "You sound like my kind of woman."

"Please stop," Shaking your head, you point to the patient. "Stop flirting with me and tell me what's happening with your patient."

"Dylan's a 22-year-old with a stab wound from falling debris to the left chest lateral and just above the nipple," he says, gesturing you to come closer. "BP is 82/49 mmHg, pulse is 137/min, his resps are 25/min and he's in a shit load of pain."

"Okay, so let's put in a tube thoracostomy," You say, immediately preparing the patient for a chest tube. "Come on."

He hesitates.

"What, are you afraid?" you ask.

He looks at you with a smug grin. "The only thing I am afraid of is a fiercely independent woman with a daddy fetish."

"Hmm, irrelevant," You shake your head, in disbelief that men like him actually exist or maybe the fatigue truly is making you cranky. "So you can't do one?"

He blinks at you.

You sigh. "I'll do it and you can handle it from there."

"Sounds like a plan," He hands you the scalpel after you put on sterile gloves. "The name is Minho, I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting such a beautiful and intelligent woman."

Rolling your eyes, you take a deep breath. "I'm Dr. Y/N. Even if we had, I'd probably still forget your name."

"I doubt that," Leaning close to you, he watches you count the spaces between each rib. "Women don't forget my name."

"Yet, I already have."

"Stop macking on my sister Minho." Jin interrupts, joining you in the tent. He turns off the oxygen cylinder and begins manually pumping the ambu bag on the patient's mouth.

"She actually your sister, Jin?"

Rolling his eyes too, he ignores him.

Minho turns to watch you as you slice through the skin at the fifth intercostal space with ease before shoving the tube he hands you quickly into the incision site. "That was quick, dang," he admits as blood immediately begins to drain into the box it's connected to. "So quick, I'm impressed."

"She's our best." Jin smiles.

"I like it quick."

"I heard that," Minho laughs, leaning in to whisper into your ear. "And good to know."

"There's a lot of blood coming out of that chest, Minho," You ignore him albeit the goosebumps now littering your arms. "Holy fuck, we've got a strong leak here. 1000mls and counting."

"He should be okay, we've got red blood cells if he needs a transfusion," Jin says, shuffling on his feet. "I've given him some fentanyl too so I'll monitor him."

"You should consider moving him inside, he needs a surgical team."

Jin sighs loudly. "Yes, that's why this fucking idiot is here."

Minho holds up the peace sign. "At least I'm here..."

You sigh.

"Where are we going?" the patient asks, wrapped up in warm blankets, as Sunny sits on the end of his bed as Jimin and Sana push it down the hallway. He leans up, looking at her. "Little one, do you know?"

"It's okay, sleep now," Sunny giggles at the man. "We are taking you to a comfier place."

"Oh," he says, falling back into his sheets. "Where are we?"

Jimin raises a brow. "We're in a hospital. You've been in an accident and you've hurt yourself. We're taking you to a surgical medical ward for treatment."

"Oh, oh good gracious. Have you phoned my wife Laurice?"

Jimin, Sana and Sunny look at each other, all mirrored looks of confusion. "Yes, I phoned your wife half an hour ago, she is on her way. She'll see you before you get surgery." Jimin says.

"Alright, going up now," Stopping in front of the elevators, Jimin presses the up arrow. "Hold on tight Sun."

Pushing the bed into the elevator as the doors open, Sunny turns around to look at Jimin. "Is mister going to be okay?"

Jimin stares at the concern on her face before pressing the 6th floor. "I have no idea Sun, I have no idea," Jimin watches as the doors closed.

"We can only hope."

Jimin holds onto the end of the bed before pushing the bed through the elevator doors. He feels weird about this particular patient. His gut, his instincts are telling him something's been amiss. That he's not okay.

"You think something's not right too?" Sana whispers to Jimin. They trade concerned looks before jumping back into action as they push it through the chaos and down the dark hallway.

"I just don't think they even looked at this patient," he admits, frowning heavily. "My heart is telling me that this man needs more medical attention but Dr. Baekhyun down there whatever his name is just ...shut me down."

Sana sighs loudly. "Welcome to Seoul Hearts. Every day is a battle against doctors for our patients."

"I wish it wasn't like this."

She nods, patting his back. "I know."

They continue pushing the bed down the hall until a nurse looks up, prompted by their arrival at the nurse's station.

"Shit, sorry, I've only just gotten back on the ward," Nurse Joy looks up, her cheeks red and forehead sweaty. "Push him into the quad, there's only one-bed space left on this ward."

"Trust me, we understand," Jimin pats her back, "I'm Jimin, I'm from Forest Lakes."

Joy immediately lurches forward, scooping him up into a hug. "I'm so sorry about what happened, I hope you're okay? Did everyone make it out?"

Jimin stiffens as she rubs his back. "We all lose someone in these kinds of things but I am okay, don't worry about it."

Sana crosses her arms over her chest and leans on the wall beside them. "Joy, stop being a hoe and get off him. He's Yoongi's boy."

The smile on Joy's face drips off her face. "This is Jimin? Oh boy, we've heard all about you."

Jimin laughs. "Actually?"

"No, of course not. Yoongi is a class A piece of shit, think he'd tell any of us anything?"

Jimin nods in understanding. "Yes, but he is my piece of shit. Don't talk about Yoongi like that, he's a good man and I know how small the nursing world really is, so I encourage you to tell everyone that you can hire me to hit him, Lord knows I need the money."

"Don't talk to me about money, you'll trigger me. We don't get paid enough for this bullshit, especially when we have to look after interning doctors and they harASS us-"

Sana interrupts. "-you guys can bitch over a cup of coffee later, we have a patient for you and he's looking pretty shitty. Irene, one of the Forest Lake nurses has asked we do a CT since the doctors didn't do a thorough assessment of this man. She's convinced he might have a brain bleed."

Joy rolls her eyes, putting her hands on her hips. "That is like so typical, I bet Minho just ignored her."

"It was Baekhyun but they're practically the same people."

"Nice to see you again though," Joy smiles, looking at Sana fondly. "How's it going downstairs?"

Sana sighs loudly. "So great. No patients at all. It's a holiday. I'm not constantly panicking at all."

"Makes two of us. At least you have a student working with you," she says, pointing to Jimin. Jimin frowns at her. "I'm not a student, I'm a nurse."

"HOW DO YOU LOOK SO YOUNG, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET." Joy glows a bright red. "I'm so sorry. My mistake, nothing bad with students. We just could use all the help we can get and you're so beautiful and young looking and-"

"-shut up," Sana interrupts her. "Jimin is an experienced specialized emergency department nurse. He surpasses us in nursing experience. Irene too, she's relatively newish but exceptionally intelligent."

"Let's get this patient into a room, hey?" Jimin coughs. "Aka, please stop, you're making me more uncomfortable."

"Oh shut up Jimin, we're being nice." Sana laughs, smacking his arm.

Jimin rolls his eyes as Sunny giggles.

Joy agrees. "I'll meet you in there in a couple minutes, okay? I'm just going go chase that damn intern Sehun."

Jimin and Sana watch her run down the hallway.

"She was nice," Sunny whispers, yawning into her little hand. "I like her name. It's like mine. Joy and Sunny."

"Those are very different names Sunny," Sana says, evoking the cutest little frown from her.

She folds her arms across her chest. "I mean, our mamas wanted to be happy, so they named us after things that would remind them of joy and sunshine."

Jimin and Sana look at each other blankly for a second, not expecting that response.

Jimin ruffles her hair. "Deep. I'm impressed."

"Dang," Sana shrugs her shoulders. "Yeah, that makes sense."

"When you put it like that though Sun, it makes people think you're like sunshine and I live with you and know what you're like when there's a thunderstorm or when Uncle Jungkook has eaten all the cereal. You're a monster," He leans toward her, tickling her sides. Her laugh explodes throughout the ward. "A big cheeky monster!"

"Stop it, you two," Sana smacks Jimin's shoulders again. "Let's move this patient."

"God, stop hitting me woman." Jimin stands up straight, looking at Sunny seriously as she covers her mouth to laugh. Pushing the patient further down the hallway, Jimin does the best left he can manage into the large 4 bed spaced quad.

"Hi team," he announces, looking at all the open curtains. "I've got a new roommate for you."

"Where am I?" the patient asks again.

Sunny leans over to him, clasping his hand. "You're in the hospital. You hurt yourself."

"Oh, did I? Have you phoned my wife Laurice?"

Jimin pushes him into the bedside, slamming the breaks on his bed. "We have, she's on her way."

"But why am I here?"

Sunny groans loudly.

"You've hurt yourself and you're in the hospital to get treated," Jimin says, reaching out for Sunny to jump off the bed. She does so without further prompting.

"Is that you Jimin?" Taehyung asks, hopping out of his bed and pulling the IV machine with him. He rips open the curtain, and Jimin stumbles, holding Sunny's head behind his leg. "It is! Boy am I happy to see you!"

Jimin looks at him warily. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Taehyung looks at him, adorning a guilty expression Jimin is far too used to being a nurse. "No...."

"Get back into the bed Dr. Taehyung right now."

Sana walks into the cubical and punches Taehyung's shoulder. "You asshole. I heard about you terrorizing the nurses up here. What's wrong with you?"

Jimin snorts as he continues preparing the patient for his stay on the ward. "What's not wrong with him?"

"Where am I?" the patient interrupts, asking again.

Taehyung looks over Jimin's shoulder. He looks at Sunny before he looks at the patient. "Hey Jimin, I have two questions. 1, has that patient had a CT scan and 2, who is that tiny baby nurse on the bed?"

"No, he hasn't had a CT yet. Hospitals turned to shit at the moment. If you hadn't noticed while having a holiday up here and this little human is Sun, she's my colleagues daughter. Unfortunately, she had to come in and we're all taking turns watching her while her mama works outside."

Taehyung blinks, his mouth agape. "Her mother?"

"Hi mister, I'm Sunny," She smiles, jumping off the bed to stand beside Jimin. He watches her extend her little hand to his. "I'm five and I'm a nurse."

"You're a nurse are you?" He smiles, softly taking her small hand into his large one. "Hi Sunny, I'm Taehyung and I'm a patient here. It's nice to meet you."

"We should get you back to bed if you're a patient, you should be sleeping," She frowns, pulling on his hand as she walks over to his bed. "I'm a nurse and I know everything."

"Who's daughter did you say she belonged to?" Taehyung asks as he feels compelled to listen to the little girl seemingly out for his heart. Sunny lifts herself onto the bed as Taehyung slips under the covers.

"She's bossy but she's alright." Jimin comments, smiling at Sunny as she smiles up at Taehyung. "Are you able to look after her for a bit, I just need to go and speak to the doctors about our new patient."

Taehyung nods. "I can do that, I like kids."

Jimin holds his thumbs up. "Sunny, Uncle Tae is going to look after you for a bit. We know him and he's great. Your mama knows him too, so don't wander off okay?"

"I know her mother?" 

She frowns at Jimin. "But Jiminie, mama said I could visit Ginia with you if you took me!"

Jimin pauses, staring at the ground before looking up at Taehyung. "Hey Taehyung, Virginia, she's a patient down the hall in room A01, are you able to take Sunny to see her later please?"

"Um yeah sure," Taehyung blinks, watching his hesitant form slowly walk away. "I'll see you later Jimin."

"You too Taehyung, I'll be back Sunny!"

"Bye Jiminie!" Sunny shouts, waving her little hand in the air.

Sunny pulls up her pink socks before pulling the blankets out from their tuck on the other side of the bed and lifting them up.

"What are you doing?" Taehyung asks, watching her tiny body wiggle against the bed rails beside him.

"I'm getting warm," she whispers, without looking up at him. "I'm cold and you're hogging all the room."

He looks down at her in concern. "You're cold?"

She nods shyly.

He laughs softly as her pigtails bob too. "I'll give you a jumper," he says. Leaning towards his personal belongings drawer, he pulls out his grey jumper that one of the nurses returned from the on-call room for him. "Now it will be a little big on you but at least it will be warm."

Unfolding it, he turns to her, handing her the jumper. "Do you need help putting it on?" he asks.

She looks at him as though she were offended. "I'm not a baby, I can dress myself."

He watches her pull the jumper on. "Cute. How old are you then Sunny?"

She pops her head through the top. "I'm five. I'm a big girl I promise, I can even make noodles!" Taehyung helps her raise the sleeves, she accepts reluctantly as he fawns over her. "How old are you?"

He snorts as he fixes the jumper, now dress, on her. "Old enough to be your dad."

She scowls. "I don't have a dad."

"You don't have a dad?" he asks, watching her cross her arms over her chest. "What happened to him?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Mama doesn't like talking about it, it makes her cry."

He stares at the little girl, feeling a little blossom full of curiosity grow in his heart. "That's okay."

"Mister, what happened to you?" she asks and Taehyung grabs the bed remote, putting the head of the bed up so they can lean on it. "Did you hurt bad in an accident?"

Taehyung shakes his head. "No, Tae got hurt protecting a girl he loves, nothing bad."

"Oh," She stares at him curiously as she sits beside him. "Is she your princess?"

A smile spreads across his face as he moves a little to the side so she can lay beside him. "Why would I have a princess?"

Sunny pokes his cheek. "Because you look like a prince. Princes have princesses, right?"

She smiles a Cheshire like grin as her big brown eyes stare into his. It's odd, the sudden feeling that takes over him as he stares back at her.

"You're right." is all he can say as he wonders who else share the same big brown eyes.

Grabbing her little finger from his face, he holds her small soft hand in his much larger one. Sunny intertwines her fingers with his as she leans her head against his shoulder.

"Can you be my mama's prince instead? I think she named me after sunlight so she'd always feel warm but I think she gets cold way too much."

Taehyung snickers in the dark. "You're smart for a kid your age."

"You're smart for a boy too." she quips and the whiplash Taehyung experiences is dizzying. 

"What?" he laughs as he says it, poking her ribs. "What did you just say to me?" 

She giggles as he begins to tickle her. "You heard me, mister!"

The laughter fills the room and if not for the acutely unwell patients around him, it would've been a welcome sound.

They settle side by side a couple minutes later after being yelled at by the nurses and the patients to be quiet. Sunny hides underneath Taehyung's arm in embarrassment, hiding her face in his warm chest.

He winces as she places her head right on his wound but he truly cannot bring himself to say anything about it. He holds her there as he lays his head on her smaller one. "You're cute Sunny."

"I know I am but call me smart please," she says before looking up at him with her big brown eyes. "Mama is really smart. She began being a doctor when she was little and I wanna be like her, so call me smart, not cute. Okay?"

His heart begins to pound as he focuses on her calm expression. "When she was little?"

She nods. "My grandma told me they used to live in a little hospital, people would come for my mamas help."

The silence that then follows is the loudest thing Taehyung has ever heard as Sunny wiggles in his arms. Her eyes ...her nose ...maybe even her lips... why does she look like...

"Sunny," he starts, his voice starting as a whisper before it quivers at the thought bouncing in his brain that she couldn't be his... that you would've kept his ...the idea was outrageous but something realistic and a complete possibility, especially knowing you. "Who did you say your mother was?"

Sunny smiles up at the man who shares the same brown eyes as her. "Why?"

"Because I have a feeling I might know who your dad is."


	38. Treatment

"Dr. Minho, I heard you needed assistance," a much taller and older man, interrupts your concentration as he forces himself into the tent behind you. "Whaddya need?"

You watch Minho roll his eyes before he turns to you, asking you with his eyes to take over auscultating the patients chest.

"Sorry, Dr. Gaston, h-hello," he stutters, turning around to face the man. "I no longer require your assistance, I have help here now."

You give the new arrival a once over before grabbing your stethoscope and taking over, determined to complete your job and reunite with your daughter back inside. The man looked important. Of course, he'd only show up when the job was almost finished. Men in higher positions only ever did it so they could take the credit. 

"Who's she? Why are you letting a nurse do my job?" he simply states, voice course as he walks across the room. "I didn't think they taught this in nursing school. Can I take over? I mean, it's only right... surely she is practicing out of her scope of practice right now."

"Umm..." Minho grows awkward, not liking the suddenly tense silence but not willing to slice through it. "This is Y/N, she's very talented-

"-yes, I understand she might be talented but it is inappropriate to let her examine my patient," The unknown man, stands beside you, watching you move the stethoscope down his body. "She wouldn't know what she's looking for." 

"What,  _my_ patient?" you whisper, confusion etched into your brows.

Minho stands closer to you in what you presume to be a show of possessiveness. You aren't staring at the two as you listen to the patient's breath sounds but you imagine the kind of non-verbal exchange they might be having behind you.

The thought pisses you off. You didn't work this hard to get to this point in your life just to experience this shit all the time. 

You inch closer to the patient as you drop your stethoscope and begin feeling down his body for open wounds and tenderness.

"Stop that," he demands, his voice authoritative and overpowering. "This instance."

"Firstly, no," You scoff under your breath as you stare up at him. "I don't know you and I don't like how you speak of my nursing colleagues. They could probably do your job more efficiently than yourself. Nurses have historically always been more prudent in the care of others," grabbing a pair of scissors in order to cut the man's pants loose, you turn away from the man. The fabric tears in the silence before you look up again, your head in a tilt, eyes slightly narrowed and lips adorning the most arrogant smirk you could manage. "But I am not a nurse. I am a doctor. Does that surprise you? A woman in a white coat? Got a problem with that?"

Minho surges forward, attempting to cut you off "Y/N-

"-I urge you to re-orient yourself to the present, women have the right to an education these days." 

He stares at you, green eyes narrowing as though the idea of a woman being a doctor was some convoluted concept he just couldn't seem to swallow. "My apologies Y/N, this is Dr. Gaston, he is a senior cardiothoracic surgeon here at Seoul Hearts Hospital. He doesn't see much of the outside-theatre world-

"-thank you Dr. Minho, that is quite alright. I can explain myself," he clears his throat before continuing. Stepping forward, he reaches into the resource box and pulls out a pair of bright blue non-latex gloves. "My name is Dr. Gaston and obviously my worst vice is my arrogance. I'm 69 years old, what do you expect from an old man? I lived through a war."

You watch him readjust his bright red bowtie before assessing your chest tube job. "You can't blame me for assuming you'd be a nurse, in my day, women were a minority in medicine."

"We all live through wars Dr. Gaston, hell, we're living through one right now. That does not excuse the behavior you exude out of habit because no one has told you how wrong it is," Feeling down the patient's legs, your gloves come back covered in blood, you frown at your hands. "I can't blame you for assuming I'd be a nurse just as much as you can't blame me for assuming that you're an asshole who imposes their prejudices and male privilege on others-

"-Y/N!" Minho interrupts, placing his hand on your shoulder. "You're going too far. He's a respected senior of ours, he deserves your respect too."

Grabbing the scissors, you cut the patients pants off completely.

"Like hell he does," You snort, shaking his hand off your shoulder. "If you stay silent to those kinds of comments, you're just as bad as him Minho. In fact, if you ever side with an oppressor by staying silent, you are worse."

"Excuse me, who do you think you are?" Dr. Gaston shouts. "I've never met a more rude young lady before in my life."

"Who am I?" Slamming the pair of scissors on the table, you stare at him with a feral looking gaze. "I'm Dr. fucking Y/N and this patient is bleeding out so if you could calm your misogynist self down for a second, I can save his life."

"Y/N," Minho starts "You can't talk to him like-

"-he can't talk to me like that either. Senior or not. I've been working my ass off to save these patients. We're all equals here."

They stare silently at you.

"And tonight, I lost people. My  _own_ people, so please just leave me alone and help me save him so I can go back to my daughter and then go home?"

Minho sighs. "Look, you need to understand that we work differently here. We have a hierarchy and you have to respect-

"-Minho, shut up-

"I get you've been awake for 30 hours but come on-

-excuse you, at least I can insert a chest tube, I had to run out here and help you because you apparently missed the opportunity somewhere in your career to learn how to put one in. It's a simple procedure, I don't know how you don't know how to do one-

"-speaking of, your chest tube is exceptional Dr. Y/N," Dr. Gaston interrupts, changing the subject as he looks back down at the patient. "How long have you been practicing?"

Dropping the matter, Minho shakes his head at you before gloving up beside you.

Rolling your eyes, you examine the abrasions and lacerations all over his legs. "Long enough to know how to A, put in a chest tube and B, how to avoid doctors like the both of you."

"What?" Minho asks and you glare at him. 

"Don't pretend like you didn't try to flirt with me earlier because I will leave this tent right now if you do." 

Dr. Gaston laughs lowly, suddenly amused by you. "I don't think you've ever met a doctor like me Y/N."

"Why are you cutting off his pants?" Minho asks to no response, as you all find a large laceration on his calf muscles, mysteriously already packed with gauze.

"Trust me Dr. Gaston, men like you are a majority in this industry. I assure you, I have met doctors like you," gazing back down the wound, you muster. "Did you pack this Minho?" blood begins to drop down the sides of the trolley. 

Minho shakes his head. "I didn't. I didn't even know it was there..."

Ignoring him, you move to recheck the patient's blood pressure. Reattaching the cuff to his arm, you hold your stethoscope over his brachial artery to listen for korotkoff sounds as you inflate it.

They watch your face.

"He's hypotensive," springing into action, you pocket your stethoscope. "He needs more blood Minho, hang a couple more units."

"What's his BP?" Dr. Gaston asks, taking the patient's pulse rate at his wrist. "You never told us."

You falter. "It's 60/59. Behind you is a bag of fluids. Give it as a bolus. I want to wheel in a relatively stable patient for theatre, not a cadaver. Get onto it both of you."

"Yes, ma'am." Dr. Gaston suddenly smiles and it freaks you out. 

"Any other orders?" Minho asks 

"Just one," You grab a face mask from the box beside him. "Don't treat me like I don't deserve to be a doctor, I've worked my ass off to be here and I don't need men like you thinking I don't deserve to be treated decently."

"Anything else?" Dr. Gaston asks. 

 

"Treat me the way you want to be treated." 


	39. Dad, is that you?

**Irene**

Irene has spent most of her career explaining to people that her job isn't just handing items to doctors and changing adult diapers. They're apart of the job but the assumption that nurses only do the all the simple and easy work while doctors do everything else is abhorrent and discredits the hard work nurses actually do. 

Because nurses do literally everything. 

If they could diagnose and prescribe medication to their patients without having to page a tired doctor to their ward, they would.

Stigma like that makes a nurse feel expendable, that they're only there to assist; they are just as replaceable as the batteries in a gaming controller; they have no real purpose to the game itself. But the real truth is, you can't play the game without one.

Nurses run the hospital.

They page doctors to review patients they monitor because a doctor would very rarely spend more than an hour with a patient if they weren't under general anesthesia and on an operating table.

They call the codes when patients are deteriorating and more often than not, they've already stabilized the patient before the doctors even get there.

They monitor their patients and identify subtle surgical complications. They talk to physiotherapists, pharmacists, occupational therapists, psych and social work to get you back home.

A doctor will never stand between life and death alone because nurses will be there, protecting their patients to the very end. 

Nurses, we're lucky to have them.

Irene, Seoul Hearts is lucky to have her. 

"Dr. Yoongi?" Irene shouts, running towards him as he leans against the nurse's station looking frazzled at the current state of the hospital. "Weren't you taking Hana to ICU? The patient with sepsis?"

He stares at her as she gathers her breath and reties her long brown hair up into a high ponytail. "The ICU team took over that patient, I don't need to stay there and make sure-

"-so you're free right now?" she interrupts, her heart pounding through her skin as she lets her ponytail go. "I need your help."

He blinks at her as though the simple call for help had already made him tired. "With what?"

"Please, I just..." Stepping closer to him, she sticks out her hands in a praying like gesture. "There are no doctors in triage and there are more really sick patients. I need help Yoongi, I can't do it on my own. Please?"

"Where are the interns?" he asks, looking around the room. Everyone looked busy for as far as he could see.

"I don't know, last I heard they were all sleeping in the on-call rooms," she admits, dropping her hands to her sides. "Please, come on just help me."

"Irene, I'm really busy though. I can't just fucking drop everything to help you-

"-I'm not asking you to drop  _fucking_  everything," she interrupts, frowning at the man. "I'm asking you to sort something out because you have dying people in triage without a doctor and you're putting my registration at risk."

Yoongi takes a deep breath before running his palms down his face. "I can't help you right now Irene. Please wake up the interns and get them to help you, okay?"

Silence festers between them.

Yoongi can feel her temper rise, in fact, it gives him the chills just watching the pink flood to her checks.

"Those interns have been awake for 36 hours and you want me to wake them up and put my patients at risk?" she stares at him as though even the idea was beyond stupid. "What's wrong with you? What's wrong with this hospital?"

"Irene, this is a mass trauma event. Use your brain and figure something out, I know you can and I know you will," putting his hands on her shoulders, he stares into her eyes. "I personally cannot help you, I need to figure out how to close this hospital down and minimize the potential harm to the public."

Shoving his hands off her, she rolls her eyes. "Coordinate with the three other hospitals and the medical centers. Close one hospital at a time and get your hands on more resources through negotiating. All we need are doctors and resources, patients can handle being on the ground. Communicate Yoongi, god why are men so bad at that."

"I didn't even think of that..." Yoongi blinks before a gummy smile suddenly takes over his face. "You beautiful fucking bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"Thank you, Irene, oh my fucking fuck, thank you," Grabbing Irene's face, he places a big kiss onto her cheek. "Consider getting Taehyung, last time I heard, he's being discharged because they need the bed space. Give the interns a couple more hours."

"He's okay enough to be discharged?"

Stepping away from her, he pulls out his phone. "He's more than okay. Go see him, he's on the med-surg floor."

Irene watches a perplexed frown take over his face as he pulls out his cellphone from the large white pocket over his chest. "Alright Irene, I'm gonna call the other hospitals-

"-yeah yeah, and do I what I told you to do," she rolls her eyes before taking out her stethoscope and wrapping it around her neck. "You should listen to nurses more often." 

"I do listen to nurses-

"-I may have only worked with you tonight but I can tell you're a man of pride and you don't give others the opportunity to help you," her voice is hoarse as though she had been yelling all night. "We're a team, that's why we all signed up to do what we do. Give us the chance, it will help."

He snorts. "I'm very good at being alone, Irene."

"No, Dr. Min Yoongi, you're very good at being dumb. Don't be dumb."  

Yoongi watches dumbfoundedly as she walks away, shoving her hands in her scrub pockets before walking towards the elevators. 

Namjoon snickers at him from the other side of the nurse's station. "You know Yoongs, she's right." 

"Oh fuck off Namjoon." Yoongi rolls his eyes before dialing the number he had been avoiding all night. It rings a couple times before the man he'd been actively avoiding for his entire career picks up. 

"Sorry to disturb you, my name is Dr. Min Yoongi and I'm head of the Emergency Department and coordinator during the mass trauma event we've got going on. We're low on resources, I'm reluctant to close the hospital as we're the only one open right now and I need your help."

Namjoon watches him walk towards his office before he closes the door behind him. 

"Here we go."

**Taehyung**

_"Your mum's name, what is it?"_

"Tae Tae?" She blinks up at Taehyung in confusion. "You want to know her name? It's mama?"

Taehyung stares down at the little girl before bursting out in laughter. "You don't know your mothers name do you Sunny?"

"What?" She glows a bright red. "Yes, I do ...I just call her mama because that's her name to me."

Taehyung sweeps his arms around her, pushing her closer into his chest and onto his lap. "You're so cute. How is that even possible? How did the world make someone this cute!"

She stirs in his arms before resting peacefully against him. "I don't know, don't ask me. Ask my mama."

"I will," he promises, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Sunny, does your mother ...does she still like caramel popcorn and dumplings?"

She nods her head ecstatically. "We eat dumplings all the time but because she doesn't want me to have sugar, I don't think she eats caramel popcorn anymore because of it."

"She doesn't want you to have sugar?" he asks, one eyebrow cocked. He was certain you'd be the type of mother to spoil her rotten; teeth rotten. He knows how much you loved anything coated in caramel and chocolate.

"She doesn't like it when my teeth fall out, she says it makes her feel old. I can't help it! They just do!"

"That's very true, if I was your dad, I'd sneak you some chocolate. Life is better with chocolate, I think," Taehyung rests his head against Sunnys. She beams at the prospect. "Hey, does your mama still try to bake in her spare time?"

Sunny nods against him. "She tries her best but me and uncle Jimin make muffins so she doesn't have to. It's really fun at our house Taehyungie, there's uncle Jimin and uncle Jungkook, mum and me and we're always playing and the neighbors dog comes over sometimes."

"You like dogs?" he asks and she nods ecstatically. "I love dogs but mama doesn't want to get one until I'm older."

"That's sad."

Sunny agrees. "The dog could be like my sister or brother, and there would be laughter and mess every day," she nuzzles herself into him as she snuggles the blankets close to her chest. "Jungkookie would love that too, he's a dog person. Do you know Jungkook?"

"I might," he whispers. Taehyung smiles as he imagines a warm and happy home for you and Sunny but the happiness of that concept without him feels like a knife in his heart.

"What's your home like? I bet it's fun too," she asks.

Taehyung takes a deep breath. He lives alone in a studio apartment that he hasn't seen in months having slept continuously in the on-call rooms but he's not about to tell her that. "It's comfortable. I live with lots of friends and it's never quiet! It's always fun and never lonely ...and yeah ...it's just very comfortable."

"Why do you sound like you're lying? Mama says it's bad to lie," She stares up at him, concern laced within her brows. "You live alone don't you?"

"You're too smart," Taehyung laughs uncomfortably. "How did you know?"

"You said you were never lonely ...I think you're very lonely," she whispers. Turning her head up to him, she puts her little hands on both of his cheeks. "But I'll be your friend so don't get lonely, okay?"

He nods his head between her hands before smiling.

"Yes, princess." 

**You**

"What's going on out there, can you go check Jin please?" you ask, voice muffled by the face mask over your nose and mouth.

Someone had been arguing outside the tents and if you were paying attention, you would've been out there yelling too but you weren't. No, you were focused on ensuring Minho stopped the newly discovered femoral arterial bleed in his chest tube patient.

You had no time to focus on anything else.

But you did note that whoever was arguing sounded both familiar and frustrated, as though they've been through this a million times.

Jin wipes the perspiration dripping down his forehead with the back of his hand. "Sure, just stop that bleed. He's already lost so much blood and another unit of red is transfusing now."

"That is what we are doing Seokjin." Dr. Gaston groans beside you.

"Fuck this. He needs to be in an operating theatre right now," you sigh, pressing your finger inside the incision site and clamping down on it. Kicking off the break, you stare Minho down to start moving the trolley. "Let's go, let's get him inside."

"I wonder what's going on out there," Minho comments, ignoring you. "Because it doesn't sound particularly good Y/N. Can we check it out?"

Dr. Gaston beside him hums in agreement under his breath.

Rolling your eyes, you stare him down. "No, the patient comes first because-

But an angry voice slices through the night before you even get the opportunity to sass him _. "LET ME THROUGH RIGHT NOW."_

You all pause, Minho's hands still above the patient as you all listen to the harsh words of warning fill the dry air as Jin pauses by the tent doors.

_"No, you can't fucking go inside. What have I told you? No, means no."_

"Wait," you stare in equal parts shock and curiosity at Minho, who reflects your expression. All the air suddenly leaves your body when the stern announcement of closure hangs in the air. "Did he just..."

Jin gulps. "No..."

Dr. Gaston stirs. "What is going on?"

"Wait if that means, what I think it does," Minho stares up at you. "Does that mean...."

"Hey, what are you doing? Who are you?" an intern yells, trying to shove past the security guard outside the emergency entrance. You all look up at each other, prompted by the urgency in the man's voice. "Why won't you let me in? I'm a doctor here."

Without a second of delay, you rip your hand out of the patient, prompting the immediate clamping of Dr. Gaston's hand as you rip off the cloth covering your face and you rush through the tent opening and straight towards the men.

But the sight startles you blue. Big yellow caution fences were being rolled out of a van as military men began surrounding the hospital with it.

"Y/N!" Jin rushes towards you. "I know what you're thinking but take a deep breath before you do anything-

"Shut up Jin, what the fuck is this?" 

**Taehyung**

"And then mama, let Jungkook live with us because he was homeless and then I got another uncle! So, she'll definitely let you come and live with us!" Sunny giggles, resting between Taehyung's legs as he braids her hair. "I love my uncles, they teach me things, lots of things, like did you know dogs have dreams! Do you wonder what they dream about to?"

"You have so much energy," Taehyung yawns into the back of his hand. "I've thought about it because they run when they're sleeping-

"-I've seen them do that too!" she interrupts him. "Do you like dogs too?"

Tying the little hair tie on the last braid, he looks down at her. "I do like dogs, I wish I had one."

Sunny reaches up to feel her head. "Are you done with my hair?"

He nods.

She frowns as her little hands feel more than two braids. "What did you do to me?"

Taehyung giggles as he looks at the four braids sticking out in different directions. "You look like an octopus ...oh my gosh, you're a sunpus." He slaps his own thigh as he laughs at her.

She's frowning at the weird man but the sheer volume of his laugh makes her laugh too. "A sunpus!"

He wipes away the imaginary tears as he huffs the rest of his laughter out. "Oh man, I surprise myself sometimes."

Irene runs from the elevator to the nurses' station. She stares at the admission whiteboard looking for Taehyung's name and bed number.

"Sorry, who are you here to see?" Nurse Joy asks, suddenly appearing at her side before throwing the empty bag of IV fluids into the bin in front of Irene.

"Hi, I'm Irene," she says, searching for his name. "I'm here for Kim Taehyung."

"Ahhh, you're Irene!" Joy smiles, "I've heard alot about you sis, my name is Joy. Welcome to Seoul Hearts!"

Irene smiles at Joy. "Thanks, I'm assuming Jimin has come by then."

She nods. "He's a cutie that one."

"Wait until you see Dr. Jungkook, he's beautiful."

Joys face lights up. "Oooh, I'll keep that in mind. Anyway, I need to get some antibiotics up. Your man is in the quad, his discharge is being processed at the moment but he's got a kid with him so work something out for us, yeah?"

Irene nods. "Yeah sure, go on, get those ABs up. I'll see you around Joy."

"Nice meeting you Irene!" She calls out as she walks away. Looking down the hallway, Irene hears the delightful sound of laughter, following the noise, she walks into his dark shared room.

"You're funny Tae!" a little voice giggles as Taehyung tries to sush her. "Don't sush me, that's rude."

"People are trying to sleep we gotta be quiet-

Pulling at the curtain separating his bed space from the others, they both look up, caught in fright as Irene stands at the end of the bed with arms crossed over her chest.

The light captures the terror and the surprise on both of their faces hilariously well.

"Sorry to ruin the moment guys, Taehyung get changed, you've been discharged and I need you downstairs."

Taehyung fumbles as he unconsciously holds Sunny tighter to him. "Ireney the meany!" Sunny shouts, sinking her face into Taehyung's chest. "I'm not leaving Tae Tae if you've come to steal me too."

"Princess Sunny, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," she lies, bowing to the young girl. "I have not come here to steal you but to bring you both downstairs, Taehyung needs to help us."

Her little brows raise in confusion. "Why would he help you when he is hurt?"

"Sun," Taehyung kisses her head and she shuffles into his lap, clearly liking the affection. "I'm a doctor, I need to go downstairs and help them."

She pouts as she pulls away from his chest. Turning around, she looks up at him with big wet eyes. "But aren't you hurt?"

Taehyung shakes his head. "I am a little but I know just the thing that will cure me."

She smiles. "What is it?"

Leaning down to her face, he giggles. "Kisses."

"Why didn't you just say that before!" She pouts before leaning up to kiss his cheek.

They both giggle as he kisses her cheek back. 

Irene sighs before ripping off the blankets. Running back to the nurse's station she grabs a little plaster and a piece of gauze. Returning to the bedside, she sits next to Taehyung as she rips off the dressing around his IV line off.

"I'm gonna remove your IV line and then you're going to get changed and then, we're going downstairs. We don't have much time. I heard Yoongi's going to lock the doors."

The news seems to stun him. "Hold up, hold up, what? He's going to do what?"

"We're beyond full capacity Taehyung and we have no resources to manage. Yoongi is closing us down." 

**Yoongi**

"What's going on outside?" Jungkook opens his office door, peering in cautiously. "Why are there trucks?" 

Yoongi looks up. "I'll make a statement soon, I'm just organizing the other hospitals. Do me a favor?" 

"I'm not going to fucking blow you if that is what you're going to ask"

Yoongi laughs. "No, although you're about as straight as the painting Jimin hung up on the kitchen wall, easily swayed."

Jungkook holds his cast close to his chest, feel the pain begin to breakthrough his cast. "What do you want?" 

"Go and help Irene in triage, she's grabbing Taehyung from upstairs to help her too." 

"My Irene?" Jungkook frowns, poking his tongue against the inside of his cheek. "My Irene is holding the triage waiting room on her own?" 

"Yes, now go and help her. I'm not going to ask you again." 

Rubbing the back of his neck, he nods. "I won't be of much help to her in this condition but I'll try my best." 

"Please. Thank you Jungkook, I'll remember this." 

**Taehyung**

Taehyung follows behind Irene in a new pair of scrubs. Sunny holds his hand as she looks up at him in his white coat. "You look cool Tae." 

He smiles down at her. "Thanks, Sun." 

"I'm warning you right now Taehyung, it's messy downstairs so only do as much as you can looking after Sunny." 

Pressing the elevator button, they wait. Irene tries hard not process the physical similarities between Sunny and Taehyung. If she does, she'll be curious and when she gets curious, she stays curious, so she ignores it. 

She ignores their similar laugh. 

Their similar smiles. 

Their similar mannerisms. 

Their impatience and

How they click so well.

"Where's her mother?" he asks, pulling her close to him. Irene watches the way Sunny clings to his thigh. She watches the way affection grows across Taehyung's face. 

"Outside in triage helping Seokjin, Y/N's been awake far too long. I think I'll run out and grab her, she should be resting." 

Taehyungs brows lift. "She hasn't rested?" 

Irene shakes her head. "Absolutely not, with you out, she cant." 

"Is there a place she can go to rest?" 

Irene nods as the elevator doors open, they walk in as she stammers remembering the floor to go to. Taehyung leans forward to press the right floor for her. 

"The big staff room has been set up for staff. There's a bed for her and Sunny, it's just we can't leave Sunny on her own hence why Jimin's dumped her with you." She says, sinking against the elevator wall as the doors close. 

"Where is uncle Jimin?" Sunny asks and Irene shrugs. 

"Probably helping people Sun." 

"Wait," he huffs in disbelief. "You're telling me Y/N has been working since yesterday morning without taking a break?" 

"Look, I don't know. I don't keep track of her breaks, you're just going to have to ask her yourself. What I do suspect, however, is that she hasn't slept and she has surpassed safety requirements to practice and I'm going to have to ask her to sit out or I'll tell her that I'll be making a complaint against her." 

He frowns at her as the elevator doors open. "You'd do that to your own colleague?" 

Rolling her eyes, she turns to him as they walk down the hallway. "I know her and she's stubborn. The only way she'll stop is if Sunny is hurt or someone threatens her livelihood. I know her Taehyung, I know how she works it doesn't mean I'll actually complain against her." 

Taehyung wants to say he knows you too but he's not so sure anymore. 

"Irene!" Jungkook shouts, spotting her as she walks into the hub of the department. "Yoongi said you needed help in triage ...do you know what's going on outside?" 

"Sorry, what?" she asks, turning to the direction of triage. "What do you mean something is going on outside?" 

"There are trucks... and fences ...you don't? You haven't been outside?" 

Irene doesn't even respond before running to the public emergency entrance. There are patients all watching out the window as she pushes through the crowd to get to the doors. 

 _"What's going on?"_  a patient asks. 

_"Why won't the doors open?"_

_"Have we been locked in?"_

Pushing through the crowd, the automatic sliding doors stay closed. Putting her hands on the glass she looks up at the sensor looking for it's usually flickering green light. She frowns, it's red. 

It's been turned off. 

"Isn't that the doctor who treated you honey?" a patient asks, pointing to a fight outside. Irene looks back outside, noticing a slowly growing crowd of people around a woman being picked up off the ground.

Irene gasps. "Y/N." 

**You**

"Get back, no one goes in and no one comes out," another man shouts, gesturing him to look at the security guards putting up fences around the entrance. The intern stands there, hands in his hair. "Orders from the top, we gotta lock all the doors too."

"Hold on, what are you doing?" you shout, running towards the security officer tying a lock around the fence blocking the entrance. "Hey hey, why are you locking the doors?"

A third security guard wraps his arms around you, pulling you back towards the tent. Your heart races into stomach. "You can't lock us out, we're in triage, we're triaging patients inside who need surgical help!"

"We're following orders," he responds in a grunt, holding her back. "So get back in that tent and stay there, until we say so."

"What? No," You scream in frustration, kicking at his legs. "I don't care what you're doing. My five-year-old daughter is in that hospital, you can't separate us. Let me through."

"You heard me." he groans, grabbing onto your feet as he picks you up off the ground.

"Let me in!" you scream, shaking your body in his arms. "You can't do this to me. You can't."

Irene bangs on the closed emergency doors as patients stand at the windows to watch around her. You look up to the source of the banging. She shakes her head at you.

"Irene," you scream, as Jin peels you out of the security guards hands. "What is going on?!"

"Calm down Y/N, you're causing a scene, everyone inside can hear you."

"I don't fucking care," you shout, pushing against him. "My baby is in there, I need to be in there with my baby."

"Take a deep breath-

"-fuck your deep breaths Jin," you snap, "Irene, what is this?" you shout loudly.

Jin pushes the guard away from you as he holds you against his chest. You don't look away from Irene. 

"Let me fucking go."

"I'm sorry," Jin says

You fight the hands wrapped around you, scratching at them. "No you aren't. She's my baby. Please, my baby is in there, I need to be in there. I was only going to be out here for half an hour, please, I'm begging you, she only has me."

Dragging you away, he picks you up off the ground as the security guard takes you from Jin and throws you over his shoulder. "Stay back Doctor, you try to enter by force and I will arrest you."

You start kicking him and slapping his back. "Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't just a closure this is a restriction. You're stopping me from doing my job, to which I am legislated to do in mass trauma and disasters, you're breaking the law! Who told you to lock everyone in? I'm a doctor, I work in there. What the fuck are you doing?"

He sighs loudly as he trudges towards the main triage tent. "The Boss did."

"Who? Who the fuck?" you scream louder, your voice feeling course already. "Call them again, give me the phone. This is illegal!"

"Dr. Min Yoongi informed us that you already knew."

The words are like gasoline pouring over the fire in your body and the name that falls from his lips tastes like metal and blood on your tongue. Of course, he'd lock the doors as soon as you were out here. Of fucking course.

"I'm going to sue, that's it. I'm suing Min Fucking Yoongi!" 

Irene bangs against the door again, anger radiating off your skin. 

"Put me down, I promise I'll behave, you're making me feel dizzy." you plead, feeling nauseous. He puts you down as you look back to Irene but he holds your bicep. She shakes her head at you before you hear her shout through the glass. "I'll sort this out!" 

"Where's Sunny?" you shout back and she holds up her hands in a waiting like gesture as she turns around. She disappears into the crowd before they part back to their seats. 

"Dr. Y/N, we need help in here! He's not responding to fluids!" Dr. Gaston screams through the tent, the urgency in his voice sways you for a second. 

"You have two doctors in there, figure something out Dr. Gaston because we're stuck out here," you shout. 

Jin sighs before you. "Wow, what a fucking day." 

You roll your eyes at him before stammering. "Honestly, I am not surprised Yoongi would do this but I am surprised he would do it right now when he knew I'd be outside." 

"Don't think that Y/N, he's just doing his job." 

You shrug your shoulders. "Whatever." 

Irene bangs on the window, pulling your attention back. 

You frown at lack of seeing Sunny's face. "Where is she?" you shout at her. 

Irene turns around, pulling someone towards the window and for the 90th time in 24 hours, your heart completely stops. You stagger backward, straight into Jin's chest as your mind swirls at what you were seeing. 

You don't blink as your hands begin to quiver.

You should've expected this. 

"I'll figure something out!" Irene yells to you but you pay her absolutely no attention when it feels like your entire world has just been pulled out from underneath your feet; you stare without blinking at the man holding your baby.

His messy brown hair splays in all directions, his uniform is nice and clean but above all, he's holding her like he knows she's his daughter and he's staring straight at you.

You aren't sure how to feel about Kim Taehyung holding Sunny in his arms as she begins to cry in the nook of his neck. But you can hear her cries as she calls out for you and your heart pounds at the need to hold her.

Just watching hurts. 

Irene grabs the phone from her tunic pocket, dialing Jin's number. You hear the ringtone go off in his puffer vest. Jin answers the phone immediately. "Jin speaking." 

_"Put her on the phone."_

"Y/N," he says, handing you the phone. You pull your eyes away in order to grab the phone. "It's Irene." 

"Irene, is she okay?" you immediately ask. "What's going on?" 

You watch her talk into the shell of the phone through the window.  _"Yoongi and I talked about it, I wouldn't worry about being locked out for too long. They're doing periodical closures of the hospitals and sharing resources."_

"That's stupid, we can share resources and leave the hospital open. Has he called for military aid yet?" 

Silence. 

 _"I don't know, I can't answer that question, you're going to have to speak to him but hang in there, I'll figure something out,"_  she whispers. 

Taking a deep breath, you whisper back. "I believe you ...can you pass the phone onto Sunny?"

She nods. _"Sure."_

_"Sunny, your mama wants to talk to you on the phone."_

_"But why can't I go outside and be with her."_

_"Not right now, okay, here."_

Sunny grabs the phone, sniffling into the shell of it.  _"Mama?"_

"Baby, are you okay?" you ask, watching Taehyung wipe the tears off her face. "Have you been crying?" 

_"I am okay but I miss you, when can I see you?"_

You shake your head. "Soon baby, soon. You need to stay with Taehyung, okay?"

She nods.  _"Okay."_

"Hand the phone to him please." You watch through the window as she gives him the phone. He looks at it, takes a deep breath and puts it to his ear. 

_"Hi."_

"Taehyung." 

_"Y/N."_

Scuffing your shoe beneath the concrete, you sigh. "Please look after her. She means more to me than anything in this entire world." 

_"I will don't worry about her ...I'll keep her safe."_

"Thanks."

He hums his response. 

"Has she slept yet?"

He sighs.  _"No, she's mostly just cuddled up to me and talked all night ...she's full of sugar."_

"Oh, that's just great. I explicitly told everyone not to give Sunny sugar but alas no one listens to me these days." 

He laughs softly on the other end.  _"She's fine, I think it's just her way of internalizing the environment she's been put in."_  His voice grates into the soft tissue in your stomach, ...are those butterflies?

"As long as she's okay ...I guess."

He hums his response again. 

_"Y/N?"_

"Yeah." 

_"She has my smile."_

Your heart throbs painfully. "I know." 

_"She's my daughter, isn't she?"_

Closing your eyes, you hold the phone to your chest for a second. You're summoning the strength to respond when you look back up to the window. Holding the phone back to your ear, you nod. "I don't want to admit it although, at this point in time, I no longer think I have a choice. Sunny may be your daughter  **but** she is my child. Mine. Don't forget that." 

_"What?"_

 

 

"You heard me Kim Taehyung." 

\--

**A/N: Holy shit, I just wrote this entire thing in one sitting and it's now 6AM. I'll come back and edit it when I've slept, thank you for reading**


	40. Chapter 40

Bravery is not synonymous with fearlessness. Why? Because it’s the deep breath we take before doing something that is hard and regardless of that fear, we do it anyway; that is real bravery.  

 

And for Y/N, she does it every day but now, after countless hours of being brave to save others; of being brave to protect your family.

 

You were over it.

 

You were over being brave.

 

You were done.

 

You needed to save yourself first because it’s not the fourth time of death you call as a result of the lockout; nor is it the last drop of blood on your scrubs and the last goodbye you say that makes you feel like you're falling into the darkness. 

It’s the empathy in the face of adversity in the form of an apologetic fireman who just wanted a bandage to dress his own wound because you looked so wrecked that he wanted you to get some rest instead that finally breaks you and strips you bare of your bravery.

 

_“It’s okay to go and sit down Y/N, you can’t move mountains when you can barely stand yourself...:”_

 

_“...your daughter is in good hands inside ...Taehyung is keeping her busy…”_

 

_“You have nothing to worry about.”_

 

You want to snort at that statement. You had no choice but to leave Sunny in the claws of a man who could rip your family apart. Of course, you had something to worry about.

 

Tears roll down the sides of your face as you watch the fireman all lean against each other, some sleeping, others clearly injured, all awaiting further instructions from inside the building.

 

We’d all been told to wait but most of us were losing hope, some had even left. You were unable to even dream of so with Sunny still inside.

 

“Ah fuck, shit, don’t cry, get back in the eyeballs,” fanning your eyes, you wipe the evidence away from your face. You couldn’t have them know that you couldn’t handle it. “You’re okay Y/N, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

 

If you look to your right, you can see through the glass windows, and you can see Irene attending to patients and Jimin arguing with Yoongi.

 

If you look to your left, you can see tents full of empty boxes and empty oxygen canisters and ...bodies, covered by white sheets awaiting transport to the morgue.

 

And you can’t look down because you think if you do, you’ll collapse.

 

So, you lift your chin towards the morning sky before taking a big deep breath. The air is sharp, filled with the smell of burning wood, it’s not a nice reminder of what has happened and what is still happening but you were done, absolutely mentally and physically exhausted.

 

“Dr. Y/N,” Dr. Gaston stammers, walking towards you with his hands shoved deep into pockets. He gives you a reassuring grin when you look back at him. “I just wanted to say that your chest tube patient probably passed away from endocarditis and the following effects were just ...unfortunate ...so don’t feel bad that we couldn’t save him you did the best that you could ...that’s all I really wanted to say.”

 

Shaking your head, you smile at him. “Thanks Dr. Gaston. I wasn’t even thinking about that weirdly, I’m the equivalent of being drunk with the whole sleep deprivation thing so I’m just going to go and sit down somewhere…”

 

He watches you wander away as you shrug and continue talking to yourself. “Was she just nice to me?”

 

Walking towards the fire fighters all sitting by the gutter, you prop yourself next to Seokjin. “I’m sleeping on you.” He doesn’t say anything as you cross yours arms over your chest and prop your head against his shoulder.

 

“There aren’t any patients out here,” you whisper, feeling your body spiral down just from closing your eyes. “Just tired mothers, tired doctors and you.”

 

Dr. Gaston sits on the other side of you. “And me.”

 

“And you,” you repeat. Nuzzling your head against Seokjin.

 

“Get some rest Y/N,” he whispers and you hum your response. “I’ll wake you up if there’s any news from Yoongi.”

 

“Please.”

 

Seokjin stares at the tents, the security and the walls as the early rays of morning pour their rays onto Seoul's freshest disaster. They’re going to remember this forever, life is never going to be the same.

 

Looking back down at you, he wraps his arm around your shoulders as you’re pulled into a defeated sleep, dreaming of what your tomorrow might look like. Jin checks his watch, it’s 7 am.

 

Great.

 

“It’s good that she’s getting some sleep,” Dr. Gaston whispers, smiling at Jin. “I was beginning to get worried.”

 

Jin doesn’t say anything in response, he doesn’t feel he needs to.

 

And it’s not much different to the doctors waiting outside than it is inside because there are nurses, interns and other medical professionals sitting on the floor in the hallways and in the station sleeping, or on the floor checking on patients.

 

And Jimin and Taehyung are sitting side-by-side behind the nurse's station. Jimin has been napping for the past twenty minutes and Taehyung has been amusing Sunny albeit the fatigue both feel burrowing into their bones.

 

But they’re all still waiting.

 

And it’s Sunny’s laughter that wakes Jimin up.

 

“This is cute. She doesn’t believe you Taehyung.” Jimin yawns, resting his head against the desk again watching the two interact. The team are all sitting in the nurses' station awaiting further instructions from Yoongi.

Sunny doesn’t believe anything Jimin is saying right now and Taehyung finds that hilarious.

“What do you mean you’re a doctor?”

“This is hilarious,” Jimin laughs again, sitting back up in his chair. “What did you think he was Sun?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. He doesn’t look like a doctor.”

“Hey,” Taehyung picks her up off the ground next to him, placing her gently on his lap in the nurse’s station. “I fix bones. I’m a doctor for broken bones.”

They sniffle at the same time as they stare blankly at each other.

“Well, I fix people too, ya know.” She says, yawning into her little hands, leaning her body against his chest.

Taehyung melts at just how cute she is when she’s tired. “How do you fix people?”

“Mama says I have the most powerful gift in the universe,” she smiles, throwing her ups in the air to animate how big. “I can heal people with my kisses.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He wiggles his eyebrows before tapping his cheek. “Can you heal me then?”

She crosses her tiny arms across her chest. “I thought you were already healed!”

The box grin that takes over his face is blinding. “I’m afraid I have a sore heart Sunny, can you heal me?”

Sunny taps her chin in faux thought before smiling brightly. “I’ll try my best then!” leaning towards him, she kisses his cheek. “I hope that heals your sore heart.”

Rubbing over his heart, Sunny whispers. “I think that our heart is the most precious organ in our bodies. So you gotta look after it okay?”

“My girl…” he says it without thinking as he blinks at the small worm of a girl, feeling glimmers of admiration grow in the base of his stomach. It hadn’t completely hit him yet that he could be her father but he suspects it will soon, he can feel it. “You’re right and do you know what’s good for the heart?”

She shakes her head.

“Sugar. Do you like hot chocolates?”

Sunny nods her head. “Mama says I’m not allowed to drink sweet things after I’ve brushed my teeth though.”

Taehyung winks mischievously at her. “But she’s not here right now.”

Sunny looks around the room before whispering loudly to Taehyung. “What are you suggesting?”

He nods his head towards the small kitchen in the department. “Cookies and hot chocolates? Last one to that room gets the raisin cookies?”

Her entire face shifts. “Ew yuck! I hate raisins.”

“Race you there then!”

Sunny squeals as Taehyung picks her up and places her onto the ground.

Taehyung runs slowly behind her, as if to give her a head start. “Be back soon Jimin.”

 

Her feet can’t run fast enough as they pad across the tiles and Jimin watches on, his heart aching softly for you. It would’ve been nice if you were here too. And Jungkook watches them both as he steals Taehyung’s seat. “I think Y/N has a lot to explain after all of this.”

 

Jimin shrugs his shoulders. “I think Y/N has a lot of sleep to catch up on first. I’m surprised she isn’t pulling her own hair out yet in fatigue.”

 

“I just looked outside, she looks like she’s asleep on Jin,” Jungkook rubs Jimin's hair with his only working hand. “I think Yoongi is going to make an announcement soon.”

 

Jimin snorts. “Good. It’s about time. We had a fight, he’s not talking to me right now.”

 

“What did you tell him?”

 

“I slapped him,” Jimin watches Yoongi rub the theatre list off the whiteboard. “And told him that he needs to listen first and then he needs to talk.”

 

“What?” Jungkook asks, one eyebrow cocked in confusion. “You slapped him?”

 

“I did. He was being a cock.”

 

Yoongi writes in big bold green whiteboard pen, ‘Volunteers’ before Jimin smirks back at him. “Just trust Yoongi. You’ll see.”

 

Jungkook watches Yoongi turn towards them. “Alright, staff. I need everyone here in 20 minutes. Put the word out, I’m requesting an urgent meeting for all emergency staff. It's time to clean this shit up and send people home.”

 

"Alright, I'm trusting him," Jungkook says, turning to face Jimin. "We have no other choice anyway." 

 

Yoongi points at Jimin. "And you, come here." 

 

Jimin rolls his eyes. 


	41. Chapter 41

The light hangs above them as they silently sip their hot chocolates. Taehyung hasn’t touched his mug yet, too taken with watching Sunny concentrate on dipping her chocolate chip biscuit into her drink.

He doesn’t say anything as he watches her drop the cookie inside her cup and gasp before grabbing a spoon in an attempt to salvage the chocolate. He thinks it’s cute when two little wrinkles appear between her eyebrows as her spoon collects clumps of broken dreams.

He leans against the table, propping his elbow on the table and holding up his chin with a fist. He smiles as he looks at the little girl, who looks like a beautiful mix of you and him.

She smiles brightly before shoving the spoon in her mouth. Her nose wrinkles as she grabs the bag full of cookies, looking for the chocolate ones. Taehyung wonders if Sunny’s always had  _his_  nose. If this is the nose she was born with, or if with time, it changed.

He curses himself because he wasn’t there to see her born, to witness her growth from a younger age. And because genuinely Taehyung will never know if Sunny has always had his smile and his nose and if she’s always had your eyes and your hair.

He will never have these answers and it makes him sad.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until they slide over his lips and the saltiness of his tears catch onto his taste buds. He’s really staring at her and wondering how something this delicate, this fragile, this beautiful could have possibly come from him.

How could something so innocent, be apart of him when he himself was not a saint?

He wipes the tears away before she looks up at him. “Aren’t you going to have your chocolate drink?”

Taehyung grins, his eyes upturning into crescent moons. “Of course I am!”

“Good, I think there is only raisin cookies left though.”

She sticks her tongue out at him before giggling into her mug.

He’s so angry at himself for missing so many years. He’s so angry at the opportunities he will never get back. The days that Sunny will now mark as “before dad,” and, “after dad.”

Will he even get the chance to be her dad?

Every loose tooth, every bad dream. Every bed wet. Every knot in her hair. Every tantrum she pulled because she wasn’t ready for bed. He missed it all and he wants to be a part of the rest, he doesn’t want to miss another milestone. He wants to feel okay again. He wants to feel loved and alive again.

Leaning forward, he ruffles his hand through her hair. “You’re such a good girl, drink it up. This will be the last before I take you to go sleep, okay?”

She drops the empty mug, a ring of chocolate around her mouth. It makes Taehyung laugh silently before he helps her wipe it off. “I am very tired.”

He makes a promise then and there that though he’s missed out on a part of Sunny’s life, he will not miss out on the rest.

“Hey, do you know who your dad is?” he asks and Sunny shakes her head. Taehyung watches her eat the cookie before whimpering. “Do you know what his name is?”

She looks at him in thought before pointing at his name badge. “Same as yours.”

And it kills him. 


	42. The End or the Beginning?

You dream of nothing.

As soon as you had closed your eyes with your head against Seokjin's lean shoulder, you were out like a light. With your body curled up against every grove of his side, Jin tries to adjust himself without disturbing you while staring hard at his own hands. 

No matter how hard he scrubbed them, the blood stuck underneath his fingernails stayed. It was gross but a testament to how hard he tried to save a mans life. 

 

He sighs as he drops them back onto his thighs. The burning orange of fresh sunlight soaked the land in a dizzying display of reassurance. He and the firefighters beside him all gazed at it, as it crept over the distant buildings. 

"You two okay? You don't look too good to me." one firefighter asks him. Jin turns to face the motley crew, ash, and blood from superficial wounds still covering their faces. Fatigue and dehydration obvious by the way some are seated on the hard concrete pavement. 

Jin takes a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth. "It's almost over. We'll be fine. Are you guys okay? Any new injuries I should know about?" 

"We've all just finished working for 34 hours straight," The firefighter takes a swig of his water before responding. "The hospital is still burning. The forests are still on fire and last I heard from headquarters, the military are on their way to help." 

Jin gasps. "Don't tell me you guys are going to keep working?" 

The firefighter passes his water bottle to the junior now resting his head on his thigh. "I'm the Fire Captain, I have no choice but to lead my crew. Injury-wise, I think we're all okay physically."

"Good. You keep us safe. Let me know if you need anything. Water, towels, food. I'm happy to help. What was your name sorry?" 

"My name? It's Son Sung Deuk and yours?" 

"I'm Kim Seokjin." 

The firefighter smiles in appreciation. "Thank you Kim Seokjin. You keep us safe too. The public sure as hell don't know how lucky they are to have us." 

Jin agrees. "You're right. You're absolutely right."

They both laugh as they turn to face the sun again. 

For everyone who had saved a life, who put out and are still putting out the fires, who drove people away from harm and gave first aid, they'd all come to appreciate how lucky they were to be able to see the beginnings of a new day. Because they survived something they'd come to learn many people hadn't. 

Jin gazes down at you when the smallest snore escapes from your dry lips, his mouth unable to upturn into the comforting grin he had been wearing all night. 

"We're going to be okay," tears glistening in his eyes. "We're going to be fine." 

He watches you nuzzle into his side, your body asking for the comfort your mouth couldn't.

You owed Jin a lot, that was obvious. From staying until you were out of the hospital, and driving you like a bloody madman to Seoul Hearts Hospital when your own was burning down behind you, to being kind and compassionate when you could no longer be to yourself.

In some way, Seokjin had saved you. He reminded you that being a doctor doesn’t mean you are someone who doesn’t need saving. If your health was a house with four walls, and one wall was near collapse, you'd recuperate and fix it. 

It's okay to care about yourself too. 

It’s apart of the reason why you decide that you’re no longer going to practice medicine until you’ve had a full night's rest, this nap, not included. It just wouldn't be right for anyone if you ignored yourself.

So, you sleep. 

You sleep against a man who cares too much. 

And it only feels like a second of sleep, albeit an hour of being completely knocked out, that the harsh whispers of a tough conversation pull you back into your reality. 

Time moved too quickly. 

And it seems sleep would never be on the agenda.

“Yoongi has finally made a plan that makes sense. Which means I’m staying out here with you whether you like it or not,” Namjoon whispers, scuffling his shoes against the loose gravel as the firefighters loudly pack up their gear. “I want to be with you especially after everything that has happened. I wish that you love me as much as I love you because then you’d understand what I’ve gone through these past 24 hours. Can you just shut up and let me be with you?”

“Oh Namjoon, that’s not true at all. Before I even address what you’ve just said about us because you better know we are sitting down and communicating, what do you mean a plan that makes sense? Has something happened that we don’t know about.”

Rubbing a hand over his face in exasperation, Namjoon groans. “Yes, Yoongi isn’t closing the hospital down. He’s being a democratic leader and listening to people. It only took him two hours to understand that he isn’t alone in this. So, I’m staying out here because I don't want you to be alone either. ”

“I’m not alone, I’ve got Y/N,” Jin whispers, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “And, aren’t you more needed inside?”

“Shut up Jin.”

“No, Joon, you shut up.”

"Shut up." 

“No really, be quiet. She’s sleeping,” Seokjin whimpers, trying hard not to move his shoulder.

“You really think she’s capable of thinking about others right now? She’s probably thinking about Sunny and Taehyung. Don’t get me started on how similar those two look. I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be her father. In fact, I'd be confident betting money that he is,” Namjoon sits down beside Jin, taking his hand into his own. “Plus, everyone’s passed out in the hallway inside. I’m really not needed there, like at all. What do you want me to say Jin? Do you not want me to be with you?”

Interlacing his fingers with Namjoon, Seokjin sighs loudly. “No, I do. I just think that in this situation, I’m not important enough to have you by my side. I’m just an EMT.”

“You aren’t just an EMT, you’re Seokjin. Man of my dreams, beauty, and brains,” Looking down at their hands, Namjoon whispers. “I want to talk this out and kiss you but I’ve come out to swap with Y/N, so I’ll do that before pulling you into that empty tent over there and holding you.”

“You’re cute,” Seokjin giggles, leaning towards him and kissing his cheek. “Yoongi finally letting her in?”

Smiling at the affection, Namjoon nods. “He’s even set up a bed space for her and Sunny until he can figure the rest of the morning out. I bet it’s to apologize after everything, that bastard. Anyway, I’m coming back to your side once I tell her the plan, okay? Doors are unlocked now, don’t you dare leave this spot until I come back out.”

“Hold on, wait, I don’t understand something,” Seokjin's shoulders jostle your eyes awake as he shrugs violently. “He’s letting people inside now, not just Y/N? Then what was the fucking point?”

“He was just following orders. Don’t bully him.”

Letting go of Namjoon's hand, he shouts. “I don’t care. What was the point? And now it’s reopening after only an hour? Why when-?”

"-Seokjin," Son Sung Deuk shouts as he walks back to his truck. "I can see the fire in your eyes, don't make me come over there!" 

Jin deflates as he frowns back at the man. "Go put out some real fires Sung Deuk and be safe while you do it!" 

"I will, you two just calm down."

Jin looks at Namjoon before blushing. "We are calm!" 

Opening the door to his trust, he chuckles. "Right and the sky is purple, nice meeting you Seokjin."

Namjoon watches the exchange in curiosity as Sung Deuk jumps into the truck; before acknowledging that Jin was now talking to him again. 

"Ignore that. Namjoon, everything has been so fucking inconsistent and horribly managed. Why now?" 

“Listen,” Namjoon leans close to Seokjin. “All I know is that there was a big scene about it inside and Jimin got involved. I’m not going to go into specifics but it made Yoongi realize that he can’t handle these types of things alone. He needs help. So, he said a big fuck you to the consultants who told him to lock up in the first place. He’s going to start sending people home. So, who knows what will happen. You should hear him though, swearing his little head off on the phone. He’s going to lose his job at this rate.”

“Doubt it,” Jin snorts. “The man’s a cockroach.”

“Guys,” Yawning you sit up, pulling your aching muscles to attention as you gaze at the two. “Don’t tell me you both actually give a heck about what Yoongi is doing because I sure as hell do not. It was very out of character for him to listen to anyone so quickly anyway,” Stretching your arms in the air, you add. “He was probably pressured by the ministry because of the MERS outbreak last year, and we all know what that was like when it happened." 

"True." Jin nods, massaging the muscle in his shoulder you had cramped.

"Hey, can I go inside now?” you ask, taking over massing his shoulder for him. 

Namjoon nods. “You can. I didn’t know you were awake, did you hear everything?”

“Yes, I did. Do I care? No. I just want to go inside, grab my kid and sleep.”

“Namjoon means well hun,” Seokjin smiles, pushing your hand away from his arm. “Go inside. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Jin. Thank you for everything.”

“We’re a team. It’s what we do. Teamwork makes the dream work.”

“One more thing Y/N,” Namjoon stands up, moving over to embrace you. “Whatever happens inside, when you go to collect Sunny. Whatever happens between you and Taehyung-

“Why are you assuming something will?”

Rubbing your back, he whispers into your ear. “Don’t ask me stupid questions Y/N. It’s been happening since you and Taehyung met again. I see life behind those eyes again. I love you and I want the best for you, okay? Follow your heart, stop listening to that stubborn brain of yours.”

Pulling back, you blink at the man. “Sorry, what?”

“I convinced myself a long time ago that you don’t have a pulse. Use this event as an excuse to start living your life again.”

“Right because the bombing was the universe telling me I need to get a fucking life. Thanks,” Staring at him in confusion, you laugh awkwardly. “Okay, thanks. I’m glad I have such a good support system. On that note, I’m gonna head in and get some sleep with my kid. You guys should get some rest too.”

Namjoon smiles before turning back to Seokjin. “We will. Go on. Go inside.”

Things from there began to move quickly but slowly at the same time. You can't even explain it. Military aid arrived just as you are walking back inside. The fire engines leave as they pack in their wounded. Boxes of basic dressings are rushed out of the military trucks. Eager doctors run past you to nab the essentials.

And the automatic doors that once kept you out slide open as you walk through them.

Feeling delirious, you walk past patients who had been staring out the window in curiosity just an hour ago. You walk past Jungkook and Jimin and Sana and Irene, right past everyone in a uniform until you’re standing in front of stressed out Min Yoongi in a dirty coat holding a whiteboard pen.

“Yoongi.” you clear your throat as he turns to face you.

Wearing an apologetic grin, he nervously stammers. “Go to the big meeting staff room on level 3, there’s a bed for you and Sunny. I think she’s already there sleeping with Taehyung.”

“Thanks.”

“Look Y/N, I’m sorry-

“-you don’t need to comment on it,” you interrupt, turning on your feet and walking towards the staffroom. “Just do your best Yoongi.”

Dragging your feet, patients begin to call out for you all around you but do you partake in the storm that brews? If they’re yelling, their breathing. So, no. You walk through it and you ignore it because you’re a human being in need of care too.

Walking into the elevator, you press the number three, watching its button illuminate for what you hope to be, the last time. Seoul Hearts is a big hospital and the environment is totally different to Forest, you aren't sure if you'd be able to adjust if you were to work here. 

The doors open to the quiet floor as you look both left and right for the staff room. The sign indicates left, so that is where you go. 

Passing empty storage, resource and meeting rooms, you continue down the hallway until your eyes fall on the staffroom sign above too big white doors. Biting your lip, you pause as your hand touches the handle. 

It's with a brave heart that you turn it and push. 

Walking through the staff room doors, the sight you see makes your heart ache with all kinds of pins and needles. It doesn’t hit you as hard as you thought it would though. It sinks in and then, it starts to feel right.

The ugly green curtains have all been closed. Save for the small light above the stove accentuating Taehyung’s sleeping face and the top of Sunny’s head in his arms on the couch, the room was dark.

The door closes behind you with a soft click as you start taking off your shoes. Dropping your coat onto the floor, the sound of your phone falling onto the floor echoes across the room. You guess Taehyung hears it because he moves in his sleep, pulling Sunny closer to his chest in reflex, the same way he did to you once upon a time.

You push your clothes into a corner, because who cares at this point. 

Nervously walking your reluctant self across the room, you gently take his arms off Sunny so you can quietly put her on the made bed in the corner where she'd be more comfortable. Why they hadn’t just slept on that instead of the couch is beyond your understanding but something he'd totally do. 

Scooping her up from his chest, he wakes up startled at the loss of her weight. “Stop. What are you doing?” Taehyung asks, eyes still closed, arms tightening around Sunny, pulling her back against him.

“Taehyung,” you whisper, not letting her go. “Be quiet and let her go. It’s me, Y/N.”

“Y/N?” his eyes open wide. 

“Morning,” you whisper, looking into his mildly bloated face. “You've slept a lot today Taehyung. Have you even worked?”

“I did get stabbed for you, you know.” he retorts.

His hands loosen as Sunny sleepily tangles her arms around your neck as you pick her completely off him and into your arms. He yawns before sitting up. 

“Mama?” she whispers and you hold the back of her head with your hand. “Yes, baby?”

“Don’t wake her. It was difficult putting her to sleep,” Taehyung says, standing up beside you. Sunny wraps her feet around your waist. “Here, let me put her back to bed and we can talk?”

You kiss the top of her head. “The team made us up a bed with her rabbit and blankets, I’ll put her to bed myself like I have been for her entire existence.”

Doing exactly that, Taehyung watches as you lay her on the mattress. She immediately cuddles into her rabbit in the middle of the bed and you cover her body with the warm pink blankets. 

“Where did you want to talk?”

“You should go and have a shower first, it will make you feel better,” he whispers, walking over to the staff bathroom to check if it was vacant. Pushing open the door with his foot, he peeks in. “It’s free. There are towels and uniforms in there if you wanted to change. I’ll get us some breakfast while you’re in there.”

Feeling disconnected from your emotions, having a shower would do you some serious good in feeling okay again. And you aren’t sure whether you hate or feel relieved that Taehyung remembers what you look like when you’re detached and what helps ground you. “That’s a good idea, I’ll be back. Thank you, I guess.”

“Are you surprised that I remember?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck as he avoids your eye contact. Walking past him, you push open the shower room door. “I am a little, didn’t think you’d remember the little details about me but that’s okay, Taehyung.”

“Shall we do omelets and pancakes?”

Looking up at Taehyung again, you nod. “Um yeah, sure, that would be nice. I’ll be out soon. I shouldn’t take long. If I don’t come out in like twenty minutes or so, assume I’ve fallen asleep. Just come in and wake me up.”

His expression shifts as he winks at you. “Naughty. In the staff shower? Y/N, you’ve changed.”

"Really?" Rolling your eyes, you push him towards the staffroom door. “My god, you’re so inappropriate. Our daughter is right there.”

"Our daughter," he repeats, he liked the sound of it. He could get used to that.

"Go." you urge. 

“Okay, I’m going, no need to push. Go have a shower, you smell,” he jokes, rushing out the door. He turns back to smile at you as the door inches to a close, “I was joking, you always smell nice.” he yells in a last-ditch effort. 

“Go away Taehyung.”

He waves for you to go back inside before turning away from you. The door closes with a soft click, encasing the room in darkness again. "Well, that didn't go that bad..."

Sunny turns in her sleep, rustling against the blankets.

The clock ticks loudly above the small round table.

Through the cracks in the curtain, the sunlight beams. 

It was a new day with a whole new set of problems.

You try hard not to think about that as you shed your clothes and let the cleansing nature of water strip your soul bare. You try hard not to think of anything as you sit on the shower floor, letting the hot water pelt down your back. 

\--

Taehyung runs with a bag full of takeout breakfast through the Emergency Department sometime later. He does note that there appears to be more staff on he didn’t see last night, potentially out of Seoul recruits? Busan? 

Who knows?

Taemin, Taehyung’s orange-haired student, and the obnoxiously intelligent ace, Younggi, are dragging each other towards the nurse's station, hands full of vital sign charts, when he pulls the breaks on his feet, stopping just in front of them. “Hey, you two. Give those to the nurses. Good work today, you can go home. Tell all the other student as well.”

They smile at each other. Younggi blinks at Taehyung, looking him up and down before a thankful expression spreads across her face. “Dr. Taehyung, I’m thankful that you are okay. You seem to be doing well given your injuries. It’s been a pleasure working with you and I just wanted to say that it was a phenomenal experience being able to-

“-oh shut up. Brown nosing only works when you’re an intern,” Yoongi cuts in, giving each of the students his business card. “Go home and get some rest, stop verbally assaulting my colleague. I’ve given you both my cards because I can’t trust the orange boy with telling you  _all_ my contact details. When I am no longer tied up with this, email me and I will personally send you a certificate of your participation.”

They beam at each other again. Taehyung nods at the two. “Buzz off Taehyung, go and eat and then sleep. Meetings going to be at 11 in the hub, set an alarm on your phone so you can wake up Y/N too ...assuming that you'd be sleeping together.”

The students blush. 

"On that note, I'm off." Taehyung salutes Yoongi before rushing back to the staffroom.

\--

Smelling like jasmine and cheap bar soap, you stand by the open window admiring the city view. Wearing new Seoul Hearts Scrubs with your freshly washed hair splayed down your back, you huff. “If he’s not back in five minutes, I’m going to sleep.”

Sunny looks comfortable asleep, you were jealous.

The bags under your eyes suddenly feel heavy, almost heavy enough to drag you to the mattress and underneath the blankets but Taehyung still has 5 minutes and at least you were clean.

You had felt like a new person after showering but you found that the usually therapeutic nature of having a shower, forced you to think about the last 12 hours and you wanted to do everything but that.

And now, it’s all you can think about now that you’re alone and it’s quiet.

Tears begin to glisten in your eyes as you think about wanting to sleep but you can’t possibly cry right now when you know it will only make you tired. “4 more minutes.”

You’ve been at Seoul Hearts for 12 hours now and aside from the death you’ve seen and the pain you’ve felt vicariously treating someone else's wounds, it was going to be okay. You were going to treat your own this time.

The staffroom door opens and then closes softly as though someone were trying to be quiet. You smell his cologne before you see him and your heart begins to pound against your ribcage. The smell of food makes your stomach grumble as the paper bag rustles on the table. 

“Y/N.” his familiar voice whispers from behind you and you don’t need to turn to know that the voice definitely belongs to Taehyung.

“Hey,” He scuffles his shoes towards you but you don’t turn around. “Are you ready to talk?”

You nod. “Can we keep it brief? I’m very tired.”

“Me too but what about the food?”

“We can eat when we wake up.”

"Good, so shall we talk?" 

_Silence._

_Damn awkwardly loud silence._

"Taehyung-

"-Y/N." 

You both pause, having spoken at the same time. Rubbing up your arms, you chuckle. "You go first Taehyung." 

"Okay." 

"Again, brief please." 

“I can't promise it will be brief but I just, I need to say it, so hear me out. I’m so thankful and relieved that you’re okay. I-I thought you had died when I didn’t see you when everyone else arrived and I’m not sure about you but this has been the worst and kind of the best 24 hours of my life and I just spent most of it thinking about you and Sunny and my life and I felt so regretful for everything that I had done and everything that I left you to deal with alone. Why I left was hurtful and stupid and cruel knowing you were carrying Sunny. I was afraid of what my mother would do and I knew you'd be okay because you're strong. Stronger than me and you kept my child and she’s so beautiful and happy and she even looks like me and she looks like you and she’s just so...”

He fumbles as though he can’t find the right words to say; to express everything that he's gone through and everything that he's seen. “She’s just so…”

_Silence._

You clench your eyes closed as you finish his sentence. “Us, Taehyung. She’s so us.”

He nods his head, smiling at the little girl. “She is, isn’t she. Has she always been so aggressive with her affection and intelligent?” he asks and you laugh proudly. 

“Believe it or not, yes. She has always been like that.”

Silence continues to fester between you as he inches closer to you. Slowly slipping his hand into yours, he turns you around to face him. He looks at you pleadingly. “Y/N, we have a lot to talk about between us but I want to be a good father to Sunny. I want to be a part of her life and your life."

He stares at you with so much hope. 

"Taehyung, I need time. Obviously, five years wasn't enough for me and if you were so eager to come back to me as though you never stopped loving me, why didn't you ever come back and find me?"

The brown flecks in his eyes swirl with the sunlight from behind you. Your gaze lingers across his face, his eyes were the purest brown you've seen all night and there was a beautiful kind of vulnerability on his lips. 

He was being honest. 

It made you realize that Kim Taehyung hadn't changed much. 

And for the tiniest second, you were able to imagine what your life would've been like had he not left. But you've changed, you were stronger and better than that. 

"I thought that what I had done to you, was something so cruel an apology would never erase what had happened," he whispers, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. "I thought because I broke your heart and broke my own that I wasn't someone who deserved love. Especially if it came from you but I did find you and kept tabs on you. I wanted to be sure that you were okay, I just never knew that you kept her." 

“Everyone deserves to be loved Taehyung, even you. Please don't say that, it hurts me because all wanted was the best for you. That's why I left. You deserved a love your family could accept, I know how much they mean to you."

“It’s easy to say that I deserve love,” he whispers. “It isn't meant for everyone. Just look at how we turned out, I ruined us. I don't deserve love but I'd take it, in a heartbeat, if it came from you.”

"Please, explain the undeserving of love part.”

“I don’t know how to explain myself,” pausing to think, he takes a deep breath. “I'm a coward and you deserve so much more but I want to try and be that person for you. I've spent so long thinking about it and the best possible way to explain it is if I tell you that back then, I believed that love was like a claw machine.”

You frown. “It's too early for your poetry Taehyung, especially when it doesn't make sense. People love claw machines. What are you trying to say?”

“I'm saying Y/N that you gotta put a lot of money into a claw machine to win the prize. Lots of people can’t afford it.”

Your snort, smirking at him. “So basically, you’re calling yourself high maintenance?”

He shakes his head. “No. I'm not. God, no. The opposite in fact.”

"What?" Tilting your head, you blink at him. “What is the opposite of that?”

"It means," his voice lowers, he was insecure, damaged even. “I didn't think I was worth it until I watched you leave my life. You were so out of my league and I could barely even ask you to marry me despite wanting to every morning we woke up together, god I am so stupid. I want to be with you, be around you, raise Sunny with you, love you."

"But isn't love like a claw machine and not worth it to you?" 

He jerks, looking up at you in alarm. "No, no, god, sorry, I'm so bad at explaining myself. It may be if it were with anyone else but with you? Never. I've learned my lesson, I know what it's like not being with you and I don't want that to happen again," he steps closer to you, raising his hand to your cheek. "I was a coward but I'm not now. Please, take all the time you need but in the meantime, can I show you that I can be good for you and Sun?

"I can tell you aren't a coward anymore," you whisper, closing your eyes when he rubs his thumb across your bottom lip. Pulling his hand away from your mouth, you hold both his hands. "I didn't think you had changed much, but now that we're talking, it's a little hard to digest how much your heart has changed. It's all very well to say you love me and want to be there for Sunny, but I don't believe your words when actions will speak a whole lot louder." 

There was so much to patch, to suture, to be whole again especially after such an event. This whole thing had so many ramifications on your mental and spiritual health but at that moment, as Taehyung holds your hand, you felt at peace.

"I'm still me?" 

"I know."

"Do you hate it? Do you hate me?" 

"No. I could never hate you Taehyung."

He smiles a Cheshire grin. "Good. I won't let you hate me again."  

"Okay, I'm so fucking tired my eyes are hurting. This discussion involves a third person so we should consult them as well when they're awake. How about we talk about us more when we’ve both had some sleep? Sound good?”

Tugging on his hands, you pull him towards the mattress where Sunny lays. 

“I’d like that,” he whispers as you let his hands go, gesturing for him to lay on the other side of your daughter. “Yoongi says the next meetings at 11, hope that’s enough sleep.”

“It's not but I don't plan on sleeping here long. I want to go home."

"Home," he says to no one in particular. "Me too." 

Yawning into your palm, you mumble. "Wheres your home?"

"Please don't let me say it." 

"Say what?"  

He watches you kiss the back of Sunny’s head before taking his own shoes off, and gently getting underneath the blankets. As soon as you had closed your eyes again, head on a pillow, you were fast asleep. You never did get to hear what he was saying but you had an inkling it might've been cliche. 

He whispers to himself. "That I've found my home and it's with you." 

Soft snores escape your lips and Sunny curls into you while her little legs tangle between his. Looking at your face, Taehyung leans over Sunny to tuck the splayed strands of hair behind your ear, your mouth trembles into a smile. 

Sinking back into the sheets, Taehyung falls asleep warm, a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time. 

And whilst you dream of running barefoot through fields of sunflowers. The overwhelming peace you feel as you feel yourself beginning to heal, even in a subconscious state, will be enough to summon the courage to face the trouble you’ll see in your tomorrow (or today, whichever). 

 

Even when you know, you'll no longer be facing it alone. 

 

**The end.**

A/N: Epilogue coming up and then this story is compleTED YO! I JUST WROTE ALL OF THIS IN ONE SITTING, SO I APOLOGISE IF IT SUCKS. 

 


	43. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Start: November 2017   
> Finish: August 2018

It’s the 18th of August, 2018. The 230th day of the year with 135 days until 2019. It’s been two years since the collapse of Forest Lakes Hospital brought Taehyung back into your life. You look back at your reunion with Taehyung now in humor, it was truly meant to happen. Fate, she was a beautiful beast.

It’s been 1 year since you’ve practiced medicine in an ER and it’s been 8 months since Taehyung moved into your home to be closer with Sunny.

You were happy.

You were in love.

And Sunny loved her dad very much.

Additionally, it’s been a month since Jimin became a nurse practitioner, opening a clinic in the valley, where you occasionally practice to maintain your practicing registration. Yoongi proposed to the brunette on the opening day of the clinic. In a loud romantic gesture, Yoongi had yelled at anyone on the streets who would listen that he could not see a life without Park Jimin in it.

That Jimin was his forever. 

Jimin, being the hopeless romantic, had been swept off his feet by a giant diamond ring and a gesture he’d longed for since they started dating. They were happy, grossly happy.

Seokjin and Namjoon were happy, both now working at Seoul Hearts Hospital. You and Taehyung were actually invited on a double date to watch Crazy Rich Asians with them next week but Taehyung has an occupational habit of falling asleep on you in cinemas and he’s cute, but not that cute (his head is heavy).

Jungkook moved out after Taehyung kept bullying him. He lives with a girl he’s been seeing who, unfortunately, has no medical literacy so dining table conversations get awkward but she’s lovely and she’s learning. He’s had ongoing problems with the arm he broke in Forest Lakes, requiring physiotherapy. Jungkook’s been taking it hard because it means, his dreams of becoming a world-famous surgeon are over but he’ll be okay. He’s got us to help him get through hardship.

Irene had signed up for medical school and was now attending one of your classes. She and Hoseok were close. Being a student, Irene is often seen getting a saline drip in Hoseok's office after joining in the festivities of college life again, much to his chagrin when he picks her drunk self up off the ground.

Mina, Taehyung’s ex-wife, is pregnant again! She still works in pediatrics and has actually gotten quite close with your family. She’s been banned from coming over after you found her poking holes in Taehyung’s condoms.

Apparently, pregnancy makes her crazy. 

Sana and Taehyung continue to be close working colleagues, she’s a huge drinker these days. Her and Jimin have become best friends and have established a knitting club at the hospital and clinic. Jimin thinks it’s funny when people actually turn up to knit. You don’t find it funny when they stumble back to your house drunk.

Sunny is in primary school. She’s become one of the popular students being as loud as her father. Taehyung has encouraged her to learn saxophone much to EVERYONE's desire for a good night sleep. She’s decided that she’s going to be a veterinarian when she’s older. She thinks medicine for animals will be easier because people are too silly. You can’t help but agree.

To be specific with your life, it’s been okay. You’ve taken the year off to continue your education and to lecture at the medical school connected to Seoul Hearts. You work 5 days a week, an 8-5pm job, something that allows you to drop your child off at school and pick her up from after-school care.

It was Saturday today, unfortunately, half of your students had an early morning Saturday exam and your juniors had an afternoon lecture. It was a rare occurrence in your schedule to be working 6 days a week but today, it had to be done.

More meaningfully, it was the end of the semester before half your students went on break before starting their second-year rotations at the hospital. It’s your exam and practice hints, and self-care class today, something you had been planning with Taehyung.

“Well,” you close the book full of your notes as the sound echoes throughout the silent lecture theatre. “It’s come to that time again.

“I’m not going to be mean and make you all stay till 6 to listen to my boring anecdotes when I know happy hour starts in an hour at bad grannies and all of you had to come in on a Saturday. So, I have decided instead, that I will finish this class by telling you a story about my trauma,” you announce, stepping away from the podium. “I know all of you have been to my trauma class and heard about the effect of the Forest Lakes bombing on the medical and nursing team.”

“I know most of you know what happened between Dr. Jungkook and I that day. I know some of you have worked with Dr. Taehyung in the orthopedic unit next door or Dr. Hoseok in psychiatry or have felt the wrath of Dr. Yoongi in ED. I know some of you were there and I know a student in this room played a cardinal role in  _saving_  my life.”

Irene sinks behind her computer in the back as all the students look around the room.

“Why am I saying this to you all? Because they were all there with me and they were apart of something so huge, that it still affects me to this very second.”

You all watch over their expressions as some close their computer screens. “I know you’ve heard stories and accounts of what happened just as much as I know most of you wish that you had been there but my story, something I haven’t told any other cohort will describe why I’m glad none of you were.”

The room goes deafeningly silent.

“But more importantly and more relevantly, no matter what you see out there in the field when you start your rotations in the next couple of weeks, you are not invincible. You’ll come to realize that doctors aren’t safe from traumatic stress disorders and you will see and experience some very traumatic things.”

“To begin,” you click the remote to the screen behind you. “It was 7 pm at night, and we had a multi-trauma MVA (motor vehicle accident) come through ER. I was given trauma bay with an unresponsive John Kim. He was barely breathing and it became increasingly clear that I would not be able to provide adequate medical help given my own personal circumstances with this kind of case. You see, prior to the evacuation of Forest Lakes, I had been with a patient with a similar accident, sustaining similar injuries.”

The students all begin talking loudly amongst themselves at this revelation.

“Now, this is my last medical story I have for you this semester,” you say, clicking on the screen that lists the details of the patient. “So, listen well.”

_[Flashback: Seoul Hearts Hospital 2017, March 11]_

_“Can you hear me, John? Wiggle your fingers if you can hear me?”_

_No response._

_You rub his sternum._

_Still no response._

_“He’s not responding,” Your hands drop to your side. Your fingers tremble. You step back; your sneakers squeak against the floor. Blood soaks into the fabric. He’s lost too much of it. You should probably get the nursing team to run 2 units of blood but he isn’t stable yet._

_“Breathing looks shit, resps are low 2-5.”_

_He needs to be intubated. Intubate him. Now. Do it._

“My nurse in crime had him on oxygen and while I had spent 5 minutes trying to decide whether I should intubate John. He was a category 1 case for immediate surgical intervention and the anesthetist I was initially working with was required to assess the patient and anticipate the possibility of a difficult airway.”

“Unfortunately, he had left the trauma room to attend to an incoming triple-A case (abdominal aortic aneurysm) and this never ended up happening. So, I had little confidence and little help,” looking around the room, you all watch their eager eyes follow you. “A surgeon in John Kim’s situation, which was me at that point, should be familiar with performing tracheostomies, that is standard hospital protocol. You know, cutting open the throat and chucking in a tube down their airway. It’s a classic in the ER and I’ve done it a million times. It was standard protocol.”

You click the screen, showing a picture of an intubated man.

“The nurse I was working with urged me to do an emergency surgical airway but, working with PTSD, I was experiencing flashbacks and felt tunneled in. When that happens, you lose the ability to think about the wider picture, this was the first time it had happened to me during an emergency. In this scenario, it didn’t hit me until he had been moved to ICU that it was real. That it actually happened. That John Kim was a real person.”

_“Y/N, you need to breathe,” Jimin yells, tying a tourniquet around the patient's thigh. “This is the end of your 20-hour shift, should I grab another doctor?”_

_“No, it’s fine.” You watch the patient's chest rise and fall to shallow depths. You watch the crease beneath his eyebrows even out. You watch the veins in his neck begin to gorge. Then the numbers on the machine beside him begin to fall into a place that would usually make you run into immediate action, but all you hear is white noise._

_Static white noise._

_Jimin rushes around you. The edges of your vision grow hazy. The lights around you are too bright. The sound of your heartbeat rings loudly in your ears. The rancid smell of blood should be something you’re used to by now, but strangely tonight, the sight and smell make you want to vomit._

_Makes you want to cry._

_You can feel the blood being violently pumped around your body; it whistles in your veins, it runs in your arteries. You feel like you’re hovering out of your skin, you’re the shell of a doctor, and a scared former self-remains. You don’t feel present, as though you were standing somewhere else, in a place far away. The more you feel it, the more numb you grow to feel._

_Your patients going to die._

_You’re going to die._

“It was clear at this point that what happened when Forest Lakes came down and everything else with it, significantly affected my mental health. I didn’t know it too until then either,” you pace the room, watching all their faces. “You don’t know anything until someone tells you or something happens, and unfortunately for me, something did happen and someone did get hurt.”

A student raises his hand from the back, you nod your head at him. “Did he die?”

The student sitting beside him shakes her head. “Why would you ask that so early into her story?”

He shrugs.

_Jimin shouts desperately beside you, trying to pull you out of the panic attack you think you might be experiencing but you feel so helplessly lost all of a sudden, as though you were left in a dark room with no doors._

_With no windows._

_With no light._

_That it’s hopeless._

_“He’s not responding, Doctor we need to do something,” he shouts. “He’s not breathing!”_

_“DOCTOR Y/N!”_

_“Y/N.”_

“Did I kill John Kim?” You stop talking, smiling up at the students as they sit on the edges of their seats. “Is that why I am no longer practicing medicine? Are you all wondering that?”

They shake their heads, talking amongst themselves.

You know they are. 

“The short version is that no, I did not kill him thankfully but I was very damn close to killing him. You will never be alone when you practice. You have nurses who protect their patients from harm and as much as I hate to say it, from you too.”

“John Kim died in ICU. He passed on comfortably with his family around him. I’m a good doctor. I don’t need people to tell me I am. I know I am but when I think of that day, I know I wasn’t. I wasn’t looking after myself and I was ignoring my mental health. We are not made of a different kind of substance, we are just as sensitive to trauma as anyone else.”

_“You can do this,” Jimin says, shaking you after making you do deep breaths with him. The static noise begins to disappear, removing the veil atop of your oblivion, revealing a completely lit room. A patient in front of you needing help. A nurse staring at you with a beautiful mix of concern and fear in his eyes._

_“Y/N, we need you!” Jimin shouts again. “We need you, come back!” You take a deep breath then you take another one._

_“I don’t know...” you whisper, shaking your head. Jimin watches you and then he smiles, “He needs you, you’re okay.”_

_Your eyes sweep across the situation again as though it had become a completely different situation. “Jimin, we need more fluids and more blood. Get Sana to contact the family, we need an extensive family history and more information about what happened. ”_

_“You aren’t practicing after this patient Y/N.,” he says, frowning at you. “I have to advocate for my patients and because I love you. You stop after this. I can’t let you practice.”_

_You smile back at Jimin because as much as you hate hearing that, you know in your heart that he’s right. “You’re right Jimin. Absolutely right.”_

_Clicking the end of your pupil torch on, you turn back to the patient. You shine the light into his dark brown eyes, watching the reflex in one eye before the other. “Christ. Abnormal pupillary reflex, possible cerebral trauma,” putting your hand into his, you shout at the patient. “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand.”_

_No response again but you knew there wouldn’t be._

“Trauma affects you in different ways. It doesn’t have to be during or straight after something scary, it can be latent, affecting you later like it did to me. I want each and every person in this room to know and understand that people react differently to things, I know that’s obvious, but to emphasize with those who you care for, those who you sit next to and those whom you company.”

The room is silent as the echo of your voice fades into the lecture hall.

“I want to talk to you all about something that will help. It’s in no way replacing the fabulous work of a counselor or a therapist, but it’s something you should all take on board. Let’s talk about self-care out in the field that may prevent things from escalating to what my story told off.”

You like lecturing, it gives you the opportunity to inspire and influence the future doctors of the world through your experience. Talking as you gaze at each and every student, you smile -feeling grateful. Teaching has also given you the opportunity to think about your own future and where you want to go. Maybe you needed to do more study? Perhaps, become the dean of the medical school at the university? Or, open your own hospital? Who knows.

But you’re hopeful and happy, and that’s all that matters.

“Lastly folks, looking after yourself is how you’ll look after others. Please take your own pulse before you take other peoples. Thank you for attending my class today and I hope to see you all before you start practice.”

“Alright, I’m done,” You sigh, chucking the clicker onto the adjacent table as you step out from behind the podium. “Have a good break, you guys!”

You grip your briefcase, waiting for the last few students to drag themselves out of the lecture theatre. Stretching your neck, you rub the pad of your fingers against the tight muscles, feeling some relief momentarily albeit the reminder of the horrendous amount of marking you had to complete before leaving.

It was a different kind of exhaustion working in education. It certainly wasn’t like emergency medicine and the visceral fatigue you felt after a shift, although you missed the excitement of life and death, you had to admit that it was actually kind of nice working with students who would someday fall in love with it too.

“Y/N,” Irene waved, reaching you in three quick strides. You smile at the girl; she’s changed so much in the last year too. Her once lavender colored hair, now raven black, contrasting beautifully with her pale skin. Her lips trembled into a tender smile as she approached you.

“I hope you aren’t still blaming yourself for that day, John was a complex case,” she sighs, as the two of you start leaving the lecture hall together. “But I’m glad you’re able to talk about it, I was beginning to think we lost you to it.”

When Irene had left her nursing career, you had handed in your resignation. It just felt right to take a break from healing others to heal yourself. “There are some cases that stick with you forever but you know this already Irene.”

She nods. “I do.”

“Have you worked part-time since you started med school?” you asked, it would be an awful shame if she had completely stopped nursing. You were confident that it would’ve given her an advantage over the other students.

“Other than working casual when they’re short staffed, I’ve been taking a break, I’m actually seeing Hoseok and it’s going well,” she stammers, her cheeks dusting with a soft pink as though she had not meant to tell you that. You walk towards the elevators, a smirk growing on your face. “Oh seeing as in ...not dating, ...I mean, he’s helping me with the nightmares.”

“Oh, I’m sure he is-” you pinch her bicep playfully “-you crazy kids!”

“We’re talking and it’s nice, I meant, he’s helping me deal with the nightmares.”

“I saw you guys laughing at that new Italian restaurant when Taehyung tried to propose to me for the third time. You were holding hands and staring at each other, no need to hide it.” you chuckle, enjoying how she was becoming. “I’m glad he’s in love. I was beginning to think it wouldn’t be possible for Hoseok.”

“Oh, you saw us? Well, I guess I can’t keep it from you. He’s good to me although at one point people are going to start accusing me of nepotism. He’s so obvious with his special treatment.”

You laughed at that. Hoseok would never go out of his way to encourage nepotism, especially in his own line of work. In fact, you were certain Hoseok would ensure any benefit and achievement Irene got was because of her own hard work. “I am not going to comment on that. Love is love.”

Irene stays paused outside of the elevator when the doors open. “Happiness is happiness.”

Your heels click against the floor as you head in. Turning to face her, you hold up your hand to wave. “It was nice talking to you Irene. Give Hoseok a cuddle for me, tell him it’s been a couple days since I last saw his ugly face.”

“You guys work together, calm down,” she smiles. “Hey, I’m glad you’re healing and do whatever the hell you want, you deserve it. Say “Hi” to Taehyung and Sunny and Jimin for me, I miss them.”

“They miss you too Irene. Please come to our BBQ next Friday, Sunny keeps talking about wanting to be you and it’s driving me nuts.”

“But nepotism Y/N.”

“What’s more important to you?”

“Fine, see you then.”

The elevator doors close.

Leaving your office early that Friday afternoon, Taehyung calls you as you throw your briefcase into the back of your car. Tapping the hands-free option, you start the engine as his voice fills the car.

“Babe, where are you?”

You grip the steering wheel, indicating off the road with a click of a button before pulling out. “Hi hunny, lovely to hear your voice too. Yes, my day was great, what about yours?”

His baritone voice fills the car. “My parents have Sunny for the night, where are you?”

“That sounds suggestive, the couch too uncomfortable for you?” Stuck at the traffic lights, you mirr in suspicion. “I’m 5 minutes away, why? You got something planned for dinner?”

“I do actually. Can you meet me at Nimas at 5?”

“You better not be proposing to me because I’m sorry babe, it’s going to be a no again,” You sigh. You aren’t entirely sure why Taehyung is so determined to persuade you that marrying him would be the next best decision since he moved in. He’s a hopeless romantic and you have to admit, the proposals get more exciting everytime you say no but you know someday, you’re going to have to say yes. “Why are we having an early dinner?”

“I’ve proposed to you 9 times now, do you think I’d propose again beca-

“-yes, yes I do. I definitely think you’ll propose again,” you interrupt, pressing the gas pedal down when the light turns green. “In fact, I’m looking forward to seeing what ring you’ll poison me within the garlic bread. Can I say as a suggestion that putting jewelry in food is a bad idea, and not to do it.”

“Hey now, the yogurt incident was horribly organized by the staff at that restaurant. You’re lucky I know CPR.”

Taking a deep breath, you shiver at the memory. Taehyung had taken you to one of the best middle eastern restaurants in the city. It had started with an argument on the way and it had ended with an argument as you yelled at him for trying to kill you. “We do CPR every time we’re in the community, can I not be a doctor when we’re out? And I know you were embarrassed that day, you didn’t need to kiss me so hard in front of everyone to cover-

“-CPR. IT WAS CPR. I WAS SAVING YOUR LIFE.”

Rolling your eyes, you snort. “So dinner tonight and you’re only giving me an hour to get changed?”

“Jimin’s at home, so you girls can talk. Be ready or not, up to you. The house is clean and Rosie is at Jungkook’s new place for the night too. So, it’s just us.”

Frowning, you indicate onto the highway. Rosie. That damn loveable dog. “Still can’t believe you bought Sunny a golden retriever, what's wrong with you? We’re doctors, we don’t have time to give her the attention she needs. And I can’t believe you manipulated Jungkook into moving out, I miss him.”

“Jungkook has an insanely large crush on you and it makes me uncomfortable watching him lust over a woman who lusts over me. Also, don’t hate Rosie please, she is cute. Plus, you come home at 5 pm every day, you have time in the evening and I have time in the morning.”

“He has a girlfriend and I’m a slob,” he snickers at your comment. “But ...I lust over you? Since when? I don’t, do I?

You can see the smile take over his face as though he were in front of you having this conversation. “Oh baby, you can’t help it when I’m just this irresistible.”

“I’m hanging up now-

“-I love you,” he interrupts. “I’ll see you at the restaurant! Don’t be late.”

“I’ll be what I want.”

You hang up on him.

He calls you back a second later.

You pick up. “What do you want now?”

“Y/N, I love you and do you?”

“Fine. I might love you too.”

Taehyung hisses into the shell of his phone. “Might? Please, you love the heck out of me. I have the marks on my body to prove it!

“Then why do I need to say it if you know?”

“Anything could happen and I don’t want it to happen without me telling you that I love you. I know you’ll regret it too if something happens to me too.”

“Nothing's going to happen. I’m hanging up now.”

“Y/N.”

“Fine. I love you Kim Taehyung, you crazy dog loving fool. I’ll see you soon. Don’t put the ring in the food.”

“I think I’ll just put it on the table then. Bye, babe.”

“Really? Oh lord, bye Taehyung.”

* * *

Jimin adjusts his tie as Yoongi puts his pants back on. They’d just finished visiting a million wedding venues before settling into the first LGBT friendly wedding apparel store. Yoongi had paid the owners to close it so their session with the stylist could be more intimate.

When the stylist had left them alone upon a request that Jimin’s suit be of a softer fabric because he had sensitive skin, Yoongi had swept him off his feet, kissing the hell out of the boy.

His mouth had tasted like the white chocolate cake they had tried earlier.

“Yoongi,” he whispers, reaching out to grab the lapels of his suit jacket, pulling him closer. “Do you think Y/N is going to marry Taehyung?”

“Baby, why are we talking about this now?” Yoongi leans forward, placing soft kisses down Jimin’s neck. He whispers into Jimin’s ear. “Because fuck no, not now anyway. Maybe a month ago yes, but now? No way.”

Jimin frowns suspiciously as he leans into him. “What do you know?”

Yoongi runs a hand down Jimin’s chest, resting it over his stomach. He leaves his palm there before winking at the boy.

Jimin screams, pulling away from Yoongi. “She’s pregnant again?”

Jimin screams again.

Then he jumps like a child in a bouncy castle.

“I’m going to be an uncle!”

He claps as he screams.

“Please stop,” Yoongi laughs. “She’s not pregnant. She’s just fat. Oh my god, you screamed so loud.”

Jimin falls back on his feet, crashing back to Earth. “You were kidding?”

Yoongi nods, reaching out to him again.

“You fucker,” Slapping him away, Jimin shouts at the poor blonde. “YOU CAN’T CALL ANY WOMAN FAT YOU PIG, AND HOW DARE YOU.”

“Just mind your own business then, worry about us and our wedding instead. Leave them to their dysfunctional happiness.”

"Figures, why did I think you'd know more than me?" Jimin sinks. “By the way, I am not moving out of that goddamn house anytime soon. I’m attached and Sunny is like my daughter-

“-yes I know, we’ll be living there,” Yoongi sighs. “It will be so ...cozy…” he cringes at the thought.

“I just need to get my clinic back on its feet and we’ll be saving money before we build our own house, okay?”

Yoongi nods. “Okay. Speaking of home, shall we head back to mine?”

Looking around the room, Jimin spots the stylist hanging up their suits. “Let's go, I trust you’ve already paid for the suits?”

Rolling his eyes, Yoongi flashes his credit card in front of Jimin’s eyes.

“Aren’t you lucky I’m rich.”

"Get that thing out of my face," Jimin chuckles. “One of us has to be, do you think nurses get paid well? No, we don't. So, you'll be paying for lots of things, like ...our drive thru starbucks we're going to get on the way home?"

Yoongi shakes his head. "You're disgusting." 

"Awh but babe."  

* * *

 

Taehyung has proposed marriage to you 9 times now and you’ve said no every single time.

Your relationship with him isn’t like how it used to be. You’re comfortable. He’s comfortable. It feels right. But there’s still that little piece of history that makes Taehyung feel like he has a lot to make up for and alot to promise, like marriage.

Marrying him in a hurry isn’t something that you’re interested in doing, especially when you’re finally able to think about yourself for the first time in a long time now that Sunny has two parents.

“So, what do you think?” Taehyung smiles, pushing the little box across the table as you finish your mouth full of food. You were sitting across from each other in a small yellow Mexican restaurant. You were by the wall, table separated by a black divider for privacy and Taehyung was wearing a linen white shirt and suit pants. His hair was luscious, his soft brown locks falling just above his eyebrows, a small mullet forming at the back.

And he was smiling at you, brown eyes twinkling a million shades full of hope. It was his pre-proposal face, one you were becoming addicted to seeing.

He looked good.

But he always looked good.

You gape at the box next to the flickering candle. The ring is small, just how you like them. “What do I think of the ring? I think it’s beautiful.”

“Is it a yes?”

Staring around the divider, you see a hesitant group of musicians staring at you and Taehyung. “Yes to the ring, no to both the mariachi and marriage.”

He blinks at you. “Why?”

“I don’t wanna marry you.”

“Why not?”

Shrugging, you pour yourself some water from the silver tequila bottle as Taehyung turns to signal to the mariachi band against coming over. “Obviously because I’m waiting for someone better to come around.” you joke.

“I am someone better and I have come around. Is this because I bought Rosie? But she’s our other baby? I know you love her!”

“This has nothing to do with the dog,” you whisper, realizing just how loud you two were becoming.

Taehyung stands up, dragging his chair beside yours as he sits back down. He holds your hand tenderly, as he looks at everything but your face. “Is it me? You don’t want to be with me like that?”

“No, don’t be silly,” you whisper, heart, softening at the expression of sadness on his face. “Taehyung, it’s not like that.”

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Then tell me, so I can stop this.”

"It's not you hunny," You rub your thumb over his knuckles. “But is there a reason why you want to marry me?”

Taehyung drops his head to avoid looking at you.

“Tell me.” You whisper, trying to look at his face.

He turns his face away.

“Tae, tell me.”

He turns away again.

“Taehyung,” Holding a side of his face, you lean forward and kiss his lips, catching him off guard. He sighs, leaning into your affection before you pull away, “Tell me.”

He shakes his head.

You kiss his cheek. “Tell me,” You kiss his other cheek. “Tell me.”

“Tell-” you kiss his lips. “Me.”

“Fine,” he smiles, admitting defeat. “I’m afraid you’ll leave me and if I don’t tie you down with marriage, you’ll run after a younger looking hussy. You’re mine. I just want it written down on paper.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I know it’s stupid. I’m stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid at all.”

“I’m just stupid around you.”

“Is that a crime?”

He smirks, winking at you. “A crime of passion?”

“You have my heart Kim Taehyung, always have and always will,” A small smile stretches across your face as you lean in and softly kiss his lips. He melts into your affection, wrapping his arms around you. Its moments like these, where you’re able to surrender the past you’ve had with him in order to feel the hope of a bright future that makes you feel peaceful with your life.

Kim Taehyung was yours.

As you were his.

Pulling back, he stares at you in thought. “Why don’t you want to marry me though?”

“It’s not that I don’t, it’s that I don’t want to marry you right now. Can we get married in like 5 years instead of now?”

He smiles widely, grabbing the ring from the box and putting it on your finger. “It’s fine! We don’t have to get married right away. We can be engaged for years-

Interrupting Taehyung, a waiter sporting a worried expression with trembling hands opens the divider. The restaurants light invades your intimate area, casting light across Taehyung’s calm face. “Hi sorry to interrupt, but when you made the reservation you told me you were a doctor,” she stares at Taehyung. “And we need one right now, a man in our private eating area has just collapsed.”

You both deflate. “I knew this was going to happen.”

Taehyung stands up, pushing the chair out of the way. “We’re never really off duty are we?”

Shaking your head, you smile at the man. “We’re doctors, not soldiers. If we can help, we help.”

The waiter runs you both towards the private area after you rip the green defib bag off the restaurants first aid wall. Pulling open the doors, a man is unconscious on the ground while a much younger woman smacks his chest.

“What’s going on?” Taehyung says, immediately swooping into action.

Turning to the waiter, you urge her to call an ambulance when Taehyung shouts out that he isn’t breathing. Taehyung immediately begins CPR. Grabbing the defibrillator, you rip open the man's shirt, placing the pads on his upper and lower chest. The machine picks up a rhythm compatible with the defib as you both stand back. The wailing woman beside you grabs onto Taehyung’s arm, pushing her face into his chest.

Taehyung looks at you, discomfort written across his face.

You wink back.

When the shocks are administered, you fall to the ground. Taehyung pushes the girl away, shouting at the waiter to update the paramedic on the cardiac arrest at present.

Taehyung sits opposite you. You smile at him as you do chest compressions with a shiny new diamond on your finger. “She looks good on your finger? So, earlier, you said you wanted to marry me, was that a yes?”

“Really? Right now?” you pant.

“Why not?” he shrugs, watching you deliver two breaths. “She looks good on your finger while you do chest compressions.”

Taehyung gets his hands ready on the man's chest as you both watch his chest expand with your breaths. You fall back as he takes over.

“Ambulance is on the way!” the waiter shouts as you hear the nearing sirens.

“Marry me Y/N,” he pants, his bangs beginning to drip with sweat after 2 minutes of chest compressions. “I promise with everything that I won’t stop you from growing into the person you want to become. I support everything you do, know that.”

He stops compressions, delivering two breaths.

“Taehyung, I’ll marry you if you save him,” you snap, just wanting this to be over and to go home. Taehyung lifts his gaze to yours. His lips upturn as he excitingly gets back onto the man's chest, compressing with a newfound motivation.

“Where’s the ambulance?” he shouts. “He got any allergies, on any medication?” he shouts louder at the poor sobbing girl. “YO’ YOU GOT ANY ADRENALINE HERE? I NEED TO SAVE HIM SO I CAN MARRY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE”

You know it’s an inappropriate time to laugh but you giggle. Taehyung is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. After some time, you both reassess the patient's condition. Taehyung shouts with more excitement. “He’s breathing again. HE'S BREATHING.”

You fall back onto your heels, fingers pressing against his jugular and you look at Taehyung over the patient on the floor.

“And we have a pulse too!”

“You know what that means?” He smiles up at you as the paramedics arrive just on time. “Don’t take off that damn ring, I’m marrying your ass.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you Kim Taehyung. Goodness gracious, you crazy man!”

When the paramedics arrive and take over, Taehyung sweeps you off the ground and kisses the living daylights out of your blushing sweaty face. His hands rest around your waist, pulling you back and out of the room, past the ambulance, into your car and all the way home.

Time, something you could see yourself giving yourself too if he was with you. Of course, you wanted to marry him but marriage is and will never be your end-all.

He knows that.

And he loves you regardless.

Though the house is empty with the last hints of Jimin’s earlier visit before retreating back to work, Taehyung slams you up against the front door, his lips not capable of leaving yours as he grabs your thighs, hoisting you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you rustle your keys from his pocket, shoving them into the door and pushing it open.

You pull the keys out before he kicks it closed behind you.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, he carries you to the lounge.

The house is silent and dark as the trickles of rain are illuminated by the bright moonlight baring down through the sheer curtains. Although in due time, muffled hums and broken moans will fill the silent space as his silhouette hovers above you gripping your waist, laying you flat against the living room carpet.

In the darkness, he kisses you, swallowing all of your throaty moans. All pretenses fall, Taehyung is a hungry dominating man and you were his next meal. He kisses, he licks, he touches you. It’s like electricity, the way he makes you feel so inexplicably alive.

Every kiss he plants tastes like wine and you were getting drunk of the euphoria as he sheds your clothes, as your hearts race as your naked bodies move together like the finest of silk.

His musky scent surrounds you as he holds you tightly against him. His hands fall to your hips, moonlight splays against his back muscles as your toes curl when he gyrates against your hips, pushing his cock inside you. He bites his lips, squeezing his eyes closed as he holds himself back from fucking you hard when you moan at the pressure of feeling so damn full. 

But Taehyung was going to take his time with you tonight.

He had all night to do so.  

And when the early rays of sunrise lick your bare skin as you lay curled up into the couch throw on the floor in front of the fireplace he had started up last night, Taehyung holds you close as you sleep.

Jimin would be getting home soon, they needed to move. He kisses your forehead as you pretend to be asleep, before picking you up and carrying you back to bed. They can deal with the lack of protection later because all Taehyung can think about is the overwhelming peace he feels within his softly beating heart.

Untucking the covers, he places you underneath the blankets. “I love you Y/N.,” he says as you nuzzle into his chest when he joins you. "You silly billy." 

“Hey.” he pokes your cheek.

He pokes you again. “Y/N.”

“Aren’t you going to say it back?”

You open one of your eyes. “How the hell did you know I was awake?”

He stares at you unimpressed. “Pretending to be dead sleep so I can carry you to bed? Pulling a Sunny move? It was almost a good job until you smiled when I picked you up.”

"You're so strong though, who wouldn't love being carried to bed by you," Kissing his chest, you curl yourself into him. “I love you too. Let's sleep, okay? I want to sleep. You sleep."

“Fine. Let's sleep. Gotta get our energy up anyway with all the sex I plan on having with you this weekend while Sunny is gone." 

"Gross. It takes two to tango, you know."

"I know, but who can resist me?" 

"Go to sleep you rat. Goodnight."  

 

 

He chuckles softly. “Goodnight Y/N. Thank you for everything.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a medical professional so if you see any medical inaccuracies, note that I did tag that as a warning. Feel free to comment any form of feedback :)


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